OWoman Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Sounds like her headache will soon be yours. he's done a very good job of hiding you from her. What is he hiding from you? I'd be very surprised if he is as free and clear as you say. What was his contribution to the marriage? How come no financial ties to this wife? Someone is a damn liar. When I Dd my husband there were no finances to untangle. Not everyone's lives are that complicated. Why the assumption that someone's lying??
dcgirl33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 This is just too much too soon. If i were divorcing, I would not be moving in with someone I recently met. Unless, financially I had to. She's only got his aside of the story and knows that he is a skilled liar because he had hide her all this time.
dcgirl33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 You don't really know where he sleeps when he is at home, but you can assume it is with his wife. Until you have seen me at home, all you can know is what I tell you. BEWARE. Don't put his name anywhere on your house.
wildsoul Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 This is just too much too soon. If i were divorcing, I would not be moving in with someone I recently met. Unless, financially I had to. She's only got his aside of the story and knows that he is a skilled liar because he had hide her all this time. Did you take the time to read her story? As far as affairs go, it's not one of the worst scenarios. Her MM doesn't have kids (just the dog.) She and him met in January, so it's not a long-standing A dynamic. He started easing into separation by not sleeping at home much back in June. No shared finances. The W is financially stable. So while it's true that MM hid the OW "all this time," that's been a matter of months, not years. Too much too soon, perhaps. I don't think I would be willing to suffer the fall out of my MM moving directly in with me, but that's her call. She says they are comfortable with it. Seems to me that her comfort is probably due to the fact that the A did progress quickly. From what I've read here, it seems that the affairs that drag on and on are less likely to work out than the ones that move along quickly. PS: You're 100% right about her not putting him on the house title, etc. But she already said that she hasn't.
OWoman Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 This is just too much too soon. If i were divorcing, I would not be moving in with someone I recently met. Unless, financially I had to. She's only got his aside of the story and knows that he is a skilled liar because he had hide her all this time. There are lies of commission - which require skills, and balls - and lies of omission, which require nothing but silence. The picture Gypsy paints - which is all she, and we, have to go on here - is that of two people leading pretty separate lives. And if she - BW - didn't ask, why would he have to tell (or lie)? My MM never "hid" me - we were a pretty open couple. His friends, family, colleagues all knew me, and treated us as a couple. Yet his W didn't know, and didn't believe there was "someone else" until I moved in with him. It's quite possible that he's not the hellfiend some people are determined to paint him. And if he is - well, Gypsy will find that out for herself in her own time, and make her own call on it.
Author GypsyGirl Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 (I really need to learn how to use the quote feature. Bear with me until I take time to do that.) Wow, dcgirl, so nice to meet you too! I don't know that no financial ties are as uncommon as you seem to think. Like I said, they split the rent and utilities. His car is in his name, hers is in her name. He pays for his stuff with his money, she pays for her stuff with hers. Without ownership of a house and the bills that go along with it, what else is there to financially "[contribute] to the marriage?" Skilled liar? I don't know about that. I haven't been "hidden." Everyone who is important to him knows me, or knows about me, by now. As for moving in with someone he "recently met" unless he had to "financially"...wait, did you read my other posts? No, probably not, because I know I explained this already. Why am I bothering? Thank you, wildsoul and OWoman (and the rest of you!) for really reading and understanding everything I'm venting here. I'm learning things and reading between the lines of my own thoughts by posting here and getting your feedback.
norajane Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I don't know that no financial ties are as uncommon as you seem to think. Like I said, they split the rent and utilities. His car is in his name, hers is in her name. He pays for his stuff with his money, she pays for her stuff with hers. Without ownership of a house and the bills that go along with it, what else is there to financially "[contribute] to the marriage?" There can be other things, such as the 401(k) accounts, pensions, life insurance, etc. As well as joint savings accounts, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, furniture and electronics, etc. 401(k) accounts, for example, automatically force you to name your spouse as your beneficiary unless the spouse signs something to opt out, and the assets are also taken into account during a divorce as the spouse is entitled to them, like any other marital property. There may be other things like that which can complicate a settlement - I just threw out some examples I'm aware of.
Author GypsyGirl Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Thanks, norajane. None of those things come into play here. Of course, I don't know if she has a 401K or life insurance or any of that -- but he does not have any of those things, and whatever she has, he wants nothing.
mzdolphin Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 If they tried to work on the marriage makes a difference. I even found out that my MM and wife lived together first and got married while in Vegas. Does this make a difference, perhaps? Seems like there was never a certainty about the relationship. when I told him that I was a wise 23 year old for dumping him back then and seeing that he wanted to be with her, he replied "Did it ever occur to you that I turned to her because you dumped me?" It hadn't, but that was something to consider. He and she worked at the same job, lived in the same city. I was the one who was the commute.
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