Nemo Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I want you to get dressed, get the f**k out of your pjs and get to the frick'n pharmacy. That's Canadian "tough love" for you. Canadians are just like Americans, really, just without the sympathy.
Capricciosa Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 That's Canadian "tough love" for you. Canadians are just like Americans, really, just without the sympathy. We've spent too much time watching indulgently from North of the border--tough love is all we've got left. But more importantly, have you gone to the pharmacy Sedgewick? Please let us know what's going on.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Sedgwick, I hope that you made it to the pharmacy! I'm sorry to read about your situation. I have always followed your posts. I think D-Lish's post is absolutely on target. I agree with every word that she said. Whenever I have read your story, I have always assumed that he couldn't handle the level of success that you have in your life. This is especially indicative to me through his breaking up with you right when you received your book deal! I feel he is extremely insecure about himself and therefore cannot handle being with secure, intelligent, and talented people. I remember you wrote that one of his exes played the fiddle but she still wasn't "good enough". It doesn't matter what anyone does for this man; it will never be "good enough" because he is full of insecurity. Of course, I do not know this man, but I have read a lot about him from your detailed posts. It seems that he is extremely insensitive and I absolutely cringed when I read about the way you last had sex. You wrote that you were crying and begging him to stay and he simply "finished" and then left. That is insensitive, cruel, and brutal behavior. I think you are much better off without him in your life. If only you could see this from an outside perspective. I really wish you well. I know that you can make anything out of this life that you want because I gather that you are intelligent, bright, and talented. I am always impressed to read about your accomplishments. I aspire to have such achievements someday. It is very impressive to me and many others that you wrote a book and will have it published. I have read about what a long and arduous process that is and how rare it is for this to happen. There are so many aspiring authors in this world and I do not know many that get book deals. I wish you could see exactly how impressive many see this to be, as well as how impressive it is that you are making films and belong to a dance group. I am always amazed at the amount of time you put into dancing; it seems to be a true passion for you. Many people seem to go through life without finding one passion and I have read about several interests that you have...I think you are lucky to have so many! More importantly, though, you seem to be a good person with a loving heart. I think you care an immense amount for your friends and family. Everybody has talent in one way or another, but not everyone shows such kindness to others. You are always very kind to people in your responses on this forum as well. From my experience in life, it is a rare occassion to meet someone with a kind heart. I would rather meet someone like that than meet someone that could play a ****ing fiddle. Who cares about that? As far as I'm concerned, he can fiddle the **** out of town and live with the wolves. It doesn't seem like humans are his thing...he is far too hurtful to them! I will close this post by again agreeing with D-Lish. Your ex was a complete loser with severe issues that only he can figure out. He seems to be an unhealthy influence on other peoples lives. I think having him out of your life is like taking the trash out. You can still smell the stink of it even after it goes but eventually the smell goes away. What a piece of ****.
Ingenue Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Sedge, please go to the pharmacy and get your meds. We'll be here waiting until you do. Much of what you're feeling, experiencing is from being off the meds. As others have said, your self-worth is not defined by this man and you cannot think that you did anything wrong. You did nothing wrong. You have to question what kind of "man" and I use the term loosely, would break up with a woman because she doesn't play the fiddle. He left because of his own emotional demons and instead of rationally and calmly discussing what they were, chose to use the lamest excuse around. It would be a bit like my ex breaking up with me because I'm short. It's all bs You are better than your ex. You say that you're just "a writer and a bellydancer [and you] make films and design clothes. But that's all I am, just that stuff". Girl, this is a heck of a lot of stuff you are good at and that's something to be proud of. Those are accomplishments. You know what you should do? Every time you're feeling a bit down in the dumps, you should tell yourself, "why the heck would I want to date a guy who wasn't a writer, or fashion designer or a filmmaker. Why would I want to date a guy who had the emotional maturity of a gnat. I have a lot to offer in this world and I'll be damned if I let some man tell me otherwise!" *hugs*
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 P.S. If it makes you feel any better, I'm totally voting for Obama!!
