Blonde&Ambitious Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I'm new here...I'm a Junior in High School. I know I'm "young" but please don't "bash"...this was my first love and I'm destroyed and I just don't know how to get over it. Sorry this is long... I dated this guy for 10 months and after a two week separation (vacations) he broke up with me the day I returned and to me it was completely out of the blue. He stated that he didn't really see this working out because neither of us had time for a relationship because of school commitments (the only "real" reason he gave). Then he said "and I don't know if I love you...I'm only 17...I don't really know what love is". He said some other weird things like "you deserve better", "I'm sorry I wasted 10 months of your life", "we're from two different worlds", "there are plenty of other "fish" in the sea (can you effing believe he said that to me?)". He didn't even give us a chance to try to work on things or fix whatever was wrong...he just walked away. We had major chemistry so that makes it extra hard to understand how he could just give all that up. The last time we were together before the two weeks apart, we spent the day having fun with another couple and then he took me to the mall and bought me a $60 sports jersey to wear to the baseball game I was going to that night. Oh, yeah and the day before this, I just finished giving him $100 worth of birthday presents because he was going to be on vacation on his birthday. I must be SUCH AN IDIOT that I had absolutely NO CLUE there was anything wrong. We were head over heels crazy about each other but apparently he was pretending and I was living in la la land. I truly loved this guy with all my heart. It's been 6 weeks since the break up and of course he ended it by saying we could still be close friends and hang out and still talk. I FELL FOR THE LIE. He hasn't spoken to me once and I see him 5 days a week at school. He acts like I don't even exist. I am SO HURT that I thought I meant so much to him and he told me I was his world and he loved me all the time and now he doesn't even know me. Today, I ran into him on the field (I'm in marching band, he plays soccer) and we were leaving the field and I happened to look his direction and saw him and his friends "motioning" us off the field and laughing. A year ago, he was right there with me, helping with the band, going to all our competitions, ACTING like he loved everything that I do (band, singing, musicals, dance, etc.). How can someone be so CRUEL to pretend they are interested in your life and then totally reject everything that you are and end up laughing at you for it? I AM SO HURT AND I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE PERSON HE IS TURNING INTO. He is not the guy I fell in love with at all. What I want to know is was he pretending to be someone else THE ENTIRE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER? How could I have been SO DECEIVED? Why would someone do that? How can someone pretend to be interested and put on an act for all that time? I can't comprehend it. Was it ALL LIES? Everyone that knew us as a couple thought we were the perfect "high school sweethearts couple" and NO ONE saw this coming at all. Everyone was just as shocked as I was. I feel bad for what I'm feeling right now but I really wish I could hurt him and make him feel the devastation he brought to my life. I don't think I can ever TRUST another person again. He has totally destroyed that ability in me and I was a very loving, caring, giving, trusting person when I met him. I thought he was too. Turns out he is a complete LIAR, POSER, and PRETENDER. How could I have not seen any of this? I can't believe I have to see him 5 days a week for the next two years and pretend he's a ghost and that I never knew him or loved him or cared about him. I don't know what to do with that or how to survive this. This sucks @$$ and I'm so lost...please help!
Eyeofthoth Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Hi. I don't have time to write much right now, but I just want to tell you that you have come to a good place for support and you will get some responses later. I felt your pain so acutely when I read your post. All I can offer right now is that this boy is very young and I doubt that he was pretending with you. I would also bet that he really would like to remain friends, but he doesn't know how, because that is just so difficult and he no doubt still have feelings for you, even if he has buried them. I don't think it would be good for either of you to be friends right now anyway. But your anger is good. It will work for you if you can keep in under control and in perspective.
JooLee Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 hi, funny as it is Blonde&Ambitious... i was asking my friend the EXACT question today. and i still dont have the answer. sometimes it helps to think that he was pretending so i could let all the anger flow and see what an asswipe he is.. but at times it devastates me that i meant nothing to him. like you, we pretend we dont know each other and it was him who started as well. but unlike you i never got a closure. things were bad and one day his best friend told me he left the country and when he came back he just totally ignored me. i was devastated but i have learnt to stand and smile again. but yes, there are times when it gets to me.. especially that i have learnt that 2 months after the break up he has started a new relationship with someone new.. and he tells her he loves her. i have to tell you this, i know you feel scared now to open up to someone new, that is okay for now but in the future dont let it pull u away from meeting great guys. because you will fall in love again and experience it. although my heart is crushed by this loser, im actually looking forward to fall in love again- with a great and genuine guy this time.. not now though..in the future. Dont let him rob you from experiencing love again. He is not worth it. i am actually in the same position as you. we go to the same university but thank God we dont have class together. and right now im feeling the same anger and hatred towards him. but when you sit and think about it... what choice do we have but to take a deep breath and keep on walking. the best thing to do is to let it go, and to let yourself blossom into a butterfly. i hope others will reply to your post. it would be an insight for me too. sorry to have taken up so much but i jus needed to vent a little
Author Blonde&Ambitious Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Eyeofthoth thanks for your kind words. I'd love to believe what you said that he wasn't pretending and that he'd like to be friends but he just doesn't know how. It just hurts SO much to see him every day and we both are invisible to each other. It's so bizarre to see someone I loved completely turn into someone I don't even know overnight. I guess I just don't understand how human beings can be so cold to one another, especially to someone they were close with intimately. I wish I could just will this pain away but I know I have to go through it even though I don't want to. I hope it's true that I will come out of it a better, stronger person.
Author Blonde&Ambitious Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Thanks for your reply JooLee. I'm so sorry for your pain and that you didn't even get any kind of closure. I still don't feel I have closure because it was just so totally off the wall and out of character that he acted the way he did when he broke up. He also left it at "I don't know if I love you and I don't know if we'll get back together" and I really wish he would have made it final instead of leaving me to think there might be hope. No one, especially me, had ever seen that behavior from him. It was so devastating to me because the last time we were together we were cuddly and happy and had a great time. Then two weeks of vacations go by and the very next time I see him he comes over to break up and he acts like he is totally repulsed by me. I will never get that feeling or that look on his face out of my head. How does that just happen like that? I just can't wrap my head around it and I don't think I'll ever be able to. I hope things start to improve for you and yes, we both need to keep on walking with our heads held high and remember to love ourselves. I'm beginning to realize that's all that really matters at the end of the day. Take care!
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