Is it putting a price tag on your relationship?

[SmartBlonde79]

...to expect the man that lives with you to keep a job?

 

I've been reading these forums for weeks but this is my first post... I'm a forum virgin... go easy on me. lol

 

Anyways, I'm a little sad today and looking for some good input. My bf just moved all of his stuff out of my place after being a couple for almost 2-1/2 yrs. It’s hard for me to just say ‘cya!’ to someone I love. I do love him and really believed he loved me too but I’m so completely disenchanted with him and disappointed in myself for getting into this situation. Maybe I’m not as much of a “smart blonde” as I think I am.

 

My bf and I meshed well, he was good with my young son and I don't mind saying the sex was great! We are both 28 but in comparison, he's lacking in the maturity dept. It's my apt and he never signed the lease but he basically moved in 4 months ago. Yes, he was still living with mommy and daddy. I know, I know, I know. My place, so I obviously allowed it. But I thot he would start to feel the desire to help take care of us – as in all three of us as a family. Not move in and pay for everything, just be a contributing member of the household. Build a life together because we love each other. Know what I mean?

 

He was frustrated with his job back in July and says he quit. Later, I found out he was actually fired for deliberately breaking a well-defined company policy. (He doesn't know I know.) I understand he was miserable at his job - BUT he did this WITHOUT having another job lined up. Quitting vs. fired isn't my main concern. It's that he was jobless with no back up ON PURPOSE.

 

He spent the last two months putting in job applications all over the place. He went on quite a few interviews. (Yes, I’m sure.) He was offered a job to drive an airport shuttle to and from a hotel but he didn’t want to work on mainly tips or work what he considered erratic hours, so he turned it down. Okay.

 

Finally, he‘s offered another job two weeks ago. He impressed the management of this “very large company with many stores all over the place” and was told that if he could start out in a beginner’s position and show that he can do the job and be reliable, he could move up the ladder rather quickly. I got the impression that this well-known company doesn’t always attract the best employees and if anything, my bf is intelligent. Not very mature but intelligent.

 

He had his foot in the door. He went to training for three days, got his new schedule. He hated the schedule. He didn’t like that he would be working weekends. He’s very particular about his weekends. I encouraged him by saying it would probably only be temporary because there was a lot of turnover in the company and considering all the idiots in his training class, he was sure to have the opportunity to move in a short period of time. Plus, the time he was not scheduled to work would still allow for him to apply and interview at other companies.

 

My point was SOMETHING was better than NOTHING for the time being as far as receiving an income. He still has a car payment at the very least and I know he's never had much money saved.

 

Day 4 was supposed to be Sunday 8am-5pm. He called in sick. Great way to impress your new boss. I thot he accidentally fell back asleep but when I woke him up, he said “I called in sick. F-it. I hate that F-ing schedule. I’m quitting.”

 

I was pissed, upset and a little shocked. So I told him he needed to pack his things and go back to his ‘rents house and start looking for another job. He still took the time to take his 2-hour shower and grooming ritual before leaving.

 

The final straw was when he snatched up all of his things – including a board game that my son was playing with at the time with a neighbor’s son. He scared the crap out of them. How petty and ridiculous is that?!!

 

Then as his final gesture out the door, he threw my key on the ground instead of handing it to me and made a smartass remark about ME putting a price tag on our relationship (hence the title of this thread), like I was making him leave over money. I never asked him for money so I shouldn’t complain that I didn’t get any but I really wanted to see the effort made on HIS part to participate in making a life with me. Am I wrong for believing that as an able body, intelligent man, he should be able to keep a job? Shouldn’t he have wanted to help out? But then again, you can’t pay much of anything when you have no job to speak of and you aren’t a Rockefeller.

 

Do I have a self-esteem problem?? I never thot I did but now… ??? I’m attractive, smart, funny and I have a great little boy. I try to reason that I fell into the trap of thinking I could change someone for the better and failed. But instead of embracing that it’s really HIS failure as a person, I’m beating myself up for not being successful. I should be celebrating, not sad.