CandyGirlXO Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Just wanted to say that I have read a lot of your threads but I have never posted. I don't know what else to add that hasn't already been said by all the wonderful posters here on LS. Everyday of my life I am so grateful for this website. You have accomplished so much in your life and it makes me so sad that you can't see that. You make my accomplishments seem so small! You are simply brillant.... amazing! I was left like you in a very similar fashion. He f**ked me than left. After 2 years out of the blue! The worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. Took me over a year to get over it and even know after 4-5 years I still get sad and wonder why. But honestly his reason for leaving is lame and makes absolutely no sense! Didn't you say before that his ex was a fiddle player, and he ALSO left her????This is HIS issue, and you were too perfect to leave so he came up with the stupidest reason ever!! Please see what we are saying! We are not lying to you.
Author sedgwick Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 I did it. I went. I just took my meds. THANK YOU, it was you guys who made me able to do it. So thank you, people on the internet who inexplicably give a damn about me. I would not have gone if you hadn't encouraged me. I'm sorry for being such a batsh*t borderline mess, I really am. When I go two days without Cymbalta, my head literally starts echoing -- like my brain has come loose or something. I turn my head and it kinda goes "wa wa wa." (any of you who have gone a few days without Paxil or Effexor will understand this phenomenon, they're even worse than Cymbalta.) Plus I'm on Lamictal as a mood stabilizer, and when I go a few days without that, I turn into the sobbing mess I am right now. I haven't run out of meds in a really long time. I'm sorry I did it this time. I apologize for being a pain in the ass. But thank you, thank you, thank you for waiting here for me.
megapositive Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Good job Sedgewick! See, you've already taken a step toward healing... I know so many of us here are so relieved and happy you chose to take care of yourself!
Ingenue Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Way to go Sedge! *hugs* Good for you. And you've got nothing to apologise for. The important thing is that you went to the pharmacy. Who here hasn't had a bad day or needed the support of the LS board.
Capricciosa Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I'm glad you went, I'm glad you're back. It'll all be better soon. Good night, Sedgewick.
Author sedgwick Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Didn't you say before that his ex was a fiddle player, and he ALSO left her????This is HIS issue, and you were too perfect to leave so he came up with the stupidest reason ever!! He has had two fiddle player gfs. The first one was in his friends' band. She was apparently crazy in love with him. The band decided she wasn't the right kind of fiddle player and kicked her out. The same weekend they dumped her, he did too. She apparently had no idea either breakup was coming and was totally devastated. The second, he was madly in love with. She was in the Harvard-Radcliffe orchestra as a violinist and has been playing for many more years than he has played the bass. He took her with him to an old-time festival and refused to play with her the entire time because there were BETTER fiddle players there. She dumped him upon returning. I talked to her after he dumped me and she said he made her feel so bad about her musicianship she almost stopped playing. One night when he and I were having sex, I was doing something or other to him that he liked, and I said, "What else do you like?" and he said, "Fiddle tunes," and I had to say, "No, I mean IN BED." You guys have NO IDEA how much it means to me that you waited here for me. It means more than you will ever know. Thank you, LS. There are some truly stellar people on here.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I'm so happy you came back, Sedg! Congrats! I know what you mean about the buzzing sounds because I used to take Effexor. That was such a horrible feeling.
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 That's Canadian "tough love" for you. Canadians are just like Americans, really, just without the sympathy. Actually- we are similar to Americans in that we take the free world for granted sometimes... but what seperates us is our "empathy", not sympathy. Sedge knows I am not slamming her. More than ever, right now- she needs a kick in the butt, people to remind her of her real worth and exceptionalism. When you're lying down and can't muster the energy to stand up- a little kick might give someone the jolt to stand up and start running in the right direction. Yeah, it's tough to listen to an accomplished woman with too much to offer allow a loser to destroy everything that is good in her life. I'm not being mean Nemo, I want to give her a dose of reality with a heap of compassion. My post was primarily comprised of compassion. You only quoted the "butt kickin'" part. Are you a journalist? lol.
megapositive Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 One night when he and I were having sex, I was doing something or other to him that he liked, and I said, "What else do you like?" and he said, "Fiddle tunes," and I had to say, "No, I mean IN BED." Oh my! That says it all now, doesn't it!
