Lishy Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Well I would be SO offended if my guy asked me to marry him and then presented me with a ring he bought for his ex! I would even rethink getting married as I would see it as cheap and thoughtless! I would also never wear the same wedding dress that I wore in a previous failed marriage as I would have memories of it with the ex and the failure that prevailed. I am cringing just at the thought of getting the ring bought for another!!
Art_Critic Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 As a guy... I'd be offended if my wife just pulled out a necklace and gave it to me on our anniversary and then said it was her ex-husbands and she gave it to him for their first anniversary but he gave it back to her.. I'd like to agree with Touche that it doesn't matter.. but it really does.. She reused her wedding dress but she didn't reuse her old wedding ring from her first husband Also.. a wedding dress is bought by the bride for the bride and it isn't a symbol of the love and commitment of the marriage. If it was meant for another woman then a person cannot really give it to another without looking cheap and disrespectful.. Now.. If a woman agrees that a used ring from a previous engagement is okay then by all means go for it.. I also think that if a woman knew it was a used ring meant for the previous girl then she would not think it was okay... The only way it would be okay is if the guy lied and kept it quiet and why start out a marriage on the wrong foot of dishonesty ?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 As a guy... I'd be offended if my wife just pulled out a necklace and gave it to me on our anniversary and then said it was her ex-husbands and she gave it to him for their first anniversary but he gave it back to her.. I'd like to agree with Touche that it doesn't matter.. but it really does.. She reused her wedding dress but she didn't reuse her old wedding ring from her first husband Also.. a wedding dress is bought by the bride for the bride and it isn't a symbol of the love and commitment of the marriage. If it was meant for another woman then a person cannot really give it to another without looking cheap and disrespectful.. Now.. If a woman agrees that a used ring from a previous engagement is okay then by all means go for it.. I also think that if a woman knew it was a used ring meant for the previous girl then she would not think it was okay... The only way it would be okay is if the guy lied and kept it quiet and why start out a marriage on the wrong foot of dishonesty ? Yeah, those are my thoughts too. I would be very upset if another girl had worn MY ring. The dilema was that this kid couldn't return his ex-fiance's ring so he just reused it. He could have always taken it to a pawn shop though, and took the money to buy a new one. Guys aren't to smart sometimes...(my idiot bf included)
Lishy Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 LB, Your BF does not have an old engagement ring does he?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 LB, Your BF does not have an old engagement ring does he? LOL, NO!!! He has never been engaged before, hence the fact that he is dense about engagement rings. This is my friend's sister (her ex fiance) that I'm talking about. I think he may be sort of dense about rings as well...
almost famous Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I'd rather buy my own ring than wear one purchased for his engagement to another woman! Yuck. Oh but this makes you superficial!!! :eek:
norajane Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Oh but this makes you superficial!!! :eek: If that makes me superficial, so be it.
Touche Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Some of us are superficial and some of us aren't. It's just that simple.
almost famous Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I wouldn't want an engagement ring from a previous broken engagement... but I think that has more to do with an irrational supertition then any logical reasoning. My H and I went to the pawn store once, and they had all kinds of engagement rings there. We stopped and looked at them. I told him I'd be happy if he found one of those he wanted, but deep down inside all I could think was "Bad luck! Bad Luck!". haha.. Absolutely irrational. OH but this makes you very superficial, according to Touche. :eek:
almost famous Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Superficial is relative. Not wanting to wear a ring bought and chosen for your fiance's ex else is not superficial. Buying a lipstick is actually more superficial than that.
Lishy Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Some of us are superficial and some of us aren't. It's just that simple. Or we could say ... Some of us have pride, some of us don't!
Touche Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Or we could say ... Some of us have pride, some of us don't! Exactly! Well said!
