I found out the my bf cheated on me because I developed an STD

[Hamz]

So I think I'm still in shock over the entire ordeal. About a week ago I went to my doctor because I had bumps and I wasn't entirely sure what they were from. I was hoping it was some type of yeast or bacterial infection because I had recently been in the hospital for a cut that became infected and was on very strong antibiotics for four weeks. Anyway she suggested that I actually had herpes, had a culture done and immediately put me on meds. Well, this past Friday she called me telling me that the culture came back positive for herpes. Well I have been with the same guy for the past year (we've actually dated on/off/back on for 3.5 years), so I knew it really could have only come from one person. I immediately felt devastated, but was hoping that maybe he contracted it when we were on a break last winter. So I called him to tell him (Oh, we're also in a LDR) and he ended up telling me that he did sleep with a girl a couple of months ago. He said it was a one-time thing (not sure I believe him), and it was basically because he is so depressed and lonely and needed human connection. He hates himself for what has happened and does seem very remorseful for it. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and how precious I am to him; that none of this is my fault, he'd give his life for me... on and on.

 

I'm just so sad. It is weird because I feel like I should want to kill him. For some reason I don't. I wish that I could just forget all of it, but that seems stupid. I'm very confused right now. And I miss him.

[oneofakind]

Before accusing your bf of cheating, here's some info about herpes (I'm a biology major):

 

Herpes can remain dormit in someone's system for years before even before showing an outbreak. It all has to do with one's immune system. In other words, you may have gotten this from someone else other than your bf, and it's just now showing up. In addtion, herpes can be spread asymptomatically, meaning that a person who doesn't show symtoms can still spread the virus. For all you know, he may have had this virus even before you guys started dating.

[Hamz]

Last week I had read a ton of information on herpes and had learned this. I was hoping that either one of us had actually developed it years ago (and I guess it's still a possibility) but, he did admit to sleeping with a girl a couple of months ago.

[stillafool]

Does he have them?

[Hamz]

He's getting tested today. I just told him on Friday night. I don't know what to do. Logically I feel like I should dump him. But in my heart, I don't want to lose him. And that makes me feel like an idiot.

[Potatocakes]

I doubt it was one time. Yes you should leave him, not only did he sleep with another woman but he never would have told you about it had you not caught the STD. Think about it this happened months ago, why are you just hearing about it now?

Yes he's lonely oh poor thing like he's the only one involved in the LDR.

[Javelin]

Before accusing your bf of cheating

 

She stated that he did sleep with another girl.

[oneofakind]

Sorry, just assumed that he had slept with someone when they had "broken up" since they've been off and on for about 4 years...

[vascogirl]

Sorry, just assumed that he had slept with someone when they had "broken up" since they've been off and on for about 4 years...

 

 

You can't assume that kind of stuff

[porter218]

Hamz, just treat this like any other case of a cheating BF. STD aside would you stay with him?? If he is showing enough remorse and it didn't take too much questioning to get the truth then maybe he deserves another chance. That all depends on the details of how he cheated and how many lies did he manufacture to cover for his cheating. This decision isn't a black & white issue, some people deserve another chance and others deserve a swift slap in the face and to be shown the door...which one is he?

[stillafool]

I'm just so sad. It is weird because I feel like I should want to kill him. For some reason I don't. I wish that I could just forget all of it, but that seems stupid. I'm very confused right now. And I miss him.

 

Well when you get your first flare from herpes you may still want to kill him. I hear herpes are very painful for women when active.

[serialgf]

Before accusing your bf of cheating, here's some info about herpes (I'm a biology major):

 

Herpes can remain dormit in someone's system for years before even before showing an outbreak. It all has to do with one's immune system. In other words, you may have gotten this from someone else other than your bf, and it's just now showing up. In addtion, herpes can be spread asymptomatically, meaning that a person who doesn't show symtoms can still spread the virus. For all you know, he may have had this virus even before you guys started dating.

 

she's not accusing him of cheating - he admitted it!

 

and its dormant not dormit

[serialgf]

dump him, please!

for your own self-respect. if my boyfriend did this to me i would break up with him instantly and without a question, regardless of how much i love him for the following reasons:

 

a) he cheated on you and wasn't going to tell you otherwise... if he was really broken up about it as he claims he was then he would have told you or been upset and you would have noticed, don't you think? what else could he be hiding?

 

b) through his cheating he freaking gave you HERPES - that's a disease that is going to be with you FOR LIFE! did you know that? if he really cared about your well-being like he claims he would have at least used a condom when he cheated on you!

 

BTW - do you guys use condoms when you have sex? its really the best way to prevent STD's. i have and will continue to use condoms with every single sexual partner every single time we have sex no matter how long we've been together or how we love each other. the only time i plan on changing this habit is when i get married. i suggest you do the same, especially now that you have herpes and are at risk of passing it on to other potential parters

 

wake up and smell the coffee, girl! this man does NOT love you no matter what he says. i think you don't feel like you hate him because you are numbed by the shock of it all. i sympathize with you but i hope you kick his no-good arse to the curb! stat! honestly if i were you i would kick him in his herpes-infested nuts and hope that they rot off!!!!

 

i'm totally joking about that last comment ....

[sweet&simple]

Well, why have you been off and on? Why is it a LDR-- is that going to change any time soon, what is the distance?

 

These are all questions you need to ask about the relationship to reevaluate things and determine if you want to stay.

 

"I'm lonely," isn't an excuse to cheat.