 

Tell me I’m wrong or kick me in the ass…

[Trialbyfire]

Smartblonde, I see two issues:

1. Your b/f is extremely immature and an arse. I would have dumped him for this alone.
   
2. You need to learn to be a bit more patient during rough times such as being fired from a job. You can't control what job he takes or how he approaches job hunting. No partner has the right to pressure another like that. Also, if he needs to learn some maturity, controlling him won't change it. As long as he's held responsible for his portion of the expenses for cohabiting, he's an adult who will run his own life, his way.
   

[rod_in_gtown]

Tough situation.

 

Granted, he needs to get a job. It's part of belonging to a society and everybody does their part. Being out of a job for 2 months is hard and it's not uncommon to have a hard time finding a job that fits.

 

His behavior is very childish and immature to say the least. When you're not making any money, you should not be throwing away jobs because "you f-ing hate your schedule".

 

Maybe you're better off. His remark about the price tag, is no more than a petty way to make you feel bad for asking him to move out. He's trying to hurt you because you hurt him by not being "understanding and supportive"... I don't believe that his behavior warrants a lot of leeway, but it is still in the category of "kicking a man while he is down".

 

He seems to lack class, and needs a lot of growing up to do. You're a single mother, you need to have a stable environment for your son. You can't have someone who is willing to punish a little boy because he's mad at you. I say, change the lock and don't look back.

[Enema]

You didn't mention talking to him about how you were feeling during all these months.

 

All we got was, in summary: Boyfriend can't hold a job, so I kicked him out.

 

Did you talk to him about:

 

1) Making contributions to the house / bills?

2) Holding a job, even if you don't like it?

3) How you felt about him being out of work?

 

ps. Your post was well written except for your need to abbreviate "thought". Argh, annoying.

[D-Jam]

Smartblonde, the guys sounds like a total loser.

 

You're better off without him. If this is how he is now, imagine if you two married and signed on a mortgage for a house.

[Tomcat33]

Reading this really hurt me

 

The final straw was when he snatched up all of his things – including a board game that my son was playing with at the time with a neighbor’s son. He scared the crap out of them. How petty and ridiculous is that?!!

 

Probably best that you asked him to leave, I know you must have a lot of mixed feelings right about now and be feeling confused but given how hard it can be to be unemployed and to be up against medial jobs that one hates, there is no excuse for his general lack of willingness to get past his situation. That's HIS failure and nothing more than his own doing.

Being out of your home and losing you is probably best for him it will put things into prespective for him and make him want to fight harder to swim instead of sinking.

 

Don't feel bad you have your set of responsibilites and this man is acting like a child, you already have one child to look after you don't need another. While being supportive of our mates in times of need is very important and a MUST this situation supercedes anything you could have done for him, he needs to do it on his own.

[AriaIncognito]

I had a situation similar to this.

 

I'd say your bigger issue here is the fact that you aren't compatible in your way of thinking about how life should go. And that's fine.

 

I had a bf for 1 year that was a lot different than me, regarding ambition, or even having a 'career'. I thought we could get past that, or I should say, I thought I could get past that, but in the end, I ended up breaking it off when he lost his job due to "poor attendance" because after he lost it, I gave him 1 month to start looking, and he didn't even bother. He lived at home with his parents as well (at age 36 then) which was a red flag that I chose to dismiss in the beginning of the relationship.

 

So, we learn from our mistakes. You've now learned you need someone equal in ambition to you, and that's OK. We are all entitled to our needs...

[Ruby Slippers]

He sounds like a complete baby. Unfortunately, at that age, some men still are very immature. I think a lot of men don't really begin to grow up until they are well into their 30s. I just broke up with my 31-year-old boyfriend, who even admitted to me that he is emotionally immature and seemed to have no idea where he was going or what he wanted out of life.

