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I still love her after all shes put me through. cant get over her

austin_bell

By austin_bell
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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austin_bell New Member

austin_bell

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Posted

ok so i dated this girl for longer than i had ever dated a girl before. She was also my first love (im young), so one night we go to see the dark knight and everything is as it should be. Yet the next day she txts me telling me she cant do this anymore and that she wasnt herself and all that stuff. But while we were going out we talked about our future so casually as if it had already happened, and she told me that i was the most perfect guy ever. And a few days after she breaks up with me i find out that she had cheated on me. And when i confronted her about it she denyied it until she finally admitted to it. and over the next month after all this happened she ignores me and looks at me like im worthless, and this makes me wonder "what is the real reason" so i confront her a few times with it and she gets mad at me and tells me to move on. so i try to do that but a friend of mine that i thought i could trust told me that he liked her but he wouldnt pursue her because he didnt want to lose me as a friend and about 2 weeks later there going out and i feel so hurt and betrayed and yet i still love this girl and cry every night over her. I need advice =[

High Plains Drifter Established Member

High Plains Drifter

Posted
Posted
ok so i dated this girl for longer than i had ever dated a girl before. She was also my first love (im young), so one night we go to see the dark knight and everything is as it should be. Yet the next day she txts me telling me she cant do this anymore and that she wasnt herself and all that stuff. But while we were going out we talked about our future so casually as if it had already happened, and she told me that i was the most perfect guy ever. And a few days after she breaks up with me i find out that she had cheated on me. And when i confronted her about it she denyied it until she finally admitted to it. and over the next month after all this happened she ignores me and looks at me like im worthless, and this makes me wonder "what is the real reason" so i confront her a few times with it and she gets mad at me and tells me to move on. so i try to do that but a friend of mine that i thought i could trust told me that he liked her but he wouldnt pursue her because he didnt want to lose me as a friend and about 2 weeks later there going out and i feel so hurt and betrayed and yet i still love this girl and cry every night over her. I need advice =[

 

Yeah.

 

 

 

 

 

How young are you?

 

 

 

 

Please don't say you're 30.

Intergalactic Established Member

Intergalactic

Posted
Posted

how young are you? how long were you dating for?

honestly, this girl sounds like she was spouting a lot of bull**** and never took it seriously. your friend also sounds like a douche, so ditch him too.

 

i got dumped the day after seeing 'the dark knight' too.

High Plains Drifter Established Member

High Plains Drifter

Posted
Posted

i got dumped the day after seeing 'the dark knight' too.

 

Wow....

 

I wonder what it is about the movie?:o

High Plains Drifter Established Member

High Plains Drifter

Posted
Posted
im 17 and in high school

 

Ok, don't do anything rash...like, don't go out and join a monastary, or have a sex change.

 

DO Stop Crying.....girls can smell guy tears, and they ain't attracted to the odor.

 

Once you get yourself together, find another girl.

 

There are others.

LostGirl811 Member

LostGirl811

Posted
Posted
ok so i dated this girl for longer than i had ever dated a girl before. She was also my first love (im young), so one night we go to see the dark knight and everything is as it should be. Yet the next day she txts me telling me she cant do this anymore and that she wasnt herself and all that stuff. But while we were going out we talked about our future so casually as if it had already happened, and she told me that i was the most perfect guy ever. And a few days after she breaks up with me i find out that she had cheated on me. And when i confronted her about it she denyied it until she finally admitted to it. and over the next month after all this happened she ignores me and looks at me like im worthless, and this makes me wonder "what is the real reason" so i confront her a few times with it and she gets mad at me and tells me to move on. so i try to do that but a friend of mine that i thought i could trust told me that he liked her but he wouldnt pursue her because he didnt want to lose me as a friend and about 2 weeks later there going out and i feel so hurt and betrayed and yet i still love this girl and cry every night over her. I need advice =[

 

Hun, Im going to tell you this, and everyone else is going to tell you this same thing:

 

You are ridiculously young. This does not make your feelings any less real, BUT, you must realize that there will be many many girls that you love, that you like, that you feel is THE ONE, but they aren't. You'll get over it, I promise you.

