Running_On_Empty Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 First I would like to say I am not sure this post belongs on this forum. Although it involves a married man (almost married man) the issue is not his commitment to some other woman, however precarious I may think it is, but my inability to let him go. I am extremely unhappy and bored (?). We started going out last summer and had a great summer going to the lake and staying at a friend's cottage and spending a lot of time together. I was obsessed with him and took the emotional roller coaster because I knew that came with the territory. He told me from the get go he was with GF but I was okay with that because -- for many reasons (I could write a book here). When winter came we saw each other less often and my obsession and lust lessened. I never expected (although fantasized once in awhile) about his leaving GF. I liked our arrangement -- it's like having a relationship without having a relationship. But here is the glitch -- I don't really want to be with him anymore but I can't/won't let him go. He is getting married on 9/27 (13 days away). He told me a few weeks ago we would have to stop seeing each other because ... I don't remember his exact words but something like.. "I want to try to make it work". He has been with this woman about 17 years and he feels he owes her, blah blah blah. After a year of break ups and get togethers I handled this pretty well and said let me know when, on 9/26? So we are still together. When I see him and talk to him I am fine but when I am not with him I am unhappy and berate myself for being with him. I know I have huge commitment and abandonment issues and know the psychology of why I am with this man but that doesn't make it any easier to stop seeing him. So glad I found this site - even just to vent because there is nobody I can talk to about this and I feel like I am going crazy. So how do I leave this man? I know the answer is simple but the action is impossible. I feel like I am powerless over this relationship. I am hoping he will just end it soon and then it will be out of my hands and then all I will have to do is not talk to him or text him when he calls me because I know sooner or later he will. Running On Empty.
whichwayisup Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 You are obsessed with him and he's become a crutch, a bad habit and soon he'll be out of your life for good. Please seek some counselling, check out cognitive behaviour therapy, it'll help you through this, teach you how to let go and also the talk therapy part of it will help resolve past issues that has made you feel insecure and not want to be in a healthy relationship.
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