margincall Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 It sounds like you need to lose some weight, maybe fifteen pounds.
ianandris Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Jersey Shortie, I really hope at some point you're able to let go of your negative misconceptions about men. It'd make it a lot easier for you to relate to them. Right now I don't think you're going to have much luck finding guys out there who will treat you right because, frankly, you don't think they exist. You find what you look for. Good luck with your war against porn. If you can learn to be more open minded, you might even be able to persuade people to your way of thinking. You probably won't believe me, but I'm actually anti porn myself. I don't like it at all, being one who prefers, as you said, boring real girls with brains and feelings. However, I don't share your misandristic view, and I do believe that porn has a context in which it can be responsibly used. I may not be interested in it, but I'll fight tooth and nail to defend the right of an individual to do as he or she pleases provided it doesn't restrict the liberty of another.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 My husband just read your post. We both see that the things you say aren't even close to reality to how men think when it comes to things like this. I see what men say and then I see what men do and they often aren't the same things. I'm not saying that is the case for your husband. I wouldn't know obviously. But for many men it seems to be the outcome. Men say porn isn't important but defend it at every turn. I think men identify with porn more then they care to admit to themselves. It's not like men are deeply reflective about what is really going on inside. Men say they don't want what they see in porn but at the same time they obviously do! They want their partners to act more like pornstars..fake and reheresed! Obviously pornstars look the way they do because they appeal to what men like visually as well. What real woman looks like that? Not many! Jokes are made about how "it's porn, men like porn." and then wome nare suppose to believe they don't "really want that"? How does that make logical sense? On some level that is what men want. You can say that a man doesn't actually want to be with said porn star, but why wouldn't a man want to be? (Other then the fact that she sleeps with many men that men actually seem to condemn at the same time they praise). Obviously most pornstars are physically attractive. He likes her on some level. Until it's the next porn star he is viewing and then the next..and then the next....and it's nothing any one real woman can compete with. Women are constantly drilled into their heads that men are visual and then when women question or worry about their looks we are beat over the head and told how horrible we are for being insecure about it while our own men support, like and masturbate to an ideal fantasy that most women can't live up to! Are women more then their bodies? OF COURSE. But we all know how visual men are. So to defend men and their need for hte visual and condemn women for their own concern on this subject is completely unfair and not right. I have no idea or understanding why a person would confuse fantasy with reality, or think that because a person fantasizes, they want to replace their reality with fantasy. I guess some do, but not everyone who fantasizes does. I don't think it's a matter of a person confusing fantasy with reality. It's a matter that even though it is a fantasy, it really *is* on some level what a man wants from a woman, what a man whats a woman to be.. on some level. And considering that I think most porn is pretty misogonistic, it does makes me question how men really feel about women. And even men don't confuse fantasy with reality, their fantasies say something about what they really want...Want to do the babysitter behind your wifes back ? Excelllent! Want to have sex with your daughters friend Do it! You're wife is fat and old and she is just turing 18 it's great! Call a woman a slut because she likes sex! Call a woman a bitch because she deserves it! Ejacualate on her face because she loves when random men use her like a toilet! It's all good. And at the end of the day you are suppose to trust men. Be open to being vunerable with them and think they are honorable and care about women even though they sit on their computers with their dick in their hand wishing and fantasizing that they were free to have sex with random women. And we are suppose to feel secure and happy and look at our man lovingly while he is sitting like a buffoon infront his computer watching Huge Breasted College Sluts 50000000000. Come on. This isn't even touching on the fact that many men do actually want to perform certain acts they see in porn with their partners. Is it still fantasy at that point? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Jersey Shortie, I really hope at some point you're able to let go of your negative misconceptions about men. It'd make it a lot easier for you to relate to them. Right now I don't think you're going to have much luck finding guys out there who will treat you right because, frankly, you don't think they exist. You find what you look for. Good luck with your war against porn. If you can learn to be more open minded, you might even be able to persuade people to your way of thinking. You probably won't believe me, but I'm actually anti porn myself. I don't like it at all, being one who prefers, as you said, boring real girls with brains and feelings. However, I don't share your misandristic view, and I do believe that porn has a context in which it can be responsibly used. I may not be interested in it, but I'll fight tooth and nail to defend the right of an individual to do as he or she pleases provided it doesn't restrict the liberty of another. I wish I didn't have the negative msiconceptions about men that I do have. I wish I could let them go as well believe, it or not. But some of the stuff men do just hurts and you learn what is important to them. And I am not misandristic. I love men but I won't pretend that I love everything men do. That isn't hating men. That's being realistic about some of the things men do that aren't fair and that can be hurtful. I really hate how men think you automatically hate them by pointing out behaviors they do that you find are selfish. There is a difference. It's also weird how sensitive men get about porn but men don't want women to be senstive about it. How is that fair? Men defend their porn and justify it but if a woman gets upset at her man enjoying a medim that is for the most part, disrespectful to women, she hates men? Come on. And if you do actually prefer real boring girls with brains and feelings over porn girls, you are one of the rare men that do. Most men prefer brainless perfect looking tarts that cater to their every whim. This way a man doesn't actually have to put in any work at actually finding out what a real woman wants or needs.
