Lauriebell82 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I had a discussion with my boyfreind over this topic yesterday. My best friend's little sister was engaged to this man for about 4 months before breaking off the engagement. (in January).She gave him back the ring. Long story short, her ex-fiance meets a foreign girl who he ends up dating for 6 months, then proposes to her. So I wondered (out loud) to my boyfreind if he gave her the same ring he proposed to his ex with. My boyfriend said "probably" and didn't see any problem with this. I thought he was nuts, and that I would be very hurt and offended if a guy proposed with a ring he had proposed to another girl with. What are others thoughts on the subject? What are your feelings about proposing with the same ring?
Art_Critic Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I'm against it.. first off a ring is bought with a specific person in mind.. just bad juju to give a ring meant for on to another.. There are people who give heirlooms but those are of a different nature and many women would not wear an heirloom because it was bought for another It shows of cheapness and his lack of respect for her... I'm guessing that she doesn't know ?... I would think that if she does know then it would be okay but if she doesn't know then he is asking for a quick marriage as a marriage based on that one huge lie cannot last and there will be many more lies around the corner...
rod_in_gtown Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I still have the engagement ring I was going to give my ex gf. My rationale is: when I meet someone I want to marry, and I'm ready to propose, I'll take the ring into the store, and use it to pay for part of the new ring. When speaking out of logic, there is nothing wrong about using the same ring. But women's minds work different from ours. We're based on logic while they're based on emotions and superstition. They feel that a ring, once purchased for someone else, is imbued with the love you had for that other person and if you re-give it to someone else, then that old love is in there festering the new relationship and will end up in a bad marriage. Why do you think they love Sleepless in Seattle so much? the mysticism of love being this intangible essence that travels thousands of miles and connects two perfect stranges. And when their hands touch and they "know" they're meant for each other? Puhleeze. If they don't have a problem with it, LET THEM BE. They deserve to define happiness on their own terms, not by what your code dictates what your happiness should be. Chances are, she doesn't care, she doesn't want the whole "2 month salary ring" but would rather have something tangible to build their life on... something like... I don't know... a house! Ok... rant over. PS, I would not give her the same ring not because I think it's wrong but because I think I know how women stand on this issue. When they get together, it's a pissing contest on who has the biggest ring, and where they got it etc etc etc
Legend Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I still have the engagement ring I was going to give my ex gf. My rationale is: when I meet someone I want to marry, and I'm ready to propose, I'll take the ring into the store, and use it to pay for part of the new ring. When speaking out of logic, there is nothing wrong about using the same ring. But women's minds work different from ours. We're based on logic while they're based on emotions and superstition. They feel that a ring, once purchased for someone else, is imbued with the love you had for that other person and if you re-give it to someone else, then that old love is in there festering the new relationship and will end up in a bad marriage. Why do you think they love Sleepless in Seattle so much? the mysticism of love being this intangible essence that travels thousands of miles and connects two perfect stranges. And when their hands touch and they "know" they're meant for each other? Puhleeze. If they don't have a problem with it, LET THEM BE. They deserve to define happiness on their own terms, not by what your code dictates what your happiness should be. Chances are, she doesn't care, she doesn't want the whole "2 month salary ring" but would rather have something tangible to build their life on... something like... I don't know... a house! Ok... rant over. PS, I would not give her the same ring not because I think it's wrong but because I think I know how women stand on this issue. When they get together, it's a pissing contest on who has the biggest ring, and where they got it etc etc etc what he said ....
flc Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I would agree if the ring was bought specifically for someone it should not be reused. If the ring is a family heirloom then the significance is not tied to the receiver and it would be Ok.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 PS, I would not give her the same ring not because I think it's wrong but because I think I know how women stand on this issue. When they get together, it's a pissing contest on who has the biggest ring, and where they got it etc etc etc EEEKK! I have never even witnessed this. I believe that the only time it is appropriate to give a ring that was owned/worn/intended for someone else is if it were and family heirloom belonging to ones departed mother or grandmother. In that case it would be an honor. They feel that a ring, once purchased for someone else, is imbued with the love you had for that other person and if you re-give it to someone else, then that old love is in there festering the new relationship and will end up in a bad marriage. I would say that it is representative of the love and intention that one had for someone else. I can't see any woman wanting that. I believe that it is certainly a lack of respect and understanding and that THAT might be a sign that the marriage would not be a good one.
