Lishy Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 Ok I am sorry if I made you feel badly, I was just cringing for the girl. Dont call her again, let her call you now and dont ever do that again. Hey there are alot of threads on here to advise you on ways to treat girls when you first meet One tip is not to dive in feet first and to stand back and assess her body language.
Author ianandris Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 See, the thing is I'm generally pretty sensitive to that kind of stuff. I read people quite well. She, however, was a real challenge for me. The first week we hung out every night, but she was fairly closed off. We cuddled the first few nights. I wanted to kiss her, but her body language dissuaded me and I held off. Usually, at the end of the date, if a girl wants to be kissed, she'll hang around for just a split second (that's all it takes). She didn't do this. It was hug (long hug) and bam, off she goes. Not even a slow release. She didn't hang around until the fourth date. Talking to her later, though, she wanted it, but thought it was me being a chicken **** until I explained that she never gave me an opening. I wasn't going to presume it was okay to kiss if she never even turned toward me when we were close enough for it to happen (during movies cuddling, whatever). Light bulb goes off in her head. We were gold. Anxieties settled. Then she gets distant all of the sudden, disappears for a week and a half, texts me every day, but in an uncomfortable, stilted conversational tone. Usually poor conversation is a death knell for possibility, but she persisted in texting every day. Confused me to death. I had no idea what was happening. Finally, she sends me a conversational text. Relieved, I chat her up, find out what was going on. Turns out she was feeling "overwhelmed," and backed WAY off. I proposed that we put limits on our hanging out (maybe once or twice a week), slow things down, but open up and refrain from being distant since one of her big concerns was that we didn't really know each other. All was well. She responded enthusiastically. I talked to her on Monday. We set a date for Friday. She calls me on Wednesday wanting to hang out (I was at a concert so I turned her down). Gravy. She was anxious around me a lot of the time, scared, I think, to get in too deep. She admitted to liking me a LOT on date (day) three, and it made her nervous. She was clearly afraid that she'd get hurt. She told me that she felt safe with me, which, I think is why the ill conceived goodbye game was such a debilitating incident. It effectively trashed that feeling of safety and cut loose the anchor that kept her interested (superficial interests, commonalities, even chemistry, were entirely superfluous, good to have but nothing compared to the feeling of safety she felt). I haven't heard from her, but I'm considering the whole thing DOA. Anyhow, the point of all of that was that I just never managed to get an accurate read on her for the ENTIRE TIME we were hanging out. In retrospect, it all makes sense, but until you have those pieces of the puzzle, it's about as confusing a set of circumstances as it possibly can be for a guy (at least a guy with my limited experience). I didn't really have the entire picture until the end. I don't usually fumble the ball like that, to be honest, but we just never had the repore we needed from the beginning.
sunshinegirl Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Anyhow, the point of all of that was that I just never managed to get an accurate read on her for the ENTIRE TIME we were hanging out. In retrospect, it all makes sense, but until you have those pieces of the puzzle, it's about as confusing a set of circumstances as it possibly can be for a guy (at least a guy with my limited experience). I didn't really have the entire picture until the end. I don't usually fumble the ball like that, to be honest, but we just never had the repore we needed from the beginning. Ianandris, come on, friend, you just weren't reading the signs that were right there in front of you. It's not that she wasn't giving you an accurate sense of where she was at... indeed, she was up front that she was skittish and probably not ready/wanting to take things much further. I think it's that you didn't internalize that information and realize that she was not going to be ready for a relationship. You paid attention to whatever signs there were that she was interested; you dismissed everything that said she wasn't. So what's the lesson in that for you for next time?
Lishy Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Well just put it down to experience and learn from it!!
dcgirl33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 If i'm in your arms in the first place, you trying to kiss my lips is not something that would offend me. Perhaps, your hands were somewhere they should not have been? I'm puzzled.
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