Agent_99 Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 NS~ There are many cases of 'what ifs' in a persons life. I don't think jj is trying to leave any doors open. I am currently involved in an affair, and I know that if she left her gf that we would in essence have to start over with our relationship. It would rearrange all the dynamics of how our relationship functions. If in the future she's ever single and I'm single, then we'll see what if. It's not like a normal relationship where when it ends 99% of the time your sure it's over. In A's it usually ends because the OP would be willing to have a full relationship, but not a part of one. It's like quiting a job that you love because you can't stand to work with your boss. You'd probably be willing to go back to the job if there were some management changes. It is okay for a person to know where they stand with another person. In my opinion it is also okay to try and salvage a friendship from any type of R that has ended. I have managed to remain good friends with all my ex's So I'd like to think that MW and I can be friends when the A is fully over and no it won't be about 'rubbing it in her face'. Many OW/OM find themselves truly in love with someone who for whatever their reasons won't/can't leave their current M. It's not about playing games. Yes A's are a sh***y deal for everyone involved, especially the BS, but this is real life and real emotions that are felt. And we are all doing the best we can with the situations we find we've put ourselves in. ~99 There you go again....the "if", double talk part. So in other words, IF he decides to leave his M in YOUR life time, and IF he becamel "single" and you have any remote interest, YOU "might" consider allowing him back in? Until Mr. Right, Second Runner-Up comes along, you'll keep your "options" open for this MM so to speak. The door is "not shut". It's half open/shut at your choosing and leisure. I think as long as you are in each other's face at work, your emotion for this MM will not go away any time soon. And IMO, that's probably why you are having a tougher time emotionally detaching yourself from him. And IMO, just as long as he "sees you", he will be reminded of what he would missing/losing while he choose to be M. I think to some extent, it might actually give you a sense of satisfaction, kinda like rubbing in your face, for a lack of better term. A "look but don't touch" deal. And I bet you're doing everything to make him suffer...:) Do you even see the dilemma you've chosen to put yourself in and how contadictory you come across?
Author jj33 Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 NS I think they said it better than i did. I know someone who was in an A. He wasnt ready to leave his W. Eventually after several years they parted. He has now woken up and decided that actually the M cant be repaired and he is leaving. He has asked OW to marry him but she is seeing someone else and is not inclined to get back with the MM because she the A was so painful in so many ways. So there is a real life case of what if. If you had asked her a year ago she would have said yes if he leaves we will get married. If you had asked her 7 months ago when they broke up she would have said yes. But now... the answer is I doubt it. She wasnt waiting for him to leave. She wasnt asking him to leave. She accepted it was over and decided that if he ever left and if she was available she would consider it then. Not because she was waiting or leaving the door open but because you dont know what the future holds. Never say never. Now he is leaving but it is too late. She has only been seeing the new person a few months but its unlikely she will go back to MM even when he is DM (divorced man). There is too much water under the bridge. I suspect that would be the case with me too. Do I still care about him? Very much. But its hard to imagine going back and feeling like we had a clean slate. The past year or so has been much too difficult and I now see that our views of relationships are very different. Because he was so clear that he would never leave, I never thought about those things when we were together. They simply werent relevant.
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