celebray69 Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 So me and my LDB are having our first serious fight and I am feeling very upset and confused. We usually talk everyday but there is an 8 hour time difference. Yesterday we had made plans to talk as I had plans at 8. When he called I ended up having to leave early. I explained that I had to go but I could talk for a bit. I was a little hurt that he called a half hour before I was leaving but nothing serious so I asked him about his day but when the call ended we were both a little cold with each other. I have been dealing with some stress in my life and have not had the greatest week. I felt bad so I called him back twice but there was no answer. The next day I figured we would talk like we usually did. After running some errands I came home to this email (warning may sound a bit off because I translated it and left out some parts): "I was left feeling bad yesterday…you said you wanted to talk with me. I called you as soon as possible because I was excited to hear from you. If you would have had wanted to talk with me you would have done so regardless of your plans but obviously you did not want to. Maybe you were upset..but for what? Even I have reasons in life to be upset yet I try to be happy when talking with you. But now as I am writing all of this it seems to lack sense to me….I thought that you would have written me today but nothing. Your coldness yesterday made me feel terrible, you seemed like a stranger, like I have never known you. I don’t know, sometimes I don’t know how to relate to you." I’m devastated. Everyone is allowed to have their off days. We all do. So I tried calling again with no answer and then again. He answered, but we got cut off right away. I wrote him an email saying that I was sorry if I hurt him and that him and our relationship is very important to me and that we have to stay strong. I told him to give me a call when he can and that I love him. Now I wait....but it's torture. I could really use some advice on how to handle this because my gut reaction is anger (it was a very hurtful email) but I don't think it's the right approach. However I still want to communicate how hurtful it was because I don't feel I did anything terrible to him. He is trying to make me feel bad and it worked. I feel like maybe this could be the end because we haven't had a chance to talk. Is this normal? I don't know how to deal with an argument from so far away? And how do you know if your partner has reached the breaking point?
cybersister Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 not easy. I have had LDR for 3 years now.When we get to this stage I used to bombard him with texts/calls e-mails- I would be frantic needing to fix things. Now I take a walk. sometimes I have a bad day. We are entitled to them as you say. So what if he's had a bad day too ? then we just need to cool it, get our support from somewhere else for a day or two. from what I have read here men are better than we women at telling someone when its over . sounds to me like he's hurt so is hitting back. Is all. He would say if it's over. Get your anger out- vent here; jog ; . then when you have found the loving feeling again just let him know. the worst it got for me has been 2-3 days. We have an agreement that we save "serious" talks for when we meet- so if we get upset we can hold each other ( and make up phsically too ) Good luck
Author celebray69 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 Thanks for your reply. I had sent him an email asking him to call me when he can. Do you think that if by chance I don't hear from him to call within a couple of days? Or should I just wait it all out. We've never in over a year been at this point. It scares me.
cybersister Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 boy, I feel for you. Been there. Have you read mars and venus? Little dated now but there is a love letter technique there that is useful. Basically you let him know what is going on for you; what you fear; what you hope; what you would like to hear him say... the important thing is this is without making demands of him. for this I find emails are better- he can read and reply when the time feels right for him.
Maggs Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 To be honest, it sounds like he needs to have a bit more understanding. Sometimes plans change and sure you're disappointed in cutting a conversation short. But I think I'd rather have the half hr to talk rather than nothing else. My BF and I do this a lot. And if we don't get back to each other the rest of the day, well we email and sometimes they are that much sweeter because you haven't had a chance to speak much. I think if I get angry everytime a conversation got cut between my BF and I--I wouldn't have a BF much longer! He travels a lot with his job and there's been countless times I've woke up to an email saying he's left home earlier or left a job earlier than thought and will be travelling all day and we won't have a chance to speak. Apart from quick emails saying he's landed and transferred safely at an airport. It doesn't hurt to apologize and tell him you're saying plans got changed. But tell him it wasn't intentional and that you'll get more chance to speak the next day. To be honest....I think it'd be pretty selfish for him to make a huge deal about this. And tell him you're sad the way he sent that email. Something like that's a bit unnecessary. If he had some massively bad news and really needed to speak to you, I can see his sadness. But just for a normal conversation, he's blown it a bit out of proportion!
Recommended Posts