watermeloncandy Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Well, I feel quite a bit better now. My life now has some order to it. I’ve found a place to live for Nov. so no more living with the parents. The ex and I talked today and he’s going to work on his anger management issues on his own. He doesn’t want to burden me with his problem, and doesn’t want me to put my life on hold waiting for him, and that’s fair. He still loves me and I still love him, but we need to give each other space now. I need to work on my trust issues as well (with a new counsellor - female). We will check in with each other once in a while to see how each of us is doing. I did tell him that I’d be pretty disappointed if I found out he was out dating other women while he’s supposed to be focusing on himself. He shouldn’t be adding anyone else in his life at this point and burdening them as well with his problem. And I admitted that although it is terribly selfish of me, that I’d be REALLY heartbroken if I found out he was getting better and therapy was working, but instead of letting me know and finding out where I am in my life, he started dating someone else. I guess because I feel I have first dibs at him…lol…he ‘gets’ what I mean by it though. Ultimately we don’t know what’s going to happen in the future to either one of us. He wants me to get on with my life, and if the time ever comes that he feels he’s ready for a relationship and is mentally healthy, then I hope I’m the first person he contacts since we otherwise had a great relationship. If he doesn’t, well then that’s ultimately his choice. I wish him all the best in his journey to better himself. I really hope it does work for him, whatever route he chooses. And we’ll play this whole ‘keeping in contact’ thing by ear. I made sure he knows that if he ever needs anything, he can call me, and he said likewise. So, now that my life is no longer in limbo, I feel better. I’m still sad, and I’m sure I’ll have sad days, but ultimately this decision is for the best. It’s the healthiest one for each of us. God, we are so perfect for each other except for this one rather major roadblock…life can be so unfair. It’s going to be hard going for a while, I know. As I type this I wonder if I will ever find anyone else that has all the characteristics I love about my ex…..sigh….ok…not feeling quite as good as when I first started typing this…oh well….
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