cp3 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Ive been dating this girl for 6 months now, and I care about her a lot. The only problem is she never really gives me an oppurtunity to miss her. I have an extremely busy schedule, but we still manage to see each other 4-5 times a week.. And she texts me virtually every night to see if I want to hang out. And the nights we dont hang out, we talk on the phone for 1-2hrs. The few times during our relationship she goes a couple days without calling me I went crazy (in a good way). I kinda wish she would just give me some space, not necessarily because I dont like being with her or talking to her, but I want the oppurtunity to call her, or invite her somewhere, or to even miss her. Also, I love being challenged. Before we got together she was dating some other guy, and it drove me crazy.. But now that we've been together for 6 months and I know she would never leave me, that challenge is no longer there. And its not that I want her to flirt with other guys, or threaten to leave me, I just want her to play "hard to get" a little more, because then I know that I have to keep my game up, and it makes me sooo much more attracted to her. Im not sure how much this made sense, I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do.. Or if you have had any experience dealing with the same thing.
complication Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 If a girl is that into you you're very stupid to let her go.
gummybear Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Ive been dating this girl for 6 months now, and I care about her a lot. The only problem is she never really gives me an oppurtunity to miss her. I have an extremely busy schedule, but we still manage to see each other 4-5 times a week.. And she texts me virtually every night to see if I want to hang out. And the nights we dont hang out, we talk on the phone for 1-2hrs. The few times during our relationship she goes a couple days without calling me I went crazy (in a good way). I kinda wish she would just give me some space, not necessarily because I dont like being with her or talking to her, but I want the oppurtunity to call her, or invite her somewhere, or to even miss her. Also, I love being challenged. Before we got together she was dating some other guy, and it drove me crazy.. But now that we've been together for 6 months and I know she would never leave me, that challenge is no longer there. And its not that I want her to flirt with other guys, or threaten to leave me, I just want her to play "hard to get" a little more, because then I know that I have to keep my game up, and it makes me sooo much more attracted to her. Im not sure how much this made sense, I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do.. Or if you have had any experience dealing with the same thing. Be careful what you wish her...she may indeed end up playing 'hard to get' with you (though not necessarily in a good way). Just enjoy her for who she is right now and be happy that she loves you and will be there for you. It sure beats a girl who constantly has an eye out for some other guy she can dump you for.
dcgirl33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 This game you want to play is foolish. Just enjoy the attention you're getting. People who play hard to get are idiots. there is a guy here at work and this woman was practically throwing herself at thim in a descent way. He played hard to get and told everyone she was after him. I would watch him go over to her to get some rise out of her and them go away. Why did she start ignoring him. This ignoring him or paying not so much attention went on for several months and then she came in one day wearing a wedding ring. He was a striaght fool and he got treated like one. That's a dumb game because we all knew that he did and does like her. He wasn't man enough to handle her coming forward and so she found a man that was.
JoeNewbie Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 But now that we've been together for 6 months and I know she would never leave me, that challenge is no longer there. How do you know she would "never leave" you? Keep going like this and she might be gone before you even realize it.
norajane Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 If you want a challenge, take up sky diving or triathlons, or find another form of entertainment. People's feelings should not be up for sport.
paddington bear Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Oh come on, I understand where he's coming from. I've had a few male friends say much the same thing to me about their girlfriends - didn't mean that they didn't love her, just that the challenge had gone from the relationship. Not sure what you can do about the situation though other than to tell her you need some space and time in order to miss her...but that may end up with her feeling hurt and rejected and not calling you for all the wrong reasons. You could, when on one of your marathon phone calls say something 'let's not talk all night on the phone, let's keep save up what we have to say until we see each other' - that way it's a positive spin on what you want.
Author cp3 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Oh come on, I understand where he's coming from. I've had a few male friends say much the same thing to me about their girlfriends - didn't mean that they didn't love her, just that the challenge had gone from the relationship. Not sure what you can do about the situation though other than to tell her you need some space and time in order to miss her...but that may end up with her feeling hurt and rejected and not calling you for all the wrong reasons. You could, when on one of your marathon phone calls say something 'let's not talk all night on the phone, let's keep save up what we have to say until we see each other' - that way it's a positive spin on what you want. Thank you... Im glad at least 1 person understood what I meant. However, like you said, Im not sure what I can do about it. If I tell her I need space and time to miss her, I have no doubt she'll take it the wrong way and it could ruin our relationship.. And I definitly dont want that.
