Bumped a true pig

[so gutted]

It gets worse.

 

Just when I was following your advice, trying to get angry and trying to remember what a sh*tty and shifty person he was (married person) what happens ?

 

I BUMP INTO HIM...!!

 

In the mall at lunchtime. We meet each others eyes, and he comes up (he is with his mate from work). He says something general about work and the economy etc and then says "anyway i have to go and get some ....lunch" we will catch up later.

 

He could not get away fast enough!

 

I feel far worse then before.

 

I got all the signs wrong and to top it off he STILL hasnt called/texted.

 

He did what he had to and walked off.............after everything........

 

I cannot believe this.

 

He has plainly gone right of me............This is not helping my healing at all........

 

WHO THE HECK IS THIS PRICKK?

[DaisyBelle]

SG,

 

I've been following your posts and respectfully point out there seems to be a pattern of intense involvement on your part very quickly in dating situations. Have you considered talking to someone about why you are so deeply hurt over brief dating situations?

 

I'm concerned you are setting yourself up for further hurt and anguish over relationships that have barely gotten off the ground. It's pretty common to have a date or two or three and realize the situation just wasn't meant to be. No harm, no foul. It seems you have a tendency to get very, very wrapped up early on in the situation when you really don't even know the person at all. It takes time to get to know someone and the first weeks of dating are about gauging whether that person is someone you'd like to have in your life. In other words, be gentle with yourself and the people you are dating. It's not necessary to make the early dates so life-altering. They can simply be compatabilty tests. If things don't work out, it doesn't necessarily mean the people involved are jerks, it just means those two people aren't compatible. And yeah, sometimes they're just jerks. But overall, the intensity you attach to these very early encounters is troubling and will lead to further pain if unaddressed, IMHO.

 

Please take some time to talk to someone about this. There may be things in your past that are impacting your present.

[so gutted]

Possibly - yes I do get involved too soon...but its rare that I like someone (am attracted to someone) and they WANT to see me again. I thought that after 4 meetings - we were at least seeing each other.

 

What scares me is how wrong i was.

[paddington bear]

see with his piggy behaviour he's making you hate him. Goooooood!

[Dirk Diggler]

Possibly - yes I do get involved too soon...but its rare that I like someone (am attracted to someone) and they WANT to see me again. I thought that after 4 meetings - we were at least seeing each other.

 

What scares me is how wrong i was.

 

Reason could just be as simple as lack of interest, or lack of respect. Did you put out in your first 4 dates?

[so gutted]

Reason could just be as simple as lack of interest, or lack of respect. Did you put out in your first 4 dates?

 

yes we kissed - he gave me lovebites which i did not want....and then did not apologize. but if he had lack of respect for that reason why did he see me again 3 times after?

 

and what about my lack of respect? he bumped into me and then practically ran away?

[Dirk Diggler]

yes we kissed - he gave me lovebites which i did not want....and then did not apologize. but if he had lack of respect for that reason why did he see me again 3 times after?

 

and what about my lack of respect? he bumped into me and then practically ran away?

 

Babe i don't know what to tell you many reasons could exist here. From what i've read you come on really strong and clingy which tends to lead to being a controlling and over reactive woman i've found. Maybe you can explain why that is or if it related to you. But most men will run form this. Just like if you gave it up too quick, he might have lost respect thinking you've given the same up quickly to large number of men. This also gives some men a reason to not view a woman as relationship material and discard her as quickly as possible if not ask her for a FWB arrangement.

 

He probably just wanted to get you in bed and either it did not work that way or something turned him off or away from doing that. Meeting you in a public place was probably an accident, as him acting like that is quite strange. You typically dont run from someone you have a magnetic interest for, right?

His excuse was lame, but he wanted to get out of an awkward situation and did what it took to accomplish that.

 

You have two options, confront him and find out what's up. If he acts stupid walk away. Or two just walk away right now and don't over think the whole thing as it only was a few dates. I'm sure you'll have better candidates lining up for a date than that clown.

[underpants]

WHO THE HECK IS THIS PRICKK?

 

Well, is he married or not?

 

Even if he is recently separated he doesn't sound done with that relationship or his healing enough to want a traditional relationship with you. Yet, I'm sure he enjoys the attention from you.

 

If it were me I would be done wondering why he is not texting or calling. I would be thankful that I saw threw him.

 

Yet, if you want a snappy comeback.

 

The in vogue thing to say would be...

 

"You can put lipstick on a man, but he is still married."

 

Then you walk away, and find you someone better.

[so gutted]

Thanks. I am relying on answers from you guys to help me here.

