AdamSF Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 So, I recently started dating my friend of ten years. We grew up together in a small town in northern cali known for its hippies. I consider myself to be liberal and I always will feel that way... however I served in the marine corps (I joined to see if I could do it, I didn';t know what I wanted to do in life and felt lost) and I am now a police officer in San Francisco (the most liberal department in the country) She is a hippie (not the dirty kind) through and through and I love it. She's intelligent, quick, funny, sarcastic, caring, and beautiful. Our relationship has always been a very strong one, as friends, and now as more. But I know she doesn't like what I do for a living... she was raised to view the police and the military as kinda the bad guys. Now, I know that there is a difference between me and the police of the 70's that portrayed a certain image that was burned into her head by her parents and her proffesors at UC Santa Cruz. She is afraid we won't be compatible in the long run because of what I do. I try to tell her that what I do and who I am are not the same, I try to tell her why i do what I do. I try to tell her that I am still a hippie at heart, that I love the enviornment and nature, I love helping people, I hate violence, and I'd do anything for real peace. What are the odds of this working out? Will she accept me for who I am? Is it impossible to be liberal/border line hippie and be a police officer? Am I kidding myself in thinking this will work? Any insights would be most appreciated! ~Adam
JoeNewbie Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I personally view those who dislike the police forces as immature idiots. Policemen are mandated to protect the citizens and while they aren't perfect, we must be grateful that some people are courageous enough to be a cop. I say she's nuts.
Author AdamSF Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 thanks joe, I tend to agree. I hate it when people stereotype me...
tanbark813 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I would have to lean towards it not working out. I'm a moderate Republican and once dated a very liberal Democrat and it caused problems moreso on her side than mine in that she had a hard time accepting that I held the views I did. It's been my experience that, ironically, liberal hippie types tend to be very closed-minded.
OpenBook Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Have you seen the movie "The Way We Were" starring a VERY young Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford? They faced the same dilemma... and eventually they split. On the other hand, we have (in more recent times, and even better--IRL!) Democratic strategist James Carville, who has been happily married since 1993 to Mary Matalin who is a Republican political consultant. You couldn't get more opposite sides of the fence than that... but it works for them. Take your pick!
High Plains Drifter Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 You've heard the cliche: Opposites Attract. I'm a believer, to a point. The cliche has a shelf-life of about 10-12 years. After that, you wish like hell for someone that will just AGREE WITH YOU..... ABOUT ANYTHING!!
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 It's like everything else. Can you keep your work out of the relationship? Can she keep her politics out of the relationship? If so, then yes, it can work. If anything, differing politics can sometimes help to keep the spark going in a relationship. My parents are polar opposites politically and here they are, still married after close to 40 years and thriving, romantically (ewwww, parents and romance ).
carhill Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 OP, given that you've been friends with her for 10 years and I assume have been a police officer for awhile, how did she deal with your friends and profession in the past? Most cops I've known have close friendships with other cops. Just curious. Do you think deepening the friendship has changed her expectations of you and acceptance of who you are? Assuming both of you are in your 50's, I'd hope that her irrational (IMO) opinion of "the fuzz" and the military would have moderated/disappeared by now. I recall similar "crazy" thoughts when I was younger, but having a few friends who went into law enforcement, as well as maturing, changed my perspective. Tough job and I appreciate what you do My advice? Give it a shot, but be honest with yourself when it comes to compatibility. That's so important. Kudo's to you for risking the friendship for something deeper. That takes guts....
Author AdamSF Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 thank you all for the insight. I am going to go for it as she has been the woman that I have wanted to be with for a very long time. Hopefully things work out, if not then i'll learn in the process and be a better person for it!
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