cloudeight Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Sorry this is so long. I had been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 9 months. It has been a long and healthy relationship. We've gotten each other through a lot of tough times. The last 2.5 years have been Long Distance. Not like exceedingly long, only an hour and a half so we see one another every weekend still. Lately he has been back and forth about wanting to break up with me over various reasons but he has always concluded that we love each other and breaking up with me would be the dumbest thing he has ever done. He was just away for a week on a long trip. While on the trip he talked to me and told me how much he missed me and loved me and when he got back he planted a big kiss on my lips and was like "I am so happy I meant that". 4 days later he got "caught" messaging another girl. His 'best friend' from high school whom he used to hook up with. He said best friends in movies always end up getting married. and he would make sure they had a happy ending. When confronted with this he laughed it off and said the conversation was benign and it was a joke. He then went back and read the entire conversation he knew I read and freaked out. I didn't bring it up, but she had asked him to visit her and he had told her he couldn't and it was 'frustrating being in a relationship you are unable to get out of, well feel unable'. I ended up staying the night that night and he told me he was angry about my having read it, but we have always checked eachothers email for one another so I didn't think it was a big deal and I figured he was just trying to show off for her so didn't make a huge deal out of it. He had sex with me that night, introduced me to his new roommate, made plans with the roommate and I to travel in 3 weeks together, then held me close to his chest all night while we slept. The next morning we showered together, ate breakfast and he told me I had to leave because he had plans to go for a drive and needed time alone. I couldn't believe he was throwing me out! I, of course, started to cry and didn't want to leave but I did. He told me he would call me the next morning when he woke up. At 2pm the next day he called and told me he was 3 hours from his house and he was short and cold with me. I was like are you still mad? He said yes. I told him I didn't understand and he told me he couldn't be with me anymore. That I didn't trust him and haven't for a long time and he needed space. I drove back to where he lived and we sat outside and talked. He ended up breaking up with me but told me I am the love of his life, he isn't doing this for anyone else he just needs time and space to grow himself before he can grow with me. He promised he wanted to give our relationship a try again, he just wanted to go very far away from it experience things on his own and when he realized there was no color in his life without me then try the relationship again. he told me I had to trust and believe him. He hugged me, smelled my hair, kissed my forehead, held my hands and told me he loved me and didn't want to see me unhappy. since then I have talked to him a couple times. he told me he is floating around and can't stop crying. That he loves me and we just need to grow. That everytime he sees/hears something that reminds him of me he cries. I am the only girl he has ever been with. I know this freaks him out and he has said that he doesn't know if what he feels for me is special because he has never felt this way for anyone else. He tells me he needs to see if what we have is special before he can be married to me. He tells me I should be glad he did this now while it is easier because we are just dating then to ask for space when we are engaged or married. He says he definitely sees me in his future he just can't be with me right now. Is he just stringing me along? Or does he really just need some space and he will be back? I have no idea what to do. I love him so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him but I am not about to beg him to be in a relationship with me. I feel like he has to want to be in the relationship too or it isn't worth it. What do I do now? I didn't talk to him yesterday and today the only "contact" we had was kind of immature. I had put up an away message of "building a bridge" then took it down because i thought that might be a little harsh and he immediately put up "buying a map" and took it down. So I know he is thinking of me... so now what?
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