Lizzie60 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Ive been dating this girl for 6 months now, and I care about her a lot. The only problem is she never really gives me an oppurtunity to miss her. I have an extremely busy schedule, but we still manage to see each other 4-5 times a week.. And she texts me virtually every night to see if I want to hang out. And the nights we dont hang out, we talk on the phone for 1-2hrs. The few times during our relationship she goes a couple days without calling me I went crazy (in a good way). I kinda wish she would just give me some space, not necessarily because I dont like being with her or talking to her, but I want the oppurtunity to call her, or invite her somewhere, or to even miss her. Also, I love being challenged. Before we got together she was dating some other guy, and it drove me crazy.. But now that we've been together for 6 months and I know she would never leave me, that challenge is no longer there. And its not that I want her to flirt with other guys, or threaten to leave me, I just want her to play "hard to get" a little more, because then I know that I have to keep my game up, and it makes me sooo much more attracted to her. Im not sure how much this made sense, I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do.. Or if you have had any experience dealing with the same thing. I understand what you mean.. it's very annoying.. my bet is that you'll eventually get soo bored with her that you will lose interest in her... no matter how gorgeous she is.. Clinginess (sp) is a huge turn-off... You should tell her .. simple.. be firm but nice.. it's not playing 'hard to get' ... as you say... it's about being independant.. there's a huge difference.. IMO
goldencloud Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I totally understand what you're saying(and im a girl!!) its the same way for most of us. when me and my first bf started dating, i was maddd about him...getting with him was a challenge in itself(but in a good way) but suddenly phone calls all hours of day, txting when not on phone...seeing eachother pretty much everyday...like dont get me wrong, i cared alot about him...but it was too easy u know..like u need that excitment, especially in the initial stages, it makes perfect sense otherwise it does turn a bit drabby. too fast, too furious=not good haha! but what i did do, after the endless calling(i swear it was like i had my personal sympthony)...i was like sweetyy lets not waste so much time on phone, lets discuss everything when we meet, dont wanna waste it all on the line *chuckle chuckle* or let her know in advace, hey got a pretty packed day ahead, so ill see u 2mrw sweety..like make it casual..im sure itll be fine!
Author cp3 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 I totally understand what you're saying(and im a girl!!) its the same way for most of us. when me and my first bf started dating, i was maddd about him...getting with him was a challenge in itself(but in a good way) but suddenly phone calls all hours of day, txting when not on phone...seeing eachother pretty much everyday...like dont get me wrong, i cared alot about him...but it was too easy u know..like u need that excitment, especially in the initial stages, it makes perfect sense otherwise it does turn a bit drabby. too fast, too furious=not good haha! but what i did do, after the endless calling(i swear it was like i had my personal sympthony)...i was like sweetyy lets not waste so much time on phone, lets discuss everything when we meet, dont wanna waste it all on the line *chuckle chuckle* or let her know in advace, hey got a pretty packed day ahead, so ill see u 2mrw sweety..like make it casual..im sure itll be fine! Exactly. It was too easy. I know Im complaining about something that I should appreciate, but I just wish she would play "hard to get" a little more. (IE - Like ignore my phone calls ONCE in awhile, tell me that she has plans with her friends and cant hang out tonight, or I want her to be the one to end the phone conversation after an hour or so.. instead of it always being me) I realize these things sound stupid. But playing "hard to get" is a huge turn on for almost all guys. It presents a challenge, and all guys like to be challenged. If theres a girl who is decent looking but doesnt give me the time of day, Im intrigued.. More intrigued than a very pretty woman that is that is totally in to me.
norajane Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Exactly. It was too easy. I know Im complaining about something that I should appreciate, but I just wish she would play "hard to get" a little more. (IE - Like ignore my phone calls ONCE in awhile, tell me that she has plans with her friends and cant hang out tonight, or I want her to be the one to end the phone conversation after an hour or so.. instead of it always being me) I realize these things sound stupid. But playing "hard to get" is a huge turn on for almost all guys. It presents a challenge, and all guys like to be challenged. If theres a girl who is decent looking but doesnt give me the time of day, Im intrigued.. More intrigued than a very pretty woman that is that is totally in to me. So, you want your gf to play games, to lie to you, and to not like you all that much. Ok. Good luck with that.
norajane Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Oh come on, I understand where he's coming from. I've had a few male friends say much the same thing to me about their girlfriends - didn't mean that they didn't love her, just that the challenge had gone from the relationship. Not sure what you can do about the situation though other than to tell her you need some space and time in order to miss her...but that may end up with her feeling hurt and rejected and not calling you for all the wrong reasons. You could, when on one of your marathon phone calls say something 'let's not talk all night on the phone, let's keep save up what we have to say until we see each other' - that way it's a positive spin on what you want. Well, see, here's the thing - there IS more to a relationship than the chase. The next step is to develop a bond, doing new things together, learning new things together, physical, intellectual and emotional exploration, and becoming partners in crime rather than two people trying to hook each other. Some people actually call it, er, love, growing to love each other. There should be something about the person you are trying to catch that is significant enough that it keeps you together even after you 'have' each other. If there isn't, that's why you get bored. If there, that's when you create a life together. My guess is y'all aren't really ready for a deep, significant, LOVE relationship.
