Worried to Death

[Beyond Eternity]

Some of you may know me, I posted more than a week ago, about two weeks I'd say. If you haven't, let me quickly sum it up for you.

 

I had a LDR for just over a year and then she broke it off with me when September rolled around. For the following days I did the things you'd normally expect from a first timer, I begged, pleaded, cried, told her I changed, the usual. Then for a few days I just tried to be a friend but I couldn't take it, eventually it burst out of me and I started asking her so many questions, especially the reasons for the break up (which were the only good things I managed to ask). She listed them as not standing up for myself enough, not having guts, being too dependant on her and just getting really mopey. After she told me this, I was going to phone her that night but was intercepted by her mom strangely answering to which I hung up on. Following that night I went NC for two days before I realized she was dead worried that something bad happened to me so I sent her a message saying I'm fine, just that I want time for myself. Then I went NC again for three more days before we talked briefly on the weekend. She expressed full interest in patching things up with me and I agreed that we'd have to take it slow but we can do it. Then we agreed to take a week off to think about it and that one week ends today.

 

The bad news is, today, when I finally got on my computer, I waited here for hours (and still am waiting) before I found out something tragic. She lives in Texas, and the hurricane just got through there. The power is out for almost everyone, streets are flooded almost everywhere, there's barely any food, there's poisoning, lots of horrible, horrible things and some people have even died! This worries me to death! I have absolutely no way of knowing if she's alright or not! We were supposed to have been talking by now, but with the power out and the streets flooded, I can't even contact her, the phone won't go through or anything. I'm just really worried sick, and suddenly these thoughts come in that I might not talk to her for another week even... maybe more, and if that happens, will she still want to get back together with me? Those thoughts are there.. just more than anything I'm really worried about her and I hope she's alright

 

I'm wondering though, how should I act after I finally get in touch with her? I mean, the whole 'tough and cool' approach will probably seem horribly mean to her after what she's going through right now and she might not be able to hold it together for such an attitude from me... but I don't want to be too easy and apt to make all the same mistakes over again... ugh I'm suddenly a wreck again, I didn't think so much could go wrong.. how should I act? What would I say to her? Is it possible she'll change her mind about getting back together with me...?

 

If it helps, during that one week apart, she sent a message two days in replying to one I sent before the week had started and in it, she said she didn't see it and wanted me to excuse her for sending it late (I didn't read it until now though). In it she also said she's been thinking a lot about me and the problems we had, how we can make it better and how she's looking forward more than anything to talking everything over with me. I can tell she really wants this to work because she's not begging or pleading or sending me "i miss you" or "i love you please take me back" or anything of the sort, she's being really calm and focusing on the right thing, making it better... but I can't help feel so worried that I'm even developing doubt, this isn't good for me.. gah I needed to vent.. I'm not gonna be able to sleep much all over again I really do hope she's safe.

[me007]

Don't worry too much about her still wanting to get back together with you, if it was there before, it will still be there when she comes back. You can be there for her and be her friend if she needs it, just don't over do it. Hope she alright!