BackonTrack Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I broke up with my ex so long ago. About 7 months since the officially break up but she left me long ago, over 14 months now she started an affair. I had no idea as my ex maintain two relationships, I mean I suspected something was wrong but never did I imagine she would cheat on me. To make a long story short, I found out grew enraged, kicked her to the curb but I kept going back and eventually broke down which is when she told me to **** off. So that was about 7 months ago, in that time, I reached out twice, the first time I went physo and drove by her house, called her 3-4 times then email her aplogizing. A few days later someone of the family get in contact with the girl which is when she began bashing me with lies and blaming me for everything stating "she did nothing wrong" and I should learn how to communicate. Then she began listing a whole bunch of reasons which she clearly knows is not the truth, like she just became so petty and used every and any reason for not coming back. When the reality of situtation was just plain simple, she cheated on me n fell in love but rather than admit that, no no, I am the bad guy. I did everything wrong. Whatever. I then sent her an email cussing her out, telling her she fooled me, telling her she's awhore and telling her I could of had sex with her best friend (she knows this), n stating that she's a cheat and she hurts people (I know, I know, I was really messed up). I didn't say it in those exact words, It was more like "Your a whore, Your Best Friend is a whore, You hurt me" About 2 weeks later, she contacts a family friend and states I have been harassing her. So A few months passed and I sent her a text stating "i am forgeting you, I threw away everything, I don't remember you anymore, please do something." The sad part about all of this is I had my choosing of ANY girl at my campus, I was like the best candiate of a male there, literally and I choose her. She always thought I was cheating on her but I never did, like she was so insecure, she always thought I didn't want to be with her, she always thought I would disappoint her. In the end, now that I look back at it, I wasn't having regular sex with my ex, I slept with her maybe twice in a 5 month span before I found out, granted I was away for about 3 of those months. I hadn't even noticed. We had sex almost everyday for like 10 months. The relationship was already gone, I was just hanging on, I didn't want to let go, I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what, I was sure I could fix it. She never talked to me or told me her problems, not until the end when she just told me to **** off. I really don't think she had a problem with me, I think she wanted more, wanted to go out more, she just wanted more n became unhappy, so she started datting around, her justification was "I didn't know I was your girlfriend." I don't even know if I can judge her, I'm so removed from the situtation, I'm pass the point of judging her, but its like 'Wow, why did you do that, why didn't you u stop, why did you leave n why didn't you come back" 1) Because you were young and liked having sex, the guy was hot, u liked sucking cock. Eventually slept with the dude 2) Because "I felt so uncomfortable in your apartment" 3) Because you thought I would be cool with it n when you seen how messed up I really was, U went for the kill, like you wanted to hurt me, like youfelt I deserved the treatment. 4) Not sure about this one. Unknown. Probably because she's happy. I am not even going to lie, once I found out, I turned into a MAD MAN n I just wanted her OUT MY LIFE for good and I managed to get rid of her but something made me realize I was lossing her and I loved her, then I went back for her n she told me to **** off. I shouldn't of went back for her that last time.- For a long time, I couldn't get pass it, for about 3 months post-breakup I still had hope. Then as time did its thing, I slowly was realizing it was over. For a while I was down, for about maybe 6-7 months and in that time I went on allot of dates, went on a mini-vacation, n slowly started to work on my business. So now as it stands, I'm moving forward, I hired a new sales person, the business client base is increasing, business is looking good. I am here thinking to myself 'Why the hell didn't you break it off, that first time she slept with her ex n you were away'. I had so many red flags with this girl. I knew she was messed up in the head. I knew she was young minded. I knew everytime I was with her, there would be fights around us or I would be getting arrested by the cops. She always wanted to leave me, Always but she always kept coming back. So when problems started to occur, I just thought she would snap out of it. Something was making her unhappy the entire time, I don't think it was me, I helped her. I think she had internal problems to deal with. I tried to fix the ones that I saw, n I made sure I made her feel safe. There were allot of things I COULD OF DONE, ie, she was having family problems, I stood out of it, the first time she ran away from home and stood with me for about a week, but as the week was winning down, I