Touche Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Wow, I'm shocked at some of you. Who gives an eff about the ring? Wow. I can't believe how superficial some of you are. Sorry, not my deal. I only care about the MAN, not the RING. Get it?
Ocean-Blue Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Wow, I'm shocked at some of you. Who gives an eff about the ring? Wow. I can't believe how superficial some of you are. Sorry, not my deal. I only care about the MAN, not the RING. Get it? I'd rather not get a ring at all than get one he gave to another woman. It's not about being superficial at all. I don't want another woman's sloppy seconds.
almost famous Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Yes, I get that, but just because I don't want a ring that he picked out for his exfiancee's taste and I can't wear because it's TOO BIG doesn't mean I'm superficial or that I love my man any less than you love yours. You can only size a ring down a size or two (my ring size is a bit more than a 4). I'd rather have no ring from him than have some ring that doesn't fit and I can't wear that was chosen for some other chick he loved at one time.
jerbear Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I have reasons to use the ring again. The rings that I have, all have stories behind them. They were given to me by family members. I would redo the setting and add something to the ring before passing it on to a fiance with the stipulation that she is the keeper and not the owner. Also the gems are good quality. I personally would not have bought a ring but prefer to put the money toward something together, i.e. house/home or with D-Lish an high end entertainment center.
Touche Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I'd rather not get a ring at all than get one he gave to another woman. It's not about being superficial at all. I don't want another woman's sloppy seconds. Shoot, I've never had this happen to me. But couldn't my H say the same thing about my wedding dress? I mean I wore the same one the second time around and he didn't care. I'm kind of shocked at both of you with the rings. Surely he can get the ring re-sized. Are you that concerned about his love for you? Wow. Isn't it obvious that HE chose the ring. Whether he chose it for you or for another women...what difference does it make? I've never been in that situation but I'd surely not make a to do about this. Sloppy seconds? Do you think for one minute that my H thought because I wore my wedding gown before that HE was sloppy seconds? Wow...no way, honey.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Shoot, I've never had this happen to me. But couldn't my H say the same thing about my wedding dress? I mean I wore the same one the second time around and he didn't care. I'm kind of shocked at both of you with the rings. Surely he can get the ring re-sized. Are you that concerned about his love for you? Wow. Isn't it obvious that HE chose the ring. Whether he chose it for you or for another women...what difference does it make? I've never been in that situation but I'd surely not make a to do about this. Sloppy seconds? Do you think for one minute that my H thought because I wore my wedding gown before that HE was sloppy seconds? Wow...no way, honey. I don't understand why you're getting so defensive. This is a very personal choice anyway. Some women are OK with this, some aren't. Like I said, I'd rather not get a ring at all. The engagement ring, to me, holds a symbolic significance. Usually, when a man picks out a ring, he has his fiance-to-be in mind (her personality). I just don't feel comfortable wearing a ring that another woman wore (especially given the significance of the ring). It was your choice to use the same ring and wear the same dress and it has worked well for you. I personally would not be up for it.
Touche Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I don't understand why you're getting so defensive. This is a very personal choice anyway. Some women are OK with this, some aren't. Like I said, I'd rather not get a ring at all. The engagement ring, to me, holds a symbolic significance. Usually, when a man picks out a ring, he has his fiance-to-be in mind (her personality). I just don't feel comfortable wearing a ring that another woman wore (especially given the significance of the ring). It was your choice to use the same ring and wear the same dress and it has worked well for you. I personally would not be up for it. Nope. The ring was a brand new ring. It was only the wedding dress that was "re-cycled." I'm not defensive. You're right that it's a personal choice. No doubt about it. All I'm saying is that rings and dresses, etc. mean nothing to me. I care more about the MAN. I care more about our connection. I care more about whether we have what it takes to make it for the long haul. The ring and dress, etc..mean nothing to me. Nothing at all. But that's just me, I guess.
