sweetbutcheeky Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 After looking at the thread about men paying for the date I was wondering ... Do guys want woman to offer (whether it's a fake offer or not)? If a girl reaches for her bag or offers is he turned off or offended? Lemme know guys!
ianandris Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 I would submit that most guys don't really care if they are the ones who did the asking out. If you ask a guy out, however, you NEED to offer to pay. Chances are he'll still pick up the tab, but if you don't make the offer, you'll come across as presumptuous.
High Plains Drifter Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I would submit that most guys don't really care if they are the ones who did the asking out. If you ask a guy out, however, you NEED to offer to pay. Chances are he'll still pick up the tab, but if you don't make the offer, you'll come across as presumptuous. Yep... I WANT to pay...feels a little strange if I don't. I've had women pick up the bill before but it makes me feel awkward.
carhill Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 OP, not offended....surprised, perhaps, but I'd just meet her eyes, smile, say "thank you" and continue our conversation. She wouldn't get away with it so easy the next time though... "put that thing away, dinner's on me! (with a laugh)" I personally think, early on, injecting accounting into courtship poisons the process and detracts from the real chemistry going on. When dating progresses to real interest and the potential for a partnership, that's when the philosophies about finance, money and all that cr@p should be dealt with. Besides, as being married has taught me, a woman can change those philosophies faster than I can blink an eye.
sfsassy Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 OP, not offended....surprised, perhaps, but I'd just meet her eyes, smile, say "thank you" and continue our conversation. She wouldn't get away with it so easy the next time though... "put that thing away, dinner's on me! (with a laugh)" I personally think, early on, injecting accounting into courtship poisons the process and detracts from the real chemistry going on. When dating progresses to real interest and the potential for a partnership, that's when the philosophies about finance, money and all that cr@p should be dealt with. Besides, as being married has taught me, a woman can change those philosophies faster than I can blink an eye. One of my exes used to add up, to the penny, who owed what after each date. During our last date, he asked for 5 cents back. Ridiculous. I aways offer to pay, and have the money to back it up. I have never had anyone take me up on it on the first few dates but no one was offended eaither.I consider going to their house, or them coming to mine a turning point, and want a bit more equity after that, as we are not just going on a few dates, but seeing each other.
The Collector Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Paying for dates is needy. Women don't like needy, no matter how some here cry and whine about 'tradition' and 'being treated special.' Women often say they like one thing and are attracted to the opposite. I have always found that not blindly offering to pay for drinks, meals, etc is a great way of weeding out the princesses and the gold-diggers. Good, sensible women get this, and respect your strength of character. Then you are free to be truly generous to them (and I don't mean just cash) with more than the paltry price of a date.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 To add to the question: In this case the guy asked the girl out. Personally I like it when a guy pays. I guess it shows me that he is serious in the courtship and chivalry. A take charge kinda guy is also a turn on to me so I guess that goes along the same lines.
djhall Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Personally, I just want to see some indication that the woman does not expect that her role is simply to be the recipient of everything. If you want to offer to pay for part of the date, fine, though I probably won't take you up on it unless you are very assertive, you are offended at my refusal, or you want something unusually expensive that you won't order if I insist on paying. I would much rather see an invitation for a follow up date that she takes the initiative to plan and pay for, though I will try to pay for myself anyway. It isn't about the money... in fact, I am more comfortable if she invites for something fairly cheap. I'm fine as long as she demonstrates that the interest and initiative goes both ways and she doesn't expect to sit back passively and be chased, wined, dined, and showered with attention and gifts to try to win her while she sits back and does nothing to reciprocate.
Toasted Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I'm glad this topic came up - i have a question. Guys - How would you feel about a woman paying for a date if you knew she made more than you? I don't mean like 10K more, i mean like 2-3 times more. I have an excellent paying job and a lot of the guys i work with have said they would feel weird dating a girl who made a lot more than them. Im dating a guy who is friends with a few people i work with. He knows how much they make and therefore has a good idea what i make. I have offered on a few occasions which he has refused to let me pay. He has come over to watch a movie on occasion which I have ordered in and paid for as he was my guest. We are getting to the point where we have been on half a dozen dates and i'm feeling like i should start taking turns with paying, but I haven't pushed it. Not because i can't afford it or don't want to, but Im not sure if it would be a turn off. How would you feel about it? Right now I just keep offering to pay and letting him.
D-D Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I think that whoever asks someone out on a date should pay (or at least be willing to pay as you asked the person out). As a guy, I always pay the first date no matter what, and won't let the girl pay even if she offers to. I was on a date recently, and she didn't even offer to pay which I thought was kind of strange. Maybe it's just me, but I can't remember a 1st date when the girl did not at least offer to pay for something.
djhall Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 How would you feel about a woman paying for a date if you knew she made more than you? I don't mean like 10K more, i mean like 2-3 times more. This is a tough one. I have trouble respecting anyone who feels entitled to be the primary recipient of expensive dates, evenings, and gifts. On the other hand, if I believe you have the right to do with your money as you see fit, and if what you want to do with it is pay for and enjoy sharing an activity, I find myself in the awkward position of telling you that you have the right to do whatever you want with your money unless you want to spend it on doing things with me. It can ruin a relationship to refuse to accept that situation, since many people will not be happy with a relationship limited to the lowest common earning denominator and unable to share things they can afford and want to pay for with their partner.
