youngbuckkk Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 You people are all delusional for telling her the same sh**. Sometimes there's a point in life where it's time to say cut the sh**, and grow up. It's funny you question my intelligence when you are the one over there thinking the whole world hates you just because you can't play an instrument. Either you are a total idiot, or really a certified lunatic.
Karma101 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Sedg, Glad to see you're back on point... and feeling better today... Give him hell!
Author sedgwick Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 KKK, anytime you'd like to stop calling names and actually answer any of the multitude of questions I asked you, go for it. Until then, shush, your lack of intellect has become tiresome! Now is the time on Shprockets ven ve DAHNCE! I'm feeling much better and appreciate everyone's concern. My therapist and I had a really good session today; we discussed what happened Monday and how to circumvent a repeat. I feel like I'm getting better at explaining to her what's happening in my head, and I feel like she's listening. There's a strange thing called "splitting" that happens a lot to people with BPD, and it's definitely at play in what's going on with me. I didn't necessarily realize it until today, but once I was able to articulate it, I realized what a part of this whole saga it's been. The best way I can explain what splitting feels like is to use dance class as an example. When I'm in class, I look at the other women with whom I'm dancing, and I frequently think what good dancers they are. I'm impressed when they do something challenging. Yet even though I'm dancing right there beside them, it's like I can't hang onto the fact that I can do all the same stuff. When I'm in class, I see it; there's a mirror right there and it's right in front of me. But when I walk out of class and I'm not looking at the mirror anymore, it's like I'm almost not a bellydancer. It's like being stuck in a disbelief of my own object constancy, which is to say that when I'm not around other people who can verify that what I'm doing actually takes talent and skill, I have trouble believing it does. I can KNOW that I went to all those years' worth of dance classes to learn to do all those things. Intellectually, obviously, I'm aware that I'm able to do everything the rest of them can do, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to perform our choreographies. But when I try to assess my accomplishments and abilities based on my emotions, they're fluxy. If I've had a good day and I'm feeling good about something I've done, I assess myself as talented and competent. If I've had a shi*ty day, I'm a loser and I suck and nobody could ever possibly love me. This, my friends, is the essence of splitting, and it blows, lemme tell ya. So today the shrink and I talked about splitting and about ways to integrate external and internal perceptions of self. I felt like we really got at one of my major issues, and I gained some insight into where these repetitive, intrusive thoughts are coming from. We worked on combating them with specific alternate thoughts, which makes me feel a tiny bit more in control. We shall see. It's a long, tough, sucktacular road, but I've definitely learned a lot along the way.
GodofNietzsche Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I am going to advocate a position that is halfway between the extreme of KKK and the other posters on this thread. This guy #ucked you over and it is natural to be hurt by that. But, the problem isn't that you are hurting. The problem is that you are holding on too long to this person. I hate to say this but, this isn't love, it's obsession. Love is patience. It's allowing the other person to live their life, and see if they come back into yours. I know the nature of obsession. It seems like you are a slave to your obsessions and they are destroying you. Personal preference isn't a very good reason to break up. It may be an issue of compatibility, but it isn't an objective reason for a breakup. If you cheated, lied, stole, or were abusive to him in some way, then yes you should feel bad (but only for a little while). Life moves on. It seems like for you that time stands still, and then there are check marks (where things happen). Your feelings have not changed, but even in a relationship our feelings towards the other are slowly, yet constantly changing. You are looking back and willing to do anything to keep the relationship together. While you two were in love, would you have fallen on a sword for him? If so, guess what would happen? For him, he would have felt sad for a while and then eventually life would have moved on. You are not wrong to feel sad, but you have to mentally push yourself past this. I know where you are coming from, but never feel bad for doing your best. What you want is a time machine, so you can change things. Until one exitsts, you have to deal with what exists.
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