Author sedgwick Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Fiddlesticks to the fiddle player! So what? He plays the fiddle! Big freakin' deal! He doesn't play the fiddle, he plays the bass. He just wants his girlfriend to be a fiddle player.
megapositive Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 He doesn't play the fiddle, he plays the bass. He just wants his girlfriend to be a fiddle player. Focus Sedgwick... he just wants his girlfriend to be a reflection of him -- like a mirror so he can use her to admire himself. He's empty inside and needs others to feed his ego. When he's done feeding off their praise of him, he feeds off thinking about how heartbroken they are over him. And moves on to someone else he can use for the very same purpose. The last way he left you, having sex with you while you're crying and upset and then just getting up, dropping the keys on the table, and then leaving you there alone in your misery -- that is a snapshot of who he is. Terrible.
RogueAC Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Sedge, I missed this thread yesterday. Good for you for taking care of yourself. It was probably really difficult and scary to go pick up your meds and take them, but you did it. You did it. You made a choice to do something positive for yourself. You are making progress. We care about you. Keep trying.
sunshinegirl Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 sedg, good job in getting your meds. told ya you had a fighter in you!
Author sedgwick Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 F He's empty inside and needs others to feed his ego. I wish I could believe that, but I've never met a more self-confident person in my life. He knows he's brilliant and frequently puts other musicians down (not to their face, but in conversation.) I never heard him say one single word that would indicate he had an ounce of insecurity.
marlena Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 He knows he's brilliant and frequently puts other musicians down (not to their face, but in conversation.) Is this something you find admirable in a person?
sunshinegirl Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I wish I could believe that, but I've never met a more self-confident person in my life. He knows he's brilliant and frequently puts other musicians down (not to their face, but in conversation.) I never heard him say one single word that would indicate he had an ounce of insecurity. Putting others down and maintaining a 'one up' status by comparison (especially of outward, external things) is a pretty classic mark of a deeply insecure person. Like someone said, empty inside so all they can do is try to validate themselves with external stuff.
megapositive Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Putting others down and maintaining a 'one up' status by comparison (especially of outward, external things) is a pretty classic mark of a deeply insecure person. Like someone said, empty inside so all they can do is try to validate themselves with external stuff. Absolutely! Truly confident people don't put others down very often. But look at how he treats people -- treats you, someone who cares so much for him. There are good ways and bad ways of breaking up. He chose one of the most awful ways. He lacks respect for himself, as well as you.
Author sedgwick Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 But he was also very complimentary to the musicians he liked. He got very excited about those he perceived to be good musicians. I really do think he just knows he's SO good at what he does that he wants to be around others with the same level of talent, and I simply do not have that. He's quite brilliant, he really is. I just wasn't talented or interesting enough for him, or attractive enough to be his girlfriend. He's far more talented and attractive than I am, and I honestly do think he was just out of my league. The embarrassment over having bothered him by hanging around him is really intense. I just feel like all his friends are laughing at me for not being good enough for him, and that really sucks, because I loved his friends. They used to say things to me like, "We're so happy Joe's finally with such a cool woman," but I guess they didn't really mean it. Today I read that only 1% of writers ever get book deals, and still it didn't make me feel special or like I had accomplished anything. I got my dream publisher, and the editor is the senior vice-president of the company, but still I don't feel like that's as impressive as playing the bass, and ESPECIALLY not as impressive as playing the fiddle. I guess on some level I know this is erroneous thinking, but the thoughts still hammer my skull 24/7. Writing this book has been SO hard, because every time I sit down to work on it, something in me says, "What's the point? It's not square dance music. Nobody's going to care." I got an email from my editor's new assistant telling me she loved my book and had always wanted to find "a memoir like this," and the first thing I thought was, "Yeah, but she just doesn't know anything about the fiddle." The weirdest thing of all is that I used to think he was so awesome because he got so many gigs, and was so in demand, and now after 4.5 years of dancing together my company is starting to get a fair number of shows as well. I look at the other women I dance with and think they are such incredible dancers and that they're somehow letting me dance with them because they've failed to notice how much I suck. I remember how just a few years ago there were things I thought I'd NEVER be able to do dancewise (like doing upper and lower body isolations in opposition simultaneously) and now I can do them, but it still doesn't seem like that big a deal. I just keep thinking, "Yeah, but it's just bellydance, it's not old-time music." I wish so much I could break out of this belief that bellydancers are not as sexy as girls who can play hillbilly music. I mean, *I personally* think bellydancers are the hottest thing in the universe (after him), but somehow it's like I'm not one of them, I'm not one of the sexy ones. It's amazing this dichotomy I've been somehow able to establish in my brain. It takes profound leaps of crazy, lemme tell ya.
