djhall Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Men, you have to stop thinking that this is a money issue. it's not! It really has nothing to do with money. You Must pay. if you don't she will resent you. You're losing point with this nonsense move to get the female to pay for the date. Actually, this thread was started by a woman and there really isn't much of a move to get women to pay for the date. I think there are only two men in this thread who really care all that much about the money. The rest of the men either don't care at all or are willing to pay but dislike the way many woment assume that the whole situation is perfectly normal and entirely fair.
dcgirl33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 If Brad Pitt won't pay for the entire meal, he'd have to go. It's just a turn off. I's like a mugger approaching us and you running away and shouting "Run DCGirl!" i just can't get behind you on a thing like that. You men don't have any problem taking the lead when you're driving in the wrong direction or holding the remote.
Art_Critic Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 If it's a money issue about dinner and a woman should pay her half then shouldn't men have to pay for the half of what it takes a woman to get all dolled up for us ? Lets compare Men's Haircut 12.00 Woman's haircut 100.00 Mens clothes 35.00 Women's clothes 90.00-120.00 Women- Babysitter 50.00 That doesn't include all the makeup and undergarments either.. If equality is what it is all about then men are getting a deal just paying for dinner IMO. I think a man should pay for dinner and meals as well as dates.. I always have.. It's about being a gentleman.. Even when I knew the date was going nowhere I picked up the tab.. that is what I do.. Any guy who forces a woman to pay for her half is one cheap mofo and most likely going to be very lonely in his future. By the way.. the babysitter is one that most guys forget about... The next time you take a girl out and she has children at home don't complain that you had to pay for dinner... the chances are the baby sitter was more expensive.
High Plains Drifter Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 The next time you take a girl out and she has children at home don't complain that you had to pay for dinner... the chances are the baby sitter was more expensive. Ya'll oughta insist he bring the kids out for dinner too. I betchya he'll pay for a babysitter.
carhill Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Biological fathers make great babysitters. They also are a great source of child support to pay for child care with
Tomcat33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 So if something is unfair, but it is what it is, we should continue doing it? Women should continue to get called out on and dismissed for acting out on their sexuality and women should continue to be courted in dating? You cannot change the mentality of people over night nor does one or two people thinking otherwise make it the norm, being realistic in terms of this just makes a person proactive to behave in such a way where you protect yourself from misconception from anyone who does not adhere to a "new" way of seeing things. A smart man just picks up the tab on a first date because more than likely the woman will appreciate it. A smart woman doesn't sleep with a guy on a first date because more than like a man will appreciate being with a woman who is not easy. There are exceptions to this rule but better to go into these types of situations with a "majority rules" way of thinking than trying to guess who the more "accepting" types are only to hit your head against the wall. Besides it is UNFAIR that we get traffic violations for turning right on a red light in a "no turn right on a red light zone" even though the streets are desolate and there is absolutely not harm to be had, yet we obey because it IS what it IS. It is unfair that you can't smoke pot in an bar but that you can drink alcohol but it is what it is and we do what is expected of us. It is unfair that we have to at work every morning at 8:30 ama and not at 10 or 11am but we do it because it is what it is.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Any guy who forces a woman to pay for her half is one cheap mofo and most likely going to be very lonely in his future. Don't beat around the bush A_C, tell us how you really feel about this!
XNemesisX Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I had always heard that the reason it was proper etiquette for the man to pay for meals and dates was because the woman and her family are the ones responsible for wedding costs? I guess if the woman is to pay half then the man should pay half for the wedding should they get married! I have always paid half in my relationships - really a bit more. I will be honest here and say that it doesn't exactly impress me a great deal when a guy is so eager to let me pay. However, it is not enough for me to end the relationship even if I think of him as somewhat less of a man.
blind_otter Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 Hmph. Why should it be equal? Men and women aren't equal. I have always expected men to pay for dates during the courtship phase. Once I'm in a relationship, I split things evenly. Why? Because I have a vagina. FWIW, though - I am staying at home with our son, who is an infant. I consider it part of my "job" to cook, clean and do laundry. I also try to allow my S/O to sleep if at all possible because he has to go to work in the morning, and I get to take that wonderful afternoon nap while my son is asleep - so I get up with the baby at night. Personally I wouldn't feel like I was earning my keep if I didn't do all this.