Kamille Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 But women's minds work different from ours. We're based on logic while they're based on emotions and superstition. They feel that a ring, once purchased for someone else, is imbued with the love you had for that other person and if you re-give it to someone else, then that old love is in there festering the new relationship and will end up in a bad marriage. Why do you think they love Sleepless in Seattle so much? the mysticism of love being this intangible essence that travels thousands of miles and connects two perfect stranges. And when their hands touch and they "know" they're meant for each other? Puhleeze. Chances are, she doesn't care, she doesn't want the whole "2 month salary ring" but would rather have something tangible to build their life on... something like... I don't know... a house! Oh so I guess this one woman wasn't letting her emotional and unrational side get the best of her . I'm glad you have statistic and encycopedic knowledge on women but when you do find someone else in your life, please treat her like an individual, not a an overemotional and supersticious human being.
Scottdmw Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Well, I guess many of the women feel the way the feel about used engagement rings. All I can say is, ladies remember this the next time you want to complain about men making more money or something like that. You put a lot of expectations on guys for what they have to spend money on that are not on you. I've had a ring returned to me and it irks me to no end that it's worth a small fraction of what I paid. If I want to even have a chance at marrying another woman I have to buy _another_ ring now, which she can freely return if she decides not to marry me and I'm stuck with another big loss of cash.
norajane Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Well, I guess many of the women feel the way the feel about used engagement rings. All I can say is, ladies remember this the next time you want to complain about men making more money or something like that. You put a lot of expectations on guys for what they have to spend money on that are not on you. I've had a ring returned to me and it irks me to no end that it's worth a small fraction of what I paid. If I want to even have a chance at marrying another woman I have to buy _another_ ring now, which she can freely return if she decides not to marry me and I'm stuck with another big loss of cash. Ask a jeweler to turn the stone into a necklace and give it to your mom for mother's day.
pretty professional Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Well you don't even know if he did give his new fiancee the same ring. Maybe he pawned it and bought another ring. That said, I would rather have no ring than a ring purchased for someone else, unless it was a vintage ring from his great grandmother or something, lol.
Walk Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 You put a lot of expectations on guys for what they have to spend money on that are not on you. I've had a ring returned to me and it irks me to no end that it's worth a small fraction of what I paid. If I want to even have a chance at marrying another woman I have to buy _another_ ring now, which she can freely return if she decides not to marry me and I'm stuck with another big loss of cash. You don't have to purchase a new ring for every woman you propose to. Just keep your mouth shut about any history the ring may have acquired while in your possession. Problem solved. But be honest here... you buy a ring for a woman as a symbol of a promise to spend the rest of your life with that specific woman. That she is so special and unique that you want her to share the rest of your life. Then you get to the next woman, and you attempt to tell her that the same ring you tried to give the last girl is supposed to represent mean you want only her, and that she's the most special woman in the world to you. The sentiment comes off like a con artist trying to sell a bridge in alaska. Why even try to play it that way. Just "forget" to mention the ring was purchased prior to meeting the woman you're proposing to. Either that, or don't attempt to convince the next girl that the ring symbolizes you want only her.
Walk Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 OH but this makes you very superficial, according to Touche. :eek: If it wasn't so irrational then it would've been superficial. Instead it just shows that I'm nuts.
pretty professional Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 What if the woman you proposed to before was into yellow gold and you bought her a yellow gold ring, and you have this new fiancee who absolutely hates yellow gold and only wears white gold, silver, or platinum? Believe me, if you got to the point of engagement, you would know her well enough to know that a yellow gold ring would be unacceptable to her. Also, you have the fact that you can TELL that a ring h as been worn before, even for 4 months. you want a guy who is willing to invest and choose something just for you, if he is so chintzy he would recycle some other ring bought specifically for another woman's taste, that shows he won't be invested in the marriage, either. a guy who loves a woman takes pleasure in choosing just the right ring for his love.
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 For those of you who are okay with getting an old ring, would you get married in the same place and on the same day that he did before? With the same wedding party? Same colors of flowers? Just a different name on the same invitation? So gross.
pretty professional Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 If a guy ever did that, he is a total idiot.
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