lkjh Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Dude, have some self respect. Stop blaming the drinking, if shes capable of doing this once she is capable of doing this again. Also MAN UP a little and take some control of your life. You don't need her permission to get a DNA test on whats legally your child.
sweet&simple Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Ok, I know it's going to be a lot for you to do.. but this is what happens when someone cheats. You need to have a serious discussion with her and tell her that if she doesn't tell you everything, you will leave. I don't buy that she doesn't remember who it was with, but that she remembers that they didn't have sex. She knows what happened, and drunk or not, her response after you first asked her just shows her lack of respect. If you want a DNA test, get one. She can't refuse to allow that to happen. If she kicks you out over it, she can't keep you from seeing her son. You can take her to court to get visitation and maybe even the paternity test. She cheated. She made the mistake. Acting like she wants to sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen will not make you heal. Either she's willing to do what you need to do to get past it, or you leave.
In Like Flynn Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 If you are on the birth certificate as the father you have the right to request one. You also can petition the courts that she has represented to as the father to family and others. Don't worry you will be able to get one.
Milkflavor123 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 It is very tough to say- when she walked in the door, she should have told you whether to be worried or not. If it was supposedly harmless. My concern, is that her saying I was way too drunk to remember, does she have black out spells a lot. If she doesn't drink that much on a regular basis, its rare someone will completely black out and forget the evening. Even more so, she said she was with her mother. So basically she lied to you about where she was going. I know its really tough for you, since most people are going to tell you do it back to her. Leave on night and show her how it feels. But she could possible kick you out, and take away any rights to your child because most people don't see infidelity as a good thing. So along with Couchmonkey- you guys have been together way too long for this to be taking place, ecspecially with her responding with such cruelty as if she were just coming to pick up her son from you, rather than coming home to a boyfriend and a son. Dont let her think its okay- but I wouldnt say split from her. You can't go off of something like that to split from a 4 year relationship and family you guys hae started.
Milkflavor123 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 good point Spectre but she would kick me out and she would not let me see him i told her i want a dna test to see if he is mine and she said no if you think he not yours then you wont get to se him and your not getting the test ffs! lose lose all round for me i guess:mad: Wait a second. I can see her being offended by this if you came out of the blue to ask. But now it seems like she is hiding something. Devious little s**** if you dont mind me saying. She came home with a hickey on her neck and wants to put you down for asking. Seriously if you were to go to court, she couldnt hold your child from you if she was being permicuous. Tell her you will get a lawyer if she can't remember the evening. While you were at home watching the child, she's out getting drunk and lieing t o you. DO NOT let her make you feel bad for asking if she was "too drunk" to remember what happened that night.
Milkflavor123 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 BISH- Were you cheated on or something, you seem very hatred towards women and when it comes to cheating.
2sunny Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 yea i could do that and leave its her house i have no where to go anyways and she would try and stop me from seeing my son i hate her for whats shes done and love her at the same time its 4 years down the drain over 1 stupid drunkin thing as i see it dont you think i should let her prove that she wont drink anymore and ? and i dont know what else to say im confuseeedddd!!!! well - forgiving her would be an option if she had a different attitude about it. but she seems to think that she's entitled to her fun without you questioning it. her attitude is totally disrespecting you and your position as a partner and a father. i say leave - her attitude shows no remorse or attempt to make things right.
bish Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 BISH- Were you cheated on or something, Yes, and I divorced her. you seem very hatred towards women and when it comes to cheating. Uh, I have a dislike of anyone that cheats...men or women. or is there something about cheaters i should feel all warm and fuzzy about?
bish Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 good point Spectre but she would kick me out and she would not let me see him i told her i want a dna test to see if he is mine and she said no if you think he not yours then you wont get to se him and your not getting the test ffs! lose lose all round for me i guess:mad: Then if she won't provide proof that the baby is yours, then you don't owe her a dime in support. And I don't think she has a say in the matter of testing. If you try to get a court ordered test and they refuse, then it is now a matter of record. Then if she ever tries to come back and say you owe her child support, it will be in the record that the court refused a test. Therefore she would have to prove the baby is yours. Too bad for her. So when are you going to dump her?
Milkflavor123 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 So I don't mean to say it if its not true, but if you have raised the child even for this year, it basically feels like the child is yours regardless of her cheating on you. owing it to the child rather than to her. So its not so much about owing anyone money. Its about being a father to someone you basically already took the roll of. If you don't feel that close to the child, I understand otherwise. And BISH I understand, I am not expecting you to feel warm and fuzzy about someone being decieptful towards someone. And I also have been cheated on. Actually by the same person more times than once. Being a person who had never cheated before, EVER- found myself in a very tough spot living with the person I had cheated on. There were many issues that I had talked to him about, that never seemed to work themselves out. He is aware of what I did by the way. I did not keep it in the dark for I had never felt soo terrible in my life. But- your entitled to your opinion, I was just wondering what had happened. F marriages with people who cheat. This is why we date to get out any immaturities we have. I myself- know I should have let my heart heal before ever thinking about dating someone, but when your hurt so bad by someone, you think that someone possibly can take the place, and cure your pain. It doesnt though. It just makes you more f***** up.