 

I think that these days, with women kicking butt all over the map, many men are feeling threatened, and in some cases are being very lazy.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You were trusting, loving, and optimistic -- these are all good qualities. You sound like someone who has her act together and knows how to take care of herself and her child. Good for you for getting rid of this baby and taking care of your family.

[SmartBlonde79]

Smartblonde, I see two issues:

1. Your b/f is extremely immature and an arse. I would have dumped him for this alone.
   
2. You need to learn to be a bit more patient during rough times such as being fired from a job. You can't control what job he takes or how he approaches job hunting. No partner has the right to pressure another like that. Also, if he needs to learn some maturity, controlling him won't change it. As long as he's held responsible for his portion of the expenses for cohabiting, he's an adult who will run his own life, his way.
   

 

I really DON'T want to control him. It's hard to be understanding of something that to me (and I realize it's my opinion, obviously not shared by him) is incredibly irresponsible.

 

I could be a LOT more understanding if he had been fired or laid off due to circumstances out of his control. However, he was INTENTIONALLY doing something at work that caused the firing AND he was happy about it AND he had no back up plan.

[SmartBlonde79]

Tough situation.

 

Granted, he needs to get a job. It's part of belonging to a society and everybody does their part. Being out of a job for 2 months is hard and it's not uncommon to have a hard time finding a job that fits.

 

His behavior is very childish and immature to say the least. When you're not making any money, you should not be throwing away jobs because "you f-ing hate your schedule".

 

Maybe you're better off. His remark about the price tag, is no more than a petty way to make you feel bad for asking him to move out. He's trying to hurt you because you hurt him by not being "understanding and supportive"... I don't believe that his behavior warrants a lot of leeway, but it is still in the category of "kicking a man while he is down".

 

He seems to lack class, and needs a lot of growing up to do. You're a single mother, you need to have a stable environment for your son. You can't have someone who is willing to punish a little boy because he's mad at you. I say, change the lock and don't look back.

 

Kicking a man while he's down is not my intention. Really. When he was fired (or as he said "quit"), I was on board with supporting him as he looked for a new job. Don't misunderstand - I wasn't throwing the classifieds at him every morning. I helped him update his resume, printed color copies - I even ironed a pair of khaki pants for him!! I loathe ironing!!

 

Like I said in my previous post, if it was out of his hands, no problem. I knew he was unhappy at his job but deliberately sabotaging it was not the answer, IMO.

[SmartBlonde79]

You didn't mention talking to him about how you were feeling during all these months.

 

All we got was, in summary: Boyfriend can't hold a job, so I kicked him out.

 

Did you talk to him about:

 

1) Making contributions to the house / bills?

2) Holding a job, even if you don't like it?

3) How you felt about him being out of work?

 

ps. Your post was well written except for your need to abbreviate "thought". Argh, annoying.

 

Yes, I did talk to him about it. I tried to be upbeat and positive after the "loss" of his job and help him in any way he asked (see post above.)

 

I delicately broached the subject of him making "contributions" to the household but remember, he didn't want to sign the lease, so he made a smartass remark that amounted to "not my place, not my responsibility." I brushed it off as him having a bad day but I lost the nerve to bring it up again because I really didn't want to argue about money. I THOUGHT (lol) the desire to at least pitch in where he was living would kick in but I was wrong.

[SmartBlonde79]

Reading this really hurt me

 

Probably best that you asked him to leave, I know you must have a lot of mixed feelings right about now and be feeling confused but given how hard it can be to be unemployed and to be up against medial jobs that one hates, there is no excuse for his general lack of willingness to get past his situation. That's HIS failure and nothing more than his own doing.

Being out of your home and losing you is probably best for him it will put things into prespective for him and make him want to fight harder to swim instead of sinking.

 

Don't feel bad you have your set of responsibilites and this man is acting like a child, you already have one child to look after you don't need another. While being supportive of our mates in times of need is very important and a MUST this situation supercedes anything you could have done for him, he needs to do it on his own.

