Saros200k Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I recently found out my ex is dating another guy...how do you all deal with knowing that your ex is dating someone else? Right now I feel like I'm going down a roller coaster. I thought I was actually indifferent to her after being away from her and mostly NC for 6 months, but apparently, I'm not...
Intergalactic Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 no idea, not at that stage yet. thankfully, i fully believe my ex when he says that he doesn't want to date for a long, and doesn't want another relationship for YEARS, at least. he's never been big on commitment, i'm surprised i kept him for 2 years. doesn't make it hurt less, i just thought he didn't want to say "yes i am committed" but all his actions said he did. he broke up with me because he couldn't deal with relationships so i can't imagine he'll be jumping back into one. my ex did say, however, that it's probably good we don't spend new year's together because what if he hooks up with another girl? it pretty much tipped me over the edge and i called and bitched him out and told him not to tell me that kind of bull****. he said sorry, that he didn't even mean it and doesn't want to hook up with anyone, but it was still kind of mean. he probably he said it to "help me get over him" but **** that. my whole mentality is to get a new boyfriend before he gets a new girlfriend. and be happy with new boyfriend.
FadedSign Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I try to avoid all information about them. My ex told me she wouldn't date for a long time, would take time to "work on herself". A month after moving out she is seeing someone else :-) I think that is an all to familiar story, some people just can't be alone. I feel bad for the rebound guy. I was pretty upset when I found out, didn't know I would care as much as I did. It's a natural feeling and as everything else it gets better with time.
WiseOne1 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Well you wanna go NC, No I mean really go NC and disappear. Trust me, from here its gonna get worse and worse, for some strange reason ex's feel like its ok to tell people about there new bfs. You'll start hearing about them dating, kissing, etc. And if you and her arent talking and you heard from someone else, you might wanna avoid them, they'll mostly just pass things along. No good can come out of this. No good!
gd26 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I try to avoid all information about them. My ex told me she wouldn't date for a long time, would take time to "work on herself". A month after moving out she is seeing someone else :-) I think that is an all to familiar story, some people just can't be alone. I feel bad for the rebound guy. I was pretty upset when I found out, didn't know I would care as much as I did. It's a natural feeling and as everything else it gets better with time. Reading this is like a dagger in the heart. That's exactly what the last guy I was interested in told me. He is separated and will be going through divorce soon. He said that he needs space and time (as I got too clingy on him), and that he won't date anyone anymore until his divorce is finalized. He says he needs to get over his need to not be alone, and that he needs to heal and work on himself. Although I haven't heard of him dating anyone else at present.... it gave me an idea of what the future may be.
badnewsbeers Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Exact same thing happened to me... hell, she was talking to the guy before we officially broke up and they were dating within 3 weeks. I think it speaks about the character of the person. I love my ex gf, but she has been single for all of 7 weeks in the past 8 years (she's now 24, so since the age of 16). Going back before that, she was single for 3 months in grade 10 and had a boyfriend otherwise since 13 (grade EIGHT). Some people just need to have that person in their life, because they're not strong enough to make it on their own. It's the hardest thing in the world for me to deal with, I'll be honest. But I thank God and everything else that I have the ability to be alone and be strong and be everything I can be, while she can only take her happiness from somebody else. It's a lot harder to be alone then to be in a relationship, and I'd rather spend the time and find another girl who is the same in that respect as I am, then stick with somebody who NEEDS me, rather than just WANTS. I hope this helps a little bit, and if it doesn't really apply to your situation I apologize!
Dolorian Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 My ex started dating someone (the ex before me!) 5 days after our breakup. Now, 2 weeks later, she's devastated because he might move away. He wants a LDR while she doesn't. She started to talk to me again and tells me all about it. Although I care for her, I don't care about them as a couple. They have to deal with it. I've been the nice doormat guy for too long.
0hpenelope Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I stay away from anything and everything that has to do with Lawrence and Diane. Lawrence is well-within his rights to do what he wants to do... As am I. Don't ask around; if friends bring it up say "You know, I guess I should talk about it but I'm not ready to, so can we move on to a diff. topic? You seen Tropic Thunder? We should watch it" or whatever comes to mind. Just do what you can to help those thoughts. I took 2 loose rubber bands from work and I've had them on my wrist for 3 days. For everytime I would think about Lawrence and Diane, I would snap one... pause, then snap the other one. Just to snap me out of my thoughts and focus myself on matters that demand my attention. Thinking about them doesn't do anything to help me. It made me realize something: as long as I'm not thinking about them, I'm happy. And why should I be thinking about them? They're not my concern at all. Lawrence? He could care less - he's got a new girl. Don't know, don't wanna know, don't wanna care. A little bit of faking it 'til I make it but from my end, it's really all I've got. Good luck.