almost famous Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Nope, you can only size down a ring a little. And no, I don't want to wear a ring that was chosen for some other chick's taste. what if I think the ring is ugly or it doesn't suit my hand, which is very possible? Rings suit different women's hands depending on if they have longer or shorter fingers. I am not wearing some ring that looks ugly on my hand. Do you want to wear something that looks ugly or unattractive? I am with Ocean...I would rather have NO ring than one chosen for some other chick. How does this make me superficial? Also a guy with any love for me wouldn't want to give me a ring he chose with some other past love's taste in mind representing his love for her, and too big. He would want to give me a ring that FIT for one thing and that suited MY hand and MY taste. OR he'd rather not give me a ring at all and we'd be engaged without a ring.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Nope. The ring was a brand new ring. It was only the wedding dress that was "re-cycled." I'm not defensive. You're right that it's a personal choice. No doubt about it. All I'm saying is that rings and dresses, etc. mean nothing to me. I care more about the MAN. I care more about our connection. I care more about whether we have what it takes to make it for the long haul. The ring and dress, etc..mean nothing to me. Nothing at all. But that's just me, I guess. Ahh, OK. I guess I misread. I agree with you. I care more about the man than the glitz. This is precisely why I'm willing to forgo the whole ring thing if he decides not to give me one.
Touche Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 OB, we agree. As to others...wow. yuk. I'd never want to marry a woman with such an attitude. Yuck, yuck. What man would? It's pretty obvious why some women are still single when they're in their late 30's into their 40's.
climbergirl Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Nope. The ring was a brand new ring. It was only the wedding dress that was "re-cycled." I'm not defensive. You're right that it's a personal choice. No doubt about it. All I'm saying is that rings and dresses, etc. mean nothing to me. I care more about the MAN. I care more about our connection. I care more about whether we have what it takes to make it for the long haul. The ring and dress, etc..mean nothing to me. Nothing at all. But that's just me, I guess. I agree with what you're saying about caring about the man and the ring is just superfluous, but... Let's say that your fiance wanted you to wear his ex's wedding dress to save money. Would you be ok with that? And, sh*t, you only would have to wear that for one day, not for the rest of your life. IDK. Kind of weird.
djhall Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 The realistic view point is that rings are expensive and sell for a fraction of the value of what you purchased them for. This could be a great business. I should make a website where guys can send in their refused rings to have them evaluated by a jeweler and appraised for credit against any of the other rings on the site that other guys have sent in. I wonder how many of the men who got those rings specifically for that other woman with her and her taste in mind actually went into a jewelry store and said, what is the best ring you've got for $xxxx.
djhall Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I agree with what you're saying about caring about the man and the ring is just superfluous, but... Let's say that your fiance wanted you to wear his ex's wedding dress to save money. Would you be ok with that? And, sh*t, you only would have to wear that for one day, not for the rest of your life. IDK. Kind of weird. What is funny about this is that just about all men get married in some generic rented tuxedo that is virtuall identical to all the others. Why is the woman's dress so special and the man's tux so not?
dropdeadlegs Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Forget the big ring- that money would be better spent on a big screen tv... ...or a new tractor. One that actually starts every time you turn the key.
climbergirl Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 What is funny about this is that just about all men get married in some generic rented tuxedo that is virtuall identical to all the others. Why is the woman's dress so special and the man's tux so not? Good question and goes along with what Touche has been saying. However, I don't think it's as superficial as she has stated. Marriage/engagement and all facets involved are very personal, and an expression of just the two of you. A new chapter, a new beginning... My husband made the point in that 'you wouldn't use a wedding ring again, would you?'. So how are any of the other aspects involved different?
OpenBook Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I would redo the setting and add something to the ring before passing it on to a fiance with the stipulation that she is the keeper and not the owner. Putting stipulations on a wedding ring? How romantic. Have you ever tried this IRL? A ring symbolizes more than just glitz. It's such a significant investment and so valuable, you can tell a lot about what a man's going to be like in the M by the way he obtains and presents the ring to you.
