I Broke NC to Congratulate Him... Now I Feel Pulled to Meetup... !

[megapositive]

We broke up about a month ago I guess. I saw him once and felt good about how I left things... I felt he wasn't going to change and just wanted to get back to where we were before. He's a tricky guy, after a period of NC on my part I began to see how he tries different approaches to get my attention. He's even stated that I've been playing it cool and asked what I'm trying to prove by my change in attitude. So I have gone NC and he's called and texted many times since, including flirty ones Friday evening and Sunday afternoon, which I know are his way of fishing around to see if we can get together. Well today he texted telling me that he got a huge raise finally -- this has been a big issue for him for months. So I thought about it and decided to text back and congratulate him. We exchanged a few texts. I got busy so there was a long pause before I was going to respond to his last one, but before I could he texted saying "well thanks for the well wishes, have a great afternoon". Typically I would make a big deal, saying let's go out and celebrate, as I always have before. But I didn't, and I must say I'm surprised at his last text. Now I feel pulled to ask if he wants to meet sometime this week to celebrate.

 

Was that his purpose, to pull me like that? I know I shouldn't and can't read into it, but I'm curious, that's for sure. I realize he may have simply wanted to share something good in his life with me, something I know about. But I am definately surprised he didn't use it as a reason for something else. This guy is good at manipulating. Should I have answered him at all? Seems mean not to, but I did pause before I congratulated him because I know how tricky he can be.

 

Thanks for any advice or insight....

[megapositive]

No one has offered a response to me here, but a friend suggested that even though I felt I was being goodhearted in congratulating him, he may not respect me for it -- he may view it as he still has me on a string.

 

I feel fine about congratulating him, it really was a big issue for him. I don't feel I betrayed myself, because I didn't suggest meeting up like I felt pulled to do. But this issue of respect was a big one in our relationship, I realized later that he didn't have much for me.

 

Yes, he has me on a string in that communicating with him has made me spend this time thinking about this issue. However, he doesn't have me on a string in that I'm not using it nor falling for it as an excuse to see him. Am I fooling myself regarding this respect thing? I must admit, it's a slippery concept for me to grasp!

[kizik]

I don't think you did anything wrong, don't overthink it. Your congrats just go to show that you are a kind-hearted person who isn't petty. You rock! Keep on with your great attitude.

[Ingenue]

megapositive, I'm with Kizik on this in that you shouldn't over think your congratulations. It takes a big person to put aside differences and discomfort to take the high road. I think what you did was a nice gesture. As for meeting with him, don't do it out of obligation if you don't want to.

[kizik]

MP,

 

I did the same thing as you. I wrote my ex this:

 

"Hi, just wanted to congratulate you on finishing the schoolyear. I wish you the best. You will do great next year."

 

And then I got all worried: "What if she thinks I'm a huge puss?" Well, maybe she did and maybe she didn't, but I meant my heartfelt congrats. You know? And it showed how cool I was, in the face of heartbreak.

 

You don't need to worry, MP. You are truly a good person. Someone will see that in you, and not let you go. (hug)

 

Josh

[megapositive]

Thanks Kizik and Ingenue, I appreciate your responses. Reading what you sent your ex Kizik, makes me automatically think "how could she think you're a huge puss for simply congratulating her?". But like I said, some feedback from friends has me confused about this respect thing. Seems like only someone with a big fat ego would assume that such a congrats means "ah ha! I've still got her!" when I've ignored all his other texts, right?

[kizik]

MP, give it up... didn't I advise you to stop over-thinking? What's done is done, and it was nice in the first place. OK? Let it go, let him go, and focus on being happy now.

[megapositive]

MP, give it up... didn't I advise you to stop over-thinking? What's done is done, and it was nice in the first place. OK? Let it go, let him go, and focus on being happy now.

 

Hee-hee , but I'm bored Kizik!

[megapositive]

Well now I'm feeling that I somehow fell for something in contacting him. It has brought up feelings of anger and being treated with disrespect. How dare he expect me to be happy for him when he treated me poorly? And yet there I was, actually feeling happy for him and letting him know it. I have been fighting the urge to make contact again and point this out... but of course I haven't, that might be what he wants, right?

[0hpenelope]

Well now I'm feeling that I somehow fell for something in contacting him. It has brought up feelings of anger and being treated with disrespect. How dare he expect me to be happy for him when he treated me poorly? And yet there I was, actually feeling happy for him and letting him know it. I have been fighting the urge to make contact again and point this out... but of course I haven't, that might be what he wants, right?

 

Ahh, MP kizik's right again here... Don't overthink it now. You sent him those wishes, you can't take them back.

 

This event can be your reminder of why you were going NC in the first place. I hope you'll let it.