 

If he did give you herpes, I'd bolt. Having unprotected sex and putting your health at risk just because he was "lonely," one night.. would be a deal breaker for me. It shows a huuuuge lack of respect.

 

The decision is ultimately yours, good luck.

[porter218]

BTW - do you guys use condoms when you have sex? its really the best way to prevent STD's. i have and will continue to use condoms with every single sexual partner every single time we have sex no matter how long we've been together or how we love each other. the only time i plan on changing this habit is when i get married. i suggest you do the same, especially now that you have herpes and are at risk of passing it on to other potential parters

 

..

Because of coarse when men get married they never cheat, and they never give their wives STDs:rolleyes:.

[Hamz]

I'm just so confused. I know that he wouldn't have told me if this hadn't come up (he told me that he wouldn't). I've always been the type to not tolerate a cheater, but now I am confused. I do love him so much, and I know that he is sorry. I don't know what to do. I hate this!! It's so unfair; I'd never do this to anyone. How can I not hate him and want to kill him right now?! I wish this never happened.

[sweet&simple]

People who cheat aren't really thinking of their significant others. I, like you, thought I'd never tolerate a cheater.. then I was put in the position of being cheated on hah. I did give him another chance, big mistake.

 

It's really up to you.

 

But for real, having to check up on someone constantly, always worrying [especially with the distance,] not being able to trust someone.. wasn't worth it to me.

[Milkflavor123]

make sure that is he gets tested, that they are sure to do a blood test over just scoping around. Planned Parenthood has a tendency to avoid properly checking someone out.

[Milkflavor123]

I'm just so confused. I know that he wouldn't have told me if this hadn't come up (he told me that he wouldn't). I've always been the type to not tolerate a cheater, but now I am confused. I do love him so much, and I know that he is sorry. I don't know what to do. I hate this!! It's so unfair; I'd never do this to anyone. How can I not hate him and want to kill him right now?! I wish this never happened.

 

 

I was in a bad relationship, where my boyfriend cheated quite often. and to be honest, I took him back every time till that last person ended up being my bestfriend. When your in a relationship that has tendencies to go on breaks all the time, it doesn't ensure the health of a relationship that most people don't seem to try and grasp. Im sure everytime you guys have broken up, you have engaged in intimacy with someone else. If you haven't, this means you truely love him. But if he has, then this only means your not the only person he thinks bout. Try not to let him manipulate you into believing things. Someone who loves you- will show you, not just tell you. And by him cheating on you- doesnt say much.

[oneofakind]

sorry my bad...I get the point. I appreciate the spelling lesson...

[oneofakind]

she's not accusing him of cheating - he admitted it!

 

and its dormant not dormit

 

My bad...sorry. I've been told 3 times already, sheesh. I misread it, oK. I was just trying to give the poor girl facts about the STD, gosh.

[Alma Mobley]

Before accusing your bf of cheating, here's some info about herpes (I'm a biology major):

 

Herpes can remain dormit in someone's system for years before even before showing an outbreak. It all has to do with one's immune system. In other words, you may have gotten this from someone else other than your bf, and it's just now showing up. In addtion, herpes can be spread asymptomatically, meaning that a person who doesn't show symtoms can still spread the virus. For all you know, he may have had this virus even before you guys started dating.

 

That's true, but very unlikely, and you should know that most herpes outbreaks occur within the first few WEEKS after exposure, and usually within the first few months. It's very rare for the virus to lie dormant for years before showing up, though it does happen.

 

She already said her boyfriend had slept with someone else a few or so months before her diagnosis, so I'm betting he is the culprit here.

[Hamz]

My bad...sorry. I've been told 3 times already, sheesh. I misread it, oK. I was just trying to give the poor girl facts about the STD, gosh.

 

 

It's okay! I appreciated the response. This sucks, and I think he's had it for longer, but then again maybe not. I don't know.

[Hamz]

He admitted to having herpes?

 

 

He got tested as soon as I found out that I was positive. He found out the other day that he has type 1, oral. His doctor said he probably has had it for a long time. And he has said that he has gotten cold sores (something a doctor told him were canker sores) since high school, or something like that. So, he didn't know that he had herpes. About a month before I think I contracted it from him, I was in an accident, in the hospital with an infection and had several surgeries over the following two weeks. My immune system was very low, he had a cold sore, and well we engaged in oral sex. It was like the perfect scenario for contracting it. Sucks. Big time.

 

At this point it's two separate issues, the herpes and his cheating. I know he didn't know about the herpes (in fact, I've come to learn that most people do not know). But he did cheat. It sucks, and I'm still torn on wtf to do. But I'm in therapy, so maybe that'll help.

 

Btw, for everyone reading this... I have read A TON on herpes over the past couple of weeks and I have learned that it is very common and extremely transmittable. Many people who have it, are not aware they have it, and the virus can stay in your system for a very long time before any symptoms occur. So, please get tested. I wish doctors kinda threw it in your face more and urge you to get tested. I don't know...perhaps most do, mine did not.

[pretty professional]

Umm, yeah, possible, but he DID cheat on her.

 

Before accusing your bf of cheating, here's some info about herpes (I'm a biology major):

 

Herpes can remain dormit in someone's system for years before even before showing an outbreak. It all has to do with one's immune system. In other words, you may have gotten this from someone else other than your bf, and it's just now showing up. In addtion, herpes can be spread asymptomatically, meaning that a person who doesn't show symtoms can still spread the virus. For all you know, he may have had this virus even before you guys started dating.