Toasted Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 HHmmm - Think i might have miscommunicated. I could care less about what the dates entail personally, i just like being around him. Mainly its been pizza/beer/whatever game is on, which is more than fine with me. He seems fairly confident, and i guess if he really had a problem with it we wouldn't last long anyway. I guess i got a little freaked out when a few of the guys at work said they would feel uncomfortable dating someone who made that much more than them. But it could be just the select group of guys i was talking to, they really had a strong reaction to it! Just wondering if any of the guys out there had been in that situation and how they felt about it.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Toasted, do you date men who you know well or guys that you've just met? If it's men that you've just met, how would they know your salary, unless you told them? If so, don't. Until you've gotten to know them better, possibly a month into it, then slowly let them know that you do fine, but not the exact sum. There are just as many gold digging men, as women.
Toasted Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 No, I've never mentioned it. But he is friends with a couple people who i work with and he knows how much they make. We work in a union setting, so everyone makes the same depending on their time in. We had all gone out once before he asked me out and the guys were talking about their pay, weird i know, guess you just have to work there. It would be nice to think it doesn't matter, but it seems a lot of the guys I know say they would be uncomfortable with it.....
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 That's one helluva' union job where you're making multiples of an average guy's salary. If he already knows and continues to ask you out, what difference does it make? Relax. There are more than enough guys who don't have fragile egos.
carhill Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 No, I've never mentioned it. But he is friends with a couple people who i work with and he knows how much they make. We work in a union setting, so everyone makes the same depending on their time in. We had all gone out once before he asked me out and the guys were talking about their pay, weird i know, guess you just have to work there. It would be nice to think it doesn't matter, but it seems a lot of the guys I know say they would be uncomfortable with it..... Toasted, I would have to say it definitely depends on the man. When you mention union, I think of the blue collar world I operate in as a machine shop owner. Union pay is pretty good in our industry. If you are a journeyman, you're doing pretty good Same with utility (power and telco) jobs. Excellent income. I'm different than many men in my profession in that I don't see money as the arbiter of who one is. It's just one small facet. Frankly, a woman's salary doesn't interest me. Her vision, intelligence, creativity and ability to love do interest me. None of those things are defined by her salary. If she makes a ton of money and likes treating me, I'm sure I'd be flattered and surely would reciprocate. I had a best female friend for a number of years (no romance, just friendship) who was always treating me and buying me things because she was single, made good money and had a generous spirit. I liked her and valued her friendship because of how she treated me and because I enjoyed her intelligence and vision of the world. Her salary mattered bupkus. Remember, not all men are like that. As mentioned, take your time with disclosure, and IMO that's a good idea anyway. The right man for you will embrace all your differences, as well as your similarities.
Toasted Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Thanks Carhill! I will wait and see how it shakes out.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Never offended. It shows consideration. I almost always decline and pay myself but it's nice that you offer.
D-Jam Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 After looking at the thread about men paying for the date I was wondering ... Do guys want woman to offer (whether it's a fake offer or not)? If a girl reaches for her bag or offers is he turned off or offended? Lemme know guys! I like more traditional/classic gentlemanly conduct. I like to pay for the date, and only take money if she's very insistent. If it's been several dates and she never offers, then I'd start to wonder if she's spoiled. When a woman offers, it says she's living in the real world, knows the value of money, and has class.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Never offended. It shows consideration. I almost always decline and pay myself but it's nice that you offer. I like more traditional/classic gentlemanly conduct. I like to pay for the date, and only take money if she's very insistent. If it's been several dates and she never offers, then I'd start to wonder if she's spoiled. When a woman offers, it says she's living in the real world, knows the value of money, and has class. Thanks for the input! When a guy asks me out and we have dinner (and so on) I feel like it's the right thing to do to at least offer and not assume that he will or can afford to pay for both. Even though I am hoping that he will for the same reason that D-Jam mentioned. I guess the same goes for when guy holds a door open, I like it when he does. But if I assume and stand and wait for a guy to open it, it feels strange/awkward. Like I am a princess waiting to be waited upon. Or maybe I'm not used to chivalry and haven't met enough gentlemen!
dcgirl33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 STOP RIGHT THERE! Don't reach for anything.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Chivalry isn't dead sbc. It really is reliant on what you're willing to put up with and how many men you're willing to wade through to get to the diamond, sometimes in the rough. This doesn't mean that chivalry includes being the never-ending pocket book, just the never-ending gentleman who exudes courtesy, not pretends to it.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 STOP RIGHT THERE! Don't reach for anything. Hahahaha! you're silly!
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Chivalry isn't dead sbc. It really is reliant on what you're willing to put up with and how many men you're willing to wade through to get to the diamond, sometimes in the rough. This doesn't mean that chivalry includes being the never-ending pocket book, just the never-ending gentleman who exudes courtesy, not pretends to it. The elusive never-ending gentleman. Hmm do they really exist? I guess it's a believe it when I see it situation for me. Hard for me to believe cause I have never seen one in the flesh. I have just met the fakers, who act like a gentleman until around date 3, forget how to open the door, complain about picking me up, follow threw on their word and so on.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 The elusive never-ending gentleman. Hmm do they really exist? I guess it's a believe it when I see it situation for me. Hard for me to believe cause I have never seen one in the flesh. I have just met the fakers, who act like a gentleman until around date 3, forget how to open the door, complain about picking me up, follow threw on their word and so on. They do exist. I haven't dated below 35+ years old in the past two years, so that might be the difference.
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