amandaparker503 Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 I posted in the break up zone, plenty of times in the past 4 weeks. I broke with ex back in May. he cut all ties, then he heard i was going out with new friends and got jealous and begged me back. At that time he was very low, hard time at work etc , i picked him up, helped him out, things were great. However i put myself on hold, i had been diagnosed with depression, but i guess i thought it was all ok now we were back together. Try to keep this short, we went away with out kids camping and had the most wonderful time, despite the day before we went we said we would call our relationship a day as it wasnt working. it was a weird chat, calm and to the point. As people we got caught up in aruging , and ending the relationship every time we argued. So every time we had this really dramatic make up and promised never to do it again. Any way this time , we get back from camping and he said its over , that we are only delaying the innevatible, that we are not compatiable(we were in every way , apart ffrom the arguing). He cut his ties with me that day. Never spoke to me , apart from telling me i need to divoirce my husband, and everthing else that was wrong with me. I did somthing really stupid , i text and emailed all the time, i then pushed it too far and went to his paretns house , and left them a note to call me. I had never been to their house before, so he went mental at me. Said i had crossed the line. He does not love me and i need to stop. So anyway , i made peace with him since then and i train at his kickboxing club, i have gone NC for over a week now, but the problem is i see him all over the place, in town , in the gym. I live in the country and its a very small town. I want him to miss me , but how can he. It really hurts me inside to know that i have hurt him so much., He told me he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me, but no one has hurt him as much as he is hurt and it has affected him deeply. I am really hurting to. Because for the first time in my life i actually love someone, he wanted to help me, but i pushed away, didnt let him in, i did in my way , like cooking and stuff, but not in the most affectionate way, although i always said i loved him, just didnt make the move to be the first to kiss him etc. I am having therapy to address my past, and he knows i am derpressed , but he said he can ot help me. I broke on Saturday , i emailed him and asked him if he would still train me for my fight. I said that i was in a better place mentally, and ready to train and foucs. I kept it simple. Didnt talk about us. I really wanted him to reply , but he hasnt and this has tore my heart out even more. The thing is , we have been saying hello to each other, but the past few days , he has ignored me. He just looks pissed off to see me(thats my view) I feel so sick, i have cried all day. its been a month and all i do is think about this guy. I live in hope i really do. If he loved me that much , surely he misses me. Any way i just dont know how to cope anymore, i cant be bothered to do anyhting, eat , dress, sleep. Something is making me, but it is all half hearted,i think because i have a little boy , i have to get up and do things. Is the pain, when will it stop, i even thought about killing myself,i just hate this. Does this guy have no feelings at all, i cant work it out, one day hello , the next day not. He is really trying to tell me something and i am not getting it. I know he would have got my email, his phone is always on and he checks it like mad , i feel like he is so over me. He is so strong.I am so weak I blame myself for everything. I am worthless. I hate him at times, when i see him i am angry, other times i miss him so much. I just dont know, i dont think i can love again, i have had guys try and chat me up already, but i am in such a state i am not ready to move on Am i crazy. Do you think i should give up hope forever. I want to i really want to say sod you mate, i am ok, i am getting on with it. When i see him , that is what i show, i am proud that i have been doing that, but deep down i want to die.
Karma101 Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 Oh sweetie, all your feelings are normal. I'm feeling them too. I know you're upset because he has NOT contacted you, but let me tell you, you'd still be upset if he did. It's a no-win situation in break ups. Don't train with him. It will be torture. You are not ready, from an emotional standpoint, to do that. I've been broken up with my XBF for a week now. We've had a fair amount of contact this week. It's a short term fix and then guess what, my heart is aching again. Maybe even more. I know in my head that contact will not change our situation. He has made his choice. Despite our time together and his (formerly) pending divorce, he has decided to go back to his wife. Hurts like hell. Let's not pin our hopes and happiness on emails and text messages from our XBFs! I'll give it a try if you will!
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