 

I get attached quickly because this guy passed stage one whereby he contacted me after meeting 1 and then follwoed it up 3 more times.

 

This indirectly led me on - i was led to believe that he was interested in me ?!is that such a wrong assumption. Also he asked me about things that you would not normally discuss on meeting 1 e.g - what i wanted from thie relationship. He used that word.

 

If he wanted sex only - he would have fled after meeting 2 - because he knew that i was not expereinced on that front.

 

The fact that it took 4 meetings for him to vanish makes me feel uneasy and worried.

 

Also after seeing him - i expected a text at least.

 

I dont have better candidates. This clown was married - and obviously seeing others. I should automatically go off him - but instead i feel myself wanting him to contact me just so that i feel better.

 

i know that even if he did i couldnt see him again - because he has behaved badly throughout - BUT the fact that he has blanked me AFTER seeing me feels me with sad thoughts.

 

Im depressed. I am shallow - i went for looks, job etc and ignored the obvious obvious bad signs - his wifes clothes/him ignoring me all weekend/the short calls and 2 texts/his attitude.....

 

Help me please.

[Shygirl15]

If I tell you the way some guys dumped me in the past you wouldn't believe it.. heck I even met their moms after 3 dates lol. Still I was dumped. Good thing is that I know how to pick myself up, and just move on with life. I think you need to do the same.

[so gutted]

I have met guys mums - i have met families - i have even discussed mortgage payments/living working conditions, kids, cooking - and then the guy just vanished.

 

To be fair in both these cases i didnt cope well BUT I also did not contact them again.....

 

In this case - i guess im at a bad place in life....where it is overtaking my thoughts.

 

I cant shake it off that easily.

[Dirk Diggler]

Thanks. I am relying on answers from you guys to help me here.

 

I get attached quickly because this guy passed stage one whereby he contacted me after meeting 1 and then follwoed it up 3 more times.

 

This indirectly led me on - i was led to believe that he was interested in me ?!is that such a wrong assumption. Also he asked me about things that you would not normally discuss on meeting 1 e.g - what i wanted from thie relationship. He used that word.

 

If he wanted sex only - he would have fled after meeting 2 - because he knew that i was not expereinced on that front.

 

The fact that it took 4 meetings for him to vanish makes me feel uneasy and worried.

 

Also after seeing him - i expected a text at least.

 

I dont have better candidates. This clown was married - and obviously seeing others. I should automatically go off him - but instead i feel myself wanting him to contact me just so that i feel better.

 

i know that even if he did i couldnt see him again - because he has behaved badly throughout - BUT the fact that he has blanked me AFTER seeing me feels me with sad thoughts.

 

Im depressed. I am shallow - i went for looks, job etc and ignored the obvious obvious bad signs - his wifes clothes/him ignoring me all weekend/the short calls and 2 texts/his attitude.....

 

Help me please.

 

Okay elaborating on that helps understand your situation better. What i think you need to be working on is just allowing the dating process to take it's natural course. This way you are not getting so attached after 4 meetings and taking it personally.

 

Essentially this guy was married, if he will go to the extent to screw around on his wife it's not like the same rules wont turn around and be applied to you when the need arises and leave you holding the bag. The bigger picture is he is trying to use others to get what he feels is not in the marriage, or wants beyond what his vows dictated. Don't let yourself get drawn into such garbage because you will always lose. Imagine 4 months, 4 years then he just unloads you pregnant. It could be much worse.

 

Forget about this clown and his circus act, he was trying to get in your pants and stuck around to make conclusions of that not happening or lack of experience and moved on to something else.

 

I think what you need to be is indifferent, learn to see some people for what they really are. If you can look at this guy in that way, you'll understand why any thought is a wasted one. Spend your time getting your confidence back on track, even if it means joining a gym and projecting his face on a punching bag with him saying "sorry I need to go to lunch" then hit that bag with a big roundhouse kick. Maybe you'll feel a bit better

 

Take your mind off this deadbeat, (and keep telling yourself why you should) Then spend your time working on yourself and your issues. There are plenty of men whom will give you what you are looking for, try not to settle for less than you think you deserve.

[so gutted]

Thanks Dirk.

 

Really good advice and its really helped.

 

I think im now at the angry but getting indifferent stage. I can honestly see that all the signs were there and it would never have worked.

 

It was awkward to bump into him but it showed him for what he is a ;iar, cheat and above all a real cringe.

 

I am pretty sure i will never comtact him again and i am really going to try and be indifferent / less intenese the next time i meet a good looking guy!

