Milkflavor123 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I spoke with my boyfriend- not directly telling him that our sex life blows. But I try an direct him into different spots. Do different things. But he is 27 and stuck in his ways. So this brings me back to my ex boyfriend- who (OMG) was sooo good in bed. Times when he just knew how to turn me on, to the point where sex could be effortless for him because he would get me off just by sticking it in. So problem here, I have always been a little hard to get off, but then with my ex boyfriend it was never a problem. We weren't afraid to do anything- toys, movies, anything we felt like we did. So now in this new relationship who I see everything with- marriage babies, the works- I am finding out that he doesn't mind if he goes first and then is done having sex. There is no spice, but I am so used to the wild sex before with this other person, its hard to imagin it with my partner now. So now sexually I can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend, who i slightly still care about. Don't get me wrong though I love my boyfriend. But is it doomed since the sexual side of it is lacking unless we are drunk.
Jilly Bean Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 telling him that our sex life blows. But is it doomed since the sexual side of it is lacking unless we are drunk. So, is this a rant then?
Author Milkflavor123 Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 I am having a hard time being interested in sex because my boyfriend is not turning me on- I did not directly tell him by our sex life blows. But I tried directing him into different spots. Do different things and grab certain areas. But he is 27 and stuck in his ways. I really like sex, infact I love sex so much- I have never been in a relationship that didn't thrill me behind closed doors. ( Well untill now) So this brings me back to my ex boyfriend- who (OMG) was sooo good in bed. Times when he just knew how to turn me on, to the point where sex could be effortless for him because he would get me off just by sticking it in. So problem here, I have always been a little hard to get off, but then with my ex boyfriend it was never a problem. We weren't afraid to do anything- toys, movies, anything we felt like. So now in this new relationship who I see everything with- marriage babies, the works- I am finding out that he doesn't mind if he gets off first and then is done having sex. There is no spice, and since it really hasn't been there I cant really see us doing anything crazy, and I am so used to the wild sex before with this other person, its hard to imagin it with my partner now. So now sexually I can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend, who i slightly still care about. Don't get me wrong though I love my boyfriend. But is it doomed since the sexual side of it is lacking unless we are drunk, plus I can't stop thinking about running to my ex's house just to sleep with him???? HELP
Enema Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Tell him directly what you need from your sex life. If he can't give it to you then you need to move on.
bish Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I spoke with my boyfriend- not directly telling him that our sex life blows. But I try an direct him into different spots. Do different things. But he is 27 and stuck in his ways. So this brings me back to my ex boyfriend- who (OMG) was sooo good in bed. Times when he just knew how to turn me on, to the point where sex could be effortless for him because he would get me off just by sticking it in. So problem here, I have always been a little hard to get off, but then with my ex boyfriend it was never a problem. We weren't afraid to do anything- toys, movies, anything we felt like we did. So now in this new relationship who I see everything with- marriage babies, the works- I am finding out that he doesn't mind if he goes first and then is done having sex. There is no spice, but I am so used to the wild sex before with this other person, its hard to imagin it with my partner now. So now sexually I can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend, who i slightly still care about. Don't get me wrong though I love my boyfriend. But is it doomed since the sexual side of it is lacking unless we are drunk. so break up with your bf and get back with your X
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Your EX is an EX for a reason. COMMUNICATE with your boyfriend. Why are you being so indirect with him? God, just tell him exactly what you want in bed, tell him you want a more spiced up sex life with him. Stop comparing what you had in the past with what you have now. Or, do what bish suggested, break up with him and go back to your ex.
nopainnogain Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 so break up with your bf and get back with your X Or just keep having drunk sex
Author Milkflavor123 Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 so break up with your bf and get back with your X Ya I think I figured out my problem as to why him and I were having problems- its the sex. Its easy to say just to break up with you boyfriend. But, is leaving someone you care about just for sex okay to do?? Should I get over my nympho antics, and discover there is more to life. Or is sex pretty much life.. haha
bish Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Ya I think I figured out my problem as to why him and I were having problems- its the sex. Its easy to say just to break up with you boyfriend. But, is leaving someone you care about just for sex okay to do?? Yes, otherwise you'll just end up cheating again. And thats not fair to your boyfriend. Should I get over my nympho antics, and discover there is more to life. Or is sex pretty much life.. haha Hey, you are the one making a huge deal out of it. Since you are comparing sex with your bf to sex with an X, thats pretty bad and not very respectful of your bf. thats why I think you should break up with him before you want to go out and get better sex from someone else.
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 You have to decide what is more important to you. A hot sex life or being with someone who meets all your needs, treats you well, someone you love and adore. Why did you and your ex break-up? How was that relationship outside of the bedroom? But, is leaving someone you care about just for sex okay to do?? Give him a chance! Talk to him about spicing up your sex life. If he isn't doing it for you in bed, then show him what you like.