Author rere86 Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 so i just had a chat with her about the night she went outand she still says she cant remember a thing plus she told me she had been smoking some weed and also she said she had taken a line of cocaine on top of all the drink she had taken mabe she had been spiked for all i know but she wont change her story she still cant remember i heard her talking to her best friend who she would tell anything to when she was out the front of the house and she thought i was asleep but i heard a little of what she was saying but the only thing i could make out was when she said to her that she cant remember how she got home and if i ever here of her taken cocaine i will report her and take her to court over my son now when she gos out i keep thinking whats keeping her where the hell she she and me being paraniod im now ten times worse. thanks for all the feedback guys it means alot
bish Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 so i just had a chat with her about the night she went outand she still says she cant remember a thing plus she told me she had been smoking some weed and also she said she had taken a line of cocaine Then time is of the essence. Get a lawyer, tell him/her that she admitted doing cocaine to you and try to get a court ordered hair follicle test. That should help you get custody of your child, unless you have a real liberal judge. And as far as her not remembering? ya right, she is full of crap.
In Like Flynn Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 now when she gos out i keep thinking whats keeping her where the hell she she and me being paraniod im now ten times worse. After this there is no going out again...period!!!
sweet&simple Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 so i just had a chat with her about the night she went outand she still says she cant remember a thing plus she told me she had been smoking some weed and also she said she had taken a line of cocaine on top of all the drink she had taken mabe she had been spiked for all i know but she wont change her story she still cant remember i heard her talking to her best friend who she would tell anything to when she was out the front of the house and she thought i was asleep but i heard a little of what she was saying but the only thing i could make out was when she said to her that she cant remember how she got home and if i ever here of her taken cocaine i will report her and take her to court over my son now when she gos out i keep thinking whats keeping her where the hell she she and me being paraniod im now ten times worse. thanks for all the feedback guys it means alot Wowwww, it just keeps getting worse and worse huh? I can't believe how disrespectful your wife is of you, your child, and herself. Doing drugs, drinking too much, hooking up with some other guy.. yeah, I'd be paranoid about her going out too. Do you have any idea what you're going to do?
Author rere86 Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 no i am so pissed of its been a week now and still it gets more hurting every day i dont really know what to do she swore on the childs life she wont drink no more i guess she deserves another chance after all its happened once in 4 years.
sweet&simple Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 no i am so pissed of its been a week now and still it gets more hurting every day i dont really know what to do she swore on the childs life she wont drink no more i guess she deserves another chance after all its happened once in 4 years. If it was JUST drinking, then I'd agree with that.. but whaaaat the heck was up with her drug use?
Author rere86 Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 hey again i dont know sweet its probley from the depression she suffers she has no confidence in her slef and its the 1st time shes took cocaine shes had a joint a few times , i know smoking that stuff makes you feel worse in the long run yea well it was down to drinking and the drugs but the hell if i will believe she cant remember a thing i just want to know who it was so i can move on well try too anyways but still she says i cant remember and its been a week now and she said when we argue i keep bringing it up geez 7 days and she wants it forgotton about
sweet&simple Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 hey again i dont know sweet its probley from the depression she suffers she has no confidence in her slef and its the 1st time shes took cocaine shes had a joint a few times , i know smoking that stuff makes you feel worse in the long run yea well it was down to drinking and the drugs but the hell if i will believe she cant remember a thing i just want to know who it was so i can move on well try too anyways but still she says i cant remember and its been a week now and she said when we argue i keep bringing it up geez 7 days and she wants it forgotton about I hate when people use that excuse.. And I don't mean this to come off harsh or anything like that-- but if she has such terrible depression and such low self confidence then she should get some HELP, not go out drinking/doing drugs/hooking up with other guys. I think you're in the right for not wanting it forgotten. Something obviously happened and you have a right to know. Was there anyone at the get together that saw them together that might be able to tell you anything? It seems like a lot of cheaters just want their partner to "let it go," and "forget about it," because it doesn't effect them. Next she'll be telling you that you're the one hurting the relationship because you can't "move on." You don't even know what you're moving on from!
Author rere86 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 well there ya go we had an arguement and she said i cant move on lol she said whats the point in us being with each other if im gonna throw it back up in her face over a mistake lol sad
bish Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 i guess she deserves another chance after all its happened once in 4 years. No, she doesn't deserve another chance.
bish Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 well there ya go we had an arguement and she said i cant move on lol she said whats the point in us being with each other if im gonna throw it back up in her face over a mistake lol sad Boom, there you have it. end it. She is one of the "just get over it" crowd and calls it a "mistake" when its not. Get rid of this *****.
Author rere86 Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 yea thats what she is a big ***** ***** im just gonna stay here til i do it on her play nice with her lol then **** her offi have my rights to see my son no matter what , thanks all for your time and im very greatful for all posts .
Federica Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Language, gentlemen, please. You can say what you mean without resorting to profanities, whatever your opinions. Clear?
Author rere86 Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 omfd! your not going to believe this about 3 n a half weeks ago my gf took a pregnancy test it was faded but said pregnant she went to the nurse and same again faded but pregnant so the nurse said she wasnt sure so she was told to take a urine test the next day in morning time and brng it back in so she did then she rang them back that day and they said false alarm,,, its now been 2 weeks since she came home witht he hicky on her neck. so today she took to different sorts of pregnancy tests and both said pregnant. now i am really melted could this baby be mine are do you think a one night stand could have got her pregnant? can you get a dna test before a baby is born are how do i find out if its mine can anyone help me please?
In Like Flynn Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I went thru this with my current wife. We dated for 3-4 months when she cam up pregnant. She didn't tell me I just saw the test kit box and stick in the bathroom trash as I was peeing. I will always wonder what she would have done if i didn't find out. She still hadn't broken it off completely with her ex. She knew it was 50-50...would she have terminated if I didn't find out??? But I did. I stayed thru the pregnancy...had to tell my family and watch the babybelly grow. After the prenancy we had the DNA test done and she was mine!!! A test can be done in vitro but doctors say its too risky....just wait. But I think you can get it done.
Recommended Posts