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Men should pay for dates meals.


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Posted

I've always considered it a nice gesture for a man to pay, but I don't think he should have to every time. I personally don't mind going dutch or taking turns paying for him. The guy I'm currently with REFUSES to let me pay for ANYTHING, which I'm flattered, but at the same time I feel kinda bad. Towards the earlier days of hanging out, I had a bad day at work and asked him to meet me somewhere to have a drink, and I offered to pay if he would go out. Once the check came, he put his credit card out there before I could say anything! Again, I was flattered, but felt bad because I felt that I should've paid. I kinda kept hush because I learned why bother...he will flat-out refuse to let me pay! :o I've bought him a couple of "just because" gifts and he acted like he felt bad that I spent money on him. :confused: I guess him paying all the time makes him feel manly :laugh:

Posted
Your Brazilian ex had all that but she didn't have a phone where you can reach her and you had to meet her on the beach hoping she would show up because you had no way of contacting her? that's odd....

 

 

 

 

What's wrong with saying "courting"? it is the courting stage. The very early stages of dating is still refered to as courting. Just as when a couple marries, the part where they go away for a week vacation to consumate the relationship (even though they have already been f'ing for years) is still called the "honeymoon". Is that a feminist technicality as well? Because last I heard men weren't complaining about women giving it up before the honeymoon!?!? well not enough to insist on changing the name to make it more realistic to our times!

 

 

What's the point?

 

We agreed to meet at the beach at a certain time and place, lol.. We did not exchange numbers.. I never ever said she did not have a phone, lol..I am sure she has far more than you.

 

 

Why are you fixated on her? Should we talk about the married men you date? Well as long as they paid a meal for you, I guess they werent that bad.. lol

Posted
The question I asked was whether or not this attitude worked for you. In the real world, in the dating world, does this attitude serve you well. That is a straightforward question. If you do not want to answer it, that is your choice of course, but I would like to know for the sake of this discussion.

 

Don't know. I don't meet many single women in any case, so while my own dating life isn't something I find satisfying, this issue isn't something that has even come into the picture yet.

 

So, specific to my own life, I can only say that if in some hypothetical future something of this sort happens, I'm not going to tolerate hypocrisy from these women who want it both ways with regards to modern vs. pre-modern roles and treatment. Not even if bowing to their hypocritical whims is considered "romantic". I'll have to report back in the future with the real answer to your question. Or, hopefully, I won't have to.

 

Now I must ask my own straightforward question of you. You did nothing but use sarcasm to denigrate my earlier post as being not "romantic" enough for you, as you were unable to debate its justice or accuracy. My question is: Just how is it just for me to accept having a definition of "romance" imposed on me and have it involve tolerating hypocrisy?

Posted
Why do you keep comparing paying on dates to being called a skank? Have many men called you that?

 

Because you are complaining that it is unfair that women want equality in the work place and then want to be courted in dating. So I wanted to also draw a parallel to other unfair things that happen in society in terms of the gender roles, like for example how women get called out on and dismissed for acting out on their sexuality. It's unfair but it is what it is.

 

 

If a man likes a woman, he does not view her as a "skank" if they hit it off and become intimate quickly. If he does not like you, and used you just for sex, guess what? He would not have liked you if you held out either

 

Oh PUUUHLEASE you are such a hypocrite you spend day an night commenting in how women past their prime are good for one thing and one thing only how feminist serve a good purpose to fill the void to be used for sex etc and now you want to play the "decency card" Buddy you were never decent so don't try to fix it now! Your attitude towards women is the epitome of the douches that claim easy women serve a purpose and you behave in the exact same way as the women you spit down on.

 

As for me the answer is a simple no, men have no reason to call me that.

Posted
I am sure she has far more than you.

 

 

 

Well she was missing one main thing that I have and that I know for sure, because she dated you! ;)

Posted
Because you are complaining that it is unfair that women want equality in the work place and then want to be courted in dating. So I wanted to also draw a parallel to other unfair things that happen in society in terms of the gender roles, like for example how women get called out on and dismissed for acting out on their sexuality. It's unfair but it is what it is.

 

 

 

 

Oh PUUUHLEASE you are such a hypocrite you spend day an night commenting in how women past their prime are good for one thing and one thing only how feminist serve a good purpose to fill the void to be used for sex etc and now you want to play the "decency card" Buddy you were never decent so don't try to fix it now! Your attitude towards women is the epitome of the douches that claim easy women serve a purpose and you behave in the exact same way as the women you spit down on.

 

As for me the answer is a simple no, men have no reason to call me that.

 

Yes largely they are used for one thing if they date men 10-20 years younger..

Posted
Why are you fixated on her? Should we talk about the married men you date? Well as long as they paid a meal for you, I guess they werent that bad.. lol

 

It was one guy, the last guy, and he was seperated I have nothing to hide. Sure ask away!

Posted
Don't know. I don't meet many single women in any case, so while my own dating life isn't something I find satisfying, this issue isn't something that has even come into the picture.

