used2bspunky Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Hi all, I'm coming out of a difficult situation to say the least.. a divorce (filed by me) from a marriage that started crumbling about 4 years ago. Then I met someone 2 years ago while we were both separated and having marital difficulties, until the spring when were both starting divorce processes. We began to see each other differently, as friends, and the relationship started to feel more intimate and much deeper. We both felt this was so great.. where did you come from? where did YOU come from? How did we end up together? We were so compatible in many ways - and truly enjoyed each others company. I met his best friends in the world, he met mine... As we got closer to the reality of our divorces being final, however, he started to pull away - it was as if, the reality of me being a true special person/girlfriend/relationship - turned him off. He wanted to slow things down, said we needed time to heal from our divorces. OK, I get that. Sadly, I acted like a needy jerk because I started to fall apart, looking for a place to live for my kids and I. The stress of that and thought of this guy leaving me - was too much for me and I pushed him away. He wanted me to relax, and I could not. We didn't end on a very good note - basically all thru text messages and he got angry saying he doesn't want a woman in his life, he just isn't ready for it and what don't I understand!! Well, I don't understand much of it because we were having a good time up until a certain point. He told me never to call or text him again, 'end of story' and that was soon followed by a few other texts how I put pressure on him and I just couldn't relax.. I picked up my things at his place, he left them outside for me. He still has some things that I politely asked for via text - he said he'd send them to me (hasn't yet). I foolishly sent another text saying I'm sorry for how it ended, that I'd always love him, good bye and take care of himself. Nothing. No reply.. no confirmation of anything, no nothing. After 2.5 years and the last 6 months or so being emotionally intimate and presumably heading into a serious relationship - just nothing? How can someone do that? It has been two weeks since that day - and i have not called or texted and fighting it with every ounce of strength I can muster up. I have cried (a lot), been apathetic.. been angry... then back to feeling like this can't be over.. it just doesn't feel "right". I know when women emotionally check out of a relationship - they "check out" - for good usually. Are men like this as well? I'm an idiot and regretting getting angry and saying "if there is no 'us' then leave my stuff outside I'm coming tomorrow to get it." It's as if I did the break up. I'm so sad and confused.. I am having a hard time moving forward.. It's done, isn't it. Do men ever come back?? My friends said that I haven't heard the last from him, and I need to be prepared should he contact me again... Thoughts anyone?
D-Lish Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 The best thing to do is to let him have the emotional space he needs right now and remain in no contact. I have had someone tell me it's over and never to contact them again... So I gave him what he wanted. He did come crawling back- and by that time I was over him. I find they often make contact again. I got a call on Friday night from a guy that broke up with me a couple months back. I didn't take the call, and I didn't return it. I think when someone says it's over with that kind of conviction, the only choice is to live everyday believing it is over... If you spend each day living with hope- you can't ever heal. He may rethink things and return... but it may really be over for him. They don't always come back. You have to prepare yourself for that reality no matter what.
Author used2bspunky Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Thanks D-Lish... pretty much what my best friends are telling me. Go on with my life as if it is over... The most frustrating and sad part about this is that we BOTH were simply just not emotionally ready for this relationship. We had a great connection, then entered stress and turmoil-filled days in our lives with our soon-to-be exes... I feel like we both 'failed' at keeping us together during that time, but I guess that isn't a fair assessment. We simply should have stayed apart and gone thru our own individual healing processes. I can't tell you how many times (not in the beginning, but towards the end) that he told me I needed to relax, I needed to be alone to heal - that he needed to heal.. that I wasn't ready for a relationship (and neither was he). He'd say "I'm not going anywhere.. I"m not running off to get married.. just relax." But then I'd get the text messages that he's hearing a song at the bar (one of our songs).. and 'how are you doing.." or his friends are asking about me.. "they just love you' he'd text me.. I got mixed messages and with all of that, I pressured him to break that "break" and do things with me. But he wouldn't --- then as I mentioned, I got crazy and pushed him to the edge. Sigh... Moving on.. have to move on. I just hope he finds happiness. I really wish that for him - whether alone, or with someone else.. I wish him happiness.
Recommended Posts