Laurenwho Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I don't know what to do- Would you leave someone over this situation? My guy and I recently got back together. We were living together for several years previously. His older sister and I have always gotten along. No bad feelings from the break up either (I honestly don't even think he told his family) His sister has 2 kids (16 and 3 yrs old). The only issue I've ever had with her is she rear ended my new car at a stop light and didn't have insurance so my bf had to pay the repair bill. I've never expressed to her that I was upset though. My guy and I went on vacation for a week with my family. We asked his sister to feed our animals and we offered to let her house sit if she wanted because a few months ago her long term boyfriend kicked her out of HER house and she has been living with her parents ever since. Their mom drives her crazy and there isn't room her kids there (they all share a bedroom) So we thought that while she would be doing us a favor by feeding our pets, we would also be doing her a favor because she could stay at our house and have peace and quiet (away from her mom) and the kids would have a place to sleep (we have two spare bedrooms that we fixed up for the three of them) and she could watch tv, let the kids play outside (we have a huge yard) and she could also get some sleep (she works midnights but her mom watches her other daughter's kids during the day when she (sister) needs to sleep so its difficult. All she had to do was feed 2 cats each day. My bf gave his sister two rules- that no one was allowed at the house except for her and the kids (no ex boyfriends, no current boyfriends, no friends etc) and that no one was to go into our bedroom. We kept the doors closed. Now this sister has been responsible in the past (except for the car accident she caused and didn't pay for) and neither one of us had any qualms about letting her stay there for the week (we gave her the option that she could stay if she wanted.) neither my bf nor me smoke and I literally hate the smell of cigarette smoke. We didn't ask her not to smoke in the house because #1 she DOESN't smoke and #2 she knows her brother doesn't let anyone smoke in the house as we've had many family holidays at our house and anyone who smokes knows they have to go outside. Also at her house her ex boyfriend always smoked and she made him go outside to do so. Well we came back from our trip (a 13 hour drive so we were exhausted) and found our house trashed!!! The house smelled like a bar, as if someone had been smoking a carton a day for a week!! Everything in the entire house (even shoes in the closets) reeks of smoke. There were tattoo needles laying all over our house, some on the floor, some in our laundry room, some in our bedroom. Yes, she also broke the rule about not going in our bedroom and she used our master bath and there were candles all around our bathtub (MY candles that I never burn) and around our bed. So gross. She also drank all the alchohol in our refrigerator (11 beers) and there are packs of cigarettes (empty of course) in the garbage and cigarette butts on the floor. Her response was "oh sorry, ex boyfriend was there and smoked ONE cigarette and I didn't realize he was smoking and made him put it out as soon as I caught him" YEAH RIGHT!! We had to spend an entire day (7am to 11pm at night) cleaning EVERYTHING. Had to wash all our curtains, bedding, clothes, towels, couch covers, had to throw blankets away because we couldnt' get the smell out. She also broke my $500 treadmill and took a stereo out of our bedroom and put it in the basement (where the exercise equipment is) and it got wet and is ruined. She used our cd player and there are cds missing, she broke the power button on our Dish Network box. She claims she didn't do anything of this and we are "mean" for getting so upset. this is a 35 year old woman! She claims she didn't drink anything because she doesn't drink. Well then I'm calling child services because either her 2 year old or her 16 year old must have drank the 11 beers!! (sarcasm) She claims her 16 year old and 2 year old were hardly ever there because she was afraid they might spill something on the carpet! I am so p*ssed off if I saw her in the street I would run her over. I mean this is blind rage. My bf has done nothing but help his sister and she totally disrepected his house and our stuff. We found out she was lying about her ex being there. SHe has a new boyfriend and he was there. She won't admit to this. I am so angry I will NEVER go to another family function again. And my boyfriend told his sister she is not welcome at our house (even for holidays). I just don't know what to do. This happened four days ago and my boyfriend still has not confronted his sister over this. He called her and asked her who smoked in our house (she lied to him) and he says he told her she's not welcome at the house anymore (not for holidays or anything) but I don't know if he actually told her this (I told him I told her this - I asked if it was ok and he said yes that he had already told her). He says he is going to talk to her about her behavior. He told his parents what she did and his poor mom was appalled and came over and helped my boyfriend wash all of our stuff. His dad didn't say much of anything. (his sister is staying at their parents house). Yet, he still has not talked with her and it is bothering me. I don't want her to "get away with" this. Would you break up with someone over this. I know its not his fault directly but he doesnt' seem to be handling the situation (he did buy new locks for our house etc) but thats it.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 That's unbelievable--almost seems like a ridiculous teen movie about the parents leaving for the weekend. Have the damage and cleaning costs assessed, and have her pay for ALL of it (and perhaps have her pay your bf back from the damage she did to your car as well, depending on how long ago that was)--and if not, take her to court, because you'll win. I'm concerned, though, that your only potential course of action is to break up with your boyfriend over this? Because as you said, it's not his fault. You need to direct the blame at the person who deserves it--and it's not him.
CaliGuy Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 No, but I would cut the sister-in-law out of your life if that is the way she is going to repay your generosity. Your husband can't control his sister so why punish HIM?
kyraj516 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 No, I wouldn't break up with him over something she did. Don't let someone as ignorant and careless as his sister ruin your relationship. Relax, and don't deal with her on levels where your sh*t is concerned. She's tacky and disrespectful of other people's property because she obviously knows nothing about taking care of nice things. Stay with your man, if she crosses the line again (since you didn't confront her the first two times) YOU confront her. She knows what she's doing.