 

So, specific to my own life, I can only say that if in some hypothetical future something of this sort happens, I'm not going to tolerate hypocrisy from these women who want it both ways with regards to modern vs. pre-modern roles and treatment. Not even if bowing to their hypocritical whims is considered "romantic". I'll have to report back in the future with the real answer to your question. Or, hopefully, I won't have to.

 

Now I must ask my own straightforward question of you. You did nothing but use sarcasm to denigrate my earlier post as being not "romantic" enough for you, as you were unable to debate its justice or accuracy. My question is: Just how is it just for me to accept having a definition of "romance" imposed on me and have it involve tolerating hypocrisy?

 

Lights, thanks for answering.

 

My comment was sarcastic. It is also my own opinion. If you feel that you are romantic in your own way, then good, you are then.

 

IMO, if you nickel and dime the women you ask out, you are not going to advance very far. However, if this is really important to you, which is sounds like it is, then you could employe this strategy until you find the women like Walk who agrees with you.

 

Another strategy would be to ask a woman out, enjoy her company, and treat her. She may feel that you were very generous for treating her, and this may make her want to go out with you again. Not because she can't pay for her meal, but because she likes you and likes your generosity.

 

The men in my life will receive that generosity back tenfold, should they become my boyfriend. Generosity with my love, my time, and much more. It feels good to to treat others, and it inevitably comes back to you. That is true for much of life.

Posted
:laugh::laugh: joine the club! ;)

 

So where in Europe are you and why is your English so perfect?

 

I am in Germany. Given the sleep-deprived state I am in, I am surprised that I didn't make more mistakes. Free public education can work after all.

 

Also, using a dictionary for the words I am not familiar with, doesn't hurt. :)

Posted

Women should pay for my food and alcohol. I like to feel special, like a little prince. Women that disagree are cheapskates and boringly old-fashioned, and they won't be getting sex from me. But I'm not a gold-digging whore, for some reason.

Posted
Because you are complaining that it is unfair that women want equality in the work place and then want to be courted in dating. So I wanted to also draw a parallel to other unfair things that happen in society in terms of the gender roles, like for example how women get called out on and dismissed for acting out on their sexuality. It's unfair but it is what it is.

So if something is unfair, but it is what it is, we should continue doing it? Women should continue to get called out on and dismissed for acting out on their sexuality and women should continue to be courted in dating?

 

It isn't about the money spent on a date, its about the ability to see and acknowledge reality and fairness and the willingness to modify behavior accordingly. Would you expect a woman to respect a man who said, "I know it is unfair to call her a slut, but that is the way things are, so I'm doing it anyway and insulting that slut." If it isn't fair, why is he still doing it? Similarly, how do you expect a man to respect a woman that either refuses to see the unfairness that is plain as day, or acknowledges that the expectations are unfair but is unwilling to reconsider the expectations anyway? If it isn't fair, why are you continuing to demand it?

 

I'm not arguing that dates should always be dutch, or a man should invite a woman on a date and expect her to pay, or any other such nonsense. In fact, there is a good argument for the position that the person who invites pays... the person who invites and plans the date has control over how expensive the date is likely to be. What I am arguing is that it is hard to respect someone who is unable to see the unfairness of traditional dating or who sees the unfairness but is unwilling to make any effort to mitigate that unfairness in some fashion.

Posted

I generally pay. I don't think a whole lot about it either. If the one I'm with tries to pay, I'll offer to pay half, or if she insists I'll let her pay the whole thing. I don't think it's dignified to argue over the check. And things will even out eventually. I'm not keeping accounts when I'm with someone who I enjoy being with.

 

If it starts to get on my nerves that she never pays for anything, I have no problem saying "tonight, dinner is on you". I don't want to be with someone who considers me a free ride.

 

My ex and some girls I've dated didn't have good jobs and needed the money they made for more important things. It never bothered me at all to pay for pretty much everything. If I knew they were doing ok financially, maybe I would have thought differently about it.

Posted
It isn't about the money spent on a date, its about the ability to see and acknowledge reality and fairness and the willingness to modify behavior accordingly. Would you expect a woman to respect a man who said, "I know it is unfair to call her a slut, but that is the way things are, so I'm doing it anyway and insulting that slut."

 

OK, tell you what - I'll start paying for my dates the day men stop viewing promiscuous women as "sluts." Fair enough?

Posted
Women should pay for my food and alcohol. I like to feel special, like a little prince. Women that disagree are cheapskates and boringly old-fashioned, and they won't be getting sex from me. But I'm not a gold-digging whore, for some reason.

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao: Because you're worth it, Collector!

Posted
I generally pay. I don't think a whole lot about it either. If the one I'm with tries to pay, I'll offer to pay half, or if she insists I'll let her pay the whole thing. I don't think it's dignified to argue over the check. And things will even out eventually. I'm not keeping accounts when I'm with someone who I enjoy being with.

 

My ex and some girls I've dated didn't have good jobs and needed the money they made for more important things. It never bothered me at all to pay for pretty much everything. If I knew they were doing ok financially, maybe I would have thought differently about it.