 

Believe me, it hurt me too. I was a little shaken after the incident and sat to talk with the boys for a little while. We went to get ice cream and they were good to go. I felt obligated to tell his friend's mom about the incident and fortunately, she wasn't too upset. I think he can still come over to play.

[Trialbyfire]

I really DON'T want to control him. It's hard to be understanding of something that to me (and I realize it's my opinion, obviously not shared by him) is incredibly irresponsible.

 

I could be a LOT more understanding if he had been fired or laid off due to circumstances out of his control. However, he was INTENTIONALLY doing something at work that caused the firing AND he was happy about it AND he had no back up plan.

Pushing the envelope and actually being fired are two different things. The only employees I've ever fired are ones that "deserved" it for being irresponsible. Having said that, it was no less traumatic for either one of us when it was facilitated.

 

I'm not disputing that he's an arse, as stated in #1. What I'm suggesting is that when fantasy clashes with reality, you can either address it as a short-term compassionate partner or an impatient one. It's your choice.

 

The balance of this is, his behaviour didn't just manifest itself now. You must have known to a degree that he was irresponsible and immature. Should you also be held accountable for continuing a relationship with someone like this, which has impacted on your child?

[rod_in_gtown]

Kicking a man while he's down is not my intention. Really. When he was fired (or as he said "quit"), I was on board with supporting him as he looked for a new job. Don't misunderstand - I wasn't throwing the classifieds at him every morning. I helped him update his resume, printed color copies - I even ironed a pair of khaki pants for him!! I loathe ironing!!

 

Like I said in my previous post, if it was out of his hands, no problem. I knew he was unhappy at his job but deliberately sabotaging it was not the answer, IMO.

 

I didn't say it was your intention. I want to be clear: That is not the issue here.

 

He does not have self control. He scared your boy and the neighbors boy because he was mad at you. What happens when in 5 years he gets drunk and starts beating him up or you? He also hated his job and instead of looking for something better or updating his skills to improve, he broke company policy to get fired (intentionally as you suspect). He was offered another job and before he was able to start, he took it. Basically he spent company money to get trained and as soon as he was supposed to start he quit.

 

This tells a lot about his character and it generally will bleed into the other aspects of your relationship. He is selfish, childish and in my opinion not worth your time.

 

Like I said on my first post. He's a loser and you should change your lock and move on.

[Capricciosa]

I've had both friends and boyfriends who felt themselves beneath certain jobs, all the while living in their parents' basement or in my place with no qualms about not contributing to the bills. What a nice cushion--lucky them--no wonder they are in no hurry to get off it. As someone who has supported myself since the age of 19, put myself through two university degrees, bought a house, etc, I have no patience for people who are floating through life expecting others to foot the bills while they find themselves. Unacceptable, I say. One of my friends has lived in his parent's house for over 2 years now, and he is in his 30s. He's had 2 temp jobs that lasted a few months in that whole time, and puts only a minimal effort in looking for work, with a whole bunch of reasons he won't do this or that. The parents are enablers, to a certain degree, because if they kicked his sorry butt to the curb, he would have more motivation to find a job. While you were footing the bills, which he characterized as your responsibility, your bf felt no guilt in sitting around, turning down jobs that didn't suit him, etc, then turned on you when you rightly called him on it + scared your poor little boy. You're better off without him. Let his parents deal with the lazy, entitled a$$ they created.

[SmartBlonde79]

Pushing the envelope and actually being fired are two different things. The only employees I've ever fired are ones that "deserved" it for being irresponsible. Having said that, it was no less traumatic for either one of us when it was facilitated.

 

I'm not disputing that he's an arse, as stated in #1. What I'm suggesting is that when fantasy clashes with reality, you can either address it as a short-term compassionate partner or an impatient one. It's your choice.