[so gutted]

Oh god im feeling depressed again. badly and lonely

[paddington bear]

Oh don't feel depressed. Please.

 

I agree with Daisybell, that you invested too soon. I was an invest too soon girl too, so I totally empathise. Through a long process I turned my way of thinking around. And there is no denying it, it took a loooong time, and I'm still not miss confident, but - and I'm sorry I'm going to sound like a self-help book here - when you truly, emphasis on the word truly, start to think of yourself as someone worthy of something better, as someone who is attractive, desireable etc, then guys like this cease to matter, well, cease to matter so much. You think, and genuinely believe 'I deserved better than that, his loss', which is far more healthy than wondering why he didn't want you. That makes it all about him, when really it should all be about you and what you want.

 

You're upset because he led you to belive he liked you. He must have on some level, otherwise things would not have progressed as they did. Take some comfort in that.

 

He, for whatever reason, has now pulled back. The reason doesn't matter. I've quizzed guys in the past as to 'why' and no longer do that any more. The 'why' doesn't matter. What matters is the present, does this person I like, like me back? No? Ok then move on, there's nothing you can do to change the situation.

 

Does the situation you're in now with this man mean you're ugly, unworthy, unattractive, useless? No! It does not. Remember always 'it's not about you'. Whatever made him stop contacting you, is to do with him, not you. He thought he liked you, got distracted by someone else. He thought you could be a fling then saw you wanted a relationship and bailed, and on and on with the possibilities.

 

Don't let this guy make you feel like crap because he didn't want to go there. Have you ever met someone who you liked, but just not enough? I have. Did I hate that person? No. Did I make fun of them behind their back for liking me and wanting more? No. They just weren't right for me and it didn't make them any less of a person in my eyes.

 

Right now you've let the situation crush you, when in fact you should just turn it around. Did you really want to be with someone with a suspicious situation (ie is he or is he not still married and with ex wife)? Do you really want to be with someone who can so casually pick you up and then drop you? No you do not!!! You don't. Don't allow someone else to dictate how you feel about yourself. Don't let his rejection ruin your self-esteem.

 

Keep thinking 'what do I want?'. This really helps me when things start going downhill and I'm being dumped, ignored etc. I think, well, I ignored all your bad points and focused on the good ones, but now really when I think about it, you weren't so great after all. It might be delusional, but if it works and makes you feel better, why not?

 

You wanted him, but really, did you want him with all this baggage and confusing behaviour? Keep thinking of his minus points and remind yourself 'OK so that didn't work out, but what I really want is a guy who...' rather than 'He doesn't want me...waaaaah!' which will make you feel all the less confident and attractive. Don't give him or anyone the power to make you feel that bad about yourself. He's only one man out of millions in the world. Turn it around and try not to dwell too much. I bet soon you will be writing here about some guy who is baggage-free and just likes you and your only worry will be what to wear on your date, which is as it should be.

 

Cheer up! We've all been there, it's crappy, but it will pass.

[so gutted]

Thanks PB.

 

Thank god for your post. I am obviously in self destruct mode because i was seriously thinking or ringing loser nimber 1 ( the very first post i put on here re a man i met - i got drunk and things happened in a hotel room on day 1 - he then ignored my phone hounding - it was all very messy but clearly he was not interested in me - he very rich and treated women like dirt but for some reason i hounded him).

 

I am arguing with friends and family and that is not good.

 

All this is probably triggered by him - but also the fact that i have little going on in my life . Ok I had a busy week and did go out a lot more then i usually do ( to force myself to get over this) but when i have to slow down i am left dwelling on the emptiness.

 

I know that he was a married shifty piece of sh*t - but as usual i went for the goodlooking/unobtainable guy and then i wonder why i keep doing this.

 

Also - im a bid to get over him i am now frantically searching the internet again...the cycle is just going to repear itself.

[so gutted]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t105773/

[Dirk Diggler]

Also - im a bid to get over him i am now frantically searching the internet again...the cycle is just going to repear itself.

 

Babe, it is you who is the controlling factor here in how you choose to learn from this or let it repeat itself once again. Pick yourself up and ask what is it that you want? (What is it you want actually?) Then shape rebuilding your confidence around that goal.

[paddington bear]

You've said it there 'the fact that i have little going on in my life' - I've been exactly where you are now and because there seems like no other options, each rejection or possibility that ends in disaster is utterly heartbreaking - you can't imagine that anyone else or anything else might happen in the future as things seem stagnant. I don't know your situation, financial, where you live etc, but what has really helped me is to just go and suck as much fun out of life as possible, I go dancing, I get drunk, I make a fool of myself and then the next day call the people I was out with to compare notes. I'm busy working and then also meet friends for coffee after, or food or whatever. None of these things necessarily lead to me meeting men, but it really improves my mood because it's just fun.

