rere86 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 hi last nite my g/f of 4 years went to here moms bday party i was looking after our son who is 10 months who i love both to bits she told me she would be back by 1am and she never came in to 6 am when i woke up i saw a huge massive love bite on the side of her neck, i am also a very paranoid person and cant beleive shes done this to me and when i pulled her about it she just said so. i dont know what to do everytime i thing about her being with someone else i feel sick now i still love her but dont know how i can forgive her are be close to her anymore can anyone help me out is it worth another shot are should i leave her . please any advice is greatful.
Bryanp Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 If the roles were reversed and you came home at 6am with a big hickey; and when confronted about sleeping with someone else replied SO - How do you think she would have reacted? Her response that it is no big deal indicates that she has totally no respect for you and your relationship. She is so blantant about it. Why would you wish to remain with a person who seems to care so little for your feelings? I know you have a child so I would suggest contacting an attorney about your rights and obligation. Her attitude is unbelievable. Her actions indicate she does not care about your feelings whatsoever. She does not respect you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
cybersister Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I am with BrianP. If you forgive this you become a doormat. Does she just figure cos you have a child she can do this with no consequence ? Yes it hurts, but if you do nothing she will do it again. get advice and split. At least your child is young enough to adapt quickly to a changed situation
ricardotorero Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 As you've got a child you need to give the relationship every opportunity to survive - but not saying you should ever stay just because of a child. You've got to lose it with her and show her fully how you feel and the consquences of her selfishness and arrogance. Her response will guide youy actions.
Author rere86 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 well i have had another chat with her when she said so that she does not give a **** she was still very drunk i have also asked her who it was with because i would feel better and why she did it and she wont tell me. it makes me feel like its not the 1st time shes done it now b/c i am really paranoid, I also dont have many friends and have a mental helth problem because of my childhood was in children homes from the age of 10 to 18 and i have prblems leaving the house so i dont really have no where else to go she was really drunk that night and fell out with her mum too on her birthday could anyone forgive a drunk 1 night stand?
Author rere86 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 i also think think really bad about this but as im really paranoid keep thinking is the child even mine now and my heads all messed up now caanybody give me pointers what questions i should ask her to save the relationship?
SoulStorm Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 Asking her questions will get you nowhere. She obviously doesn't respect you to be doing the things that she is doing. Asking her questions about the relationship that she doesn't respect will make you seem like a lost puppy and women do not respect a guy who does that. You need to start doing things to make you feel better about yourself. Take care of your child work out to get yourself in physical shape if you are not already. Do hobbies and things you like. Don't follow her around like a lost dog.. Don't start conversations with her (this will be hard but if you stick to it she will begin to notice) If she asks you a question keep your answers brief. Do not ask questions about the relationship, because obviously she doesn't care about it right now. Do not be mean or disrespectful to her, but don't be her doormat either. Let her know that if she continues this behaviour she will have to leave. (she would have been out the door from day 1 if it had of been me) State that this not what you want, but you will not be disrespected. If you have become dependent on her, she knows this. Women do not respect a man that is dependent on them. They want to be able to depend on you if they have to. You need to gain self worth back and respect. The only way to do this is stand up for yourself and be willing to go things alone (with your child) if you need to I would get a paternity test. No sense in being duped to raise another man's child. However if you want to still take care of the child if it's not yours there is nothing wrong with that. Every child needs a father or dad. good luck and keep posting
couchmonkey Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 Indeed. It is time to start practicing the art of stoicism. Women only respect male sociopaths. They are not fond of males that show their humanity. They see it as weakness. Here are the three things you are aloud to feel: Humor, Assertiveness and Ambition. As you can see Sad is not one of those options. So now you know what to do if you want to be an alpha male but before you become a slave to our cultural norms have sex with your girlfriend's mother. When she confronts you about it just say "So". When she gets upset just remember she's aloud to because she's a woman. They are permitted to show emotion and continue their endeavors with mate acquisition. Remember alpha males don't raise other males' kids so get a paternity test.
