Is this going to work?

[Goodin]

I will try to keep this short...I just want to tell my story and get some 3rd party advice on my situation so I appreciate all comments.

 

So first off here is some history: me and my LDG live about 120 miles from each other and get to spend most weekends together. She is 31, I am 29. We met about 2 years ago and I was very taken by her but I was dating someone else at that time so nothing happened. That relationship did not work out and we split about a year ago and shortly after I started seeing my LDG lightly and casually but with thoughts of long term potential. I realized it was too soon after my previous girlfriend to start dating again, and I was also reluctant to do an LDR at that time so we (well, I) called it quits. She was very supportive and understanding and we were on good terms. After a few months of some alone time I really started missing her and felt ready, so we started dating again and we agreed to take it slow. At this time I decided that I really cared for her and I wanted to make it work and hopefully have a future together.

 

That was about four months ago. Everything was fine until maybe a month ago we started having some problems. I was becoming unsure if the relationship would survive because of some communication problems, differences in lifestyles, and the fact neither of us seems to be willing to move to one anothers town. It was beginning to seem pointless but I wanted to let things play out more and see how things went because it is still relatively new but I guess I started to close up and distance myself emotionally which has caused a great strain on our relationship. I realize that I should have just been honest up front about how I was feeling when I was feeling it and not bottling it up inside.

 

So that brings me to present...wed. night she brought it up and she feels like she is not sure if things will work out and that she wants time to think and that we should spend the weekend apart. The next morning she changed her mind because she didn't want to spend the weekend alone..so we spent all weekend together. I brought her flowers, took her out to dinner, and we seemed to really open up to each other...it was overall a fantastic weekend. We talked about my concerns and she was also feeling the hardship of an LDR, particularly the loneliness during the week, but ultimately I told her how much I cared and that I really want this to work. She said she had never seen me act so genuine and did not realize how much I cared about her. I thought things would have been smoothed out but she says all is not just OK again but that we don't have to decide anything anytime soon.

 

I really don't want to lose this woman. Just some advice about my situation and I guess relationships in general, and particularly LDR's would be great.

[Jordane]

I think one very important thing to have is an end goal. LDR's suck and most people want to go through one for as short of a time as possible. If there are no plans to eventually really get to be together then the relationships significance and substance is diminished and things like this get to happening.

 

What are your plans for the future? Where will you two compromise? What kind of like do you want with each other? When?

[Goodin]

Thanks for the comments Jordane.

 

As of right now neither of us want to budge on moving to the others town. I have a great career and I do very specialized work that is geographically defined and I cannot do my job in her town...so I would basically have to change my career path. Also, I have no friends in her town so the only reason I would move there is for her. I would have to give up my career and start over making new friends. So that is not a very attractive deal for me. She has no interest in moving to my town because, well it's just not near as nice as where she lives even though she could get work here with no problem and several of her long time best friends live here. Hell, she wouldn't even have to work because I could support her with my salary, but she says "I'm not gonna move there and be your housewife, its not my style". Not that I would ask or want her to be my housewife but I could support her until she found a job.

 

Anyway....neither of us seem to want to comprimise. She did seem willing to move somewhere else though, but the places I could move to do my line of work are not attractive to me except where I live now. We talked last night some and we plan to give it until the end of the year and re-evaluate the relationship. It sure is difficult not having an ultimate goal though. So I don't know what will happen.

[vascogirl]

Just like Jordane said! Great advice!!

[americanlady]

if there is no end goal and neither will budge... what is going to change that later... prob nothing.. this needs to be agreed on now or prob it wont ever happen sorry to burst that... LDR is a commitment by far... it has to mean willing to move to give the relationship a chance to blossom grow and mature.. if thats not happening not going far end it.