nowhereman82 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 The ex IMed me today. And she said something in particular that I am hung up on. It's so friggin annoying because I know her so well that I know their in genuine meaning behind it....but she is incapable of moving on it. My memory isn't the best but here it goes... Basically told her about how I was reading about everyone else's relationship problems and it gave me understanding of how she could end the relationship like she did (i didn't tell her what I though had went through her head) I told my ex it doesn't make it easier for me but it takes the edge off keeping that in mind. She understood. Random other stuff...and then I said to her... Everything says I should not talk to you....I think I am not ready to let that go just yet but I know I have to. Her: "*shrug* it's understandable" me: "See its those detached, indifferent, and curt responses that remind me why I shouldn't speak to you. It grounds me, the honesty. Those responses speak loudly" Her: "I am exhausted" me: "Seems like the general type of response from you, but we are in different head spaces, so how each of us perceives things is different" her "not as different as you think, but I get it" Ok ok so I've been on LS long enough to know the drill. And I do that in my own way. What's driving me crazy is that all the time I get these things thrown my way that lets me know that she is torn and doesn't know what to do. She never says it directly, she does not flirt with me, nothing inappropiate, doesnt call me, never brings up the relationship, doesn't ask to hang out. But knowing her, I know the struggle she is going through in her head. And she won't act unless she is sure it's what she wants. I can applaude her strength. It's so frustrating but then again not. Maybe she is just saving myself from myself....do I truly wish for a second chance? I mean, I have 2 seperate dates this week alone and a seperate on going NSA partner. Isn't that every guys dream? I'm a monogomase (spelling?) person though...so to be perfectly honest with myself...that's not my dream. My dream is a single woman I love that i will never get tired of coming home to. But that's a whole seperate post. *shrug*
Ronni_W Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I get these things thrown my way that lets me know that she is torn and doesn't know what to do. ... I know the struggle she is going through in her head. Nowhere, can I clarify something? -- you know what's going on in her head better than she does, or she is just incompetent at expressing what she knows is going on in her head? Her communication with you sounds...like she's completely disinterested, yes? Like she's a million miles away and just trying her best to tolerate/pacify a child? Like she is absentmindedly petting some stray animal? So, yes. I definitely would see those as help with saving you from yourself (if that's what you need, that is.) I wouldn't want to be in communication with someone who could treat me with such...scorn and disdain (even if they are suffering from internal conflict or whatever.)
Author nowhereman82 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Oh yes...I recognize what everything is. So I take what I can from it with a grain of salt and ween myself like a child from a breast. Yes, I feel she is incompetent at expressing what is in her head and afraid to. But every once in awhile something slips....but I choose not to pursue it. I can't really tell how she comes off....I think honestly when I bring up anything related to us she kind of shuts down. Which isn't my problem. But it's sad to see her like that...but I tell myself...it's not my problem. I got a hot date tonight so at least I am not letting these things/feelings stop me.
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