Quiet Pro Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 And she still is. I am just a couple of days away from having enough info to take to his wife. I want to keep my family together. Any advice is welcome.
quankanne Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 is she your wife? Are you willing to go through marriage counselling to save your marriage? Are there any military resources that can help you help your marriage?
vascogirl Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Wow, that sucks to hear. I hear its happening alot with soldiers overseas, which doesn't make sense to me. Soldiers are out fighting for freedom and spouses don't have the will power to control sex. Unbelievable if you ask me. I'm sorry to hear this, but are you 100% sure that she cheated on you?
carhill Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Nothing new. My dad got dear John'ed over 60 years ago when he was in Italy fighting the Germans. His wife and two daughters left him (for another man) and essentially forgot his existence. He paid child support into my early years, even though he, my mom and I never saw them. Get the military involved. They take a dim view of spousal infidelity and will help you if you're persistent. I take it you have kids, yes? Even more important to get help. Stay strong. We appreciate your service to our country
Ocean-Blue Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 And she still is. I am just a couple of days away from having enough info to take to his wife. I want to keep my family together. Any advice is welcome. Have you considered confronting her first? Do you know if this is just "a fling" or if it's "serious"? When you say you want to "keep [your] family together" do you mean you want to try to work it out with her? If so, shouldn't you be going to her first, before you say anything to anyone IRL? I'm sorry to hear this happened to you.
Spectre Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Don't let the fact you have kids keep you in a relationship that just isn't good for you. The fact that she cheats on you when she knows you're off risking your life just speaks volumes as to how much she actually respects you. As I said, if there are kids that is unfortunate but do not let that keep you trapped in a marriage, I'm sure the military might be able to help. The fact she is cheating on her husband while he is off risking his life doesn't make her look too good..
In Like Flynn Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Whats bites if your active duty military is that if you don't win custody...(and most don't due to travel etc)...you would only see the kids for 30 days a year if you are not based in the same city. Military usually moves around every 3-4 years or so.
bish Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 And she still is. I am just a couple of days away from having enough info to take to his wife. I want to keep my family together. Any advice is welcome. I asked this before, but why do you want to keep your family together, but seem hell bent on destroying theirs? don't get me wrong, I'm all for ratting out the MM/MW. And are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of keeping the family together? Your wife didn't seem to give 2 sh##s about the family to keep her legs closed to another man.
MindsEyeBlind Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Such a hard topic to reply to.. Will think it over.
bish Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 And she still is. I am just a couple of days away from having enough info to take to his wife. I want to keep my family together. Any advice is welcome. Isn't there a military penalty for the spouses of military people even if the adulterer/adulteress isn't military themselves??
carhill Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 This might be relevant... The member may seek waiver of his/her spousal support obligation under MILPERSMAN 1754-030. The spousal support obligation (not the child support obligation) may be waived only by the Director, Navy Family Allowance Activity, based on the spouse's desertion without cause, infidelity, or physical abuse. A statement of facts and substantiating evidence must be endorsed by the chain of command, including the requesting member's Commanding Officer, and submitted to the Director, Navy Family Allowance Activity. Substantiating evidence may consist of an affidavit from a disinterested person and must be based on personal knowledge. Other acceptable affidavits may come from the service member or his/her relatives, if they are based on personal knowledge and supported by corroborating evidence. Finally, written admissions made by the spouse may be included in the waiver request package. Waiver requests on the grounds of physical abuse must be corroborated by medical or police reports, eyewitnesses, counselors, chaplains, or social workers. My readings indicate non-member infidelity isn't generally actionable by JAG, but member infidelity can be.....892. ART. 92. FAILURE TO OBEY ORDER OR REGULATION 934. ART. 134. GENERAL ARTICLE.... I would imagine a military lawyer would be the best source of such information
NewSunrise Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 This might be relevant... My readings indicate non-member infidelity isn't generally actionable by JAG, but member infidelity can be.....892. ART. 92. FAILURE TO OBEY ORDER OR REGULATION 934. ART. 134. GENERAL ARTICLE.... I would imagine a military lawyer would be the best source of such information GREAT JOB!!!!! There should be a seperate department for military on LS. It's specific enough to warrant one. In my line of work, I come across soldiers who are either coming from a long deployment, about to leave or young kids fresh out of high school holding on to their manila envelopes like prized possessions on their way to boot camp. Thank you for serving our country.
bish Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 this might be relevant... My readings indicate non-member infidelity isn't generally actionable by jag dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
blueintheface Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 I want to keep my family together. ^hate to tell you this but you cant do that singlehandedly. it kinda requires your wife's participation and if she is halfhearted about it then what's the point? also dont see the need for involving the OM's BS. you've got your priorities slighty skewed.
westernxer Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Did you post her photo on the wall of shame, like they did in JARHEAD?