Dirk Diggler Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 You are basically agreeing that women SHOULD calculate. If you would hope your daughter puts in to place all the values and lessons you taught her about sex and selfworth then essentially you are saying that you hope that she will STOP and think in the heat of the moment and when her sexual juices start flowing. We women can get quite randied after a long and hard make-out session and it doesn't really matter how great of an upbringing we had the choice still has to be made at 15, 25 or 45 "do I go with what I am feeling" or do I think this through and be smart about offering my sexuality to someone I barely know just because it feels good? I would hope our investment in any daughter would be to the level she would be smart and calculate in the sense of using intelligence to try to stay ahead of any situation/person. Not use means of selfishness to extort information you need. I could only hope she would react well in a heated moment to her best interests. Now if it was something forced that's a different story completely especially at a young age. Then i would hope i provided her with brothers, well open season on the SOB if you will! If not hope she takes an active interest in a martial art, not only to boost her confidence for one and turn such a dick into a pussy if need be. But beyond that i'd honestly have to support her and her choices, and like i said hope she makes good ones. It's far from a perfect dating world. And it's comments like "I wouldn't date that slut after she gave it up to on the first date" that has put women into this calculative position to begin with. SO until men are capable of seeing women as sexual beings with sexual needs and respecting us for that, you really have no right at all to tell us not to calculate how we interact with me. Cool? While it's of no surprise many guys do brand with serious conviction a woman who has put out a slut not worth dating. There is no rational reason for this, i think a lot of it is manifested, excuses or just speaks for the people themselves. While this was their entry MO, it also was a twisted exit one as well. Where i draw comparison is if i were to date a woman whom shackled me to a pre conceived meal plan or if i found out it was reimbursing her for her time during by trial by meals. I would not be too pleased, not because of money but knowing it's not genuine and stems from previous relationship dating issues. Basically i'm being branded for damage from some other jackass in such scenarios and all this equality invested in dating gets skewed. Other than that i'm cool. As to the rest of your reference to scheming and calculating, I do nothing of the sort. A guy asks me out on the date, the extent of my "scheming and planning" is "should I wear the red dress or the black one and do I need a new pair of heels?" The rest falls into place naturally. Then hopefully your date would appreciate the extent you put into that level of scheming and calculating. Maybe that's how wardrobe malfunctions came into being, lack of calculation!? I was quite outraged with that topic because here insanity had nothing to do with her gender, and yet she was trying to tell ALL women that her level of insanity was the ROLE of a woman. Futhermore, had she been someone who demostrated that she had her life in order I may have been open to hearing her out, but when you start a thread with "I have have been tempted many times to cheat" but now I suck cock religiously because I know my place as a woman and so should you" it tells me she neither knows her place as a woman OR as a human being. That woman had 0 self respect and I didn't buy that she was "happy" for a second. I'm aware you ladies made landfall with your category 5 equality storm. Enough to blow the OP from the thread regardless of how religiously she sucked cock. That was a good example of a selfish relationship twisting equal contribution into expectation, she was bought and paid for with meals, luxuries whatever makes her happy. In turn her husband made daily withdrawals from her hot lips getting his part of the marriage license. A relationship based on such things is bound to have the resentment kick in eventually. While i certainly spoke up for having/maintaining a high intensity sex life, i do not advocate or respect a woman who would rather be a kept bitch instead of bringing her own sexuality to the table and not have to wait to be seated!
Lights Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 You cannot change the mentality of people over night nor does one or two people thinking otherwise make it the norm, being realistic in terms of this just makes a person proactive to behave in such a way where you protect yourself from misconception from anyone who does not adhere to a "new" way of seeing things. That's as it may be, but then it means that men and women need to work very hard to make the more just situation the new norm. After all, we had a mentality for a long time that women should not be able to vote. And it was quite effective too; we had a working government during those times, just as we do now. But that doesn't make excluding women from voting just, and nor does it mean that proactive agitation for change to a more just situation (in this example, allowing women's suffrage) is something that is to be denigrated.
carhill Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Whoever cares the least has the most control. Enjoy deciding that
Isolde Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I couldn't care less who pays as long as there's some switching around after the first few dates. I offer to pay half on first dates. If the guy insists, I let him. After that, I just play it by ear.
johan Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I couldn't care less who pays as long as there's some switching around after the first few dates. I'm with you there. There better be some serious "switching around" going on, especially if I've been paying most of the tabs. I've never heard that particular euphemism, but it works.