ioncebelieved Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I'm sick of it. I hurt too much to go on. This isn't getting better. I cannot forgive myself for what I did to him. I haven't felt this low in a long time. God I wish I was worth something, anything, just a tiny little bit. If I could just be worth as much as a worm or a bug I would be so grateful. You would start feeling better if you changed that Avatar to McCain. Okay sweetie, I am only trying to make you smile and if it makes you feel better at least you didn't break your NC after almost 3 months, like I did yesterday! just because we do not agree on politics, does not mean WE DO UNDERSTAND each other's pain!!! I understand your hurt all so well and if you were beside me right now, I would give you one big ass hug!!
Author sedgwick Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Yeah, call me crazy for wanting a president who will allow me to retain control of my girly bits! Thank you for the hug. Much appreciated.
motive2002 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 STOP talking about him. Stop talking about fiddles, and basses and all that ****! All you're doing is driving yourself crazy. If you go on remembering every detail of his personality, his behavior, what he liked to do etc.etc.. you are wasting energy and bringing yourself down. HE'S GONE and you DON'T want him back anyway. I felt the same way you did sedg. I had the ex on a pedestal, but I knew deep down I could never, ever give her another chance to bulldoze me like that again. EVER. Ahh but I'm wasting my bandwidth... you will only get over the guy when you choose to. Meanwhile you'll be suffering needlessly. Nothing that I, anyone else here, your shrink.. etc can say to change that. It's gonna have to be your decision to actively let go.
youngbuckkk Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I haven't posted on these threads in a long time, but low and behold, this girl is still weeping and moaning everyday about her precious ex. Judging from the way you act, I'd bet the house that's there's a lot more to him dumping you then not being able to play an instrument. You sound like a totally clingy lunatic, and nobody wants someone like that around. This guy probably just got tired of you worshiping the ground he walks on. No more challenge in the relationship = no more fun.
roghornio Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 STOP talking about him. Stop talking about fiddles, and basses and all that ****! All you're doing is driving yourself crazy. If you go on remembering every detail of his personality, his behavior, what he liked to do etc.etc.. you are wasting energy and bringing yourself down. HE'S GONE and you DON'T want him back anyway. I felt the same way you did sedg. I had the ex on a pedestal, but I knew deep down I could never, ever give her another chance to bulldoze me like that again. EVER. Ahh but I'm wasting my bandwidth... you will only get over the guy when you choose to. Meanwhile you'll be suffering needlessly. Nothing that I, anyone else here, your shrink.. etc can say to change that. It's gonna have to be your decision to actively let go. I agree... And Maybe it's time to leave this place too. How many months have you been dealing with this? It can't be healthy to relive it over and over in message board land reading other peoples sad stories. You need to walk through the door and close it behind you.
mollers Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 He has had two fiddle player gfs. The first one was in his friends' band. She was apparently crazy in love with him. The band decided she wasn't the right kind of fiddle player and kicked her out. The same weekend they dumped her, he did too. She apparently had no idea either breakup was coming and was totally devastated. So Sedgewick, even if you had been a fiddle-player, you might not have turned out to even be the right kind of fiddle-player anyway? It was a terrible, lame reason to end the relationship and obviously not a sure-fire way of remaining with him. Keep reminding yourself of this.
