mixwell Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 My girlfriend and I broke up and now again that I'm single its nice to be able to hang out/ talk to other female friends without getting the evil eye. Anyways my ex had crazy jealousy/ possessive issues. Everything in our relationship was fine but she always freaked out even when I would talk to other girls I worked with and joked with. I tried telling her many times she was the girl I wanted to be with and I wasn't interested in anyone else.. I told her when we split that her jealousy was something that messed up our relationship. I know we could get back together if I sucked it up and accepted her jealousy but I don't want to under the conditions that she would want me to cut off all contact with the females.. I have a few co workers that are females that I get along with as friends ONLY and I wish my chick could get past that jealous and realize that it is possible for a man to have females as JUST friends. Basically I was wondering if I should even try to work things out with her (we've been together 3 mths and she is 19, I'm 25) or should I just let it go. It doesn't seem like she is willing to change although we haven't talked in depth about it but I really want to be together I just need her to know that I'm her man and that all I see the females in my life as friends and nothing more. So basically should I just forget it and move on or should I try to work it out with her even though I've told her she is too jealous and see if she is open to trying to change that mindset ? I always felt that people shouldn't have to change to be compatible and thats how I kinda feel like I would be by asking her but I really don't want to give up on this girl because I really do care about her a lot.. Any advice is much appreciated.. Thanks in advance.. MixweLL
me007 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 If you love her enough and can handle it for the long haul, work things out. but wow, your gf sounds just like how I was. My ex was friends with girls (and most these girls had longtime bfs) and I would get jealous, and really it was a big thing that ruined our relationship. Now I see I was wrong and was just being insecure and should of actually tried being friend with his friends and it might have made things better. I've tried telling him I'd change and he thinks I won't.... If you don't mind, how about a question for you since the situations are similar. If your girlfriend wanted to come back to you, what would convine you she would change and not act so jealous? Any words or actions?
Author mixwell Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 If you love her enough and can handle it for the long haul, work things out. but wow, your gf sounds just like how I was. My ex was friends with girls (and most these girls had longtime bfs) and I would get jealous, and really it was a big thing that ruined our relationship. Now I see I was wrong and was just being insecure and should of actually tried being friend with his friends and it might have made things better. I've tried telling him I'd change and he thinks I won't.... If you don't mind, how about a question for you since the situations are similar. If your girlfriend wanted to come back to you, what would convine you she would change and not act so jealous? Any words or actions? To me the words would be " I'm sorry I will work on my jealousy issues just give me a chance to prove it". the actions would be proving your words... Well anyways theres more to it than her jealousy.. A friend of mine messaged her and told her I slept with another woman.. Well anyways I didn't and we worked it out but my friend did this to piss her off and every time I hang out with said friend she thinks I don't have her back and I betrayed her. By the way I bltched my friend out like crazy and let him have it. Had I not known the guy for 9 years I would have dropped him as a friend for pulling that ish.. (by the way her and i were on a split when he did that and he said he thought it was over for her and i and sent it when we were split which was true.) I told her I wanted to get past that and she says she does too but every time I hang out with him she is reminded of it.. We were together for 4 mths by the way. Anyways yea.. Actions speak louder than words but with the jealousy thing if someone is sincere and says they will work on it then I will wait to see if actions follow..
vascogirl Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 To me the words would be " I'm sorry I will work on my jealousy issues just give me a chance to prove it". the actions would be proving your words... Well anyways theres more to it than her jealousy.. A friend of mine messaged her and told her I slept with another woman.. Well anyways I didn't and we worked it out but my friend did this to piss her off and every time I hang out with said friend she thinks I don't have her back and I betrayed her. By the way I bltched my friend out like crazy and let him have it. Had I not known the guy for 9 years I would have dropped him as a friend for pulling that ish.. (by the way her and i were on a split when he did that and he said he thought it was over for her and i and sent it when we were split which was true.) I told her I wanted to get past that and she says she does too but every time I hang out with him she is reminded of it.. We were together for 4 mths by the way. Anyways yea.. Actions speak louder than words but with the jealousy thing if someone is sincere and says they will work on it then I will wait to see if actions follow.. Why don't you take a look at the responses in your same thread in the other section and see what everyone has to say. I think the person who responded to you has no idea about your issues with that girl. P.S. It is messed up what your friend did, but if you've known him for 9 years and her 4 months and it was done while you were split it, than I don't think it's that big of a deal. She's just making up excuses because your "princess" sounds pretty bad from what you've explained about her. P.S. II Does she also expect you to dump your friend of 9 years for her? MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!! ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!! STOP ASKING FOR ADVICE,EVERYONE HAS HEARD YOUR STORY AND GIVEN THERE THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!!! BE STRONG!!!!!!