Author Milkflavor123 Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 I'd like an insturctions manual for dropping any emotional attachments I have developed for someone. Its easy to just break up with someone when the connections gone- But its not gone with him. He makes me smile, laugh, cry, ... every emotion but entirely turned on. How could you break up with someone when the thought of it makes you sick. But I probably should tell him exactly what I want in the room. But thr thought of toys with him weirds me out since I had "that" with my ex. Does that make since? And with the ex- well it was great, we got along perfectly. umm Cept for, he was dating me and another girl. I knew about it too, which I know is horrible, Why would you stay with someone who was doing that? But him and I were together all the time, ALL THE TIME actually, he was honest with me by telling me he still loved his ex, but he really confused because he liked me. I didnt really think it was normal or anything, but I just really liked him, and thought I would wait for him till it could be just him and I. I guess you could say I fell in love with him during this period. But that day didn't come. So I left. But we stayed friends because I was really close with him. Him and the girl broke up by the time I had already found someone else.
bish Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I'd like an insturctions manual for dropping any emotional attachments I have developed for someone. Its easy to just break up with someone when the connections gone- But its not gone with him. He makes me smile, laugh, cry, ... every emotion but entirely turned on. How could you break up with someone when the thought of it makes you sick. But I probably should tell him exactly what I want in the room. But thr thought of toys with him weirds me out since I had "that" with my ex. Does that make since? Ya, but if you don't get what you want, I'm afraid you'll be dealing him a very serious blow and end up screwing around with your X. And with the ex- well it was great, we got along perfectly. umm Cept for, he was dating me and another girl. Of course, he is so good at sex, he wanted to make sure he wasn't being selfish and shared it with other people. On a serious note, why would you even consider your X or compare the cheating jackass to your bf? So I left. But we stayed friends because I was really close with him. A friendship with an X, especially one you praise highly for his sexual prowess, is not acceptable when dating someone else. I wouldn't put up with it if I were the bf in a situation like that. Like someone said, your X is an X for a reason. Nothing good can come of people trying to remain friends with an X when they are concentrating on a new relationship with someone else. Your situation is a prime example. Him and the girl broke up by the time I had already found someone else. So you would have taken his cheating arse back? I guess the saying is true, the cheating jerks attract the women. I need to change my gameplan.
Author Milkflavor123 Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 BISH- haha I am starting to like you. And really, you have a very valid point. Why would I even want to be with someone who basically was cheating the entire time I knew him. Guess I was into patterns with my last boyfriend and cheating was normal. I suppose i almost developed the habit myself. So no- I shouldn't be friends with him anymore, of course these things are easier said than done. But with me writing this today, I discovered I am being a total idiot ever even holding onto a past like that. Which brings me to thinking, boy do I have issues or what being that I held onto him while he was dating another girl. HAHAHA. I guess for a while, I wasn't until I started questioning the sexx with the current lover. But this brings me to the next though. I live with my boyfriend. I have told him I was moving out, but there are days when I look at him and think, how could I ever leave him. He is wonderful!! hahaha I will go back and fourth with this one. Im thinking the physchatrist is my best bet. PS. Dont change your gameplan. because the idiot's I have delt with may have the flings and the random hookups all the time, but deep inside, they are crying for love and compassion that most soulful relationships have. These Bastards are empty inside, and are never ever happy with what they have, because they dont have anything other than a**.
bish Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 PS. Dont change your gameplan. I won't. Because the women that go for the bad boys aren't worth my time anyway. I had a girl that wanted a relationship with me go spend a weekend with her bad boy X. When she came back she was hoping I'd overlook it and decide to be with her.......she was wrong....and gone. After weeks of unwanted calls from her, I had to get downright nasty and finally tell her to leave me the f##k alone in the meanest tone of voice I could muster.
JooLee Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 oh my.. your situation is one of the nightmares i hope never happens to me. just my 2 cents, im guessing you need to talk to him about it and perharps teach him a few trick or two on how you like it. im sure this can be fixed. just open up! nothing wrong with being a nympho haha
changchewsoon Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Well, seems like you can't have the best of both worlds in this situation. Compromise is the key here. Of course, you can opt to just walk away and find someone whose perfect for you in everything - emotional and sex. Some might think its unfair to compare, but again we're all humans. You compared your boyfriend to your ex and you can't seem to stop thinking about having sex with your ex, your logical side is holding you back but your instinct is telling you otherwise. How would you feel if you found out that your ex actually thinks that you suck in that department as well, and he misses his ex whose superb in bed with him and he wants to have sex with her? On the other hand, how would you feel if your ex thinks that you're lousy in bed but then your other qualities outshine that, and he would just love you the way you are regardless of anything and work it out with you? It is what you do that will make or break your relationship. Good luck.
changchewsoon Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Is it just me or it applies to the others as well? I tend to see sex and making love 2 different things. I can have good sex, bad sex. But never bad love making. Sex - Instincts, needs Make Love - A way to show them how much you love them I might have met girls whose probably wilder in bed, and its really good sex. But making love with my girlfriend is another thing all together. I savor every moment and detail when I make love to her, every part of her body and every inch that I take. Ok, let's not get too descriptive over here. Point I want to make is, when you love someone deeply, its enough to actually make you a little bit more forgiving in that department. I don't know, its just me.
Author Milkflavor123 Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 awe!!! thanks changchewsoon. Your right- its love making and its not just this rough night in the sack after meeting a drunk loser at the bar. i guess the real question now- is it real love. My first boyfriend who i cared for deeply- anything and everything he did was fine to me- I loved him. I wonder, with all the complications, I possibly just have strong feelings for him, care about him- but am not truly in love with him. really how could I be if I am thinking about an ex in the frist place. I know its human nature to think of things such as that- But I don't want to. I see love as being perfect. There is no better way to describe it. I want perfect love. and I know people will say it doesn't not exist. But It does- problems, rain or shine, love is perfect. You find ways to work through anything and everything. ITs LOVE!!
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