kyta Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Do we really care about them as much as we think, i dont give 2 flying fecks about her to be honest, shes a piece of crap with a personality that i dont like and she can go feck herself i wouldnt touch her with a dirty ****y stick, 4 monts now and im as happy as fecking larry i have my friends and they are more important than a stupid girlfriend lmao, my life is brilliant now cant believe i stayed 7yrs with a fool haveing a great time and dont miss her at all any more, it does come to us all, u just have to realize they aint all they r cracked up to be, my friends and me have such a good time, my friend lisa is a dimond and love her to bits, i dont even want to feck her unless im pissed and then its just a laugh as friends shopuld be, relationships stink and we are all fools who really want them to work cos nothing last forever except friends, so stop moping about them go out find ur friends and have a good time, and if u get drunk and feck them its all just good fun, when u get involved it just complicates things, stay friends and life is great going bed now on my own and loving it, the x is gone and im happy so it says volumes for the relationship witch was shi t.
EmperorR Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 got dumped 2 weeks ago, already she has feelings for some guy will probably start dating soon, i dunno it doesn't bother me so muchh because I know it will fail, and im doing NC
EmperorR Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Exact same thing happened to me... hell, she was talking to the guy before we officially broke up and they were dating within 3 weeks. I think it speaks about the character of the person. I love my ex gf, but she has been single for all of 7 weeks in the past 8 years (she's now 24, so since the age of 16). Going back before that, she was single for 3 months in grade 10 and had a boyfriend otherwise since 13 (grade EIGHT). Some people just need to have that person in their life, because they're not strong enough to make it on their own. It's the hardest thing in the world for me to deal with, I'll be honest. But I thank God and everything else that I have the ability to be alone and be strong and be everything I can be, while she can only take her happiness from somebody else. It's a lot harder to be alone then to be in a relationship, and I'd rather spend the time and find another girl who is the same in that respect as I am, then stick with somebody who NEEDS me, rather than just WANTS. I hope this helps a little bit, and if it doesn't really apply to your situation I apologize! I agree, i guess the people who dump instead of thinking about what they did and if they made a mistake they hop right into another relationship and act like nothing happened, my girl dumped me and basically the next guy she ssees shes falling head over heals for him, eh if she never comes back to me shrugs im doing nc now and im taking my sweet ole time before i ever commit to anyone again.
movingonandon Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Exact same thing happened to me... hell, she was talking to the guy before we officially broke up and they were dating within 3 weeks. I think it speaks about the character of the person. I love my ex gf, but she has been single for all of 7 weeks in the past 8 years (she's now 24, so since the age of 16). Going back before that, she was single for 3 months in grade 10 and had a boyfriend otherwise since 13 (grade EIGHT). Some people just need to have that person in their life, because they're not strong enough to make it on their own. It's the hardest thing in the world for me to deal with, I'll be honest. But I thank God and everything else that I have the ability to be alone and be strong and be everything I can be, while she can only take her happiness from somebody else. It's a lot harder to be alone then to be in a relationship, and I'd rather spend the time and find another girl who is the same in that respect as I am, then stick with somebody who NEEDS me, rather than just WANTS. I hope this helps a little bit, and if it doesn't really apply to your situation I apologize! same thing - ex was with the guy she was "talking to" within a week after breaking up with me. Her past is similar to the one of your ex. Generally, she has always had a man in her life, with come gaps. However, these are no real gaps, since even if she had no boyfriend, she would have been obsessing/hoping to hook up with some guy. So yes, the same kind of "neediness" you describe. The curious thing is that this also explains her break up pattern - the second things slow down (i.e. when the initial novelty of a relationship wears out), she assumes that the relaitonship is over because things "are not the same", something "got lost". In retrospect, it is amazing that we were together for almost 5 years!
