should I tell my husband stop hang out with other person

[lovewoman]

Hi,

 

I need an advice. My husband and I have been married for 8 years, and we have two kids. Our marriage have been very happy and still are. However, he is going back to school as a part time on the weekend, and car pooling with another person (a female). The time for them to travel from home to school and back is about 6 hrs, and not to mention they are in the same class. So, basically they see each other every weekend for the all day long for the next two year. Originally they don't know each other, but they found out they are going to the same school and decided to car pool. Right now nothing is happenning, but my belive is when a man and a woman see each other too much some thing will happen. He saw that something is bothering me, and kept asking me .I don't know should I tell him what I think or ask him not to carpooling with that person. Please advice

[PandorasBox]

6 hours from home to school and back? That's alot for him to being going to school, can he not find a school more local?

 

There are no men in his class he can car pool with?

[lovewoman]

Thanks for replie. He is working on his MBA in NY. He drives about an hour to the train station and another hour to get in to the city and then another 20 min. on the subway to get to school. Apprently there is no one else in the same area that going to that school.

[manugeorge]

Do you trust him or not? I think that is the bottom line here. Limiting his exposure to members of the opposite sex is not going to solve your problem if there is inherent distrust in your relationship.

 

You have to give him enough room to be an adult and to make the right choices in the face of temptation, that is the measure of a man. If in fact he does cheat on you with this woman, it won't be because he carpooled with her 6 hours a day, it'll be because he's a weak-minded dirty dog of a cheat. And in that case, if you do take carpooling away, he'll still be a weak-minded dirty dog of a cheat just without the opportunity to show his ass.

 

I don't agree that when a man and woman see each other too much, something will happen. Not only does attraction has to factor in, a hell of a lot of factors have to come in too.

 

If your marriage is as strong as you say it is, then me thinks you won't be as worried as you are about him carpooling with some woman.

 

Is there more you are not telling us?

[JackJack]

Ask him if he would be ok with you going to school or work carpooling with one man.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

If he's asking you what's bugging you, I think you should tell him. Don't make any demands...just tell him that you're uncomfortable with the situation and let him take it from there. Carpooling is a fantastic idea these days, but not at the expense of the marriage.

[lovewoman]

If he's asking you what's bugging you, I think you should tell him. Don't make any demands...just tell him that you're uncomfortable with the situation and let him take it from there. Carpooling is a fantastic idea these days, but not at the expense of the marriage.

 

Let me clarify this, my husband is a great guy. He is a nice and considerable person. I don't mean that he definately will cheat on me. However, I have read/seen some of the cases where guys and girls started out as a friend. Then they move on to as good friend, then best friend, and then to the point that they will feel comfortable to share anything about family/personal stuff. Then other factor will come in place, like they will attract to each other, could be just mentally.

 

Maybe I am over react, but knowing myself and my personality. It's ok to have friend opposite sex, but once I know my husband have another person in mind other than me ..I can not excepted that.. That why I am concern beacuse once its happen, we can't come back.

 

I will consisder Lonelyandfrustrated's advised, tell him what is bugging me and let him take it from there. And I just like what you said " Carpooling is a fantastic idea these days, but not at the expense of the marriage. :)"

 

Thanks for the advises I am really appreciated.

[Mr. Lucky]

Let me clarify this, my husband is a great guy. He is a nice and considerable person.

My personal opinion is that you're over reacting. She's just someone he's riding with so the drama seems unecessary and unfounded. No reason not to believe in him and your marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Patience08]

Hello Lovewoman,

 

I think the important thing is you are aware, and you're not blindly trusting him, and that is a good thing. Has he told you he is attracted to her? I work closely with my boss all day, I am not attracted to him so I know nothing will every happen.

 

If he's asking what is bugging you, that is great, tell him. Keeping the lines of communication open about this will only help how you feel.

 

Best

[lovewoman]

Hi, Patience08

 

No, to what I understand is that he is not attractive to her right now. I do trust my husband; however, I don't really trust her. I have my reason to say that.. I came across a couple of emails they have send back and forth, and some of them I found uncomfortable the way she stated. For example, she has never met him before, and that weekend was the first week they travel together. Also, that weekend they were going to look for hotel stay because they have two days program. My husband told her that he is probably will look for the hotel to stay in the city...This is what she replied " that would be great if you can find the hotel so we can stay together"...another one like "you so awesome, I sure we have a lots to talk about on the trip"..all these these things before they even met.

 

Like you said you work with your boss very close everyday, and you do not attract to him at all. I am sure there are also a limit some where. But this girl after school still email my husband a few times a day regarding to his works, his family that I don't think she needs to know. She also tried to know a lots about my him....If she is that friendly, then she is very busy emailing her class mate every day, they have about 65 people in the class. My point is besides school works, I think it's no reason for her to send personal email to him.

[2sure]

The content of the emails sent before they met could go either way and don't seem to be cause for concern. However, if they are spending time during the week talking about each others families , etc. especially if it is more than once or twice briefly - I would tell him you were uncomfortable with the extra communication. If they are becoming friends, then she needs to be your friend also. Invite her to dinner. If that is too friendly for him - the extra contact isnt necessary.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Right now nothing is happenning, but my belive is when a man and a woman see each other too much some thing will happen.

 

Let me rephrase that for you.

 

I don't trust my hubby, even though he's a great guy, and has not done anything to cause me to question his faith in him. But he is a man, and if he's exposed to a woman for too long, I'm afraid he won't be able to resist temptation.

 

Did I get that right?

 

If he's really trustworthy you have nothing to worry about. If he's not, separating him from his classmate won't prevent him from doing what he's eventually going to do anyway, it will at best postpone the inevitable.

[Jersey Shortie]

Let me clarify this, my husband is a great guy. He is a nice and considerable person. I don't mean that he definately will cheat on me.

 

Even *nice* guys cheat. I would be a little concerned and address my concerns to my husband. Also, asking him how he would feel if the situation was reversed is a good idea.

[manugeorge]

Let me rephrase that for you.

 

I don't trust my hubby, even though he's a great guy, and has not done anything to cause me to question his faith in him. But he is a man, and if he's exposed to a woman for too long, I'm afraid he won't be able to resist temptation.

 

Did I get that right?

 

If he's really trustworthy you have nothing to worry about. If he's not, separating him from his classmate won't prevent him from doing what he's eventually going to do anyway, it will at best postpone the inevitable.

 

Ding Ding Ding!, I say give him enough rope, what he does with it is what will really let you know how "nice and trustworthy" your husband is.

[angie2443]

I would follow your instincts on this one. Maybe nothing will happen. You have to meet the girl and see how you feel. I've known (and read of on LS) so many PA's and EA's that started out as innocent friendships. I've known people who've had good marriages and cheated or come close to cheating for no other reason than they allowed themselves to spend lots of time with someone they were mildly attracted to. People who avoid affairs are those who keep themselves away from situations that can breed affairs. Besides, the majority of long term relationships have their ups and downs. If your relationship slips into a down period, and your husband is growing close to his school friend, then it could spell disaster.

 

I'm now saying that the car pooling thing can't work. You need to listen to your gut on this and let your husband know your feelings. Good luck.