OpenBook Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 So, you want your gf to play games, to lie to you, and to not like you all that much. Ok. Good luck with that. No, I don't think that's what he's saying at all. I think he's just getting a little claustrophobic with all the attention his GF is pouring on him all the time. He just wants her to lighten up a little!! and stop zooming in on him. Guys hate it when a girl focuses all her attention on him, all the time. And I don't blame them for feeling that way. It's too much pressure, and it's an uncomfortable spot to be in. He's not supposed to be the be-all and end-all of her existence!
norajane Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 No, I don't think that's what he's saying at all. I think he's just getting a little claustrophobic with all the attention his GF is pouring on him all the time. He just wants her to lighten up a little!! and stop zooming in on him. Guys hate it when a girl focuses all her attention on him, all the time. And I don't blame them for feeling that way. It's too much pressure, and it's an uncomfortable spot to be in. He's not supposed to be the be-all and end-all of her existence! I agree - girl needs to get her own life and not make him the center of it. But this part: But playing "hard to get" is a huge turn on for almost all guys. It presents a challenge, and all guys like to be challenged. If theres a girl who is decent looking but doesnt give me the time of day, Im intrigued.. More intrigued than a very pretty woman that is that is totally in to me. makes me think he's only interested in the chase, not the pretty woman who's into him.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 However, like you said, Im not sure what I can do about it. If I tell her I need space and time to miss her, I have no doubt she'll take it the wrong way and it could ruin our relationship.. And I definitly dont want that. Everyone needs time and space. You're enabling your own issues. Take the time and space by being assertive, not dickish or hesitant about it. Six months is way too long to allow this to go on for, without building unrealistic expectations for the future. As for emotional challenge in a relationship, don't go there. Once you start the games, they never end until there's no one left standing.
goldencloud Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 i really don't think it's about playing games..more so knowing the other significant other is doing their own thing as well. In the beginnings of a relationship, it can be a bit claustrophic if the other party is forever calling, dropping plans as soon as he/she knows ur free to do something in the evening...if one is secure with his/her relationship, then they should be secure enough to not forget their own lives. yeah i realise i phrased it in a pretty dramatic way, but it happened to me with my first ex...and after a while it just felt like i solely was responsible for his happiness...if i had plans with the girls, he'd be all like 'oh well im not doing anything tonight, kinda hoping we could spend it together...i guess ill just do some work/watch tv etc...but yeah don't worry about me, ill be fine' *bashing head through wall* again, i really really cared about the guy, which is why it really bugged me, cos i wanted to see him out there having a good time too...and that we dont HAVE to talk everyday for him to know that i love him so much...just i want him to be the man i fell in love with and not foresake those attributes of himself because of insecurity about me(thats what it turned out to be)...a few months in, and we had a long chat about this, and turns out his neediness was just cos he was insecure in some respects..but we sorted it out, and everything slowly fell into place its really not playing games, he cares about the girl, just wants to feel that she hasn't forgotten herself too:)
Mako482 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Ive been dating this girl for 6 months now, and I care about her a lot. The only problem is she never really gives me an oppurtunity to miss her. I have an extremely busy schedule, but we still manage to see each other 4-5 times a week.. And she texts me virtually every night to see if I want to hang out. And the nights we dont hang out, we talk on the phone for 1-2hrs. The few times during our relationship she goes a couple days without calling me I went crazy (in a good way). I kinda wish she would just give me some space, not necessarily because I dont like being with her or talking to her, but I want the oppurtunity to call her, or invite her somewhere, or to even miss her. Also, I love being challenged. Before we got together she was dating some other guy, and it drove me crazy.. But now that we've been together for 6 months and I know she would never leave me, that challenge is no longer there. And its not that I want her to flirt with other guys, or threaten to leave me, I just want her to play "hard to get" a little more, because then I know that I have to keep my game up, and it makes me sooo much more attracted to her. Im not sure how much this made sense, I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do.. Or if you have had any experience dealing with the same thing. You are just not that into her then in my opinion. I have been there and done that and did not realize it was just that, wasn't really into her. I know that now because I am with a woman who I would spend every second of the day with if I could, it showed me how not into the last one I was. If you want a challenge go find a farm and walk up and slap a bull in the ass, see if you can beat him back to the fence.
gerber2baby Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 i know what you mean... with my gf right now i used to be way too attached and i didnt even notice it until she told me. She loves being challenged so instead of me being too clingy with her i ended up having more of a life than worryin about what she was doing... i ended up hanging out with my friends more often and make plans with them and before i knew it she was the one asking me when we should hang out.. If i was you i would tell her shes getting too attached and take it from there..