Gold Pile Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 If skinny came in a bottle......... It's not supposed to be easy...it takes a little work, but it IS possible to shed fat. You're only 22!!!....exercise and eat healthy. A heavy girl hit on me once...I wasn't interested. She hit the gym for 6 weeks, dropped the weight...then I hit on her. She was my GF for many months (a long time in my book). So attraction can return. Get fit...you'll like it! He'll like it too....so will millions of other guys.
IrishCarBomb Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I think men identify with porn more then they care to admit to themselves. It's not like men are deeply reflective about what is really going on inside. Men say they don't want what they see in porn but at the same time they obviously do! They want their partners to act more like pornstars..fake and reheresed! Obviously pornstars look the way they do because they appeal to what men like visually as well. So to defend men and their need for hte visual and condemn women for their own concern on this subject is completely unfair and not right. their fantasies say something about what they really want... This isn't even touching on the fact that many men do actually want to perform certain acts they see in porn with their partners. Is it still fantasy at that point? It's like ianandris is giving you so many reasons to believe that the world is round, but with the above posted items, you keep insisting the world is flat. If you want to see men for what we really are, you're going to have to dismiss these preconceived notions sometime.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 It's like ianandris is giving you so many reasons to believe that the world is round, but with the above posted items, you keep insisting the world is flat. If you want to see men for what we really are, you're going to have to dismiss these preconceived notions sometime. I think it seems like men want the impossible. They want to validate and enjoy a world of porn that protrays women in a limited and often derogatory light. They want to excuse and justify their less then honorable traits to use porn yet they want women to raise above the concepts of how protrays women. They also want women to understand that they really respect and cherish and love women at the same time, even though they love a medium that treats women like trash. Well I am sorry but the actions don't back up what you want to be believed. If men really want women to believe they really respect relationships and women, you actually ahve to do the action that backs it up. That's the way life works. The basic message continues to be: Men like porn. Too bad for women. End of story. Because men don't really care what a woman can possibly feel on this issue. All that matters is the allure of a big breasted 20 year old is more appealing sometimes then the issues a real woamn can feel over this. That is what it comes down to at the end of the day. Porn out ranks real women. So men all over the world with daughtesr, with wifes, with gfs, mostly all enjoy a meduim that refers to women in slanderous names, sets stereotypes that most real women can't reach, and were most of the porn is of a certain age group of women where real women age and have imperfections. Men want a fantasy world where all the women are 20, big breasted, brainless and have no other desires or needs but to please a man. That's what men want. What men get stuck with are women who actually have feelings, imperfect bodies and the nerve to get older. Sucks that men get so short changed and women are such crap to them. But that's the way it is today. If skinny came in a bottle......... It's not supposed to be easy...it takes a little work, but it IS possible to shed fat. You're only 22!!!....exercise and eat healthy. A heavy girl hit on me once...I wasn't interested. She hit the gym for 6 weeks, dropped the weight...then I hit on her. She was my GF for many months (a long time in my book). So attraction can return. Get fit...you'll like it! He'll like it too....so will millions of other guys. And if they put intellgence in a bottle.... or money...more men should go out and make more money..He will like it, the girl will like it and millions of other girls will like it too! I once dated a man that was poor, but wants he worked hard to make money, he was m ybf for many months.......
The Collector Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 JS, why don't you save yourself sometime and copy and paste the exact same rant every post, instead of mixing up the words a bit but essentially writing the exact same thing every time?