Author sedgwick Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Effexor blows. I was on it for a few months, and it was SSRI wah-wah brain like nobody's bidness. If I went, say, 26 rather than 24 hours without taking it, those two hours were withdrawal. That drug is evil and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless the only other option was suicide or electroshock. Yes, the way we last had sex was horrible. AWFUL. I kept repeating to him, over and over, "I love you always, unconditionally, for exactly the person you are." On the three occasions we have had contact since he dumped me, I have reiterated this. Of course I would never in a million years leave someone for not being what I am! Ever, ever, ever. I couldn't fall in love with someone in the first place if they weren't passionate about what they did. I cannot even begin to tell you how many conversations we had about dance and music being the same thing, and how we loved them for the same reason. Whenever he had to write something, like bios for teaching bass or whatever, he sent them to me to edit. When I did, he said, "Damn, you're good." Not only could he not dance, he couldn't even sit on the floor with his legs straight out in front of him or touch his toes. I knitted him, in the time we were together, a pillow, two goofy stuffed animals, a cashmere scarf, an alpaca hat, and a pair of fingerless gloves -- and when the gloves were too short, I took out the bindoff and redid the cuff. I shot Super 8 film of us together and projected it for him on my wall. I was always at his shows to help him carry his equipment and load and unload the van. I told him constantly how beautiful he was to me and how proud I was of him. And all I got, ultimately, was "You're just not a fiddle player." And here's the thing -- HE can't play the fiddle! He has one, and he takes occasional lessons, but that's it. He plays the bass. The bass is his entire existence. He sleeps with his bass in his bed and told me on a few occasions, when in town for only a few days, that he couldn't sleep with me because he hadn't slept with his bass in a while. Once he said to me, "If the bass could f*ck me back, you'd be SOL." A girl can only come second to plywood for so long before she starts to despise herself. And as Scott Thompson once said on Kids in the Hall, "I'm Canadian. It's like an American without a gun." ps: THANK YOU D-LISH. And Art Critic, you kick ass even if you are a Republican.
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 He has had two fiddle player gfs. The first one was in his friends' band. She was apparently crazy in love with him. The band decided she wasn't the right kind of fiddle player and kicked her out. The same weekend they dumped her, he did too. She apparently had no idea either breakup was coming and was totally devastated. The second, he was madly in love with. She was in the Harvard-Radcliffe orchestra as a violinist and has been playing for many more years than he has played the bass. He took her with him to an old-time festival and refused to play with her the entire time because there were BETTER fiddle players there. She dumped him upon returning. I talked to her after he dumped me and she said he made her feel so bad about her musicianship she almost stopped playing. One night when he and I were having sex, I was doing something or other to him that he liked, and I said, "What else do you like?" and he said, "Fiddle tunes," and I had to say, "No, I mean IN BED." You guys have NO IDEA how much it means to me that you waited here for me. It means more than you will ever know. Thank you, LS. There are some truly stellar people on here. Says a lot doesn't it? About who he is as a person. You're a casualty of a pattern of a misguided narcissist. That alone should give you some pause for thought about who owns what problem. I only think it's sad you think any of this is YOUR problem. I think rationally you know you shouldn't own his burden. Bridging the gap between understanding and accepting isn't always easy- but you're bright... You'll heal from this. Guess what? He'll never heal from his narcissistic ways. Buy a beat up old useless fiddle and burn it. (Not in your apartment ((fire hazzard:eek:)).. and celebrate the demise of that devil. Smart choice, refilling the meds. I knew you had it in you.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I'm so damn glad you went, sedg! And no need for apologies. We all have our moments.
Author sedgwick Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Y'know, now that my head is not wah-wahing anymore (it's unbelievable how fast it fixes itself), I'm thinking about how on our very first date he showed up smelling bad. I thought, at the time, "Oh, he's not really into me or he would have showered." He actually CALLS HIMSELF Bass. He would send me emails and sign them, "Love, Bass." They are indistinguishable in his mind.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Y'know, now that my head is not wah-wahing anymore (it's unbelievable how fast it fixes itself), I'm thinking about how on our very first date he showed up smelling bad. I thought, at the time, "Oh, he's not really into me or he would have showered." He actually CALLS HIMSELF Bass. He would send me emails and sign them, "Love, Bass." They are indistinguishable in his mind. Ewww. That is gross. A man that smells bad is gross. What's worse is he showed up to a date like this. I'm surprised you didn't excuse yourself right there and jet. Smelly people are gross.
