gummybear Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 and I'm missing him and feeling sad. It's been 5 weeks since we broke up (NC for last 3 weeks). I think it has something to do with the fact that we ended both telling each other that we'd never talk/hear/see each other again. 3 weeks ago was the last time I'd hear his voice...ever.
zxcirce Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Buck up! You were never really attracted to this dude anyway. You were grossed out when he touched you. What are you possibly missing? Attention. You just want what you can't have. Get over it.
used2bspunky Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Buck up! You were never really attracted to this dude anyway. You were grossed out when he touched you. What are you possibly missing? Attention. You just want what you can't have. Get over it. Ouch. That was harsh. Gummybear, I understand.. I'm only on 2+ weeks and wishing my nausea would just go away already. I won't cry again though. I can't (and I think my anti-depressants are helping with that). I'm not going to say what everyone else sayS...because I, too, can't stand to hear it. {{HUGS}}
jimmymat87 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Stop looking at his pics then... get rid of anything that reminds you of him.. dont go on his myspace/facebook wateva... this stuff is only going to make you worse.. Hang in there
lofi_tokyo Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 When you originally went NC did you keep away from things like pictures, presents, and all other mementos that reminded you of him? A big part of NC is not breaking down and thinking about the wonderful times you had. As difficult as it may be, I think it's best to either not think about him, think about someone else, or at the very least, when you do think about him, focus on the hard times, not the great ones. We don't take pictures of our relationship when its difficult. They're taken when we want to hold onto something, a good feeling, or a wonderful moment. Looking at his pictures will just bring you back into wanting those feelings, and as hard as it is, I think its best to try and be on your own for a bit. I'm in the process of doing this too - I'm not pretending its easy. Its painful. But... we have to hang in there, and start being happy for ourselves. You need to do your best to stand up on your own for a while. Maybe, a few months or years down the road you'll meet this man and you'll be able to give things a second chance... maybe. But there is no way that can happen unless you're able to be yourself, live your own life. If you did that for three weeks - cut him out 100% and are collapsing back into pictures now, I am sorry, and I wish I could help you somehow... sadly, I'm still figuring out this healing thing for myself, and don't know what else to say. Good luck
thirtythree Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Ditto ditto ditto... How do you turn off your mind though, and your heart??? Somebody tell me!
nopainnogain Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 and I'm missing him and feeling sad. It's been 5 weeks since we broke up (NC for last 3 weeks). I think it has something to do with the fact that we ended both telling each other that we'd never talk/hear/see each other again. 3 weeks ago was the last time I'd hear his voice...ever. hey while your at it. Walk over to your stove and turn on a burner . Then put your hand over it and leave it there. Pretty much the same thing you are doing now. Put everything away.Out of sight out of mind. Its a really tough time for you but take your time and heal . Know that eventually you will come out of this a better and stronger person than ever .
Author gummybear Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 If you did that for three weeks - cut him out 100% and are collapsing back into pictures now, I am sorry, and I wish I could help you somehow... sadly, I'm still figuring out this healing thing for myself, and don't know what else to say. Good luck Yea that's what happened. I pretty much avoided pics of him for 3 weeks then a sudden low hit me and I got weak and started to look at the pics of us together. People say the healing process is a rollercoaster with lows and highs. I've had exes where I would be fine then 2-3 months into it it's like it just comes back and the emotions hit me again.
wayfaerer1 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I took everything my ex gave me and put it into a box, put it downstairs in the basement. Although knowing that she cheated on me, I kinda feel like setting that box on fire.
Author gummybear Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 I took everything my ex gave me and put it into a box, put it downstairs in the basement. Although knowing that she cheated on me, I kinda feel like setting that box on fire. I"ve been reading your threads and want to say sorry about your ex (I was in her shoes once, I felt alot of regret and pain over it). As for this recent ex, I also put everything of us inside a shoe box and put it away but ofcourse the other day I just broke down a little and looked inside. I'm gonna admit, I"m starting to get REALLY strong urges to contact him right now and the only thing preventing me is that last we talked I promised him that I will never call/email/IM him again (he said it would be f*cked up for me to do that since I broke up with him and I should let him move on). We ended on bad terms with him being bitter/mad at me. I've never had a relationship where things were on bad terms when we finally stopped talking. This is the first time. And I guess knowing that he hates my guts and still has me blocked on IM is kind of killing me. I probably wouldn't be this sad had he not blocked me and we just stopped talking like with my other exes. I feel like after 3 weeks perhaps he won't be pissed anymore and I want to contact him just to straighen things out.