EmperorR Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 same thing - ex was with the guy she was "talking to" within a week after breaking up with me. Her past is similar to the one of your ex. Generally, she has always had a man in her life, with come gaps. However, these are no real gaps, since even if she had no boyfriend, she would have been obsessing/hoping to hook up with some guy. So yes, the same kind of "neediness" you describe. The curious thing is that this also explains her break up pattern - the second things slow down (i.e. when the initial novelty of a relationship wears out), she assumes that the relaitonship is over because things "are not the same", something "got lost". In retrospect, it is amazing that we were together for almost 5 years! sounds like my girl always been in a relationship etc. i guess thats why shes hopping right back into the first guy that comes along thinking that because they both like the same color and math that their perfect ofr each other:rolleyes:
Author Saros200k Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 Thanks for the comments and stories. It really helped me decide on what to do. I am going to disappear. I just had lunch with her yesterday, and during it, I knew what I had to do. I told her 10 minutes after lunch that I couldn't be friends with her and walked away. I'm going to resume NC and remain NC with no limit. I think I finally cut all my ties with her. I also realized after listening to you all that she is that type of person who *needs* to date someone all the time. She just can't make it on her own. Unlike her, rather than just finding a replacement for the hole in my life in the form of another girlfriend, I've been filling it with friends, family, activities, and work. ...Also if any of you find this funny or can relate, the guy she's dating now has the exact same name as me. Poor guy. He has no idea what's ahead of him.
EmperorR Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Thanks for the comments and stories. It really helped me decide on what to do. I am going to disappear. I just had lunch with her yesterday, and during it, I knew what I had to do. I told her 10 minutes after lunch that I couldn't be friends with her and walked away. I'm going to resume NC and remain NC with no limit. I think I finally cut all my ties with her. I also realized after listening to you all that she is that type of person who *needs* to date someone all the time. She just can't make it on her own. Unlike her, rather than just finding a replacement for the hole in my life in the form of another girlfriend, I've been filling it with friends, family, activities, and work. ...Also if any of you find this funny or can relate, the guy she's dating now has the exact same name as me. Poor guy. He has no idea what's ahead of him. maybe not date a guy, but can't stand being alone, like as i told her, its funny how its basically the first guy that comes along right after me, and hes so cool, dude has no idea what hes getting into, once she gets bored of him snip snap
Melrapuo Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 My ex left me to date someone else. So I hit the emotional rollercoaster immediately. She dumped HIM, hooked up with yet another guy two weeks after that, and I haven't really spoken to her since. It's been about a month NC, haven't heard from her (prob. cuz I wished her the best, told her being friends would be unhealthy for both of us.) I haven't talked to her friends, avoided all info about her. Saw her once (we were actually almost 10 feet away from each other) but I ignored her. Thats the hardest part, really. Loving someone but knowing that you have to ignore them. Eesh. Don't worry though, the pain starts to fade. It does for everyone. Avoid knowing anything about the ex at all costs.
Melrapuo Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 maybe not date a guy, but can't stand being alone, like as i told her, its funny how its basically the first guy that comes along right after me, and hes so cool, dude has no idea what hes getting into, once she gets bored of him snip snap My ex was just like this too. She had not been single for four years. FOUR YEARS. She jumped from one guy to the next, really. I was guy #3. The only problem was the fact that guy #4 wasn't enough, so that only lasted for a month. And when guy #5 found out about everything, he dropped her, hard. She wasn't too happy about that. I'm sure there's already a guy #6. It's been way more than two weeks since guy #5 dropped her lol. I have the pride at least of knowing that out of all of them I treated her the best, and we lasted the longest (21 months. Second longest was guy #2, who was around 14 months I think. And he was an ass). And being that it was my first real relationship, I can at least be proud of knowing that I can do it again. Hopefully, with someone a bit more secure.
movingonandon Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 depends, it has been three months for me, and I knew that it was a matter of (very short) time till she hooked up with the ****in weasel she admitted "some sort of feelings" for. For the most part, I do pretty good job blocking this stuff out, but every once and a while it would hit me and then it feels as it cuts me in half. And then occasionally i have major anger eruptionns, for which i really need to see a counselor, because occasionally i scare even myself. avoiding all information definitely helps a lot (just don't try to rationalize into some 'favorable scenarios').
watermeloncandy Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 my ex explicitly told me that he had no interest in dating or getting into another relationship, or anything casual for that matter and when i called him on changing his profile in facebook and being on flings.com he blew it off and made it sound like i was imagining everything and it was part of my trust issues, blah blah blah..he actually told me he didn't want to date...and then last week i see he's got a profile up in all three sections of lavalife and he says he's looking to date and if it leads to long-term then 'great' or whatever. when i saw that it confirmed what i already knew - that he is a liar. so i wrote a goodbye letter to him and that's that. he is the biggest disappointment of my life. he's supposed to be working on his 'issues' and he told me he needed to get himself sorted out first...what a joke. i told him that he obviously hates himself since he can't stand to be alone. he makes me sick but i also pity him...how sad....
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