Author rere86 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 well i still cant find out who it was,she is saying she cant remember anything and mabe she didnt have sex with him im not sure just cause a hickey on her neck doesnt mean she did have sex does it? mabe the person is someone i know and they done it and took advantge of her because she was pissed and sucked her neck knowing i would see it and leave her im just really confused i sleep in the spare room at the moment thinking everynight what should i do she keeps asking me for a kiss but i pull away from her im really hurt about this just everytime i get my stomach turned when i see the hickey are even think of some other man sleeping with her **** **** **** im really angry and pissed off right now she siad she wont drink no more if that makes any thing better between us and if i do fimd out who it is i will cut off there penis with a butter knife! helpppppppp OH AND MONKEY THANKS FOR INFO BUT WOULD NOT EVEN LET THE DOG SLEEP WITH HER MOTHER!
janedoe123 Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine what you're going through. As hard as it will be - everyone is right when they say to just leave her alone. It sounds to me like whatever is going on in her head right now, is making her not care about the relationship. You do NOT deserve to be put through this pain at all, no one does. You seem to care a lot about her and your child and that right there tells me you're a decent person and you should not be subjected to her awful behaviour. If she was opening up and being kind and considerate then it may be a different story and you may have something to work on (although even though I don't take my own advice, I would say it's not worth all the struggle when she clearly didn't care enough to be faithful in the first place) but as it stands, she is being far from kind and considerate, if anything, she is being the oposite. You don't need that in your life ...
Author rere86 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine what you're going through. As hard as it will be - everyone is right when they say to just leave her alone. It sounds to me like whatever is going on in her head right now, is making her not care about the relationship. You do NOT deserve to be put through this pain at all, no one does. You seem to care a lot about her and your child and that right there tells me you're a decent person and you should not be subjected to her awful behaviour. If she was opening up and being kind and considerate then it may be a different story and you may have something to work on (although even though I don't take my own advice, I would say it's not worth all the struggle when she clearly didn't care enough to be faithful in the first place) but as it stands, she is being far from kind and considerate, if anything, she is being the oposite. You don't need that in your life ... thanks for the feedback im very greatful indeed ss
lkjh Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 Don't for a sec fall for the I don't remember excuse! Don't let this slip under the rug make sure you stand your ground
Author rere86 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Don't for a sec fall for the I don't remember excuse! Don't let this slip under the rug make sure you stand your ground yea i could do that and leave its her house i have no where to go anyways and she would try and stop me from seeing my son i hate her for whats shes done and love her at the same time its 4 years down the drain over 1 stupid drunkin thing as i see it dont you think i should let her prove that she wont drink anymore and ? and i dont know what else to say im confuseeedddd!!!!
theobserver Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I'll tell you straight up how it is. She has little respect for you we can all see this. However you just said something which is probably the only reason why she's keeping you around. The child. As said you have nowhere to go, so she's not so heartless she'd kick you out. However it's not going to stop her getting around with other guys. I don't mean to sound mean you mentioned you have issues but you have to man-up but that may not be possible because of your past. It's true most of us guys know we have to be a little bit of an as$hole to our women that little part they believe they can change it keeps them interested even if it's an act. PERSONALLY I think she's lost interest and respect for you as a man. Her attitude when you called her out is sad. Even if it was a little mistake the correct response would be to apologize not pass it off as no big deal a love bite is quite intimate I would not be surprised if it was followed by some kissing and possibly more. If she spoke to me like that I would suspect further foul play. However as I said before you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, you can't kick her out it's her home. You can't leave or you'd be on the streets (any family nearby?) for some reason you seem willing to forgive if this is an honest mistake that's fair enough. None of us really know what happened only she does, it could be a case of some guy got a little rough left the mark. You said she offered to stop/cut down drinking. Does she even drink or go to the bar alot anyway? If she barely drank before then this is barely a compromise does she even get drunk easily? Out of interest do you suffer from agoraphobia, you said you had troubles leaving the home. I've known a friend who is not severe but does suffer from it and you really should be with a partner that can understand your fears and help you when you need it rather then going off leaving you behind all the time. Just throwing that out there, if it's other reasons you stay home then nevermind but the base of my advice still stands. All I can say to this is you really will just have to question her again over this, she does remember trust me. You can't let this slide by or she will walk all over you. Let her know this is a big deal to you and reverse the scenario how would she feel if you came home later then planned in the state she was in? Her response will speak volumes and based on her actions when you ask you'll know what you have to do.
