bcasper Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Hi, When I started my relationship with my current girlfriend it took me a while to get over her past. It bothered me and I had trouble trusting her knowing that she had cheated on her last boyfriend (because she hated him). Anyway we started going out officially when I asked her if she wanted to and she accepted. It has been long distance in the summertime because we met in college and these following instances occur when she is home. Well maybe about a month later one night during the summer she called me on the phone, hysterical crying saying that she had hooked up with this girl she works with as a waitress who is a lesbian apparently. To be honest I was shocked and actually quite mad at her. To her defense she called me and told me, I would have never of known. To my knowledge it was really only kissing and they had been drinking but the kissing did not take place in public. Its hard to remember now being over three years ago but this seemed to be an ongoing conflict for the summer months, not the hooking up but they worked together so to be civil my girlfriend tried to be friendly. There were instances I recall where she told me she stayed over after drinking as to not drive and things like that. It came down to me telling her that she had to choose me or her because I don't share. To my knowledge they meet together with other mutual friends from work maybe once or twice a year now. We have been together since. Last year however I logged onto what I thought was my facebook, but was actually her profile b/c we share a computer sometimes. I saw what I thought was a message for me, but turned out to be from this lesbian girl. Before this occurred I thought they hadn't spoken since that first summer. This is how i discovered they chatted on facebook infrequently. The conversation I read was honest enough, just making plans with mutual friends to get together. But i noticed an earlier message about similar plans with friends, but she had told me she went to one of her others friends. Upon discovering this lie i confronted her about it, being that I inadvertently logged on to her name. She admitted and said she only lied because she didn't want to upset me because she knows how that whole thing pisses me off. Regardless I got over it and told her not to lie just tell me the truth, i would be better off just knowing, she agreed. Just today, a year latter the same thing happened again. I logged onto her facebook by accident and saw the same thing going on. We were in Montreal this past week for vacation and i saw they had sent numerous messages back and forth catching up and getting together with friends. It seems like they will get together tomorrow night, and i am curious what she will tell me shes doing then. She never mentions her or anything, and after discovering this I wonder how many instances she lies about what she is really doing. It scares me because I would have no idea is she was sleeping with her or merely just hanging out. If she is lying I cant decide if its because shes trying to hide it from me and get away with something, or rather lying to protect me. Let me know what your thought are on this. Thanks.
sweet&simple Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 There is no such thing as "lying to protect someone." The only person she is looking out for is herself. She knows that if she was honest with you, you would request she not go. So instead of telling you, she does it and lies to you. Saying she does it so it "doesn't hurt you," is a terrible excuse-- if she knew that this would hurt you, she wouldn't do it and lie about it.. she wouldn't do it at all. Wait until after tonight and see if she owns up to what she is doing regarding her plans. If she doesn't, confront her. The fact that this has been going on for years and is the same girl makes it seem like it could be something more. Why hide it if it was just a group of mutual friends?
Bryanp Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 This would make me very angry. She has constantly lied to you about this for years. I don't know how you could possibly trust her. Her actions indicate that she is still continuing to put your relationship in peril because she is willing to lie to you over and over again about this. I hate to tell you but the fact that it is with same person sounds like there is much more to the story then you know. She knows what the consequences to her lying to you about this is but she continues in this behavior. I think this speaks volumes. She is willing to destroy her relationship with you for this girl so I seriously doubt it was only a kiss.
Author bcasper Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 "Why hide it if it was just a group of mutual friends?" I believe she's lying about being with her friends all together because that one girl is there. She only sees these two or three friends when they are all together because they used to work with one another. So if she told me she saw or or two of them she knows I would ask if the other girl was there. So to avoid this she says its shes hanging out with some other friend.
sweet&simple Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 "Why hide it if it was just a group of mutual friends?" I believe she's lying about being with her friends all together because that one girl is there. She only sees these two or three friends when they are all together because they used to work with one another. So if she told me she saw or or two of them she knows I would ask if the other girl was there. So to avoid this she says its shes hanging out with some other friend. So why are you still with this person? I wouldn't stay with someone who lied to me consistently for years.
xtopher65 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Similar situation. I dated a bi-sexual girl for 3 months. What probably is going on is they are hooking up. Lesbians are more promiscuous than somebody who is straight. They are less prone to HIV. They use social networks like myspace and facebook to set up dates to hook up. Trust me I know. My ex would never disclose this, but after 3 months of being together you can see the signs. They are also good liars and are very secretive about what they do. I was probably being used as the "nice guy" cover up while she was banging her friends. They hook up casually and it doesn't matter if it is a close friend or a stranger. They are also manipulative. My ex would LIE to me about not being attracted to girls anymore and it was just a phase. She was in the closet the whole time. Once it's in them it will never get out. I would monitor your GF actions because once she gets in to this lifestyle it might be too late to get her out.
AAlike Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Yeah I agree with everybody else here. after the initial hookup and disclosure, she should have understood that she should no longer see that person unless clearing it with you 100%. whether she's still hooking up with her or attracted to her doesn't even matter - bottom line is that she clearly doesn't have regard for your feelings.
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