truemornings Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 This will be long, but I will try to make it as easy as possible to understand. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months now and the only flaw to our relationship is his ex. They had children together but she cheated on him multiple times and a year ago he broke off the relationship. Now his ex has become extremely rude and bitter towards everyone, espeically me. She hates me for the sole reason we are dating and probably that I've met her children before who enjoy my company. When they broke up, he moved out of his house for three months to an apartment. During this time his ex and kids were in his house and she was 'abusing' them by letting them pee on the floor, not changing the daughter's diaper, feeding them old food (we found bacon in his fridge from Feb. that she gave them), and basically mutailating the house with trash (it was horribly disgusting when I first when to his house). He know offically owns the house, not her so when I visit him, we continue to clean his house (it looks a lot better than previously but there's still work to be done) after her mess. She's out of his house and he sees the kids a few times a week, but she sometimes actually stays in the house, this is where we get to my problem. Yesterday I thought I was texting him and it turned out it was his ex and I told her intimate details about us and now she's so upset with my boyfriend and I she's making him pay child support, something he can't afford (he recently had to quit his job because of distance and will hopefully getting unemployment within a week and he's always looking for another job). Up until now they had joint custody of the kids but he told me he's not surprised she finally is going to make him pay child support. I don't know what to do because I feel completely guilty, but he's not mad at me for it and I don't think there's anyway of him getting out of paying child support. I've asked for help on this subject elsewhere online and people just tell me to dump him because he's a dead-beat but he's not and he's the best boyfriend I've ever had. He's worth going through this crap with his ex but I don't know what to do. His ex is very intimidating and frankly scares me (I met her once and she looked like she wanted to punch me), but I avoid her at all costs. What can I do to help him and get through this situation?
Lucky_One Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Why does she sometimes stay in the house? They are his kids, and he needs to help support them. If he was that worried about an income, he would not have quit work without having another job in hand. If he quit, he will not be eligable for unemployment. How is he paying rent now? As for feeding "old food", I wouldn't pay any attention to that unless one of the kids got sick and required medical attention. If you looked at the dates in my frig, you would think that I am trying to kill my son with old salad dressing. I am sure that there are cold cuts in the bottom of the drawer that are way past date, but I buy new ones and they go on top of the packages, and they just get buried. Things get pushed to the back - big deal. The bottom line is that she will be in his life until either he dies, she dies, or the children die. You had best learn to be gracious to help make things easier for his kids. Good luck.
jen's mind Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months now and the only flaw to our relationship is his ex. Oh yeah? They had children together but she cheated on him multiple times and a year ago he broke off the relationship. Now his ex has become extremely rude and bitter towards everyone, espeically me. She hates me for the sole reason we are dating and probably that I've met her children before who enjoy my company.Surely that's the sole reason. It can't have anything to do with the fact that you're all of two months into the picture and you're judging her in areas of her life that you're not entitled to judge. Or that she's going through a recent separation with the father of her multiple children, meaning she was with him for at least two years, and oh by the way, she never asked to have you or anyone else putting themselves in the middle of her business with her family. Do you think she's got many reasons to feel anything positive towards you at this point in time? He's worth going through this crap with his ex but I don't know what to do. His ex is very intimidating and frankly scares me (I met her once and she looked like she wanted to punch me), but I avoid her at all costs. What can I do to help him and get through this situation? How you can tell that he's worth anything based upon the two-months worth of crazy time that you've spent with him? Take a cue from her energy and bolt. This is HIS situation to deal with, not yours. You do not belong there. I've asked for help on this subject elsewhere online and people just tell me to dump him because he's a dead-beat but he's not and he's the best boyfriend I've ever had. It's time for you to sit down and deal with this fact: your judgment is not very good right now. Whatever you are feeling and whatever is motivating you, none of it is based in reality. The idea that he is the best boyfriend that you've ever had, or will ever have, is an illusion. Your instinct to seek advice is good. Right now you need to listen to what others are saying, even if it is not what you want to hear. Trust that it is what you need to hear.
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