sparklesthecat Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I've read these forums on and off, and finally have a dilemma which I felt required a post... I am 25, and dating wonderful man I met through a mutual friend at the beginning of summer. He lives about an hour and a half away from me, but we've seen each other every single weekend this summer, and he texts me constantly throughout the day, and we talk on the phone every night. He told me he loves me, and I truly love him as well. I've never had a relationship that has worked out as well as this one has thus far. Even his best friends have been nice to me! I'm moving across the country for a job in December. I could postpone the move until June, but I really want to get on with my life (I'm finishing up grad school this semester and if I stay any longer I might go insane). I kept joking that he should come with me, and then recently he admitted that he was thinking about it. Here's what I'm worried about: Come December, we'll only have been dating 6 months. That's kind of a short time, but I have a good "gut feeling" about him. I've been in LTRs in the past that last for years and then fizzle out anyway. I've lived with two different BFs in the past, and I am still friends with them. This bf, on the other hand, has never lived with a gf.. and has not been in a relationship that had lasted longer than a year. So he's not quite as experienced as I am, and I'm wondering if he's just jumping into something for the sake of jumping. Another issue is our background.. He is a blue collar worker whereas I'm in a specialized field of engineering and the particular place I want to work only has one office, which is why I'm not simply looking for work near him. I would also be making more money than him. My mom told me that she feels like he "hit the jackpot", and that I should really be dating a man who makes more money than me. He actually comes from a better socioeconomic background than I do, but never finished college. I know this is not always important - for example, my ex did finish college, but his family and friends were so culturally different and never accepted me. That caused a lot of pain and frustration. I feel like I've already been accepted by my current BFs friends and family - I've never had that feeling before. It's like the pieces just fell together perfectly. Anyway, like I said, I have a good gut feeling about him, but I like to analyze every situation in my life and would appreciate any feedback or advice. Thanks!
dcgirl33 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Don't do it unless he has a definent job lined up BEFORE you get there. This is just a bad idea altogether. You just met, he will have no job, etc. Even I can be good for 6 months. That's no time to be making thse life decisions. Why is there nothing going on in his life that he can just up and move with a NEW girlfriend? You don't want to be in a position where some strange man is basically depending on you for survival. If this mess goes to hell then he has nothing to lose by hurting you bad.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Even I can be good for 6 months. That's no time to be making thse life decisions. Why is there nothing going on in his life that he can just up and move with a NEW girlfriend? You don't want to be in a position where some strange man is basically depending on you for survival. If this mess goes to hell then he has nothing to lose by hurting you bad. You took the text right out of my fingers.
Author sparklesthecat Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 Maybe I shouldn't have said "blue collar worker", it's got a bit of a negative connotation to it. More like "service technician" - he works for a nationwide company that can transfer people to open positions in other offices. There's an opening in an office about 30 minutes away from where I'll be moving. I'll be ballin' but I won't be a sugar momma.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 The most obvious red flag I see: This bf, on the other hand, has never lived with a gf.. and has not been in a relationship that had lasted longer than a year. aside from the fact that you've only been together three months, of course. If he had a job lined up already, it would be a slightly different story, because then at least you wouldn't be expected to support him...but you've still been together only three months!!! Geez.
Author sparklesthecat Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 He does have a job lined up - see the post above yours where I specified that. He has not committed to the new job yet, and I have not committed to mine, either. Well, I have, but I have not committed to a start date.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 He does have a job lined up - see the post above yours where I specified that. He has not committed to the new job yet, and I have not committed to mine, either. Well, I have, but I have not committed to a start date. Has he looked into having that transfer done? What makes you think the position will still be available in three months? (Or that you will still be together in three months? )
Jilly Bean Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I think the other issue to consider here is that you are LDR. It's very easy to maintain romance and good will when you don't see the person too often. I think if lived closer, or near you, it might be a little different dynamic.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 If you do decide to bring him with you, I would STRONGLY advise that you get your own places in the new city for the first year and continue just dating, then go from there. IMO, moving in together after dating only 6 months, and only on the weekends at that, is taking a huge risk. You're going to be in a new city, with new jobs, and you won't have any friends yet. Jilly is right -- it's MUCH easier to be a weekend lover (no matter how many texts and phone calls you get during the week) than a full-time one. I speak from experience!
Author sparklesthecat Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 Yes, I've been thinking that the relationship has been amazing because of the LDR aspects of it, but I do see him quite often, since I have a flexible schedule and only need to be on campus once a week. Honestly, though, my previous relationship was drama free, and we never argued really, but it was going nowhere. I now have a strict rule of breaking up after a year if there's no proposal. There are an awful lot of men who want to date for a long time, move in, but never commit. At least within my circle of friends. That's great, but seriously, I don't want all of my "pretty years" to be used up by some jerk who will never propose. Then again, I don't want hastily accept a proposal from someone who's secretly a jerk. BF's boss told him that there are always openings in that part of the country, so I'm not worried about him finding work there. If he were to take classes or do something else productive, I wouldn't mind either, since my starting salary is almost twice what he makes now. If I were a man and he were a woman, I think this would be more socially acceptable.. Actually, what I really want is a househusband. Someone to stay home, clean, and cook dinner. I mean I guess if he were beating me, also, then he would be totally taking advantage of me. Though I guess if I were dating a rich guy, we could just get a maid. Ah, too many decisions.
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