SoulStorm Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Are you ABSOLUTELY sure she is cheating? Do you have proof? Did you catch her? What makes you think she is cheating? A few years ago I was dating a soldier. There were no problems between us, just the usual silly arguments cause i was PMSing . When he would leave on trainning for a few months, no problem he would never accuse me of cheating and i would never accuse him either, it just simply was never an issue...but then, time came for him to go "over there" the first few months were okay, and then he became depressive and very paranoid. I'm a full time student and i have 3 jobs, so i can get pretty busy at times. And while he was over there, he began finding that i was too busy and that i should quit my jobs, and i figure it's okay, cause he needed me and my support then, and so i did, i just kept a weekend job. but it didnt stop there, he wanted to know where i was and what i was doing at all times, i had to email him at all times, and i had to be sitting by the phone at all times incase he called, cause if i wasn't there, then he thought i was cheating on him. I would leave for school at 7 in the morning, so from 6 to 7 in the morning i had to be on the internet messaging him, while i was in school, i had to spend my lunch hours messaging him, cause if i wasn't i might be cheating on him. I got back from school at 5pm and if i wasn't on the net but exactly that time, he would throw a fit telling me i was cheating on him, i had to to message him until midnight, and to make sure i was going to bed alone, he would use to public computers with the cams, and he would make me turn on my cam so he could watch me go to bed alone. i figured he was just under a lot of stress and he was scared of loosing me (he stupid army buddies didnt help either, always telling him that most girls cheat when their guys are away) I didnt everything he wanted from me, i spent every free minute i had messaging him, everything that i did, everything i had planned..everything..ALL i did was work and go to school..but he still accused me of cheating! I toughed it out though, telling myself that when he comes back, he would see that i was faithful to him and he would stop accusing me...but no, it didn't stop, even when he was right there beside me he still accused me. It's like, he convinced himself of something that wasn't true and tortured me with it. Everyday he just grew more paranoid about me being unfaithful, to the point that my mother had to calm him down and explain to him that all i do is work and study. I dont even have any friends! he wouldn't even let me talk to girls, cause he figured i would cheat on him with them too! and it went beyond that and he wouldn't let me talk to my family!!! I been without him for a few years now, I was single for a few years, still working and studying, thats all, and still when i talk to him he STILL accuses me of cheating on him while he was away! He is CONVINCED! I dont even know how to defend myself against the accusations, i never would have thought he would jump to such a conclusion. I think maybe he had rage he didnt know how to deal with and he turned it around to use it against me cause he knew i would stay by his side. Anyways after a while of trying to prove to him that i was faithful to him our relationship fell appart, because of false accusations that he was so sure of. Saying good bye before he left to go over there was a really hard thing to do, but i was sure he would come back to me...The hardest thing was realising i would never have the man i had before...he came back to me in body, but his soul..his soul was lost... You have to be absolutely SURE! of what you are accusing her of. catch her in the act, get her a freaking hidden video! just dont destroy her because you convinced yourself she was unfaithful. When i think back to what me and him had before and after he left. it hurts me so much inside, and i still cry years later I lost my lover, my friends, my jobs, my family He lost his sanity before loosing me LainaRose wow. (hugs)
Al_Bundy Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Are you ABSOLUTELY sure she is cheating? Do you have proof? Did you catch her? What makes you think she is cheating? A few years ago I was dating a soldier. There were no problems between us, just the usual silly arguments cause i was PMSing . When he would leave on trainning for a few months, no problem he would never accuse me of cheating and i would never accuse him either, it just simply was never an issue...but then, time came for him to go "over there" the first few months were okay, and then he became depressive and very paranoid. I'm a full time student and i have 3 jobs, so i can get pretty busy at times. And while he was over there, he began finding that i was too busy and that i should quit my jobs, and i figure it's okay, cause he needed me and my support then, and so i did, i just kept a weekend job. but it didnt stop there, he wanted to know where i was and what i was doing at all times, i had to email him at all times, and i had to be sitting by the phone at all times incase he called, cause if i wasn't there, then he thought i was cheating on him. I would leave for school at 7 in the morning, so from 6 to 7 in the morning i had to be on the internet messaging him, while i was in school, i had to spend my lunch hours messaging him, cause if i wasn't i might be cheating on him. I got back from school at 5pm and if i wasn't on the net but exactly that time, he would throw a fit telling me i was cheating on him, i had to to message him until midnight, and to make sure i was going to bed alone, he would use to public computers with the cams, and he would make me turn on my cam so he could watch me go to bed alone. Are ABSOLUTELY sure you weren't cheating? Joking aside, he may have had a military buddy who just found out his wife or gf cheated on him and it got him thinking. That or he saw the movie "Jarhead" where the guys wife sends him a videotape of her having sex with the neighbor. Talk about cold. I was waiting for the end of the movie thinking they'd show the guy go home after watching that tape and administer a little justice. So he may have seen the soldiers that have been cheated on and thought you might be too. That or he did and feels guilty about it thinking if he did it so easily that you might be able to easily do it too. I lost my lover, my friends, my jobs, my family He lost his sanity before loosing me LainaRose Why did you lose friends, job and family over his trust issues?
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