Author sedgwick Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 I haven't posted on these threads in a long time, but low and behold, this girl is still weeping and moaning everyday about her precious ex. Judging from the way you act, I'd bet the house that's there's a lot more to him dumping you then not being able to play an instrument. You sound like a totally clingy lunatic, and nobody wants someone like that around. This guy probably just got tired of you worshiping the ground he walks on. No more challenge in the relationship = no more fun. Okay, KKK, first of all it's spelled LO and behold. Also, secondly, nice work on telling someone who has been very open about her mental illness and the treatment thereof that she's a lunatic, that always really helps. Perhaps you should go into the mental health field! *massive eyeroll* Oh, and would you mind showing me where I'm posting "every day" about this? I must have made a lot of posts of which I was totally unaware! This guy did a huge number on me. I am not now and never was clingy. I am, in fact, someone who needs a lot of time on my own to pursue my own interests, and that was one of the things he always told me he loved about me. In fact, he once said, "You're the most easygoing girlfriend I've ever had." This relationship was not about "challenge." I told him from our first date that I'd liked him for a long time and wasn't going to play any stupid games with him, and he told me often that that was one of the things he loved about me. What part of "he destroyed my self-confidence" isn't making sense to you? I was tremendously careful to be the absolute best version of myself when I was with him, and to keep my psych issues to my shrink's office. Nothing has ever hurt me or affected me like this in my entire life. No other person, no other breakup. That is why, 14 months later, I am still nowhere near over it. If everyone else here has always gotten over all their breakups in that amount of time, fabulous. But I daresay maybe -- just MAYBE -- I'm not the only one. I hope you will go do some reading and educate yourself about borderline personality disorder, and that you will try to expand your awareness of mental illness. I wouldn't want your comment to me to make another woman not post her story because she's afraid of being made fun of by someone who is ignorant about psych issues. Last but not least, it's never a good idea to start an argument with someone who can talk way, way prettier than you. Just sayin'.
Author sedgwick Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 I'm feeling much better. Got some sleep, took my meds, went to see my shrink and talked about ways of combating some of the negative thoughts, as well as reviewing the ol' DBT distress tolerance skills. It helped a lot. Thank you very much for asking.
youngbuckkk Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Okay, KKK, first of all it's spelled LO and behold. Also, secondly, nice work on telling someone who has been very open about her mental illness and the treatment thereof that she's a lunatic, that always really helps. Perhaps you should go into the mental health field! *massive eyeroll* Oh, and would you mind showing me where I'm posting "every day" about this? I must have made a lot of posts of which I was totally unaware! This guy did a huge number on me. I am not now and never was clingy. I am, in fact, someone who needs a lot of time on my own to pursue my own interests, and that was one of the things he always told me he loved about me. In fact, he once said, "You're the most easygoing girlfriend I've ever had." This relationship was not about "challenge." I told him from our first date that I'd liked him for a long time and wasn't going to play any stupid games with him, and he told me often that that was one of the things he loved about me. What part of "he destroyed my self-confidence" isn't making sense to you? I was tremendously careful to be the absolute best version of myself when I was with him, and to keep my psych issues to my shrink's office. Nothing has ever hurt me or affected me like this in my entire life. No other person, no other breakup. That is why, 14 months later, I am still nowhere near over it. If everyone else here has always gotten over all their breakups in that amount of time, fabulous. But I daresay maybe -- just MAYBE -- I'm not the only one. I hope you will go do some reading and educate yourself about borderline personality disorder, and that you will try to expand your awareness of mental illness. I wouldn't want your comment to me to make another woman not post her story because she's afraid of being made fun of by someone who is ignorant about psych issues. Last but not least, it's never a good idea to start an argument with someone who can talk way, way prettier than you. Just sayin'. I think you just like having people feel sorry for you. All you do is continual repetition of how you never wanna love again and how nobody will ever love you again and blah you're so miserable. Of course you are when all you do is sit around and tell yourself your miserable. Then you talk about how this guy treated you like crap yet you still are just sooo dam sad. It is pretty crazy. ooo he broke up with me cuz i can't play the fiddle..woe me. Dumbest thing i've ever heard.
youngbuckkk Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Now here's an idea....find some meds that work better.
