Bells Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 There's an article going around on the net, been trying to Google it...(Heard about it on the radio) Apparently couples who are going through a rough patch in marraige....VERY infrequent sex and so on. THey saw a particular counselor ,and he prescribed for one "Have sex EVERY day for the next 101 days" He had another couple he prescribed sex daily for a full year! (Guess that was a pretty bad one) Anyways, apparently this CAN save a marraige. And to do it EVEN when you're NOT in the mood! If you're not in the mood....FORCE yourself to do it. Apparently, the "Bond" formed during sex can sustain the "love" people have for each other...or something to that effect. Anyone agree on this?
Lauriebell82 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Well, sex promotes intimacy, therefore the counselor might be trying to help them build up their intimacy that they may have lost. I don't think telling people to have sex everyday will automatically make them love each other, the goal is more to promote the "closeness" which in turn will help them commicate better with each other. Also, you tend to communicate during sex (ex: "yeah, like that" or "going slow feels good). The counselor may be trying to build their communication by starting with sex!
PandorasBox Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 "Anyone agree on this?" I don't. No one should FORCE themselves to do anything. I knew a couple who had sex like rabbits everyday and their marriage stilled failed. It seemed the sex was all they had left in common, and it did not hold it together. I think maybe the counselors intensions were good, but sex everyday all the time is not what will save a marriage IMO.
marlena Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Absolutely. Sex creates a bond between two people that is not only physical but emotional and spiritual as well. I have always beleived that once the sex is gone so is the connection. By sex, I don't just mean the actual act of penetration but also the stroking,caressing,cuddling etc.. I think just about any problem can be solved if the sex is fulfilling. Touch is a very basic human need. Lack of sex causes discontent,frustration,anger,resentment and a host of other negative feelings. Just look at people who were deprived of physical touch in their childhood. Most of them are dysfunctional or suffer from emotional disorders. Most psycopaths fall into this category.
blair08 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I think the opposite. FOR ME, if the emotional connection is gone then the sex will more than likely suffer. Some people can take their sadness, happiness, anger, resentments emotional connections etc and pick them up and put them in a basket and set them aside and seperate it from sex. I can't do that. All my emotions are tied into being intimate. I think once two people are on the same page about wanting to save the marriage first off, then reconnect emotionally, then the sex will eventually become alot better. I'm not saying people should just completly shut down from having sex, but it is something that can gradually be worked upon if the emotional connection is gone, or there is resentment or anger etc. I think anger, resentment, etc are things that are gone first before the sex, that is why alot of peoples marriages suffer due to lack of sex. Fix whats is going on outside of the bedroom first, and hopefully things will fall into place in the bedroom.
marlena Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I think anger, resentment, etc are things that are gone first before the sex, that is why alot of peoples marriages suffer due to lack of sex. This is true as well. It does happen that way, too. My thinking,however, is that sex can often act as a good catalyst to disperse these negative feelings early on in the relationship before they are left to gather momentum and do permanent damage. Fulfilling sex can bridge the gap between the two partners. It's the after sex glow. A lot can be accomplished in that time. Past generations of women knew this. They knew that the way to a man's heart is through his ahem "co**!":lmao:
grogster Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I'm not sure if daily prescribed sex will save all bad marriages. As with so much in life, it depends. If the marital issues are minor--no abuse or infidelity--and there's simply a marital slump due to daily diversions and the stressors of every day life, daily nookie could help. Sex promotes bonding. On the other hand, if infidelity or abuse is involved, all bets are off. Daily sex can help a basically sound marriage going through a rocky patch. It cannot save a dead marriage.
dissed Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I think the opposite. FOR ME, if the emotional connection is gone then the sex will more than likely suffer. Some people can take their sadness, happiness, anger, resentments emotional connections etc and pick them up and put them in a basket and set them aside and seperate it from sex. I can't do that. All my emotions are tied into being intimate. I think once two people are on the same page about wanting to save the marriage first off, then reconnect emotionally, then the sex will eventually become alot better. I'm not saying people should just completly shut down from having sex, but it is something that can gradually be worked upon if the emotional connection is gone, or there is resentment or anger etc. I think anger, resentment, etc are things that are gone first before the sex, that is why alot of peoples marriages suffer due to lack of sex. Fix whats is going on outside of the bedroom first, and hopefully things will fall into place in the bedroom. You're 3/4 correct... My therapist said that about 3 of 4 women need an emotional bond before sex. The rest just need sex. For men, less than 5% need an emotional bond to have sex. Women are emotionally stimulated, men are visually stimulated. Men are thereby doomed to frustration.
norajane Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 You know, I really like ice cream, but if someone told me I had to eat it every day for 3 months or a year, whether I was in the mood for it or not, I'd probably start to hate it. And if I didn't really enjoy ice cream, and was told I had to eat every day for even 3 weeks, I'd really start to hate it. And if I weren't getting along very well with the person serving it, I'd probably want to stuff it down his throat.
marlena Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Daily sex can help a basically sound marriage going through a rocky patch. It cannot save a dead marriage. Absolutely, all the sex in the world cannot revive a dead marriage. However, the point I was trying to make is that good,satisfying,fulfilling sex (not ritual sex) can act as a prevention against infidelity. Often times people turn outside their marriage because the sex is bad or not there at all.