almost famous Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 OB, we agree. As to others...wow. yuk. I'd never want to marry a woman with such an attitude. Yuck, yuck. What man would? It's pretty obvious why some women are still single when they're in their late 30's into their 40's. I already stated that I would rather have no ring at all. I'd rather have the connection. I have no expectation of a ring at all, and am very giving and loving in a relationship with a man I love. As for being single, I just haven't found the right man for me. I'd rather be unmarried than married and unhappy. I'm not wearing a too big ring that is unattractive and chosen for someone else he loved before, however. If a man loves you, if a ring is involved, he is going to take some effort and care into it and if he recycyles an ugly too large ring to his intended, he isn't taking effort and showing care for her. I don't live by antiquated standards as you do that there is something wrong with a woman if she isn't married at a certain age. Wearing the same wedding dress is totally different because you chose it yourself in most cases, and also it wasn't chosen for a woman your fiance loved previously. I will repeat I am fine with no ring at all. You seemed to have missed that before. I think it is well agreed that love is the most important thing than material things and I would gladly go ringless for a wonderful man I loved. However, I don't love just anyone because people like you are telling me I need to be married to validate myself. I was married and divorced 6 years ago, and I am not just marrying any ole guy who wants to marry me. Being unhappy in a 2 year marriage has taught me that. By the way, did your husband buy you an engagement ring?
almost famous Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 What is funny about this is that just about all men get married in some generic rented tuxedo that is virtuall identical to all the others. Why is the woman's dress so special and the man's tux so not? Yes but when you rent the tux, did you ask for it to be the same size as your fiance's exhusband/exfiance? Hmmm....did you choose it to fit yourself or your fiancee's ex? LOL What if he is like, 5'8 and you are 6 foot tall....you can't taillor the tux to you, just like if a woman was a size 7 ring size, it's impossible to size it down to my own size 4.
norajane Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I'd rather buy my own ring than wear one purchased for his engagement to another woman! Yuck.
Walk Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Putting stipulations on a wedding ring? How romantic. Have you ever tried this IRL? A ring symbolizes more than just glitz. It's such a significant investment and so valuable, you can tell a lot about what a man's going to be like in the M by the way he obtains and presents the ring to you. Actually, if I had a guy that said that then I wouldn't have an issue with it. Especially considering that Jerbears rings have special meaning to him beyond that of "engagement ring". At that point, it would make me feel far more special to be the 'keeper' of his very important memories then owner of a store bought piece of metal and stone. What can you tell from how a man obtains and presents a ring to you? The first guy who went out of his way to purchase a ring was a stingy evil man. The second one who didn't put too much emphasis on the ring is the most generous caring man I've ever known.
Walk Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I wouldn't want an engagement ring from a previous broken engagement... but I think that has more to do with an irrational supertition then any logical reasoning. My H and I went to the pawn store once, and they had all kinds of engagement rings there. We stopped and looked at them. I told him I'd be happy if he found one of those he wanted, but deep down inside all I could think was "Bad luck! Bad Luck!". haha.. Absolutely irrational.
jerbear Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I have reasons to use the ring again. The rings that I have, all have stories behind them. They were given to me by family members. I would redo the setting and add something to the ring before passing it on to a fiance with the stipulation that she is the keeper and not the owner. Also the gems are good quality. I personally would not have bought a ring but prefer to put the money toward something together, i.e. house/home or with D-Lish an high end entertainment center. Putting stipulations on a wedding ring? How romantic. Have you ever tried this IRL? A ring symbolizes more than just glitz. It's such a significant investment and so valuable, you can tell a lot about what a man's going to be like in the M by the way he obtains and presents the ring to you. My post mentions the significance of the ring, not the glitz.
Star Gazer Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I'd rather buy my own ring than wear one purchased for his engagement to another woman! Yuck. Me too! Using the same ring?
mopar crazy Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I wouldn't want the same ring from a broken engagement either. And there was no way in he!! my H would have given me the same ring he gave to his xfiancee. He chose the perfect ring for me and I know it was not the same one he gave her.
Athlon Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 With engagement rings I think one bought specifically for the person is the right thing to do. The same with the wedding band unless its a family heirloom passed down one generation to the next. In our family engagement rings have more often than not been passed down through the girls and worn as jewellery but wedding rings seem to get passed down through the boys. The fact that this guy is proposing again so soon and also with the same ring suggests that he isnt giving this much serious thought. Is it just another tick on the checklist of life?
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