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Your gf sounds like me! If it weren't for the writing style and some details, I would think you were my SO. I get what you mean. It can get too much, huh? Be careful how you tell her. She might take extreme offence if you don't word it nicely.
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Your wanting your space is NOT the bad thing here. But, it is the idea of playing hard to get that might be the problem. There are ways to respectfully ask her to give you the time and space to process all the things you love about her. You have to tell her from the bottom of your heart that you love her, but sometimes you need your space to clear your head of things and fully take in the wonders of her. I think most people can relate to that. I even had to tell my ex to stop writing me so much while I was in the brig. And we cut down our communications to like once a month for letters, which gave us plenty of time to write something meaningful and our phone conversations down to like twice a week. So, do talk the her about giving you more space, DON'T PLAY HARD TO GET. That is a stupid game on either side and it only winds up being exhaustive and meaningless. Trust me, I have missed out on many a relationship that way.
conifer Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I totally understand what you're saying(and im a girl!!) its the same way for most of us. when me and my first bf started dating, i was maddd about him...getting with him was a challenge in itself(but in a good way) but suddenly phone calls all hours of day, txting when not on phone...seeing eachother pretty much everyday...like dont get me wrong, i cared alot about him...but it was too easy u know..like u need that excitment, especially in the initial stages, it makes perfect sense otherwise it does turn a bit drabby. too fast, too furious=not good haha! but what i did do, after the endless calling(i swear it was like i had my personal sympthony)...i was like sweetyy lets not waste so much time on phone, lets discuss everything when we meet, dont wanna waste it all on the line *chuckle chuckle* or let her know in advace, hey got a pretty packed day ahead, so ill see u 2mrw sweety..like make it casual..im sure itll be fine! This is was many men also encounter... A woman whom is MAADDD about you, completely over the top in gaining your attention, wanting to be with you all the time, complaining when you are not, and then once you return phone calls, make plans, answer your phone, return texts, you are then "too available". I mean, of course, there are people that are far too needy. But at the same time, there are many people who just want the excitement of chasing someone, and any sign that they might be ready to go to the next level in a relationship is the time to say you have become "bored", or it is time to run.
lovestruck818 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Playing "hard to get" is a form of playing games. Why play games? Ive been dating this girl for 6 months now, and I care about her a lot. The only problem is she never really gives me an oppurtunity to miss her. I have an extremely busy schedule, but we still manage to see each other 4-5 times a week.. And she texts me virtually every night to see if I want to hang out. And the nights we dont hang out, we talk on the phone for 1-2hrs. The few times during our relationship she goes a couple days without calling me I went crazy (in a good way). I kinda wish she would just give me some space, not necessarily because I dont like being with her or talking to her, but I want the oppurtunity to call her, or invite her somewhere, or to even miss her. Also, I love being challenged. Before we got together she was dating some other guy, and it drove me crazy.. But now that we've been together for 6 months and I know she would never leave me, that challenge is no longer there. And its not that I want her to flirt with other guys, or threaten to leave me, I just want her to play "hard to get" a little more, because then I know that I have to keep my game up, and it makes me sooo much more attracted to her. Im not sure how much this made sense, I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do.. Or if you have had any experience dealing with the same thing.
PrincessPeach Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 How about you find a different way to make it seem challenging? have her invite you to do something with her that you know you won't really enjoy, but that she does enjoy. Something girly. I had a boyfriend who I had apparently stopped being a challenge to and he was losing his attraction to me. He had me set a day aside where I would show him around where I grew up and take him to do some of the things that I used to do. He said it didn't matter whether or not I'd think he'd enjoy something and to even try to think of something he probably wouldn't enjoy. I think that when they are a challenge you are attracted because you have to put in an investment to earn the attraction back. When you are no longer putting in investment some of the attraction can fade. Find new ways to invest in your girl. One way would be to do things together that you wouldn't be likely to ever do on your own. This way you are investing your time with her rather than spending it with her.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Also, I love being challenged. Before we got together she was dating some other guy, and it drove me crazy.. But now that we've been together for 6 months and I know she would never leave me, that challenge is no longer there. Then do someone a favor in the future, never get married. The "challenge" will be completely gone after that.
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