Dirk Diggler Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I don't think it's a matter of a person confusing fantasy with reality. It's a matter that even though it is a fantasy, it really *is* on some level what a man wants from a woman, what a man whats a woman to be.. on some level. And considering that I think most porn is pretty misogonistic, it does makes me question how men really feel about women. And even men don't confuse fantasy with reality, their fantasies say something about what they really want...Want to do the babysitter behind your wifes back ? Excelllent! Want to have sex with your daughters friend Do it! You're wife is fat and old and she is just turing 18 it's great! Call a woman a slut because she likes sex! Call a woman a bitch because she deserves it! Ejacualate on her face because she loves when random men use her like a toilet! It's all good. And at the end of the day you are suppose to trust men. Be open to being vunerable with them and think they are honorable and care about women even though they sit on their computers with their dick in their hand wishing and fantasizing that they were free to have sex with random women. You are completely confusing fantasy with reality. Most guys can separate that from one another. But the fantasy aspect is very real and not for you to have to try to control and or dominate. Not all porn is bad nor degrading. Like do you think before you speak sometimes? When you mention it's degrading to women. What about girl/girl action in porn? There is no guy involved there to feed you beliefs and those women know what they are doing, are good at what they are do and low and behold actually enjoy it! Even when involved in a long term relationship there is nothing wrong with having a fantasy for some hot porn actresses stripping down and getting it on and letting go of a load. Also i seriously doubt as you claim women masturbate only to the thoughts of their S/O. I'm sure women indulge in just as much fantasy when they have their vibrators out so don't give me that. The only difference is, it's her privacy. I would respect that. The issues you keep bringing up are your own alone. You really need to get over it. Huge Breasted College Sluts 50000000000. Did that just come out on Blu-Ray? i'll have to check it out, thanks!
Dirk Diggler Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 This isn't even touching on the fact that many men do actually want to perform certain acts they see in porn with their partners. Is it still fantasy at that point? Sex is about trying new things. If a woman is a prude, typically her sex is very limited and boring (yawn). Where as a open minded woman is much more aggressive and makes the sex scorching hot by wanting to learn new things. Accept that some women actually want to have you ejaculate on their face. Sex is primal and fluids get everywhere, that's what it's all about babe.
almost famous Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Guys, he wouldn't have been attracted to her in the first place if her weight were the problem. She is not overweight. Plus he told her he loved her as she is and she didn't need to lose any weight. He's just a weirdo creepo and she can do better.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Jersey Shortie, I really hope at some point you're able to let go of your negative misconceptions about men. It'd make it a lot easier for you to relate to them. Right now I don't think you're going to have much luck finding guys out there who will treat you right because, frankly, you don't think they exist. You find what you look for. Good luck with your war against porn. If you can learn to be more open minded, you might even be able to persuade people to your way of thinking. You probably won't believe me, but I'm actually anti porn myself. I don't like it at all, being one who prefers, as you said, boring real girls with brains and feelings. However, I don't share your misandristic view, and I do believe that porn has a context in which it can be responsibly used. I may not be interested in it, but I'll fight tooth and nail to defend the right of an individual to do as he or she pleases provided it doesn't restrict the liberty of another. I have said pretty much the same thing to her, from the female POV. I hope at least a fragment of what the most sensible and compassionate among us say to her gets through.
electric_sheep Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Chemistry is an important part of a relationship. It could be an attraction issue, related to weight, but it might not be. Plenty of guys will start dating someone that they are only mildly attracted to due to low self-esteem, a high libido, and other reasons. Once the initial excitement wears off their interest will start to decline. One thing about it, if it is weight, you really have 2 choices... either try and loose some weight to see if that fires up his libido, or else drop him and look for a guy who has no issue with it. There are plenty of them out there. He is entirely justified in having whatever sort of preferences he wants to have, so I won't get into the "he is shallow" argument. Besides, I'm not entirely sure we can really control our preferences (can you make yourself like brussel sprouts if you don't like them?). And, of course, it might not be weight at all. There are a million other explanations. Unfortunately, you may find yourself having a hard time getting the real reasons out of him, because he will likely feel bad about them, or else he is scared he will damage the relationship. Communication breaks down sometimes in relationships. People value the relationship enough to want to keep it, but they don't know how to express their "issues" without damaging it, and/or hurting the other person. Hence, they just keep crap to themselves. Sad but true.