dcgirl33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 He should use the same ring. That ring was given with the expectation of marriage. If they did not get married, he gets the ring back and he can do with it whatever he like i.e. give it to his new intended. He needs to stop getting engaged so much.
audrey_1 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 My rationale is: when I meet someone I want to marry, and I'm ready to propose, I'll take the ring into the store, and use it to pay for part of the new ring. When speaking out of logic, there is nothing wrong about using the same ring. They feel that a ring, once purchased for someone else, is imbued with the love you had for that other person... I see nothing wrong using a ring toward the purchase of another; in fact, I would expect my ex-fiancee to do this if he finds someone else he wants to marry. I hope he does, anyway. Would I want a ring bought with someone else in mind? No, probably for reasons Rod stated about the emotional attachment. It isn't "mine." It's "hers." Chances are, she doesn't care, she doesn't want the whole "2 month salary ring" but would rather have something tangible to build their life on... something like... I don't know... a house! Oddly enough, I was overwhelmed by what he bought me. A 2 ct. princess cut, that was nearly perfect. It drew attention wherever I went; women would stand around and fawn all over it. He had wanted it to be bigger. It made me uncomfortable, honestly, because I am much more low-key and subtle. It's true I would rather have something "tangible" to build a life on, like shared interests, a similar lifestyle i.e. physical activity, eating habits, etc., and to be able to laugh and relax with one another. It is the lack of these core things (to my satisfaction) that pushed me to break my engagement. The ring was an afterthought, though I still harbor guilt about the money he spent to purchase it, and that he was left with it. I wouldn't trade places with him for anything. I hated to hurt him like that.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Oddly enough, I was overwhelmed by what he bought me. A 2 ct. princess cut, that was nearly perfect. It drew attention wherever I went; women would stand around and fawn all over it. He had wanted it to be bigger. It made me uncomfortable, honestly, because I am much more low-key and subtle. This is the same case with my sister. she got an obscenely large ring. I don't know how many ct but It was actually heavy. and the rock was HUGE! a couple of her friends reportedly called their husbands and complained about the size of their rings. One of the husbands is fighting right now in Iraq and that made me really mad. I don't think rings are a big deal, neither of my parents wear theirs, I was raised with a different moral code, where we value ethics and substance over comodities. However, I have accepted the fact that most women here in the US are not like that and they need the ring. So I follow suit. My first wife did not get a ring. we were ok and happy with the decision. But that's rare in my book.
D-Jam Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 What are others thoughts on the subject? What are your feelings about proposing with the same ring? If I bought an engagement ring, I wouldn't have it engraved. Mostly because if things tank, you can at least sell the ring. If I proposed to a new girl I'd get a new ring. I'd understand if this was maybe some family heirloom, like a Grandmother's ring, but not if you bought it new and then hung on to it. Again, I think people shouldn't get the ring engraved...just in case they need to sell it back.
BuJin Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 What are others thoughts on the subject? What are your feelings about proposing with the same ring? I say it is bad karma. Too much negativity attached to the ring. Just a bad decision, if you ask me.
melodymatters Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 My Fiancee's uncle is a jeweler. So, we went to trade in my high quality 1 ct diamond, with the intent to purchase just a pretty ring. BUT, we got there, there was a beautiful mathcing 3 ring set, we had been talking about getting engaged and it all felt meant to be. The fact that the guy who gave me the initial ring, was my BF for 6 yrs, we got married and bought a house in the same week, and he had a nervous break down and abandoned me and my daughter 3 weeks later,made it much easier ( and more fun !) to trade THAT ring in for a much more meaningful guy/purpose !
almost famous Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 No, it's wrong if he did that because the ring is chosen with that woman's taste in mind. Also, some stones don't flatter some women's hands that do others. So there is not the option of exchanging it. I want to know that he took the time to choose the ring especially for me and what suits me, not his last fiancee. If a guy is thinking "A ring is a ring" not so. If it looks bad on my hand, then it won't be special to me.
Touche Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Who cares? I wore the same wedding dress I wore when I married the first time as I wore when I married the second (and last time.) Big deal. I don't see any problem with the ring either. Dresses and rings mean nothing in the end. Nothing. What matters is if you are compatible and whether you're meant to be together. Nothing else means nothing at all. The rest is all superficial.
