ChemTrails Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 I went through a really heartbreaking episode with this girl that I still love dearly. Basically, I wasn't myself while we were dating. I was bogged down in a depression that, unbeknownst to her, was hitting me hard. I hid it from her and played it off a little too cool. Like I was keeping her at arm's length. I was really scared of her seeing how weird and ugly I felt. So anyways she decided that our relationship didn't work. She still had feelings for me but we ended it. I knew I wasn't making her happy and there wasn't much I could do about it. She stressed to me that she wanted to remain friends. I decided the best thing would be to let her go and move on with my life as well, but I thought it was totally possible to stay friends. I was happy with this since I felt the best thing was to move on whether I wanted to or not, but she had been such an important part of my life throughout my ordeal and she will always be one of the most important people in my life. I knew there was still a lot of hurt and confusion on her part so I spilled about the depression. She was happy that I finally told her and it definitely helped with us patching things up and starting over fresh. She's kept an open mind to dating again, saying it will happen when the time is right, saying it was important for us to get close again, and explaining that she wasn't ready "at the time" for a relationship with me. Here's where it gets tricky. She won't treat me like a regular friend. She oversteps all sorts of boundaries. She flirts with me almost nonstop, teasing, light hitting, laughing and joking, you name it. She calls me on a daily basis or texts me for no reason. She has drunk texted me before at 4 in the morning and other weird things like that. She invited herself to sleep over my house a couple times and I couldn't say no to her. She has acknowledged that she knows she's flirting with me and says it's because she has so much affection for me. Things are so similar to when we were dating but she's had a new boyfriend for a while. They're apparently getting pretty serious. I don't know though, I stay out of it as much as possible and she never talks about him to me. He recently moved far away so they don't really see each other that much. I really wish that she would commit to me or ease off. I don't know how to tell her this because I want her to be truthful and not just tell me something because she feels she has to. She may not be ready to date me yet and I don't want her to feel forced into some sort of confession. But I feel she's not leaving me with a lot of options. Either she still likes me or she's leading me on, those are the only two options I see. How do I go about talking to her, what would be the best way to have her be honest and straightforward with me? I'm starting to really resent her and I never thought it would come to this.
Habibti Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 I went through a really heartbreaking episode with this girl that I still love dearly. Basically, I wasn't myself while we were dating. I was bogged down in a depression that, unbeknownst to her, was hitting me hard. I hid it from her and played it off a little too cool. Like I was keeping her at arm's length. I was really scared of her seeing how weird and ugly I felt. So anyways she decided that our relationship didn't work. She still had feelings for me but we ended it. I knew I wasn't making her happy and there wasn't much I could do about it. She stressed to me that she wanted to remain friends. I decided the best thing would be to let her go and move on with my life as well, but I thought it was totally possible to stay friends. I was happy with this since I felt the best thing was to move on whether I wanted to or not, but she had been such an important part of my life throughout my ordeal and she will always be one of the most important people in my life. I knew there was still a lot of hurt and confusion on her part so I spilled about the depression. She was happy that I finally told her and it definitely helped with us patching things up and starting over fresh. She's kept an open mind to dating again, saying it will happen when the time is right, saying it was important for us to get close again, and explaining that she wasn't ready "at the time" for a relationship with me. Here's where it gets tricky. She won't treat me like a regular friend. She oversteps all sorts of boundaries. She flirts with me almost nonstop, teasing, light hitting, laughing and joking, you name it. She calls me on a daily basis or texts me for no reason. She has drunk texted me before at 4 in the morning and other weird things like that. She invited herself to sleep over my house a couple times and I couldn't say no to her. She has acknowledged that she knows she's flirting with me and says it's because she has so much affection for me. Things are so similar to when we were dating but she's had a new boyfriend for a while. They're apparently getting pretty serious. I don't know though, I stay out of it as much as possible and she never talks about him to me. He recently moved far away so they don't really see each other that much. I really wish that she would commit to me or ease off. I don't know how to tell her this because I want her to be truthful and not just tell me something because she feels she has to. She may not be ready to date me yet and I don't want her to feel forced into some sort of confession. But I feel she's not leaving me with a lot of options. Either she still likes me or she's leading me on, those are the only two options I see. How do I go about talking to her, what would be the best way to have her be honest and straightforward with me? I'm starting to really resent her and I never thought it would come to this. I went through something similiar recently. Came down to this: I told him I couldn't be in his life anymore. I told him that if he needed time or something I've ALWAYS been fine with that but until or if ever he was ready to comitt I couldn't be a part of his life because he was always crossing boundaries with me and I felt we were masquerading in a silly little dance. Unlike your girl, he doesn't have a sig other though. Quite the opposite actually- without me asking/hinting/inquiring, he was going out of his way to assure me there was nothing romantic going on between him and any other ladies and that any flirting done never meant anything to him. I had never crossed the friendship line with him but he did it always, I didn't even reciprocate the behavior to encourage him and nonetheless... I just felt it all made no bloody sense. Anyway, I'm no longer in his life- yes I care for him but the good was outweighing the bad on this timulteous rollercoaster ride. Same is going to happen to you, there's a reason they say exes can't be friends.
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