so gutted Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 Ok - well the guy i met a few times i cant even call it dating) has gone of the radar again. I knew deep down something was wrong but tried to ignore that. In short: 1) I have realized he is still married - although he says he is seperated. His story was flaky and i stupidly got myself into a situation that i really thought i had the morals to avoid. I feel very low about this and really do believe that i will get my come uppance for this. 2) He was never into me. It was the odd text every few days. I think I was concentrating on letting him contact me and not running after him so hard - whilst stupidly meeting him at HIS PLACE and therefore it cost him nothing. 3) We ended up having a lot in common and i THOUGHT HE WAS INTERESTED IN ME. 4) He said he had a business trip on friday - was flaky about the return details....i think i knew then he was a liar......i have heard nothing since. 5) He avoids me at weekends - then reappears during the week. My issue is that (although i have NOT contacted him) I feel stupid, used and hurt. Im hurt because all the signs were there, and because i told him that i was after a relationship, he did not say he didnt want one, but instead allowed me to be led on (i also allowed myself to be led on). I feel in limbo. I know I should ignore him completly when he does send his text .....but part of me wants to ask him what the fakk he is playing at. God - i feel so silly.
complication Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 If he's being shady and leaving you in the blue, why bother? Find someone who won't do this.
Author so gutted Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 I have tried very hard to find someone i like (attraction etc) and have dated many before. I am still sort Why did he do this when i clearoly stated that i had had enough of online daters that were fakes...he knew i didnt want this, why didnt he just vanish after date 1. By asking to see me again and again he led me on.
Lucky_One Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Ok. He led you on. Big deal. You aren't in love with him. You didn't have sex with him. He is already a confirmed liar. Let it go. You met a man who is a liar. You are going to meet a whole lot more. That's life. Just. Let. It. Go. Ignore. His. Texts. Period.
Author so gutted Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Thanks - but any tips on how to get this fool out of my system and not expect his call? Not care? become detached? recognize him for what he is ? HOW
ianandris Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I don't think there's a quick route. some people are just naturally gifted at letting things go. I'm not one of them either. I get hung up and I stay hung up until I've exhausted myself.
norajane Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Thanks - but any tips on how to get this fool out of my system and not expect his call? Not care? become detached? recognize him for what he is ? HOW Get ANGRY instead of feeling needy. ANGER will protect you from hoping for him. He is not worth your time!!
paddington bear Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 The best way to get over someone is to get under someone...so they say. And yes, get angry...until you get angry with him you'll be in this limbo. Go and write down all the things he did that hurt you and then ask yourself if you deserved better than this, better than to be led on, better than to be lied to, better than a guy who knew you wanted a relationship yet still let you cling on in there even though he had no intentions of getting involved...am I making you a little annoyed with him now? Good! I don't know how to make the process faster but the NC thing seems to work. Hard as it might be, just do not respond to any text messages, delete them immediately and soon he'll stop contacting you. I know you want to respond, because you want to retain that spark of hope that he might suddenly want you and if you don't reply, then you'll have ruined your chances. You won't have. If he really liked you and wanted you, he would persist, if you don't respond and he falls off the face of the planet, well then you know where you stand. At the moment I'm seeing a lot of someone who I'm trying to de-attractify in my mind as he doesn't want me. It would be easier if I just didn't see or talk to him at all, then I could move on faster, so just try the out of sight out of mind thing and keep reminding yourself over and over again about his faults and stop thinking about what you like about him.
marlena Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 The best way to get over someone is to get under someone...so they say. So agree!! Ah, and the anger!!! Best tool ever! Think like my Brit friend said, "Who the Fu** is this arse**** to treat me like this! No way, Hose!! Sc** him or better yet someone else!! Seriously! In another part of Europe we say: "you don't want me once, I don't want you twice."
paddington bear Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 In another part of Europe we say: "you don't want me once, I don't want you twice." I've never heard that! I love it! Will be my mantra from now on!
marlena Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I've never heard that! I love it! Will be my mantra from now on! It's been mine for a long time. It really works!
Author so gutted Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 thanks the anger is a good one and imtrying to get truly angry coz i bumped into him today. He made a general comment about work and then said he had to go and we will catch up soon. He couldnt get away fast enough. He didnt even say i have been busy etc and he DIDNT LOOK SHEEPISH OR LIKE HE WAS IN THE WRONG. I felt awful after that. I got him totally wrong. and of course i actually thought after that he would contact me - and he didnt. I think this has actually put me of online dating now....i am not getting better at this and the guys i go for do not go for me.
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