Author sedgwick Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 KKK, you seem to be quite invested in my mental health and my breakup! You also seem to be unable to comprehend the fact that when I took my meds, I felt better. I am always quite fascinated by the sociological and interpersonal factors behind the attitudes of those who are openly hostile toward psychology, medication, and those seeking treatment. What is it, exactly, that compels one to berate the mentally ill and treat them as if their symptoms are all their fault, when, I daresay, you might not do the same with someone who had, for example, cancer? If I was having issues with my chemotherapy but was overall recovering, would you say, "Now here's an idea...find some meds that work better?" (Incidentally, the ellipsis there should be a colon.) There seems to be quite a cognitive disconnect going on for you, one which, as I see it, manifests itself in a lack of empathy I find quite dismaying. Are you interested in expounding upon the life experiences, or lack thereof, which brought you to this degree of skepticism and vitriol? If you were at all able to speak to that question in something resembling an intelligent, informed fashion, it would shed light on a dilemma that has always interested, if frustrated, me. Are you able to do so, or are you only capable of pessimistic, simplistic, knee-jerk reactions to the psychological pain of others? Also, I'm assuming you wouldn't have responded to me without having read about BPD, as I requested you do in response to your last outburst. Not having done so would, of course, make you appear belligerent and uninformed, and I assume nobody would want to appear that way, as it would be quite embarrassing! Thus, I'm interested in what you read and your thoughts thereon. Do you care to expound upon your findings? Then you talk about how this guy treated you like crap yet you still are just sooo dam sad. It is pretty crazy. ooo he broke up with me cuz i can't play the fiddle..woe me. Dumbest thing i've ever heard. Like I said before, it always really helps when arguing your point in writing if you have some modicum of spelling, punctuation, and grammatical ability. "Damn" has an N at the end. It's "because," not "cuz." It's "woe IS me," not "woe me." Both the beginnings of sentences and "I" are capitalized. Oh, and your first statement, "...treated you like crap YET you are...sad," doesn't make sense; you mean, I think, to say "so" instead of "yet." That would be the correct syntactical relationship between the first and last parts of your sentence. Last but not least, "your" is possessive; "you're" is a contraction of "you are," which would be the correct usage in the phrase "you're miserable." Just a little public service there, since it would appear you missed out on it in elementary school! Are you dyslexic, or learning-disabled? If so, why don't you just snap out of it and learn to read and write? I hope you will be able to ascertain the similarity between such a statement and telling someone with a mental illness that they just want someone to feel sorry for them and that they enjoy being miserable. If you are unable to continue this discourse at this level -- that is to say, one which might indicate you had any education whatsoever in the subject about which you are speaking -- I ask that you just forget it. It's boring arguing with the ignorant.
youngbuckkk Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 All you do is use your mental illness as an excuse. I know more about it then you think. My mother was a schizophrenic that turned to drugs because she couldn't deal with it, abandoned her kids and ended up killing herself because of the depression. So I have no empathy nor sympathy for you. You are depressed over some duchbag guy who dumped you for some illogical reason that you seem to justify. You don't make sense. Maybe you are out of touch with reality, but you don't make sense. There are tons of people who go through terrible things, so I just can't stand people feeling sorry for themselves over totally illogical crap. Go to war, lose a child or parent, then you will know what depression is. You just don't make sense, crying about a guy who dumps you because you can't play an instrument. And the more you think about how depressed you are the longer it will last. You don't want to improve in any way, so why should anyone else care?
Author sedgwick Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 A Go to war, lose a child or parent, then you will know what depression is. Sigh. That's an awful erroneous statement thar, KKK. You're simply not rising to the level of discourse I've requested, nor answering the questions I've posed, and this argument is so played out, that I'm only going to address it briefly. By your logic, it would seem that only people who have been through certain experiences are "entitled" to mental illness. Have you ever actually read anything at all about clinical depression, or studied psychology? You're embarrassing yourself with your ignorance, I'm afraid. Also, can you tell me how it is that you know I've never lost a child or parent? How was it that you came to have information about my personal history? If you have figured out my identity and somehow gained access to the details of my life, can you let me know where exactly you found them? Again, I assume you wouldn't say such a thing if you didn't have evidence to support what you're talking about. One wouldn't speak without facts unless one was a bit dim, n'est-ce pas? Also, you poor semi-illiterate dear, it's spelled "douchebag," not "duchbag." "Duch," according to the rules of standard English grammar, would come closer to being pronounced "Dutch" than "douche." I'm afraid you're just not educated enough for me to be interested in continuing this conversation any longer. If you ever do inform yourself about the realities of mental illness, and attain the ability to answer questions posed to you, I'll be happy to speak to you again. But I am not interested in debating the unintelligent, sorry.
Author sedgwick Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 accidental double post, my apologies!
sid3 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Wow, yet another major douchebag. Dude I'm sorry your mom abandonded you, and it's horrible that she killed herself. I can't even imagine how much that must hurt. Attacking other posters because of your unresolved issues is not the way to deal with your emotional problems. If you were to take the time and read the LS guidlines, they cleary state that posts should be made in a constructive manner. But wouldn't common sense be enough to help you realise that if you have nothing helpful to say then perhaps you should JSTFU. This is the second thread I read today in that a poster needed to put someone down. Having read the replies it's obvious she's right, you are a bit ignorant. You should probably go and crawl in a hole and hide until the embarassment wears off:confused:. Bring some books with you so it won't be a complete waste of your time. Glad to hear your doing better today Sedg, maybe your bad day was rock bottom and things will only improve from now on.
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