Author sedgwick Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Yeah, he was smelly. I had to wash all my bedding most times he spent the night. If someone told me I was stinky even once, I would be so mortified I'd smell like roses from there on out. For him, though, he would just get so busy playing the bass he'd forget to bathe. I once asked him if he would consider wearing deodorant, and his response was, "Deodorant is gay." But I love him anyway, totally completely. Once he called me before coming over and told me he was about to shower because, "I know you like the clean bass." He couldn't just say, "I know you like me clean." He had to refer to the bass.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Yeah, he was smelly. I had to wash all my bedding most times he spent the night. If someone told me I was stinky even once, I would be so mortified I'd smell like roses from there on out. For him, though, he would just get so busy playing the bass he'd forget to bathe. I once asked him if he would consider wearing deodorant, and his response was, "Deodorant is gay." But I love him anyway, totally completely. Once he called me before coming over and told me he was about to shower because, "I know you like the clean bass." He couldn't just say, "I know you like me clean." He had to refer to the bass. Honestly, I don't get why you love this guy so. He is smelly and self-absorbed - a really, really bad combination. Yuck. Your sheets smelled after you were with him? What did he do, drug you into falling for him? I hope you come to your senses soon, sedg. No pun intended.
0hpenelope Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 In a span of 3 hours, so much has happened Miss sedgwick! I'm really happy you went to the pharmacy. I read all the posts and I'm still worried, but you said that you took your meds and you're ok... Relief. Relief, relief, relief from this side of the globe.
marlena Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Sedge, Fiddlesticks to the fiddle player! So what? He plays the fiddle! Big freakin' deal! Come on , Sedge. You've accomplished so much more AND you're so sweet and kind, intelligent and beautiful,sensitive and gifted. Surely you can see that the fiddle excuse was a load of hogwash. He just wanted a way out so he came out with the most ridiculous of excuses I have ever heard. Why? Because he was a coward and a loser. Stop deifying him in your mind. He was and is NOTHING. Stay on the meds and LS. So many people here care for you. Now, doesn't that tell you something? You can do this. Let go off this fixation for that is what it has become, Sedge, and it is corroding your brain and tearing your heart to pieces. Your view of this fiddle-player is not grounded in reality. He is not who you thought he was. You are glorifying his talent. I say anyone can learn to play the fiddle. Besides, our accomplishments are only a small part of our worth as human beings. What sets apart a special human being from the rest is his or her ability to understand and empathize with his fellow human-beings. He clearly does not know what the word means. From what I know, most talented people are also very sensitive...now, that, he did not have an ounce off. Honey, pick yourself up and shoo this man out of your mind. Stop allowing him to mess with your head. He isn't worth a tear, Sedge. Not a single one.
motive2002 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Pining over someone that is part of your past and is no longer in your life is one of the most awful things you can do to yourself. Stop loving him. Start loving yourself. You give him way too much power and nobody on this earth is worth having that much. Nobody. Please be good to yourself sedg.. when it comes down to it, you're all you've got in this world. I hope someday you free yourself from this prison you've locked yourself into and see the light of day... and feel joy with every ounce of your soul. There's too much good stuff to miss out on if you don't let yourself be happy. I know I should take my own advice. I still ruminate from time to time, but I realize how much better off I am without the ex. I've made that much progress at least. You still have this guy on a pedestal and he SOOO doesn't deserve it. If he really was a great guy he wouldn't have treated you the way he did. Take care of you. You're an amazing person that deserves love from the most important person in your life. YOU.
Art_Critic Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 And Art Critic, you kick ass even if you are a Republican. hahahaha.. that made me crack up sitting here at my desk.. thanks for the smile Sedge... I'm glad your more on an even keel now.... You'll get thru this... Breakups suck sometimes.. sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to and sometimes we don't get a chance to get the answers to closure and we have to create our own closure.. Keep up the thoughts about him being smelly and all the self absorbed things he did like signing his emails bass.. that thought process will help you get thru this..
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