Trialbyfire Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Whoever cares the least has the most control. Enjoy deciding that Bottom line!
Author Walk Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 If it's a money issue about dinner and a woman should pay her half then shouldn't men have to pay for the half of what it takes a woman to get all dolled up for us ? Lets compare Men's Haircut 12.00 Woman's haircut 100.00 Mens clothes 35.00 Women's clothes 90.00-120.00 Geesh Art! Where do the women you date shop?!? Maybe women need to have a little more common sense when shopping and they could afford a dinner a night a week. Cost me $15.00 for a hair cut. $25 for jeans. $10 for a shirt. $35 for shoes. Then again, prices are less here then in metropolitan areas, so you might be speaking about those areas instead.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 If I recall, there was a thread recently which extended 40+pages on women and aging. There were mltiple posts from some men who stated the same thing, over and over: women are not as attractive when they get older, women's value drops, that's life, get used to it, etc etc. Now here is a thread where women are saying they would like the men to pay for the first few dates. And some people are crying "unfair". Is it unfair that women are seen as less desirable by some men as they age? Yes. Is it unfair that women would like for men to pay for the first few dates? Yes, I guess it is. There is a lot in the dating world that is unfair. Is it unfair that two people date, get involved, and then one person changes their mind? Of course it is. Is there any way to avoid that? No. What we would all like to do is eliminate unfairness and hurt feelings in dating. I would too, but it is just not going to happen. That is the nature of the game, and the reason for the existence of a website like LS.
Tomcat33 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Cost me $15.00 for a hair cut. $25 for jeans. $10 for a shirt. $35 for shoes. Then again, prices are less here then in metropolitan areas, so you might be speaking about those areas instead. $15 for a haircut and $25 for jeans....?????? :eek::eek: where do you live, Amish country? I can't even get my neices and nephews jeans for $25 where I live...well I might but I won't if the $50 looks cuter I think AC was a lot closer to what it takes to maintain my lifestyle than you are. "$15" haircut :laugh:
Trojan John Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 What does it say about a guy who wears jeans and tennis shoes on a date in the first place?
Art_Critic Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 What does it say about a guy who wears jeans and tennis shoes on a date in the first place? I don't know.. what does it say ?..
Gold Pile Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I don't know.. what does it say ?.. Yes, I repeat Art's question. Depends on the setting. Often the guy in the suit~n~tie is an underpaid employee and the guy in the comfortable clothes is self employed and wealthy.
2sure Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Before I was married, I dated a lot via on line dating services, networking, and through friends and family. Like many people these days, I probably dated much more frequently than I would have in the days before internet. It makes almost anyone a potential serial dayer - lol - at least you get a larger pool to fish from right? Anyway, I did enjoy it. I must admit at this point that at the time I knew every restaraunt in our area because I was dating so frequently. This was nice because at the time I was a single parent and could not otherwise have afforded it. All true. So, I can see where some men who have the potential to have several first dates a month would eventually go broke. Especially if they want to be complete gentlemen and not really serial daters - they feel that the onus of paying for those first dates is on them. But what an expense!! My sympathies. I have no solutuion - but if meeting several new people - dinner could and should probably be save until a second or even third encounter if your finances or scruples need you to be more selective.
flc Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 So, I can see where some men who have the potential to have several first dates a month would eventually go broke. Especially if they want to be complete gentlemen and not really serial daters - they feel that the onus of paying for those first dates is on them. But what an expense!! My sympathies. I would say a typical dinner date at a decent restaurant including parking maybe some small after dinner activity is $150 on average. I was budgeting $1,000/mo to dating at one time.
truemornings Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I think it depends on the situation. Most of the time when I'm at dinner with my boyfriend, we switch. If he payed this time, I'll pay next time. Now if it's some special occasion like an anniversary dinner and he takes me, I should expect him to pay since he has the money to do.
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