told her she can't run from her problems. She has to face them. Family problem resurfaced a few months later, this time I told her to stand up for herself, she really didn't know what to do. Looks like this time instead of running, she had a physically fight with her sister and didn't back down. Maybe she listen to me, not sure. Its like my ex had low self-confidence, then her confidence started to grow to the point where she started giving other people blow jobs. Then things got serious, n she didn't know what to do, like she needed a reason to NOT have sex with this OM, I just thought she was being silly, like I remember one conversation in particular, "I am not your girlfriend" ME: Why are you not my girlfriend "Because we haven't went on any dates" Me: So do you want to go on a date with me "Because you haven't asked me to be your girlfriend" ME: Well, do you want to be my girlfriend "You make me feel so silly for asking these questions ME: Because they are silly questions. Mind you, this is 10 months in, she's so stupid. Anyway I posted about this before n I got some responses, one poster states "She sounds like a dumb chick, n sourrounded by drama and you should be happy you didn't marry her. U don't need someone like that in your life " My male cousin says "It sounds like you had it, but you let it go" I did have it, I did let it go, my ex probably didn't know what the limit was, she began giving blow jobs, eventually things must of been getting serious n she didn't know what to do so she checked in with me She bascially was saying with the girlfriend comments 'there is a guy who wants to have sex with me n I don't know what to do, n just tell me, I'm your girlfriend and I won't do it" but I didn't understand n I brushed it off and bascially told her "You should alway know this, do what you want to do" So she went ahead n let him inside her, then it became "I think your leaving me, I know your with other people n your going to forget about me, please tell me your coming back and I'm your girlfriend", And when I got that last phone call, I knew she was already on her way out so I did nothing. Pretended everything was OK, I provided no emmotional support for stupidity. So she went full-speed ahead, a few months passed, I'm busy trying to make some money, so I return, I get us an apartment, she's telling me lets be friends at the same time I stripping her and asking if she's my baby, she's telling me yes, at the same time she's trying to not have sex with me but whatever, so I get in her pants, at our new apt, I tell her I love her. She shakes her head angrly with a look on her face like "I never knew" Then things started to get better, n she was always complaing we don't go out, you don't hang out with my friends so I started listening to her, bought some tickets to a theather, started hanging out with her friends. I'm on top of the world, I have money, I have my place, I have a new car on the way, I have a life to start with her. Anyways her friends just messes up my entire fantasy land world, or should I say she helped me? Told me the ex moved on n is having sex with the OM so mind you I'm thinking to myself, how the hell did she move on but I had sex with her like 2 days ago, she spent the night, we are going furniture shopping tomorrow n we have vacations planned for next month. So in the end it was like "I don't know what to do, I really don't know" She was like "when you talk like that it makes me un-sure, I don't know baby, I don't know" Eventually, I reached the decision that I wanted to work things out, occured about 2 weeks after the breakup, in that time she's trying to come back, I'm telling her to **** off, I'm calling her a whore, I'm constantly throwing her out my place, I constantly telling her its over, so when I'm ready to talk, looks like she made the decision to carry forth with this OM, tried to make me into afriend. I went along with it as she always does this, but then I realized she was trying to stay away from me, not see me physicially, so I just said **** it n put the final nail in the coffin, fired her, told her to have a nic day. So about a week later, I go back, she bascially destroyed me now, told me we have no future, told me to **** off, told me to never contact her again, told me about myself. So ofcourse, this time was different, I knew she was serious, I was like "oh ****, No!!!" But I didn't beg or cry or plead or anything, I just went physco and I stated how I went physo earlier. So now what, I'm still like "DAMN", I can't believe she did that, but at the same time I'm looking toward the future and I know someone better will come along and I know because of this experience, I have become a better person in regards to relationships n I grew more as a person and all that good stuff, yada, yada, yada. My ex became confused, like severly confused, at first it was a) She doesn't know if she's my GF (she ****ing knew) shifted to b) I don't know if he loves me shifted again to b) I don't know how to choose then shifted So I'm here during this entire roller coaster not knowing and really not caring what the hell is wrong with her as I done NOTHING to cause this so it wasn't my fault, I felt no need to fix it + I didn't think she would cheat on me, even though when I met her, she cheated on her last BF with me, then on me with another. Actually thats not true, I could of just claimed her from the start n told her she was my world, I would of been lieing though, I didn't feel that way initially, it took about 1.2 years to reach this point, once I reached it, I was going to do so right by her, she deserved it, she deserved the world n more or atleast I thought she did. I didn't grow up in that kind of lifestyle where people cheat on other people or become confused for no reason or didn't stand up for themselves or didn't take what they wanted. So I didn't know what her problems were, they were all mental, no one in my circle has mental problems, this was so new to me, I never been hurt, didn't know what hurt was, never been in love, didn't know what love was but I had common sense. Its almost like, my ex wanted to get away from her life, she was looking for that someone, n I liked her, so I took her away from it, made her tuffer, smarter, showed her how to manliplate people, gave her all of my best personal attributes and in return she matured me, made me calm, thought me how to communicate. It almost like she didn't see a future with me anymore n just came around to help me out with things I needed help with like she was my friend. My greatest strength was business, I had business since I was 11, I'm 24. I've made my first 30,000 in one hour at the age of 17. I am a mogul in the making. She never knew, she must of seen potentional, I kept it all hidden, as far as she was concern I was poor with a little money, didn't even know that I had 60,000 in the bank on my way to making almost 500,000 this year. She never knew what I had planned for her, Flordia, Paris, Caribrieans, her car, our apartment, our life, the business, it was all hers. Everything was hers, she stayed with me so long, put up with all my ****, but it was all a lie, she didn't stay with me, it was all in my head, I imagine it all. As I am writing this, I am just realizing like WOW, my ex thought we were friends, my ex thought I was her boss, my ex thought all these crazy notions. Whomever this OM is, he sure did a good job on the ex, brainwashed her good, another friend of mine told me the ex was acting this way because she found love again. She told me, its OK, I'll love another women. I'm like I know that, at the same time, its like I can't forgive her, I can't forgive her, I can never forgive her, 7 Months, almost 210 days NC, I'm still on it. I don't really care but at the same time I'm like WOW, my ex is so stupid. She is so stupid. Its so funny, I remember when I returned home, she didn't come to see me in like 3-4 days, so I just got upset n broke up with her via text. She came running, at 4 in the morning, she came running, I striped her naked and asked if she was my baby n she said YES, then smiled at me. She still loved me, She been ****ing this OM for 5-6 months now, yet she still loved me. So we start watching TV and she yells at the screen "Men are so STUPID, MEN are so stupid, they never know what they have until its gone" Its so strange or funny as everything I am writing here today is EXACTLY what the ex was telling me MONTHS AGO, She must of been getting over me and where I am now is where she was at the time of the break. But I didn't do anything to her, Actually I never to told her flat out she was my girl, she should of already knew + she was already sucking this dude cock prior to actually having sex with him. Oh well, she's stupid. Looked for reason after reason after reason to get away, until finally she was like **** it, I don't need a reason n she just left then just blamed me for everything. Thats right baby, U never need a reason to do anything u want to do, u just go ahead and do it. She's going to feel so stupid, once I put up my company advertisement right across the street from her house. That dumb girl, she's so ****ing dumb n the choices she made are so dumb too, young minded, atleast thats where I am now, she was at this stage months ago, she was already started me on personal level. She had a husband right here, perfectly good husban with money whois smart, attractive, sexy and going to be successful. Threw me away, wanted to go explore then got mad at me for not being her friend. I can't believe her still. I'm just disappointed, not even angry or hurt but just disappointed. The things she feared I would do to her, she did to me first, left me, cheated on me, disappointed me, forgot about me. I had no fears, none, I was confident, never thought she was goig to leave me, never thought she would cheat on me, no fears, fearless, but this whole breakup experience, humbled me greatly. I was always humble though but this breakup allowed me to see my true position in life. Regular guy with a little money, decent car, nice apt, very smart, very sharp, experienced in life, a team builder but I'm not what I thought I was in my head, not yet atleast. I have more work to do. Its almost like this was a learning experience and it ended badly. Everything is fading to black now. Curtains Closing Memories are going
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