april1325 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I heard about the sex everyday, and from what I remember about the topic. I remember the couples and the counselor said it actually worked. I think the couples are still together and are very happy.:bunny:
marlena Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 You know, I really like ice cream, but if someone told me I had to eat it every day for 3 months or a year, whether I was in the mood for it or not, I'd probably start to hate it. And if I didn't really enjoy ice cream, and was told I had to eat every day for even 3 weeks, I'd really start to hate it. And if I weren't getting along very well with the person serving it, I'd probably want to stuff it down his throat. I agree. It's not the amount but the quality.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 THey saw a particular counselor ,and he prescribed for one "Have sex EVERY day for the next 101 days" Did he specify the generic or the brand name prescription ? Mr. Lucky
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I couldn't agree less with the article. In my ex-marriage, we had a very active sex life. It didn't stop him from cheating. Cheating happens to individuals who have issues within themselves, for all kinds of reasons. These issues float to the surface when they least or most expect it. Most often, cheaters are selfish individuals.
stefspets Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I read those articles. It wasn't exactly prescribed by a counselor. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25097086/ http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25073096/ These people came up with the idea themselves, and their marriages weren't "bad" but they were trying to be closer. If the marriage is really bad I don't think this would help at all. If you're looking for a way to rejuvenate a relationship that has gotten stale but is otherwise ok then I do think it would improve things.
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I know that in a lot of cases, once the emotional intimacy is gone, the physical intimacy is sure to follow, and vice versa. Both are interdependent on each other. It can feel real awkward trying to reconnect with any sincerity once you’ve already drifted too far apart. I can understand the methodology behind it. Getting the couple over that initial awkward “hump” so they feel more comfortable and relaxed about it again. Sort of the same theory behind why some therapists will suggest that couples spend time just sitting quietly and looking each other in the eyes, or prescribe taking time out for touching, stroking or other non-sexual gestures of affection in order to reconnect with those deeper bonds of trust and intimacy. Of course, for a lot of folks this can feel real silly and phony, initially. Even though it was something you USE to do quite comfortably and frequently when you first became infatuated with each other. I think, with a little coaching, some couples can get that back ... while others are just too far gone. Of course, it certainly wouldn’t hurt anybody (who was still unsure) to at least give it an honest try! :D
Shygirl15 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Ridiculous. Sex, love, and commitment are 3 separate issues that doesn't necessarily have to link with one another all the time.
blair08 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 You're 3/4 correct... My therapist said that about 3 of 4 women need an emotional bond before sex. The rest just need sex. For men, less than 5% need an emotional bond to have sex. Women are emotionally stimulated, men are visually stimulated. Men are thereby doomed to frustration. OK thanks for telling me I'm 3/4 correct. Its not about what's correct and what's not. My post said FOR ME, that means what works best for me and my situation not for anyone esle. People have to do what works for them. If people want to have sex every single day to try to save their marriage go for it. If not, don't.
Moose Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 "Have sex EVERY day for the next 101 days" He had another couple he prescribed sex daily for a full year!I'm surprised that the subject of menstral cycles hasn't come up yet..... That's just nasty.....
JackJack Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I'm surprised that the subject of menstral cycles hasn't come up yet..... That's just nasty..... Now you know some will argue there is nothing wrong with that or it being nasty. Although I'm not one of those people, because my wife and I don't do that. Anyhoo to the OP, so this counselor that feels having sex everyday is the answer to saving the marriage, is this based on his own experience? I'll disagree, and say I don't think its the answer. Sex is important in a relationship, that's for sure, and yes, it helps alot to be getting sex, but its not a problem fixer.
dissed Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 OK thanks for telling me I'm 3/4 correct. Its not about what's correct and what's not. My post said FOR ME, that means what works best for me and my situation not for anyone esle. People have to do what works for them. If people want to have sex every single day to try to save their marriage go for it. If not, don't. Heh-heh... All I'm saying is that you represent what most women seem to feel. And men begging an unwilling partner or going at it with her not getting her emotional connection first is like pushing on a rope to move a sled. But as soon as the guy looks into her eyes and makes a connection, she'll stop cold and say "I'm not dumb, I know what your after..." Some talk show psychologist said this "When sex is good, it's 10% of the marriage. When sex is bad, it's 90% of the problem"
porter218 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I'm surprised that the subject of menstral cycles hasn't come up yet..... That's just nasty..... Majority of the men I have been with didn't want to abstain because of my period. They were absolutely fine with doing the 'dirty' that time of the month.
Shygirl15 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Majority of the men I have been with didn't want to abstain because of my period. They were absolutely fine with doing the 'dirty' that time of the month. Ok, BRB Porter, have to throw up a bit..lol
Lizzie60 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 no need for a counsellor to prescribe that.. It's like saying to an overweight person.. if you exercise one hour daily and watch what you eat.. you will lose weight.. OF COURSE they will... in a sexless marriage.. the best 'medicine' is to have sex daily.. wow.. it doesn't take a PhD to figure this one out..
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Majority of the men I have been with didn't want to abstain because of my period. They were absolutely fine with doing the 'dirty' that time of the month. Agreed. Go get the burgundy towels!
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