uRabbit Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Okay, so I'm having some problems with my girlfriend of almost three years. Lately, she's been doing stuff that just urks me. I work nights and come home in the morning four days a week. Last weekend, I came home, and she wasn't there. I tried calling her and texting her, but with no response. I left a pretty nasty message on her voicemail, and she texted me a few minutes later. When I come home from work, I want her to be there. I want to talk. Cuddle. Make breakfast together. Whatever. Her excuse was that she fell asleep at her mom's watching a movie. The night before that, she'd gone out drinking with her mother... and she's underage. So I asked her why she'd jeopardize going to jail for six months or a $300 fine, when we have an apartment together where we depend on each others' incomes in order to survive. She just said that she messed up, but continued to say that she didn't get caught, etc., etc. Now, she tells me today, that last night one of the mothers she used to babysit for ran into her at her place of work. My girlfriend told her she could babysit for her on Saturday night, 5:30pm to 11pm. That night, I get off at 5pm. She doesn't need the money, and I was planning on making a nice dinner that night, going up this road to a nice vantage point and watching the sunset with her. I didn't tell her my plans, but I let her know how disappointed I was and asked her to cancel several times, and she just said that the woman had no one else to babysit for her. So I asked her why she thought she had to take care of this woman's children instead of our relationship. Nothing. One night, the other week, I came home from work, only to find her, some of her clothes, and her dog gone. She left a rather lengthy note saying that, basically, if I can tell other women how pretty they are, then she should be able to tell me. I don't know why she couldn't talk to me about this, instead of moving out. But I got her to once she came back. And I've been doing great about it. And then last night while in bed, I asked her to cuddle with me, but only replied that she doesn't cuddle, just likes to be cuddled. Since when? I think I would know... What's going on? I don't know what to do... We just watched the movie 'Why Did I Get Married?' last night, and I thought maybe she'd pull something from it. She was the one who chose the movie too... I don't know what else to try.
jerbear Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 It seems like the spark is gone in the relationship and each of you are taking things for granted. Have you two gone out on a date? I mean impromptu and those that are planned? Her not wanting to cancel a babysitting job on a Saturday is not necessary a bad thing. Frustrating yes, but nothing to fret about. Has anything recently changed in her life, job, career, new friend, etc...?
nopainnogain Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Sometings fishy about her and your going about things wrong. Just stay calm. Dont interogate or badger her. You need to do some investigating.But dont let her know.
Krytie TV Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I get the sense that you're a bit selfish. Expecting someone to do what you want them to do all of the time is not right. You didn't tell her about your Saturday night thing and she made plans. I commend her for not cancelling her plans, it sounds like she is helping someone out that needed it. Just overall, you seem a little controlling. Nothing here that you said of her seemed out of sorts to me. Except that it sounds like she might feel unappreciated by you. Trust me, I have been divorced and know all about uphill battles. This may be one due to her, but from what I read you might have a lot of reflecting to do on what kind of BF you are.
whichwayisup Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 She has a life too. Do you expect her to sit home alone all night and then jump into your arms the minute you walk in the door? How old are you? Obviously she is under the age of 21.. Allow her to do what she wants! If she wants to work, babysit or whatever, that's something SHE needs to do. You can't tell her "I don't want you working because we have enough money" she wants to work because it makes HER feel important and good about herself.
Author uRabbit Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 Okay. Sorry for the long absense. She'd been complaining that I hadn't done anything 'out of the ordinary' for quite a while (which I haven't). So I thought it'd be nice if I did. Anyways, she's babysitting right now, and I guess I got over it. Just... she's been on a roll with all this disappointing stuff. And we don't get to spend a lot of time together as it is, with the conflicting schedules. But yes, I can see how I was being controlling. I need to work on that. The drinking was the worst. She's 18. And to think it was with her mother... (Who, herself, is a very irresponsible woman who lets an abusive [younger] boyfriend into the house with her other, pregnant daughter in the house). We have responsibilities together. If she were to go to jail, I couldn't make the rent alone... She's always been responsible (as long as I've been with her) and I don't want to lose that woman... So I tried speaking to her about it (the drinking), and all she could say was that she hadn't planned it. She didn't say how the drinking in itself was irresponsible, but would just repeat what she said. So I tried leaving a note for her when I went to work the other night, to better explain to her what I was trying to say. And still... she said it wasn't planned, and then switched the subject to something about me, making me the bad guy again! So I just dropped it. I guess that's what I need to learn to do as a man. Accept the fact that women are entitled to do anything they want, even if it does have negative effects on their partner, but are in no way obligated to let their partner do anything without making him feel like the scum of the earth.
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