 

You'll go to college, you'll meet a million new chicks, you'll love some, you'll hate some, and then one day when you are the ripe old age of 26 like I am, you'll look back on your teenage loves and think "ah, puppy love" and you'll reminice about the times that it was all so innocent and even the break ups will be thought of fondly.

 

For real dude, you'll get over it. Your friend is messed up for dating a girl that he knows you are still not over, but to be honest, you probably won't be friends with him in ten years anyway.

 

I'm 26 years old, and I probably have only a small handful of friends from high school, most of them are guys, a couple of them are girls, and none of us are the same people we were at 17! You grow up, you change, you fall in love, you fall out of love, and all of it is a learning experience.

 

One day you'll look back on your life now and wish it was so simple as it is now, when youre 30 and considering marraige, and paying rent, and working a real job, and having kids. Enjoy life, ditch the girl. You can't make someone like you, it doesn't happen.

 

Don't take it personally. Think about it this way, there are plenty of girls out there that YOU don't like, right? does that mean that all those girls are ugly, or stupid, or bad people? No, of course not. It just means you don't have long-standing chemistry with any of them. You don't have chemistry with this girl, at least from her side, and it needs to go both ways my friend. Even if she's dating your friend now, chances are she won't be dating him next year, or hell, even next month. Of the hundreds of people I knew from high school and college, i knew ONE couple that has been together since they were 15 and stayed together till they got married, but that is absolutely NOT the norm.

 

You have to experience the world, experience other people. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want to be with you. Even if you changed her mind temporarily, that is all it would be- temporary. Why would you want to have to convince someone that you are a good person? Shoudln't they know that already? Have a little dignity man. Go out, meet chicks, look forward to crazy college days where you will meet a million and a half new friends and girls.

 

Suck it up dude. You're way too young . It's teenage angst, I know I know, I've been there (my god, ten years ago now! Im getting old! aaaaaaah!), but if it makes you feel any better, it gets way more complicated as you get older, relish the simplicity of life now.

Intergalactic Established Member

Intergalactic

Posted
Posted
Wow....

 

I wonder what it is about the movie?:o

 

dunno, but i blame my entire heartache on that movie. if i'd never seen it that night with him, i'd never have been dumped. or so i like to think.

Dolorian Member

Dolorian

Posted
Posted
Hun, Im going to tell you this, and everyone else is going to tell you this same thing:

 

You are ridiculously young. This does not make your feelings any less real, BUT, you must realize that there will be many many girls that you love, that you like, that you feel is THE ONE, but they aren't. You'll get over it, I promise you.

 

You'll go to college, you'll meet a million new chicks, you'll love some, you'll hate some, and then one day when you are the ripe old age of 26 like I am, you'll look back on your teenage loves and think "ah, puppy love" and you'll reminice about the times that it was all so innocent and even the break ups will be thought of fondly.

 

For real dude, you'll get over it. Your friend is messed up for dating a girl that he knows you are still not over, but to be honest, you probably won't be friends with him in ten years anyway.

 

I'm 26 years old, and I probably have only a small handful of friends from high school, most of them are guys, a couple of them are girls, and none of us are the same people we were at 17! You grow up, you change, you fall in love, you fall out of love, and all of it is a learning experience.

 

One day you'll look back on your life now and wish it was so simple as it is now, when youre 30 and considering marraige, and paying rent, and working a real job, and having kids. Enjoy life, ditch the girl. You can't make someone like you, it doesn't happen.

 

Don't take it personally. Think about it this way, there are plenty of girls out there that YOU don't like, right? does that mean that all those girls are ugly, or stupid, or bad people? No, of course not. It just means you don't have long-standing chemistry with any of them. You don't have chemistry with this girl, at least from her side, and it needs to go both ways my friend. Even if she's dating your friend now, chances are she won't be dating him next year, or hell, even next month. Of the hundreds of people I knew from high school and college, i knew ONE couple that has been together since they were 15 and stayed together till they got married, but that is absolutely NOT the norm.