 

The balance of this is, his behaviour didn't just manifest itself now. You must have known to a degree that he was irresponsible and immature. Should you also be held accountable for continuing a relationship with someone like this, which has impacted on your child?

 

Let me just clarify this. He had the same job when I met him 2-1/2 years ago. All of a sudden, he decided he hated his job and sabotaged it. When you are working for a company that takes inbound sales calls and you start hanging up on the people that "get on your nerves" and all of a sudden, the number of complaints rises, the company is going to investigate and you're going to be caught. That is intentional. Like I stated earlier, he was HAPPY about it. I believe he was counting down the days. It was flagrant enough that the employer fought his unemployoment claim and won.

 

But you're correct. There were some flags in the beginning. Living at home with his parents was one. Also, he always talked a mean game about goals and aspirations but there never seemed to be any real action or follow-through.

 

However, he and I got along very well and until the incident with my son and his friend yesterday, he was good with him, too. I felt at ease with him and there's a lot of physical attraction as well.

 

I believed that our relationship would help him to feel secure and give him a sense of us being a team and working together and then his desire to be more responsible would kick in, he would be more mature. Clearly, I was wrong.

[SmartBlonde79]

I had a situation similar to this.

 

I'd say your bigger issue here is the fact that you aren't compatible in your way of thinking about how life should go. And that's fine.

 

I had a bf for 1 year that was a lot different than me, regarding ambition, or even having a 'career'. I thought we could get past that, or I should say, I thought I could get past that, but in the end, I ended up breaking it off when he lost his job due to "poor attendance" because after he lost it, I gave him 1 month to start looking, and he didn't even bother. He lived at home with his parents as well (at age 36 then) which was a red flag that I chose to dismiss in the beginning of the relationship.

 

So, we learn from our mistakes. You've now learned you need someone equal in ambition to you, and that's OK. We are all entitled to our needs...

 

Yes, I NEED someone who wants to be a team player. Someone who wants to take care of me as well as I want to take care of them. It doesn't matter to me how much money he makes but it IS important to me that he contributes something. And not just financially.

 

Were you ever upset by the break up?? Did you ever miss him??

[SmartBlonde79]

He sounds like a complete baby. Unfortunately, at that age, some men still are very immature. I think a lot of men don't really begin to grow up until they are well into their 30s. I just broke up with my 31-year-old boyfriend, who even admitted to me that he is emotionally immature and seemed to have no idea where he was going or what he wanted out of life.

 

I think that these days, with women kicking butt all over the map, many men are feeling threatened, and in some cases are being very lazy.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You were trusting, loving, and optimistic -- these are all good qualities. You sound like someone who has her act together and knows how to take care of herself and her child. Good for you for getting rid of this baby and taking care of your family.

 

Hi Ruby Slippers - I feel like I already know you! LOL I've read a lot of your posts.

 

Yes, I was definitely trusting, loving and optimistic... but I think I also lost sight of any real limitations. The more I think about it, the more I believe that I was allowing him to become more like another child in my household. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to take all the credit for this breakup but I should have noticed what was starting to happen before it reached this point.

 

Obviously, he believed that it was okay to not have a job and let me continue to do everything by myself.

 

I haven't called him, I haven't emailed him, I haven't texted him and I'm not going to. I'm just wondering and waiting to see if he's going to contact me... but I plan to ignore him.

[SmartBlonde79]

I've had both friends and boyfriends who felt themselves beneath certain jobs, all the while living in their parents' basement or in my place with no qualms about not contributing to the bills. What a nice cushion--lucky them--no wonder they are in no hurry to get off it. As someone who has supported myself since the age of 19, put myself through two university degrees, bought a house, etc, I have no patience for people who are floating through life expecting others to foot the bills while they find themselves. Unacceptable, I say. One of my friends has lived in his parent's house for over 2 years now, and he is in his 30s. He's had 2 temp jobs that lasted a few months in that whole time, and puts only a minimal effort in looking for work, with a whole bunch of reasons he won't do this or that. The parents are enablers, to a certain degree, because if they kicked his sorry butt to the curb, he would have more motivation to find a job. While you were footing the bills, which he characterized as your responsibility, your bf felt no guilt in sitting around, turning down jobs that didn't suit him, etc, then turned on you when you rightly called him on it + scared your poor little boy. You're better off without him. Let his parents deal with the lazy, entitled a$$ they created.

