JBGirl Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Since I'm new here I figure that I would introduce myself and then my dilemma. I'm a 23 year old recent college grad who is about to enter the work force and pursue law school within the next year. I've been with my bf for 5 and a half years. The first two years were great, the third more routine but still great. The fourth is when the problems started. He has always had self esteem issues and a temper. We had been together since our senior year of high school, we were both in college, and he got attention from a girl at a party he went to with his friends. It turned out that we took a break so he could hang out with them with his friends and be the cool guy who got the girls to hang out with. So I figured whatever if this helps his self esteem fine. He was a complete ass during that time, not sympathetic or thankful for me being immensely understanding. After two to three months of that we got back together (for which I kick myself, even till this day). Since then.. things have just been outright rocky. He has low self esteem, no confidence, and feels that he is ugly. I have tried to convince him otherwise, which is a lost cause. When we walk in public together I walk behind him to see who checks him out, if it's a bad day and he doesn't get what he wants then we end up fighting. If he's feeling low one day.. he sets the mood for the both of us for the whole day. The fighting progressed from once or twice a month to two to three days a week. Fighting for us isn't a scream-fest, rather it is him yelling, belittling, and condemning me while I bite my tongue and usually end up crying. To make a long story short.. I feel that dealing with the prior break on his behalf, the temper, the harsh and hurtful words.. has left my feelings for him very damaged. I do not feel the same towards him. I find it hard to become intimate with him. I don't get excited when he comes home from school. I dread going to public places with him because I don't want to deal with his issues. I know it looks obvious: leave him! But at the same time it's hard for me. It's hard because we have so much history, our families are close and we are both close to each others' relatives, we have had a lot of good times, and so on. He wants to change, but I feel it's too late. I love him dearly as a person and care about him a lot. I just don't feel "in love" with him. Another problem is that he is still in school (and is going to be for awhile) because he does not take the initiative to be self sufficient and independent. I have been helping him get by. But now I need to focus on my career and future in law school. And I feel that being with him may be holding me back as well... I'm having a hard time making a final decision as of what to do. We currently aren't together per say, but we still are "friends". It's actually more us waiting on me to decide what I want to do once and for all. I think another thing that scares me is that if we break up he wants nothing to do with me and I cherish his friendship. I do love the friendship.. just not the relationship. I'm just confused.. and this is a very important decision. If anyone has input, has been through this, I would really appreciate anything. Thanks! JB
High Plains Drifter Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I know it looks obvious: leave him! But at the same time it's hard for me. It's hard because we have so much history, our families are close and we are both close to each others' relatives, we have had a lot of good times, and so on. He wants to change, but I feel it's too late. I love him dearly as a person and care about him a lot. I just don't feel "in love" with him. JB It ain't gonna get any easier. Cut Bait Now, and concentrate on your schoolin'. You've got plenty of time to be distracted after you get outta school.
Recommended Posts