 

You have to experience the world, experience other people. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want to be with you. Even if you changed her mind temporarily, that is all it would be- temporary. Why would you want to have to convince someone that you are a good person? Shoudln't they know that already? Have a little dignity man. Go out, meet chicks, look forward to crazy college days where you will meet a million and a half new friends and girls.

 

Suck it up dude. You're way too young . It's teenage angst, I know I know, I've been there (my god, ten years ago now! Im getting old! aaaaaaah!), but if it makes you feel any better, it gets way more complicated as you get older, relish the simplicity of life now.

 

Wow, for some reason I really liked what you wrote. You are so right. :) I'm only 20 (turning 21 soon) but when I look back I dated at least two girls who I thought would be the one and both ended up crushing my heart. The last break-up was even somewhat recently and believe me, it still hurts. But life does go on and I'm sure I'll find somebody who really appreciates me for who I am and doesn't take me for granted.

EmperorR Established Member

EmperorR

Posted
Posted

i know how it feels, my girl has put me through hell, not only did she crush my heart, she stole my sex drive, i find no other owman etc. attracted, she stole my appetite i barely eat and im shedding weight like crazy, she stole my mind shes all im thinking about. And whats worse is she still cant give me a good reason why shes dumping me, first she wants to be alone, then she tells me to has a crush on a guy at her universit and how they have so much in common:rolleyes:, then she told me oh its because i didnt love you, then she tells me well i do love you but its different just like friend love now:rolleyes:, then she tells me to leave her alone i dont want you in my life, i dont txt her for one day and she msgs me are you ok where were you. I finally decided to do NC, i just ended up bawling just now like a little baby then i slapped myself why should i feel garbage n like crap when hses on msn or whaever talking to scrub guy she thinks can be halaf as good as me.

 

I know how you feel guy, it sucks when someone you love so much, dumps you then while your still reeling i the pain and feeling like crap there on to their next guy who they think is so great and already treating him with more respect and decency they give someone who stuck through them thick and thiin

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted

What I remember about being a teenager is that emotions are way more intense- they're amplified as hormones rage while the world spins around you.

 

I think the first time you love someone, you have no filter- because you haven't experienced what it's like to lose someone.... so it's a huge shock to the system when you fall head over heels the first time. Love is bliss, then the world comes crashing down around you when you feel true loss for the first time.

 

Telling you that you are young and you'll get over it doesn't cut it right now, I know that. All of us with experience can only tell you that you will have many loves and losses throughout your life.

 

All of us went into our early relationships with complete trust and open hearts. You love unconditionally, trust unconditionally.... and then you find out that people aren't always who you think they are- or more importantly, who you want them to be.

 

The girl you had a relationship with, you probably idealized her- idealized what love is supposed to be like. But love can be fleeting- and people can be cruel. They can be manipulative, play games, toil with your heart... It's a tough life lesson to learn, but it's a reality. People do fall out of love with other people- it happens.

 

I know that your pain is crushing you right now. It's okay to give into the process, it's healthy to deny, grieve, get angry- to question the world around you.

 

The fact that your close friend started dating your ex must feel like a huge betrayal- it is a huge betrayal.

 

Don't let this girl dictate how you feel about yourself. Her behaviour is very much indicative of a selfish person. The same goes for your friend.

You didn't deserve what happened. Life does go on- and she will become a distant memory one day, I promise you that. But it's important to get you through the day to day stuff for the time being.

 

The first thing to do is to completely distance yourself from this girl and your friend. Looking for further explanation is futile, and it's only going to make you feel worse by keeping in contact with her. People do fall out of love with other people, it does happen. It's such a harsh thing to endure the first time. I remember when I lost my first love- I took such a hard hit. I remember that I looked at the world and the people in it very differently after that loss. That's not a bad thing though- in many ways it prepares you for future relationships, you don't have to become hardened- just more aware.

 

Please take care of yourself.

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