 

I agree with this 100%. Most of the women I date are single moms working very hard to make ends meet. I have a good job and make decent money so I don't mind picking up the tab. My ex-wife didn't work so it is no different than when I was married.

Posted

I say ... Let the man pay!

 

Why not? They cause us enough grief we may as well get something out of it hahhahaha

Posted
I agree with this 100%. Most of the women I date are single moms working very hard to make ends meet. I have a good job and make decent money so I don't mind picking up the tab. My ex-wife didn't work so it is no different than when I was married.

 

 

Well this a good example of an old fashioned double standard that benefits women. They are still coddled by society, and do not even realize it.

 

Try telling a woman "Well, I have child support, bills, credit card debt, school loans, so I cannot afford to take you out". Instantly you will be a complete loser, who cannot afford a meal. As was referenced to many times in this thread.

 

Men overlook it if women have bills, are living on a tight budget etc. As we are expected to.

 

I wonder how women would react, or feel, if they had 2 jobs,were supporting kids, paying bills, doing it all alone, then came to a site like this, in which all the men were saying "Only complete losers cannot afford a date! All my exes ALWAYS pay for me!"

 

The more women pretend to want to be equal, the more they really do not EVER want to be equal. They want the best of both worlds. To be coddled and have poor decisions overlooked, yet equality.

Posted
The more women pretend to want to be equal, the more they really do not EVER want to be equal. They want the best of both worlds. To be coddled and have poor decisions overlooked, yet equality.

The solution is let some other poor schmuck date them. An enlightened woman (IME many who have struggled financially and are healthy psychologically are very empathetic in this regard) will understand and appreciate the burdens a man faces and be modest in her expectations and generous in her spirit. Evolution is a fluid dynamic rather than a linear one. All ships are not raised equally :)

Posted
I wonder how women would react, or feel, if they had 2 jobs,were supporting kids, paying bills, doing it all alone, then came to a site like this, in which all the men were saying "Only complete losers cannot afford a date! All my exes ALWAYS pay for me!"

 

They would probably say "Ah. So that's why I can't graduate past f*ck buddy status."

 

If a man accepts the woman's offer to pay for half (or, horror of horrors, interprets her offer as meaning "I'll pay for all of this date that you suggested" and accepts) that could mean a number of things. I'd select one or more from the following options:

 

1) he's got to watch his finances fairly carefully. For those of us who will never be completely free of the student/backpacker mentality, that's not a problem. For women who never went to college or university- or out of their own city - it might seem weird and loserish.

 

2) he wants to make a point about equality. Which is fine provided he doesn't expect to be treated like Master of the Universe in the bedroom. Don't expect too many old fashioned outcomes in the bedroom if you're not prepared to get a bit old fashioned on the way into it.

 

3) He's employing a strategy. Attempting to raise his value by making women invest (financially) in the time they spend with him. If he's fun, chirpy and laddish then this is the most likely scenario. The correct response for the woman is to produce an out of date visacard, exclaim in horror that she brought along the wrong purse then call for management, advising them of the situation and explaining that both she and her date will be happy to do the washing up by way of an apology. Some of the best bonds are forged in the course of hard graft rather than over romantic candlelit dinners. It could be the making of them, as a couple.

Posted

If the situation is equal then I don't believe there is any obligation for the man to pay. However, in most of my experience it isn't equal even with all of my obligations I have 2-3x more disposable income than the women I am dating. Now it would be great to find someone that meets everything I am looking for and makes more money than me but I have never made a women's income a factor in my selections.

Posted

I'm a modern woamn, but I want my car doors open and my meals paid for. You can totally decide where you want to take me, but you have to pay. because you're the strongest.I don't want to date my equal and even though I may earn more than my mate, i should still fell that he's the strongest of the two of us. when he becomes my equal, Ineed to roll out.

I'll pay for dinner right after i hold the door for him.

Posted
I say ... Let the man pay!

 

Why not? They cause us enough grief we may as well get something out of it hahhahaha

 

Well, I feel a whole lot less guilty now.;)

Posted

Men, you have to stop thinking that this is a money issue. it's not! It really has nothing to do with money. You Must pay. if you don't she will resent you. You're losing point with this nonsense move to get the female to pay for the date.

Posted
Men, you have to stop thinking that this is a money issue. it's not! It really has nothing to do with money. You Must pay. if you don't she will resent you. You're losing point with this nonsense move to get the female to pay for the date.

 

Luckily you don't speak for all women, just the ones I'd rather avoid.

 

So if Brad Pitt/insert-personal-dreamboat-here asked you out and said 'by the way, I believe in real equality so I'm not picking up the whole bill' you'd say 'screw you buster I'm out of here'? I think not.

 

You say it's not a money issue, but money is all that is in question here. If you think being treated nice = being financially compensated for your meal, that says a lot about you.

Posted
Luckily you don't speak for all women, just the ones I'd rather avoid.

 

Luckily, you don't speak for all men too The Collector, just the ones I'd rather avoid, for more reasons than what's discussed on this thread..;)

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