almost famous Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 You men who are saying "Lose weight" to her aren't realizing that she hasn't said that she has put on weight since they first started dating. He started out attracted to her as she is. Also you are forgetting that she asked him outright if it was her weight and he said he loved her as she is and didn't want her to lose weight. Now don't you think if he really wanted her to lose weight that he would tell her well, yes, you could go to a gym? Let's stop making excuses for the guy - he's a porn addict loser. Gross.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 You are completely confusing fantasy with reality. Most guys can separate that from one another. But the fantasy aspect is very real and not for you to have to try to control and or dominate. Fantasy and reality are completely different and guys can seperate them yet fantasy is very real? You're the confused one. When men start wanting to do the things they see in porn and asking their partner to do them, it's not fantasy anymore, it's reality. It has been proven that men have expectations of women based on what they see in porn. There was a study that afer viewing porn, men were asked questions about their own partner and were found to be more critical of them and less happy with them. That was an actual study condcuted to find out the affect porn had on men and their perceptions of their partners. It's not a simple matter that men easily devide fantasy and reality. I know men would like to think they do. But the truth is men buy into the porno fantasy myth more then they care to admit. And women are the ones that get short changed for it because how can we ever live up to his expectations about what he really wants. Which obviously isn't a real woman with real feelings and a real body that actually gets older. Not all porn is bad nor degrading. Like do you think before you speak sometimes? When you mention it's degrading to women. What about girl/girl action in porn? There is no guy involved there to feed you beliefs and those women know what they are doing, are good at what they are do and low and behold actually enjoy it! I like how you ignore the that most porn is infact pretty degrading to women and try to only talk about the one instance where it's girl on girl action and no men invovled. Also pretty telling how the only movies you think are non-degrading only invovle women and don't mention anything about men/woman sex. The truth is most porn does treat women like three holes and nothing more. Some women probably do enjoy getting it on infront of a camera. But if you think all the actresses are exactly as presented in the movie, you aren't seperating the fantasy from the reality as much as you would like to think. If you think all of them are happy and healthy and having orgasms, you arne't seperating fantasy from reality. Even when involved in a long term relationship there is nothing wrong with having a fantasy for some hot porn actresses stripping down and getting it on and letting go of a load. Of course not. Because at the end of the day it's a man's world. And most men in relationships can't even offer that much respest, love and consideration to women. Hot porn actresses are what men want. And the normal women men have relatoinships with deserve to be treated like they don't matter and should be there on commande and willing to service him while he is htinking about said porn actress. I already understand that this is how men think. Porn wins with most men every time. That is what is important to men. Did that just come out on Blu-Ray? i'll have to check it out, thanks! I'm sure you will. Most men will. Even men who have 40 year old wives that love them and have had their children. Because the things that matter to men are right there in porn for women to see. Men remind us al lthe time how little we matter and how what is really important is are age and breast size. Sex is about trying new things. If a woman is a prude, typically her sex is very limited and boring (yawn). Where as a open minded woman is much more aggressive and makes the sex scorching hot by wanting to learn new things. Accept that some women actually want to have you ejaculate on their face. Sex is primal and fluids get everywhere, that's what it's all about babe. Yes sex is about trying new things. But porn isn't new and most things seen in porn aren't new. It's the same crap over and over and over again. Until a porn director comes along and wants to make somethign even more graphic and usually more degrading. And I think your assertion that just because someone doesn't like porn means they aren't open minded shows how tied your sexuality is to porn. that speaks for you. Personally, if your sexuality is that tied to porn, I don't really know if your as open minded as you would like to belive. As for a woman getting ejaculate on her face. It *might* be a primal thing when it's between two people that care about each other. But when its two strangers doing it for a camera it's about a man ejacuating in the face of a woman and degrading her.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Oh jeez Jersey... YAWN! We get it. you hate porn! you've only said it every single one of your 699 posts on LS.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Thank you for your compassion and understanding and actually trying to listen.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 There's listening and compassion and then there's turning almost every other thread you respond to into a crusade against porn. It's borderline trolling.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I am disucssing the topic and I gave advice to the OP.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I've said my peace. My apologies to the OP for hijacking the thread.
Agoraphobianebula Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 It's not borderline trolling, it IS trolling and counterproductive.
IrishCarBomb Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 It has been proven that men have expectations of women based on what they see in porn. The world is flat!! I know because this super old (and therefore time-tested and clearly true) study concluded that the world was flat. I don't want to accept that the world is round because that would be complicated and involve trying to know the truth! I'd rather just be comfortable with my current thoughts and just seek information to further confirm that the world is indeed flat. Then again, what do I know? I'm just a man and am probably just looking for new ways to become dissatisfied with my girlfriend or new ways to sexually degrade her. I'm sure "the world is round" was just an idea cooked up by men to create an impossible standard so women would feel insecure about their breasts.... jeez, what a bunch of pigs!