LostGirl811 Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 My girlfriend and I broke up and now again that I'm single its nice to be able to hang out/ talk to other female friends without getting the evil eye. Anyways my ex had crazy jealousy/ possessive issues. Everything in our relationship was fine but she always freaked out even when I would talk to other girls I worked with and joked with. I tried telling her many times she was the girl I wanted to be with and I wasn't interested in anyone else.. I told her when we split that her jealousy was something that messed up our relationship. I know we could get back together if I sucked it up and accepted her jealousy but I don't want to under the conditions that she would want me to cut off all contact with the females.. I have a few co workers that are females that I get along with as friends ONLY and I wish my chick could get past that jealous and realize that it is possible for a man to have females as JUST friends. Basically I was wondering if I should even try to work things out with her (we've been together 3 mths and she is 19, I'm 25) or should I just let it go. It doesn't seem like she is willing to change although we haven't talked in depth about it but I really want to be together I just need her to know that I'm her man and that all I see the females in my life as friends and nothing more. So basically should I just forget it and move on or should I try to work it out with her even though I've told her she is too jealous and see if she is open to trying to change that mindset ? I always felt that people shouldn't have to change to be compatible and thats how I kinda feel like I would be by asking her but I really don't want to give up on this girl because I really do care about her a lot.. Any advice is much appreciated.. Thanks in advance.. MixweLL Hello my dear To be honest.....she's very young. Even though you are only 6 years older than her, you are at different places in your life. If you were 36 and 30, or even 24 and 30, it would be different. I'm 26 , so about the same age as you, and for me, at least, this part of my life is very hectic. I feel that I'm not longer a "young carefree college age kid". I have a career, Im considering that in a few years I'll be in my 30's , I'll want to settle down with a guy, maybe have kids by my early to mid 30's. I'm not the "full adult" but im not a silly college kid anymore. It's amazing the change in maturity that happens between the time you graduate college to the time you hit your late 20's. At least, that's how it seems for me, and most of my friends and aquaintances would agree. Your girl, no matter what age she is, shoudl realize that relationships require compromise. If she is this jealous, she is probably very insecure. Demanding that you relinquish your friendships with women is unreasonable and a riduclous request to make. A relationship without trust is worthless. Tell her that you care for her, and you want to be with her, but that you cannot deal with her insecurities and her jealousy, plain and simple. Tell her that these women are only friends, and that it is unfair of her to demand you give up friends for her when you've done nothing wrong. She sounds to me like she is probably a bit immature and has a lot of growing up to do. If she's unwilling to change, this relationship is not going to go anywhere. Eventually her jealousy will drive you insane and you might actually end up cheating on her out of bloody frustration! Be honest and upfront with her: relationships are about compromise. If she can't trust you, then there's no point to a relationship. In the long run, she needs to work out her own insecurity issues. You can reassure her all you want, tell her she's the only one, she's beautiful, she's this, she's that, but if she refuses to change, then find someone else that gives you the trust that you and a relationship need and deserve to make anything worthwhile last. End of story.
Author mixwell Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 Thanks for the replies.. Well before getting to the jealousy convo with her she said she couldn't get back with me because of what my friend did so it is finished with her and I.. I will not drop a friend of 9 years for a girl and thats where it ends. If she cant get past that then o well.. So anyways todays her Birthday and I text her Happy B Day but this is all the 1st day of my NC journey (again) so I know I will do well and get over it. I do think about her but hell I went through this already with an ex of 7 years so this should be cake.. -=)
vascogirl Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Thanks for the replies.. Well before getting to the jealousy convo with her she said she couldn't get back with me because of what my friend did so it is finished with her and I.. I will not drop a friend of 9 years for a girl and thats where it ends. If she cant get past that then o well.. So anyways todays her Birthday and I text her Happy B Day but this is all the 1st day of my NC journey (again) so I know I will do well and get over it. I do think about her but hell I went through this already with an ex of 7 years so this should be cake.. -=) LOL You don't think that's a lame reason why she wouldn't get back with you? By her saying that's the excuse means just how immature she really is. Honestly that is a very poor reason as to why she wouldn't get back with you because your friend did something when you were broken up. Last time I checked when your single you can do whatever you want, yes or no? I hope you finally move on from this immature little girl. Take care Mixey
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 mixwell, might I suggest that you create a new user id on LS, so you can't be stalked? This way, you can get some unbiased opinions. Make sure you change up any easily identifiable situations or at minimum, gloss over them.
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