 

Do not ring that other guy!!! Put the phone down! You heard me. You want to make yourself feel better, but it will only make things worse.

 

I'm wondering if it's been the case with you, it has been with me, but sometimes I feel so low after something like this, not due to the specific guy involved, but on principle. Sure at the time it seems like it's the specific guy, but more often than not it's more 'here we go AGAIN, yet another guy who's led me on then abandoned me, what's wrong with me? Why didn't he and every other guy I liked, like me back?' So you end up feeling crappy not over one guy, but over him and all the others who rejected you, like a cumulative effect.

 

There's no harm searching the internet for other potential dates, but not in a bid to get over this other guy. You're doing it out of anger and to erase the bad feelings, rather in a calm way and somehow these emotions have a way of leaking out. My worry here is that you are reacting to what he has done (or not done), it's to do with him, you see where I'm coming from?

 

You say 'as usual i went for the goodlooking/unobtainable guy and then i wonder why i keep doing this'. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all go for people we are attracted to, and as for the unobtainable bit, as you'll read in the 'why women like bad boys thread', we all want what we can't have, if it's given to us on a plate, we regard it as less worthy than something we have to work for. It's normal, but at the same time if it's a pattern and there are other guys out there who aren't so good looking and are more attainable who you are ignoring, then I would re-assess your attitude.

 

You're critising yourself over what's happened 'why do I always...' of course that's normal, but you took a chance, it didn't work out as hoped, it's not a major sin, a huge flaw on your part. The flaw is his, he had the chance to be with a nice girl who really liked him and he blew it.

 

Calm down, go and do some exercise or something to get the anger out of your system, tell your family and friends that you're pissed off, that it's not their fault, but you're just frustrated and that you're sorry that you've taken it out on them and try to get out and distract yourself with anything that is positive, drinks, movies, anything so long as you're not sitting on your own dwelling and thinking less of yourself, which you shouldn't be.

 

And, once again. Don't call the other guy!!

[so gutted]

Thanks - i did try this route last week. I forced myself out each night. Then i needed the rest - and i ended up dwelling.

 

This week is also quite bad because "what if's " keep arising in my head....

[djhall]

It might just be me, but the title of this thread is awful! Every time I see it my first thought is that you got drunk and had sex wth someone you regret now that you're sober! As in, "So where were you last night?" "Oh god, I bumped a true pig!"

[torranceshipman]

So gutted, seriously, there is no problem with you - you sound like a cutie who wears her heart on her sleeve...the problem is not WITH you, its with that jackass clown you were dating. He's a freak and would treat anyone like crap. Dont change anything about yourself as a lovely guy will think you're awesome. Also dont try to understand him, or call him, or try to get closure. All you need to know is that he is a jackass clown with very little going on upstairs...loser...

 

Just never ever be with a guy who is married, and be careful in future - let a guy prove himself a bit more. Although I am NOT saying you did something wrong, or made out too quick, or something-I think all that is bull-if a guy is a player he'll be a player whatever you do, but a nice cute guy who respects you will fall for you regardless. The really important thing is to be yourself, and to walk away if you feel disrespected, and to remember if a guy treats you badly-shame on him, not you.

 

p.s. love the name of this thread, lol

[so gutted]

thanks. im just cringing inside. I made myself too available, i didnt allow him to pursue me (probably because I knew he wouldnt), i was just desperate for him to like me - ALL BECAUSE HE WAS GOODLOOKING.

 

Thats all he was - goodlooking.

 

He had nothing going on upstairs - or downstairs.

 

He also mentioned that previously he did not "gel" sexually with a girl - she was a nice girl but they didnt connect sexually. What he fails to realize that he is really really really a letdown - other then his kissing he was so crap that i was actually thinking of going afterwards to a previous lover for relief!

 

He was bad - and thats coming from a woman who hasnt had that much sex!!

 

So i think he may find this a reoccuring theme. He is just a nice shell.

 

I am not pining over him - just the whole thing. I wish i could snap out of it though, otherwise he has won.

 

Yes - I should have known better. Im really ashamed that I allowed a married man to treat me this badly, ashamed that i went with a mrraied man.

 

this is a first and last.

[so gutted]

worst part is - things were never good.

 

He is away this week and today i had the thought that what if he contacts me when he is back.......

 

he wont.

 

why do i think like this.

 

even if he did - he doesnt deserve a second of my time.

 

i gotta get rid of this vermin.