toogood4u7 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 hey i just wanna say thanks for all the advice ive gotten from everyone hear. If it wasent for this site I dont know how I would have got through my horrible breakup. I just want to let everyone who is going through it I completely know how you feel. I never thought I was going to get over my ex bf. I cried all the time even up to as little as a week ago. I was hurt angry upset I thought I was going to die and never get over him. My life was obsessing with ways how to get him back. It was the weirdest thing but one day I woke up and was over him. I dont know how it happened really but I just didnt care if he had a new gf or what he was doing or if he was ever going to call me again. In fact I hope he never does! I realized caring about someone who doesnt care about you is not worth the energy. He moved on so why should I be sitting around wasting my time crying over him. I started working out and got a really great job and I couldnt be happier. I really think a big part of me not letting go was because I wasn't happy with myself. I made him the reason for my happiness and that is just stupid. I got my confidence back and that made me see what a good person I really am, and Im worth more than settling for someone who treated me like that. As crazy as it sounds I'm thankful to him for hurting me like that, if I was still with him I never would have had the drive to turn my life around like I did. Sorry for rambling on like an idiot, but basically no matter how much you think you cant live without that other person you can. If I did it I think everyone hear can too. Everytime you feel yourself getting upset just think about your ex, they are prob not obsessing and crying over you so dont give them the satisfaction of doing it for them. Also I know everyone says it but NC is the best way to go I wish I would have did it since day one of my breakup. I think they know in the back of their minds they are not going back with you, but they use you to get over the breakup until they find someone new to replace you. Good luck to everyone and just remember you are worth more than what your exes are giving you. "In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." -so true!
Deegee Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Wow, Toogood You truly are an inspiration.....I'm a day after my MM told me he couldn't deal with me anymore...(after 5 weeks NC) and that he needed to work on himself now. (After 3 years of being together). I've gone through the stages of anger, denial, and hurt, and I'm just looking forward to indifference! I want to be where you're at, and really not give a hoot about some man that first of all doesn't know a good thing when he had it, and second of all didn't DESERVE me in his life! I want to feel indifferent towards him, I want to not care about who he's with, and what he's doing, and ANYTHING else. I want to move on and just forget about this whole mess! They say that payback is a b*tch, and boy did I get mine! I will NEVER again put myself in this position.......SO not worth it. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for being an inspiration!
Author toogood4u7 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Hey Deegee I went through all those phases too, and letting go and not caring has been the hardest one to get to for me. I dont know if it will help but I can tell you what I did to get me here. Start doing things that truely make you happy again, even if you think about the ex the whole time one day you wont. I got together with my girlfriends once a week and just had stupid girls nights. That really helped, if it wasent for my friends I dont know what I would have done. Also I tried to stay really busy at all times so I didnt have time to think about it. I go to work till 5 get home have dinner then go walking with my friend everynight. By the time I get home from that Im too tired to think haha. I took everything that reminded me of him out of my apartment, even clothes that I wore on dates with him. I threw them out so I knew there would be no way of me ever getting to them. NC-Im obsessed with it haha that played the biggest part, at first I wanted to die not talking to him I wanted to call him all the time. But I guess out of sight out of mind is really true. you will get to the indifference stage but when you get there is different for everyone. These are just my tips that helped me but along the way you'll learn things that work best for you- hope it helped
Deegee Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Toogood Thanks. I've been running the gamut from crying hysterically to crying hysterically:sick:, and I feel physically sick. I'm driving home to where I live now, and my MM knows that I'm here, he won't give me the respect to just tell me goodbye. I'm over being angry about it, a bit sad, and finally, I give up. I can't possibly give someone this much power over me, even though we've been together for 3 years. It's to detrimental to my health, and I refuse to let him strip me of my dignity. He wins, I'm done, no more fighting. I can't and won't fight with a man to stay with me. If he can't see my worth, then, it's his issue.
Author toogood4u7 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Exactly, thats how you have to look at it. I thought back to the beginning of my breakup and im embarassed of how pathetic I acted, why should we beg anyone to love us. We just really need to love ourselves first as dumb as it sounds. After that I think everything falls into place. You'll stop crying everyday but believe me there will still be those days where you do. I remember feeling fine one day but then on the drive home out of nowhere I started crying people around me thought I was nuts haha. Its normal, the last time I cried it was because I knew it really was over for good, we would never be what we were ever again. Even if he wanted me back it wouldnt be the same- I would always hate him a little bit for what he did to me. Closure was also my biggest problem he never gave me any. For a while thats all I wanted from him, but then I realized we have to get that closure ourselves. His silence was more than enough closure for me, his actions spoke so much louder than any words could. Goodluck- it will get better I promise it took me 4 months to get here but I am and I know one day you will too.
Deegee Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Thanks Toogood! On some level I KNOW that there is no one "out there" that can make me happy, and or is responsible for that, but...me. I just feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes....I cry, I scream, I cry again, and I am getting soooo sick of this situation!!!! I know that I'm the only one that holds me here, and my heart is (almost) ready to move on. I know that the closure that we seek might not ever come from them, and I'm okay with that, I just need to find a way to get back to me, I feel like I've lost touch with who I was before this A and it scares me. I know for sure without a doubt, I will NEVER be in this situation again. I'll be more discerning about things, and I won't be so eager to give my heart to someone so undeserving. I wish you peace.
0hpenelope Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 <snip> He moved on so why should I be sitting around wasting my time crying over him. <snip> Everytime you feel yourself getting upset just think about your ex, they are prob not obsessing and crying over you so dont give them the satisfaction of doing it for them. <snip> I think they know in the back of their minds they are not going back with you, but they use you to get over the breakup until they find someone new to replace you. Thanks for sharing these. This is what I'll walk away with from reading your post. Keep moving forward. You sound really well from my viewpoint.
Beee Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Toogood, your posts have been a real boost to me. Its been a month and a half since we broke up and although I am doign a lot better than I was in the first couple of weeks I still have some way to go. I still find mornings hard to cope with and still find him invading my mind most of the time.... I still do fantasise about him and being with him again.... BUT then I have some moments of clear headedness when I realise why should I waste my energy after some one who has decided not to be with me? I should be focusing on me, as I am the one who will always be by my side and true to myself.... I have been trying to keep busy and fill my days with activities.... but its not always easy.... I really thought I was on the mend a couple of weeks ago but then took another fall..... Its great to see you got there in the end as it gives me hope and courage to keep going! thanks!!!
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