NEED Ex and I are seeing each other again don't know if its good or not

[kingofhorror87]

Well, our break-up was bad. Said some harsh things over the phone but, no one says anything nice in a break-up. thats a fact. Most of them anyway.

 

We were together for 4 years. Since she graduated High School.

 

It was a great relationship, had fights as well, made up all the time after those. I am a different 21 year old than other men. All I see is her. I do.

 

She wanted to leave me, find herself, that sorta thing. Well, she had a crush on a guy I met last year who is in the Nursing program with her. Read messages on her myspace when I logged into it (i know, invaded, but we made the pages together, in my room!) and it read that he had kissed her on the cheek, she got butterflies, and then it read "I want to leave (me) and run into your arms"

 

My sister and I drove to her house, She looked so guilty by that and I wanted my stuff. It was bad. I got a sick like and upset and white. I was devestated at her for that.

 

Well, over the course of the break-up, I told her that I still loved her. And on my birthday, she text me happy b-day. It all lead to a phone call and I was happy to hear from her. Upset too. Then I go to her page and that guy she was crushing on was her number 1 friend! that pissed me off. I called her, and shes in the car early morning at 9 and I was wondering what she was doing. Not wanting to tell me, she caves in and says she's leaving that guys house. I tell her to not call me and I hope that you are happy with what you got finally. "Its what you wanted!" I told her. Well then, she calls a little later and tells me that his car broke down and he needed a ride and called her. Some excuse and I still don't believe it to this day.

 

I tell her to stop texting me and calling me. Then our anniversary comes, and she cries on the phone, missing me, this is like a week and a half later. She wants to get back with me she tells her mom and stuff. I'm angry and tell her to just leave me alone.

 

In July, we start texting and things go pretty good for two weeks over the phone. Then I finally see her, pick her up, take her to a movie and eat Denny's. We kissed and I dropped her off. Now its September, and we have been seeing each other for a while now and I've been up at her house more than ever.

 

Now, she is depressed, her mom has been going crazy and is a hypochondriac, been sick and loosing it since June. She has gained some weight (don't bother me), She's not into sex as much as she used to, And, well, she has gone down hill somewhat since our break-up.

 

I keep thinking its that guy. Reason?

 

Well, the first day I walked back into her house, she had to take a shower after we went to the lake, and she had her journal near her bed. I open it. Glance in the last section to see if she is for real with me.

 

On the day she saw me again entry, She wrote that she knows its meant to be with me, I'm her soul mate and stuff. The other guys she dated and stuff were jokes. And that her and the crush guy were sending nasty emails to each other.

 

Then as the pages go back in my fingers towards the front I read that her and (a guy who gave her mom pills/weed when she was an addict) had sex. a sentence that had the words ****ing (the guy she had the crush on) and the first page, the entry written 4 days after my birthday, it was all about HIM. How for the longest time she has had the deepest feelings for him, how great he would be in bed and be a husband. Everything a man would want from a woman.

 

So now I have questioned her, and she tells me that she missed me everyday, and loved me more and more each day. She never slept with anyone and that she isn't a whore. I mean, we broke up, I just wish she would be honest with me. Thats all. She wants to marry me. She does. We text a lot now. But it seems distant. She is back in school, and she tells me to not worry about that guy. He's back with his girlfriend.

 

I'm trying the give her a chance. The relationship right now is different. I'm just being cautious. I am. And I just want to know its good for her. I'm frightened of that guy and everything. I'd love to marry her and move away, we'd both like that actually and just start over away from all this stuff here. With her mom and everything and focus on us.

 

I know I had an attitude and lost it at times and wasn't Mr. Perfect, But I could never sleep with anyone or have feelings for someone else. Cause I ain't stupid like she was. She never slept with anyone while we were together, I know she didn't.

 

I'm mad. But I just have to follow my heart. My heart wants us to make this be but I don't feel it from her. Heck, she don't have a picture of me in her room, they're all in the closet. Though she does wear a peace necklace I got her. I don't feel wanted now by her. Its like it has all been switched around. Maybe its us growing up and becoming an adult relationship.

 

It was a baby relationship before. But she has been becoming mean and has a ticker with people, Though I see it going down and she has written me 3 letters. They are wonderful. I just wish I could feel it from her on a daily basis.

 

Oh, and the family, my family. She's scared of them judging her and everything. I want her to just go and see them and get back into the family again.

 

I'm just constantly think of the guy she was crushing on. I wish I knew where he was at in her head. I wish I could sense she was happy with me. We both don' t want each others hearts broken again. We don't. I just wish I could feel she is legit from her. Her love is now solid and everything.