Potatocakes Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I would be horribly offended if I found out I had a ring that was intended for someone else. I've heard of several of my guy friends doing this(I'm young so this is mostly promise rings, but a few engagement rings). When a guy goes to pick out the engagement ring what runs through their head is "This is what she would like.." They are only soppose to have that one girl in mind. Also there are a lot of future memories that go along with that ring, I dont see how a guy can just shrug all that off and 'start over' with someone new.
almost famous Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 What if the ring he bought for her was sized just for her and my ring size is a lot smaller, too small to be sized for myself? Also, what if the ring simply looked ugly on my hand and I hated it? Who cares? I wore the same wedding dress I wore when I married the first time as I wore when I married the second (and last time.) Big deal. I don't see any problem with the ring either. Dresses and rings mean nothing in the end. Nothing. What matters is if you are compatible and whether you're meant to be together. Nothing else means nothing at all. The rest is all superficial.
Ariadne Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Who cares? I wore the same wedding dress I wore when I married the first time as I wore when I married the second (and last time.) Big deal. I don't see any problem with the ring either. Dresses and rings mean nothing in the end. Nothing. What matters is if you are compatible and whether you're meant to be together. Nothing else means nothing at all. The rest is all superficial. Wow, that is pretty awesome. I agree. Also, I got married with the same wedding ring I got married the first time.
D-Lish Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I don't care about how big a diamond is or how much it costs. I also don't congregate around the shiny ring of a newly engaged woman- it isn't impressive to me. I would NOT however, want a ring that my fiance had bought with someone else in mind. Melt it down, have it re-designed, trade it in for something different.... I would co-habitate and have kids and forego the getting married again thing if it were up to me.... Forget the big ring- that money would be better spent on a big screen tv...
almost famous Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 There are many, many men who don't feel there is no meaning in the ring and it is special to them to choose it just for the woman they love, and they DO see it as a symbol of the love, not just a material thing for women.
nowhereman82 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 The realistic view point is that rings are expensive and sell for a fraction of the value of what you purchased them for. I sure in hell would reuse mine. I spent $6k on my ring and I sure in hell can't afford that again lol. and I can't see it because no one has that much cash that would buy a used ring.
Touche Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 What if the ring he bought for her was sized just for her and my ring size is a lot smaller, too small to be sized for myself? Also, what if the ring simply looked ugly on my hand and I hated it? Waaa, waaa. Who cares? Some women should stop being so spoiled. It's just a ring...sheesh. Are you into the man or the ring?
Touche Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Wow, that is pretty awesome. I agree. Also, I got married with the same wedding ring I got married the first time. Thanks, A. I'm not surprised. Some of us just aren't that superficial.
carhill Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Such hasn't happened to me but, as a gem hobbyist, I'd likely have a gem set in a custom mount (selected by the woman) for a proposal and, if returned, I'd de-mount the gem and any side gems and put it/them back into "stock". The setting would be reclaimed. If another opportunity would present itself, the process would start all over. I believe there is a special synthesis of nature, art and craftsmanship which goes into the making of any piece of jewelry and which makes each piece unique, regardless of the parts it came from. I also have an opinion about the diamond business, so am loathe to add new gems unless absolutely necessary, preferring to use what I have or purchase pre-owned gems. Romantic? Perhaps seemingly not, but romance is in the execution I would not "re-use" a ring from a broken engagement.....
Ocean-Blue Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 It would initially REALLY upset me. However, I'd be open to hearing about his reasons... But even then, I'd be really hurt. To me, an engagement ring is symbolic of the commitment of an impending marriage, etc. It's not JUST any old ring. But then again, my bf doesn't "believe in" engagement rings (for now, anyway). Hopefully this will change. But yeah, it's not cool at all. I don't care if it was his grandmother's engagement ring, if he proposed to another woman with it, I want no part of that ring.
almost famous Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Waaa, waaa. Who cares? Some women should stop being so spoiled. It's just a ring...sheesh. Are you into the man or the ring? I care if I can't even wear the ring because it's too big and he had specifically chosen it for some other woman's taste and it was bought to represent their love, not ours. I didn't say anything about it needing to be of a certain cost and I'm not superficial. It would just show that he put no thought into my ring whatsoever, and that would show that he put no thought into our love and marriage.
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