 

I LOVE your post!!

 

I also moved out when I was 19 and although I didn't go to college, I took a few community college courses and often worked two jobs to make ends meet. Eventually, I worked my way up in my industry. I'm not independently weathly but I'm not looking for a sugar daddy, either.

 

After my husband passed away, my son and I moved back in with my parents for a few months. More for a sense of getting grounded again than anything else but it wasn't too long before I felt the desire to be back out on my own. I was very grateful for their support but it was time for me to go. We don't live far away from each other, either.

 

I don't want to fall into the bad habit of being judgmental of people with different experiences, so when I met my bf and he was still living at home, I ignored the stigma that usually comes with it. We got along so well and had a great time together. He didn't even flinch when I told him I have a son. Like I said, we were also very attracted to each other.

 

BUT here we are. 2-1/2 years down the road and he hasn't achieve any of the goals he loves to talk about. If anything, he's taken a few steps back.

 

You're definitely right about this attitude that has appeared all of a sudden of "I'm too good for this job, I'm too good for that job." If I lost my job tomorrow ((knocking on wood)) - I would be shocked and upset and scared but you bet your ass that I'll be out there immediately pounding the pavement for another job and if I have to take something temporarily that isn't exactly what I'm looking for, so be it.

 

That's what really gets me about yesterday's blow up. Here's this intelligent guy who may be a little down on his luck but he's still letting his pride or his unwillingness to "give up his weekends" get in the way of taking a job, even just a temp job?? It IS because his parents have always been enablers. He has no shame in going back to their home and living off them or staying with me as a "guest" but he's too proud to work a $10/hr job with hours that clash with his weekend "going out and sleeping in" schedule?? We are NOT in high school anymore!!

 

And before anyone says it - NO, he is NOT depressed. He's doing what he wants, when he wants and getting mad at me for calling him out on it.

 

I really do feel better having vented all of this and it's good have feedback from people outside of the situation. My mom is great but I just don't think I could call and lay this on her... she would pass out!

 

THANK YOU ALL FOR LISTENING!!

[Ruby Slippers]

Hi Ruby Slippers - I feel like I already know you! LOL I've read a lot of your posts.

Well, hey there. And welcome.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to take all the credit for this breakup but I should have noticed what was starting to happen before it reached this point.

I just wanted to remind you not to be too hard on yourself because I am SO guilty of the same thing. Since I just broke up myself, I guess I am projecting a little of my own rah-rah you go girl-ness onto you.

 

After every breakup, I tend to kick myself for ignoring red flags and warning signs. But you know, hindsight is 20/20! It's sooooo easy to see what you did wrong looking back. I am sure you learned a lot from this experience and won't make the same mistake again.

[SmartBlonde79]

I didn't say it was your intention. I want to be clear: That is not the issue here.

 

He does not have self control. He scared your boy and the neighbors boy because he was mad at you. What happens when in 5 years he gets drunk and starts beating him up or you? He also hated his job and instead of looking for something better or updating his skills to improve, he broke company policy to get fired (intentionally as you suspect). He was offered another job and before he was able to start, he took it. Basically he spent company money to get trained and as soon as he was supposed to start he quit.

 

This tells a lot about his character and it generally will bleed into the other aspects of your relationship. He is selfish, childish and in my opinion not worth your time.

 

Like I said on my first post. He's a loser and you should change your lock and move on.

 

It's all good Rod!

 

I do feel better after venting and not so guilty anymore about making him leave.

[Ruby Slippers]

I love Capricciosa's post, too!! You rock!