[0hpenelope]

An essential part of relationships is forgiveness. To let things go and start anew, avoiding to bring up past shortcomings as much as possible.

 

Her actions, your actions were hurtful, but you can't turn back time to change it. Let it go. If you keep clinging to this hurt - to the past - then you can't really advance forward.

 

I think this is why most people are averse to second chances in relationships. They look too much to what happened back then and aren't as open to saying "Well, she/he has changed." It's true that people change very little, but I think people are constantly re-shaped because of their later life experiences.

 

I really hope things work out for you. I also think that she needs to help herself. You can't make her well - only she can do that. But you can certainly be around to help her. She just can't be dependent...

 

I hope you're taking care of yourself, too. You can't help her if you haven't helped yourself.

[ChemTrails]

Well it seems like you should start to let these things go, if possible. I know that's easier said than done, but I mean she picked you, right? You're the one she wants to be with. If you truly love her then forgive her mistakes and shortcomings and forget about them. That sounds like idealism talking but that's really how I feel. Good luck man, hope everything works out.

[me007]

You just have to trust her till there's a reason not to trust her. I had similar insecurities with my ex-bf, and that's the main thing that ruined the relationship. I was constantly worrying if he missed his exes or felt happier with than me...even though he said he would definitely not miss what he had before and never really gave any reason for me to think those things, it was just all in my head.

 

Be cautious of course till you are 100% sure so you don't get hurt, but don't hold onto the worry so much. Like the other posters said, you have to forgive and forget.

[Jazzy56]

I think you should call it a day. Things didn't work out like she wanted to with the other guy like she wanted. It sounds like there is a lot of issues as well.

 

You are only 21, there is a lot to experience out there, I my suggestion is to go for it.

 

In the words of Bob Dylan, Strike another match and start anew.

[BackonTrack]

The women say to work it out.

The men say to ditch her.

 

 

I vote ditch her.

Trust me, she had sex with the OM, I don't care what she tells you and if you believe her, your a fool and deserve to be cheated on the future.

 

secodly if NOTHING happen with this OM, why would she not want to visit your family? Guilty conscience maybe?

 

My ex was the same, she cheated on me then worried if my family thought she was a whore.

 

I don't know what to tell you, good luck, be careful, she is going to cheat on you again, i promise.

[kingofhorror87]

I thank you for all of your opinions and comments. You know, I can't fully tell you guys everything though in just a message board of what has been going on for the last month between us. I know I have changed for the better after this break-up. I do. I started going to Church and stuff. It all gave me a different view on life and everything.

 

And to just give up is being heartless, faithless, and too cynical for me. Especially to think she would cheat again. But she didn't during the relationship. I know that. She left cause it got rocky and she reached onto someone that made her feel wanted. I mean, I understand it all, but part of me is still, mad at her.

 

Problem with this whole thing is that everyone doesn't know her or knows how our relationship was compared to other people and it was something different in my eyes anyways.

 

My worries, I sometimes think that I'm just trying at them because I just want myself to think that or something.

[sedgwick]

Cause I ain't stupid like she was.

 

LS quote of the day...

[Jazzy56]

I thank you for all of your opinions and comments. You know, I can't fully tell you guys everything though in just a message board of what has been going on for the last month between us. I know I have changed for the better after this break-up. I do. I started going to Church and stuff. It all gave me a different view on life and everything.

 

And to just give up is being heartless, faithless, and too cynical for me. Especially to think she would cheat again. But she didn't during the relationship. I know that. She left cause it got rocky and she reached onto someone that made her feel wanted. I mean, I understand it all, but part of me is still, mad at her.

 

Problem with this whole thing is that everyone doesn't know her or knows how our relationship was compared to other people and it was something different in my eyes anyways.

 

My worries, I sometimes think that I'm just trying at them because I just want myself to think that or something.

 

Dont trick yourself into this girl. Maybe your feelings are dead on, and so are hers, but I feel you are setting yourself up for another fall.

 

Anyways, I hope for the best

[You'reasian]

You just have to trust her till there's a reason not to trust her. I had similar insecurities with my ex-bf, and that's the main thing that ruined the relationship. I was constantly worrying if he missed his exes or felt happier with than me...even though he said he would definitely not miss what he had before and never really gave any reason for me to think those things, it was just all in my head.

 

Be cautious of course till you are 100% sure so you don't get hurt, but don't hold onto the worry so much. Like the other posters said, you have to forgive and forget.

 

I'm sure there were a few times that he opened himself up 100% to you and really tried to show you how much he loved you

[Peter_pan]

id leave her if i were you. better people out there. she will probably cheat on you later in life and boy it will KILL then.