Author Laurenwho Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 I would LOVE to take her to court over the damage. But that would just strain family relationships and we wouldn't see any money anyway (she works but doesn't even have enough money to fix her car as she is driving her parents). There really isn't any proof that she is the one who did all these things (unless you want to take DNA samples from the beer bottles and needles. And that is a little far fetched. I just don't like my boyfriend's way of handling the situation. He has NOT confronted his sister. Yet she has continued to harrass me and bait me into arguments with her (via text message) that she will use against me I'm sure. I finally just ignore her now. It is HIS house (he owns it, I live there as we are not married) so I can't demand money from her that he's spent. Only he can and I'm sure he won't because he knows he'll never get anywhere. I told him that he should worry about his nephews because supposedly they were with their mom the entire week and this would have been while she was drinking, getting tattoos at our house and leaving the needles laying around and someone was smoking in our house all week. I suggested if his sister keeps claiming that she isn't responsible for any of this maybe child services should be notified (I work closely with that agency through my job) because there might be some dangerous situations she is putting her kids into (one is 16 and recently attacked his mother and he is normally a very laid back kid) and the other is only 3 years old. My boyfriend flipped out on me saying if I contact child services we are done. He said that would hurt his entire family if the kids were taken away. Now I would not do something like that out of revenge, only out of concern for the kids. Because this behavior is NOT like his sister at all!! But I am upset that my boyfriend would threaten me like that and take his sister's side.
Jilly Bean Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Why would it even cross your mind to break up with him over this? I don't get that at all, Lauren. I mean, he's just as pissed off as you! I WOULD confront his sister though. Her behavior was beyond the realm of unacceptable. I would present her with a bill for the clean-up and the items you had to replace.
StartingOver07 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I don't know what to do- Would you leave someone over this situation? My guy and I recently got back together. We were living together for several years previously. His older sister and I have always gotten along. No bad feelings from the break up either (I honestly don't even think he told his family) His sister has 2 kids (16 and 3 yrs old). The only issue I've ever had with her is she rear ended my new car at a stop light and didn't have insurance so my bf had to pay the repair bill. I've never expressed to her that I was upset though. Really? That is quite a change from: Well the insurance agent called his sister to get her insurance info (that it turned out she doestn' have) and she flipped out and called my boyfriend and told him off and said that I was causing trouble. I was under the impression that you are supposed to report an accident no matter whose fault it is. I also requested that a police report be filed. Anyway, when I read over all your past threads it seems pretty obvious that you are not happy with this guy and that you continually have situations where he is expected to sever ties with this sister. This doesn't bode well for a future together.
Author Laurenwho Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Up until she hit my car we got along fine. My boyfriend was screaming at her about damaging my car and I was the one who told him to stop yelling at her. He paid for the damages. Nothing happened to her. So once again he helped her out of a bad situation and this is what she does to repay him??? trashes his house when he's gone? And she thinks she did nothing wrong! He called her last night and asked her why she did all this? She just said she didn't know and that I was making it all up. (That someone smoked in our house, that she broke our stuff etc) My boyfriend defended me and told her no he'd see it all himself (duh, he lives there!) and I wasn't making anything up. That she was the one who was lying. She told HIM that because we are overreacting she will never come over again (she had already been told she's not welcome at our house) and that he'd never see her kids again. Sad because even after all this happened he took the presents we'd bought the kids from our trip to them. She also told him that she didn't do any of what we are "accusing" her of. That she didn't drink the 11 beers and has no idea who did and she didn't leave used tattoo needles scattered around our house (where our pets could have hurt themselves on them or her kids) She now says she gave herself a tattoo (even though I have a text message from her the day before saying a guy gave her the tattoo and gave her the used needles afterward because according to her "thats what they do". First I don't see how one who has no experience in the art would be able to give themselves a tattoo. So I don't believe any of her stories. And now she is saying she didn't do any of it, doesn't know what we are talking about adn someone else must have done all this while we were gone!! She is the only one who had a key and no one broke in. Oh and the car she was driving (her dad's) blew up and now she has no car to get to work. So she asked my boyfriend if she could borrow one of ours (we have 4 vehicles- I have a 2007 and a 1999 (paid off but has some problems) and my boyfriend has a truck and a work car that are both paid off). My boyfriend was amazed she would even ask. He told her no way and she flipped out on him saying he is selfish! She trashes our house, has no remorse and then thinks we are selfish when we won't give her more of our property to disrespect or destroy! Whatever. I am totally done with her. I will never acknowledge her again. Her kids, I have no problem with and will not treat them any differently. I never asked my boyfriend to sever ties with his sister. SHE is the one who creates the situations, not me. I don't even mind if he wants to go to holidays at his parents when she is there. I just will not be attending. Which means he will probably (on his own accord as he's said as much) just go to family things with my family and stop by for a bit to see his family on holidays. He said if we have any celebration at his house, only his parents will be invited. He can have whatever relationship with his sister that he chooses. From the sounds of it he wants nothing to do with her because he trusted her and she betrayed him and he has always helped her out and she just totally disrespected him. But if in the future he wants to repair things I don't care as long as it doesn't involve me, because I dont' ever want to see her again.
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