couchmonkey Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 if i do fimd out who it is i will cut off there penis with a butter knife! helpppppppp OH AND MONKEY THANKS FOR INFO BUT WOULD NOT EVEN LET THE DOG SLEEP WITH HER MOTHER! It was sarcasm, a retort against the person who told you not to express your feelings. Feel angry and show anger. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I've been there. Your girlfriend needs to know repercussions. I am not saying to hurt her but it is obvious that she was angry with her mother and acted out. Show her what happens when you act out and maybe she will respect that. Pull away if you can't leave. Deny her love if need be. She needs to know the ramifications of her actions. This will hurt you because I can tell you love her but don't ever let her treat you like this again. Process this and force her to process it too. As far as severing off his penis, use a spoon. It will hurt more.
bish Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 hi last nite my g/f of 4 years went to here moms bday party i was looking after our son who is 10 months who i love both to bits she told me she would be back by 1am and she never came in to 6 am when i woke up i saw a huge massive love bite on the side of her neck, i am also a very paranoid person and cant beleive shes done this to me and when i pulled her about it she just said so. i dont know what to do everytime i thing about her being with someone else i feel sick now i still love her but dont know how i can forgive her are be close to her anymore can anyone help me out is it worth another shot are should i leave her . please any advice is greatful. Leave her and try to get custody of your son. Trust me, you don't want to have to go through life worrying about who she is screwing. You don't need that and neither does your son. Thank god you are there for him since she feels the need to go out and screw around and come home at the wee hours of the morning.
dcgirl33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 This seems strange that she would allow someone to put a mark on her neck that she knew you would see. People who cheat are very careful not to get makrs on them. Maybe, she did this deliberately to make you jealous or shake the sugar tree. unless she's that uncooth. Only you can know.
Author rere86 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 thanks guys for this info i took all on board. tx for the help theobserver great words and for monkey you cheered me up m8 thanks a bunch! dc she does try and make me jealous alot with talking to boys and always slabbers on about my mum and sisters alot think shes jealous of them! well i know i am better than her i told her today ill go get me a nice peice of azz and that paybacks a bitch so we will be even stevens! hehe ( she said go ahead) lol then we argued and she told me to get out but when i went to leave she started crying please dont go am sorry i love you more than anything you and my son mean everything to me ,,, so i give in i give her a weee kiss. i will just hold tight here till i meet someone better if she does it again i will get her to cut of his peniss with a spoon!":o
In Like Flynn Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Is there anyone at the party you could ask???
Author rere86 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 no not really dont know who went only her mom lol sucks
Spectre Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Just leave her man, she didn't simply cheat on you, afterwards she acted like she didn't really care about what she'd done. Most girls would feel some guilt about cheating on a guy even if they didn't love him, and this girl is supposed to be the mother of your kids? She's just disrespecting you. Don't let her suck you back into her world by crying and such, if she loved you more than anything etc. then well she wouldn't of cheated on you.
Author rere86 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 good point Spectre but she would kick me out and she would not let me see him i told her i want a dna test to see if he is mine and she said no if you think he not yours then you wont get to se him and your not getting the test ffs! lose lose all round for me i guess:mad:
SoulStorm Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 It is never good to be at someone's mercy. You should always have a back up plan. You are at her mercy and she knows it. It's her house and she can use the child as a point of blackmail if she wishes. Observing what you wrote about her saying "so", I surmise that she would use what she has to her advantage. Like I posted earlier you need to get your ducks in a row and be able to have a place of your own if it comes down to it. Her behaviour and attitude is definately on the lines of deal breaking. How old are you if you do not mind me asking?
serialgf Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 not sure where you live, but i'm pretty sure you can take her to court and make her give you a paternity test it seems like it may be worth it - she sounds like a loser who is totally taking advantage of you. she wants to keep you in the dark so that you feel that you need her i really believe that if you walk out that door it will be her loss - and she knows it! that was a really trashy and heartless thing to do to you - grow a backbone, get your stuff together, talk to a lawyer (you can often get an initial consultation for free), and get the heck out of there good luck!
Author rere86 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 hi again yes im 22 from the uk, well my g/f has had a hard life too she is only 20 she used to self harm herself and after having our son she started cutting her belly thinking she was fat also she suffers from depression , i feel sorry for her as well as loving her. she would not have the confidence to approach any guy unless she was really really drunk so if she stays of the drink she wont do this again as i know for a fact. and again thanks for all the feedback guys!
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