Dolorian Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Like everyone said, STOP looking at his pictures. After me and my ex broke up, I put all the pictures I had away. Now, that they are out of my sight I think about her less and less. Just my two cents..
norajane Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I've never had a relationship where things were on bad terms when we finally stopped talking. This is the first time. Not everyone wants to be friends with their exes. You have to accept that. And I guess knowing that he hates my guts and still has me blocked on IM is kind of killing me. I probably wouldn't be this sad had he not blocked me and we just stopped talking like with my other exes. I feel like after 3 weeks perhaps he won't be pissed anymore and I want to contact him just to straighen things out. No, he doesn't want to hear from you to 'straighten' anything out. If he wanted to hear from you, he wouldn't have blocked you. Let it go.
0hpenelope Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I'm gonna admit, I"m starting to get REALLY strong urges to contact him right now and the only thing preventing me is that last we talked I promised him that I will never call/email/IM him again (he said it would be f*cked up for me to do that since I broke up with him and I should let him move on). I hope this isn't a scenario where the classic "Promises are meant to be broken" motto will be pulled out... Don't do it. The guy specifically asked that you don't contact him anymore because he wants to heal. Any attempts for you to do so - especially breaking that promise - will just show him how disrespectful you're being to his wishes. We ended on bad terms with him being bitter/mad at me. I've never had a relationship where things were on bad terms when we finally stopped talking. This is the first time. And I guess knowing that he hates my guts and still has me blocked on IM is kind of killing me. I probably wouldn't be this sad had he not blocked me and we just stopped talking like with my other exes. I feel like after 3 weeks perhaps he won't be pissed anymore and I want to contact him just to straighen things out. He's mad. That's natural. Let him simmer and if he wants to talk to you (assuming you're still open to communicate), he'll get in touch with you. Here's the thing: anger, bitterness, all of that passes. The negative feelings are fleeting because most get tired of holding on to them. Eventually, dumpees will realize that even when all of that negative feelings are finally gone, they had finally gotten used to the ex not being around that they really don't care anymore whether or not the ex "straighten(s) things out". Dumpees forgive ex, move on with their lives, and some will think to themselves "You know, I had given some thought about establishing a personal relationship with (dumper), but why would I put myself in the position where (dumper) can hurt me again?" You can't fix how he feels about you, no matter how many times you try to explain yourself. He's doing something that he feels is good for himself. He doesn't want to hear from you. Let him go. You've done it before, you can do it again.
0hpenelope Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I'm gonna admit, I"m starting to get REALLY strong urges to contact him right now and the only thing preventing me is that last we talked I promised him that I will never call/email/IM him again (he said it would be f*cked up for me to do that since I broke up with him and I should let him move on). I hope this isn't a scenario where the classic "Promises are meant to be broken" motto will be pulled out... Don't do it. The guy specifically asked that you don't contact him anymore because he wants to heal. Any attempts for you to do so - especially breaking that promise - will just show him how disrespectful you're being to his wishes. We ended on bad terms with him being bitter/mad at me. I've never had a relationship where things were on bad terms when we finally stopped talking. This is the first time. And I guess knowing that he hates my guts and still has me blocked on IM is kind of killing me. I probably wouldn't be this sad had he not blocked me and we just stopped talking like with my other exes. I feel like after 3 weeks perhaps he won't be pissed anymore and I want to contact him just to straighen things out. He's mad. That's natural. Let him simmer and if he wants to talk to you (assuming you're still open to communicate), he'll get in touch with you. Here's the thing: anger, bitterness, all of that passes. The negative feelings are fleeting because most get tired of holding on to them. Eventually, dumpees will realize that even when all of that negative feelings are finally gone, they had finally gotten used to the ex not being around that they really don't care anymore whether or not the ex "straighten(s) things out". Dumpees forgive ex, move on with their lives, and some will think to themselves "You know, I had given some thought about establishing a personal relationship with (dumper), but why would I put myself in the position where (dumper) can hurt me again?" You can't fix how he feels about you, no matter how many times you try to explain yourself. He's doing something that he feels is good for himself. He doesn't want to hear from you. Let him go. You've done it before, you can do it again.
Angel1111 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Awww....that's so sad, gummy. I remember thinking that about someone - that I'd never hear his voice again - and I felt like my heart had been pulverized. It's really hard to let go. I'm on the flip side of this - I think that if you feel the need to look at the photos, then that's what you should do. We don't walk away from love easily and that's part of its power. It never helped me to discard things, or to delete emails, or whatever. But that's me and everyone has their own way of dealing with things. Do what you need to do. Only time heals these wounds.
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