 

If I lost my job tomorrow ((knocking on wood)) - I would be shocked and upset and scared but you bet your ass that I'll be out there immediately pounding the pavement for another job and if I have to take something temporarily that isn't exactly what I'm looking for, so be it.

Right?! I got a job the day I turned 16 and started saving for college. I also put myself through, with savings from that job, part-time jobs, and scholarships, and I have been taking care of myself since and started my own small business a few years ago, with nothing but some savings and my own skills.

 

I am sometimes amazed at how people will pass on entry-level and temporary work because it's beneath them, and then complain about how they're not getting anywhere! I have had acquaintances complain to me about not being able to make ends meet because they're unemployed. I then offered them part-time, flexible, and pretty easy work to help them get back on their feet, and they turned it down and then went right on complaining! lol

 

As a long-time self-reliant person, that kind of attitude just does not

compute -- it registers as sheer laziness to me, and I don't have much patience or sympathy for that.

[SmartBlonde79]

Well, hey there. And welcome.

 

I just wanted to remind you not to be too hard on yourself because I am SO guilty of the same thing. Since I just broke up myself, I guess I am projecting a little of my own rah-rah you go girl-ness onto you.

 

After every breakup, I tend to kick myself for ignoring red flags and warning signs. But you know, hindsight is 20/20! It's sooooo easy to see what you did wrong looking back. I am sure you learned a lot from this experience and won't make the same mistake again.

 

AMEN, SIS-TAH!! *MUAH*

 

[HokeyReligions]

I believed that our relationship would help him to feel secure and give him a sense of us being a team and working together and then his desire to be more responsible would kick in, he would be more mature. Clearly, I was wrong.

 

 

I think this is the crux of the situation and relationship. Its very human and very common.

 

You saw him through the proverbial rose-colored-glasses and believed that your love and support would be all he needed to kick-start his life, and you as an independent single-parent would also be his role-model for his own personal growth. And you felt blind-sided when reality cracked those glasses. Your heart was already committed by the time your eyes were opened.

 

It doesn't mean it has to end - the spark and potential that attracted you may be real - but potential is nothing without personal commitment - His personal commitment. If his parents stop enabling him maybe he will man-up someday, but be prepared - there are lots of men who never do grow up and live their entire lives off of others. You have to choose if your love for him is worth the emotional sacrifices you will have to make to stay with him.

 

Yanking a game away from a child is what jumped out to me. He could be one of those who, when denied their enablers, react violently. Be careful.

[SmartBlonde79]

I think this is the crux of the situation and relationship. Its very human and very common.

 

You saw him through the proverbial rose-colored-glasses and believed that your love and support would be all he needed to kick-start his life, and you as an independent single-parent would also be his role-model for his own personal growth. And you felt blind-sided when reality cracked those glasses. Your heart was already committed by the time your eyes were opened.

 

It doesn't mean it has to end - the spark and potential that attracted you may be real - but potential is nothing without personal commitment - His personal commitment. If his parents stop enabling him maybe he will man-up someday, but be prepared - there are lots of men who never do grow up and live their entire lives off of others. You have to choose if your love for him is worth the emotional sacrifices you will have to make to stay with him.

 

Yanking a game away from a child is what jumped out to me. He could be one of those who, when denied their enablers, react violently. Be careful.

 

As nice as it would be for a happy ending, it's not gonna happen. He would have to leave his comfort zone that he has been used to for 28-1/2 years.

 

His parents have been enablers since he was born. They are nice people but they don't see anything wrong with letting him come and go as he pleases and footing the bills.

 

Besides, after the scene he caused yesterday over a trivial, insignificant BOARD GAME, he sealed the deal.

 

I've been generous with my time, my money, my home, my love, my support and more but when HE feels threatened, he gets to snatch up all of his TOYS like a selfish brat?? The board game had to go right that minute at the expense of my son and his friend?? I DON'T THINK SO.