audrey_1 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I think it seems like men want the impossible. Sometimes. I don't know of any man that I've been in a relationship with who hasn't looked at something porn-like, and the men ranged in ages from late twenties to early fifties. Some were more rugged, outdoorsy while others were white collar professionals with high-level corporate positions. Most men, whether we women like it or not, will involve themselves with some type of porn at some point. And I am no shrinking violet in bed, either. No, I'm not a porn star, but I'm not shy and have gymnast flexibility. Actually, I think I am more interesting than a porn star, even with real boobs and a 33-year old body I work to keep presentable. I expect the same effort for physical health in my partners. The basic message continues to be: Men like porn. Too bad for women. End of story. Because men don't really care what a woman can possibly feel on this issue. What men get stuck with are women who actually have feelings, imperfect bodies and the nerve to get older. Sucks that men get so short changed and women are such crap to them. But that's the way it is today. Some women like porn, too. The soft core stuff doesn't disgust me. It does excite me when I'm masturbating, and my thoughts do then wander to my SO. Or, it can just be all my moment, where I'm not really thinking of anyone or anything and prefer it that way. I don't think it's that men don't care; it's just that they're visual creatures, and are more on auto pilot when it comes to those primal urges. They need that stimulation, whereas, if I just think the right thoughts, I can orgasm while sitting at my desk at work. The differences in the approach to porn lie in the differences between men and women that spawn every other Mars v. Venus discussion. Yet, as in most things, there is always some overlap, or gray area. And men get older, too. Erectile dysfunction is a tough one. We women don't have to worry about that. Well, not personally, but it affects us if they're our SO. And I've known men where this starting happening as early as their late 30s. Me? I'm getting better with age. My orgasms are increasing in number, and I'm just coming into my own sexually. It's not as easy being a man as we'd like to think. When men start wanting to do the things they see in porn and asking their partner to do them, it's not fantasy anymore, it's reality. But the truth is men buy into the porno fantasy myth more then they care to admit. And women are the ones that get short changed for it because how can we ever live up to his expectations about what he really wants. Which obviously isn't a real woman with real feelings and a real body that actually gets older. Maybe men don't want to admit how much it influences them. Those men who watch it more are the ones who would be more influenced, whereas the casual users it would seem place less emphasis on making what they see become their reality. While I do sometimes feel threatened by it, I try to keep those feelings under control, because it can't be changed. I can only control how my body looks, my attitudes toward sex and what works for me, and hopefully find someone with whom I feel an attraction who accepts me for how I am and that I can sexually satisfy and who satisfies me. If no, then I have to consider moving on from that person if they're hung up on ideals that I can't match. It would be futile to try and change their perception.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I don't know of any man that I've been in a relationship with who hasn't looked at something porn-like, and the men ranged in ages from late twenties to early fifties. Some were more rugged, outdoorsy while others were white collar professionals with high-level corporate positions. Most men, whether we women like it or not, will involve themselves with some type of porn at some point. I'd agree. That's one reason why personally feel hopeless about how men feel and think about women somtimes. And I am no shrinking violet in bed, either. No, I'm not a porn star, but I'm not shy and have gymnast flexibility. Actually, I think I am more interesting than a porn star, even with real boobs and a 33-year old body I work to keep presentable. I expect the same effort for physical health in my partners. Again I do agree with you. But I will say that while I think you or me would be much more interesting then some porn star, alot of men seem equally interseted in the porn star and having a real girlfriend on some level. Otherwise they wouldnt' watch the porn. I don't think it's that men don't care; it's just that they're visual creatures... Then I guess with them being visual creatures it just out trumps anything else. I do understand men are visual but that seems to be the commone excuse for alot of man's behaviors and I guess the fact is that the fact that men are visual trumps over everything else. And if it trumps over everything else, that's what is important to men and matters most. And men get older, too. Erectile dysfunction is a tough one. We women don't have to worry about that. Well, not personally, but it affects us if they're our SO. And I've known men where this starting happening as early as their late 30s. Me? I'm getting better with age. My orgasms are increasing in number, and I'm just coming into my own sexually. It's not as easy being a man as we'd like to think. Well, I don't know about that But I am biased. I do think it's a man's world and I don't really see men being on real women's side.
The Collector Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Then I guess with them being visual creatures it just out trumps anything else. I do understand men are visual but that seems to be the commone excuse for alot of man's behaviors and I guess the fact is that the fact that men are visual trumps over everything else. And if it trumps over everything else, that's what is important to men and matters most. Seriously - wha?
carhill Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I think she means that, because "men are visual creatures", any behaviors from that intrinsic psychology are evidenced by that psychology and are immutable and unchangeable and thusly shall be acceptable and that just pisses her off BTW, I agree with her that men need not be testosterone slaves (if that's part of her assertion). Evolved ones are not.
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